Chapter 13

Authors Note: For one thing, I'm trying to stay true to character here but it's really difficult in that Sands isn't an easy character to write. A lot of people get the 'shoot shoot bang bang' side to him, however, he can't be like that all the time can he? Truly, the story would get really boring if that's all he did. So I'm giving him different outlooks and pieces of him that no one sees. . .

He faintly heard the clock chime nine times, the itching in his eyes encompassed all else. He remembered his mother saying something about how when a wound itches it meant that it's healing. It didn't make the feeling any easier to bear, just the knowledge that things were moving on as they always did. Scars faded, wounds disappeared, injuries healed. . . just as it would for the rest of eternity.

The clock was still chiming, fucking thing. Why hadn't it stopped already? He secretly thought he knew and that's what was worrying him. From his first kill to the last person who'd met their demise at his hand, Sands knew enough of death to know what it was.

The look in their eyes as the last gasp escaped their lungs, the paling of their skin once all life was gone, it was beautiful in its own way. Death never bothered him, never once had it come knocking for him for if it had he would have welcomed it in and shared a beer.

He recalled church services his mother had listened to on the radio. He heard them through the closet doors on Sunday. He hadn't believed it then and he didn't believe it now. Not saying that those who did were wrong, hey, whatever made them happy. When the finale was near, Sands knew that they'd each have to make their way alone. No one would offer a helping hand, and those that made it were worthy of being there.

Ah yes, Sands had been the cause of and seen the best and worst of death. He didn't feel any remorse for it. He'd completed what needed to be done and left it at that.

White sparks were going off in his mind in time to the shock waves of pain in his eyes, but he clung to consciousness with steeled determination. His legs faintly trembled in his efforts to stay standing.

He would not lose.

Since the door had slammed, the rest of his life had been a game. Everything was. A sick, twisted, morbid, delightful game with no winners and no losers. Could he stay upright? Could he keep his sanity, or what was left of it, even as the pain separated the layers of his mind?

Step right up folks and take an orange Chance card. Do not advance to Go and do not collect two hundred dollars. Don't walk on the Boardwalk and head directly to jail. Jump off the board and fuck off because life doesn't want you anymore.

He felt the insane urge to laugh, to tip his head back and laugh until he was no more. That was the easiest thing to do, just laugh it all off until only a smidgen of the stark terror or lingering guilt was gone.

That's why he hated psychologists, hated them with a vengeance. The year his father died his mother had taken him to the hospital and had them take care of him. They pumped him full of food from little IV's because he was so malnourished that the doctors said it was amazing he was still alive. What a thing to hear while lying on the hard hospital cots staring into cold unfamiliar faces.

Oh, it's another one, let's see if he dies shall we? Nope, he didn't. Poor bastard, oh well bring in the next one and we'll have some fun with him.

After that he was taken to two psychological wards where they put him under close supervision and made sure that he wouldn't turn 'suicidal.' Ha, as if that was a factor anymore. Sands didn't want to die, he wanted to live so much he could taste it along with the chalk-like medicine they made him take.

To die now would just be so anti-climactic, after just stepping out of a dark room he wanted to experience life for the first time. He was given that chance fresh out of college, who would have imagined that Sheldon Jeffrey Sands had the brains to actually excel in something other than killing? The CIA recruited him into the corporation and he'd never looked back.

After meeting Arnoldo and being able to do whatever he wanted there was no reason not to accept. He would never join the FBI, but somehow the CIA wasn't an agency. . . it was more of a refuge. He could be whomever he wanted, make them believe he was the slightly deranged, sociopathic person that they all thought he was anyway. It amused him for the time being.

Perspiration ran down his face and stung the cut under his left eye. The pain just made him fight harder, rebel against the very forces of nature that threatened to bring him down.

Another rock song started and Sands wanted to scream with the high pitched chord that was struck. The adrenaline rushed through him and his blood pumped hotly through his veins.

He'd never felt more alive.

He had never felt closer to the brink of death.

* * *

Sable couldn't sleep, she wanted to and she knew her body needed it, but tossing and turning on the mattress wasn't doing anything other than annoying her. Nine twenty-five at night and she was trying to sleep? No wonder she wasn't tired.

This was the earliest she'd ever turned in before, she pushed the hair out of her face as she got up from the bed. The t-shirt was so long it came down to mid-thigh, but she put on her jeans and boots anyway because she had them and didn't want to wander around a house laden with traps with no protection.

She heard the radio echoing through the hall, but she knew better than to go investigate. It was dark outside, the boughs of the trees swung as the light breeze blew them roughly against the windows. Was it raining, she couldn't tell through the fogged and tinted windows.

There was a back door here somewhere, a room that only had a couple of pegs and a back door. Sands was strange that way, dedicating a whole room just for a door and coats.

She had been right, the rain poured down so hard she couldn't have seen an inch in front of her had she wanted too. It was perfect, the clean smell in the air combined with the fresh scent of trees. No wonder Sands preferred the country to the city, up here she could imagine seeing the stars had there not been dark clouds covering them.

It was as if she was back to being the carefree little girl of the past. Being held safely in her father's arms as he took her hand and led her outdoors because he didn't ever want her to lose sight of the simple things in life. Her love of the rain had started then and had never quite left.

With her face tipped towards the sky and the raindrops pelting off her face Sable looked immortal. All rules and boundaries slipped away as years of growth and age fell through time. Nothing was left except nature and humanity.

Her hair was sopping wet, her clothes soaked through, but Sable was having the time of her life. It never rained like that in the city, they were lucky if the windows got wet during a storm. Here, with the mountains in the distance and the stillness of the air, not even the quiet disturbed her.

She knew not of how much time passed as she stood in the dark with her head towards the skies, but eventually the rain slowed and the dark clouds cleared. She felt the cold in the air as the warm rain departed leaving autumn's chill behind.

The moon came out from behind the clouds and her breath left little puffs of white mist that travelled upwards where she could finally see the stars. Brought back to reality she laughed at herself, how innocent, looking at the stars, standing in the rain.

Moments like that were few and far between, she wasn't about to go and destroy the fragile barrier that had just fallen and left her feeling innocent once again. Without another word she turned and went back into the house.

Entering the hallway again she thought she heard a scream come from Sands room. Her dark cat-like eyes narrowing at the sound she headed towards the room and hesitantly knocked on the door. Another scream-like sound and she turned the knob and opened the door. What she saw had a gasp of pain come to her lips as it seemed she could feel what he felt.

"Oh god, Sands what have you done?"

Authors Note: I promise no more of the angsty sappy parts for at least the next couple of chapters. I THINK I made them stay in character, right? I kind of got caught up in their personalities that I forgot who they really were. I apologize for that. So what did you all think? Good, bad, horrible, geez what happened there? Lolol. It's just that it was raining today and I was outside so I thought why not incorporate that into the story? Don't you all just love when it rains? It's the perfect writing weather!