There comes a time when you get tired of trying. You cannot; will not stand another time of being the fall person. You are tired of fighting to keep your sanity. The only problem is if you waiver at all, you lose what precious sanity you've been able to keep away from the others. It's mine to keep, please stop.

Lucas sat in his room at home. He was trying to rationalize out the situation. It had only been 3 days since Lawrence had pulled his stunts. He knew ways to poke and push Lucas to bother him. The idea of that useless man had any power over him irritated him beyond all else.

He saved his work and shut down the profile. He stretched, then decided to find someone to run with. He made the rounds around each house, laughing at the fact that Katie and Ben were asleep on the futon. Miguel was drafting a design for the WSKR's while Tim was finishing a report on a dead language found by his father. Daniel was now sending different texts for Tim to clarify or just to translate.

Jon, Massie, and Nathan were fishing for supper and trading lies. They swore it was just stories that were only slightly exaggerated....whatever. Fishing stories tended to be a guppy caught with the resulting story about a fish the size of Jaws.

Kristen was finishing laundry when Lucas walked back up to the house.

"Didn't find what you were looking for?"

"No, everybody else was busy."

She looked at him expectently.

"What exactly were you wanting you to do?"

Lucas smiled at her. Mom was always wanting to help or do stuff with him.

"I was going for a run. Want to come with me?"

She smiled, and nodded. She could tell by his look, he expected her to say no.

"Sounds fun, but that also means you have to let me keep up."

He smiled. She was just begging for an insult.

"Poor short legged Doc?"

She just smiled.

"Let me guess, my next physical will be fun."

Again a smile.

"Ok, what are you going to do to me?"

"I was thinking some new nursing students need to learn various procedures."

Lucas blanched, this was not what anyone wanted.

"Ok, I'll be good. Can I request a rectal exam from the students for Ben?"

Kristen laughed. The boys were much like brothers, finding small, normally harmless tortures for each other.

"Let me change."

"I still need to stretch."

Kristen walked to the back bedroom while he stretched on the deck. She walked back outside when he was stretching his back.

"I wish I was still that flexible."

"You can, all it takes is years of back injuries to displace enough disc's to bend."

She smiled slightly as she shook her head. The was attempting to inject humor into the situation.

"Thanks, but I'll just use a different method to make myself limber."

She winked at him, smiling brightly as he blushed.

They finished stretching, then walked to the path. The run started fast, then gradually slowed to a comfortable pace. She was nearly 3 inches shorter, she could still match him stride for stride. They made 3 laps, before they slowed to a walk. She looked over at him, surprised to see tears. She gently took his hand in hers.

"Anything you want to talk about, dear?"

He looked at her, seeing only tenderness.

"It's nothing, just trying to figure out life."

She pulled him close, not caring about sweat or tears. He needed to cry, to experience the emotions he kept bottled up. It was the one thing about the military mindset she hated most. There was a proper place and time to express emotions, maybe not on the battlefield, but afterwards, to those who love you. The main problem with that was the fact that most of the people she treated kept everything inside, no matter what. It wasn't healthy.

"You can talk to me. I don't expect you to be the good little soldier and keep it all inside. It creates other personalities, as well as other problems."

Lucas rested his head on her shoulder.

"But I like the voices in my head."

She laughed, squeezing him close.

"I know Lawrence's antics are bothering you. They bother everyone. He aims it at you, because he thinks he can break you. He'll still win."

He nodded.

"Why does it have to be win or lose? Can't he just leave me alone?"

"I hate to say it, but control freaks see any freedom as a loss."

He looked at her, understanding dawning in his eyes.

"You've dealt with it too, haven't you?"

"Yes, one of my ex's. It never escalated to physical violence, but it was a very mentally abusive relationship."

Lucas nodded.

"It hurts to know you're only wanted for control purposes."

It was her turn to nod.

"It gets so tiring trying to balance out the other person's needs and demands with what you need to sustain yourself."

"The worst part is that you keep giving more and more of yourself with every demand."

Lucas looked at her.

"It's not always giving, as being forced to hand it over, no matter what it mean or if you needed that part of you to survive. I hated being around Lawrence. He pushed, took anything, everything I had. It hurt figuring out he didn't even want me. I would have been aborted, except it would have looked bad."

She nodded.

"The knowledge that it is supposed to be better, that there is a world around you, but you can't even reach for it without retaliation."

"School was my solace. I had freedom. I could sit and laugh at the drunk frat guys hitting on the lesbian at the bar. I could enjoy Rocky Horror, dress up, laugh, even make friends that only took what I wanted to give them."

She smiled at him, then kissed his forehead.

"Drunk frat guys hitting on the lesbian?"

"Yeah, she was my dorm mate. She would take me with her when she went out."

An eye brow was raised.

"No matter where?"

"She always asked if I wanted to go. She liked me, because I was not bothered by her life or trying to hit on her. We were regulars at Rocky Horror. I was Rocky, she was little Neil."

"Do you have pictures?"

He smiled the first full wattage Lucas smile.

"Sure! Want to see them?"

"Of course, I do need something to torture you with for when girlfriends come around."

He laughed, then looked into her eyes.

"Thanks, Doc. Most people don't know what it feels like to be a possession."

She smiled.

"It's not the most pleasant memory, but we both will get passed it."

With that statement, they walked up to the house to find the pictures and fold the remaining laundry.