Disclaimer and Warning:

The following contains slash. That is, a male/male relationship. If you don't like slash, then hit back and don't bother with flaming me. I own absolutely nothing in this story. The characters are ©J. K. Rowling, and the lyrics to Creep are ©Radiohead and the lyrics to A Walk are ©The Cure.

Here at the End

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye

Remus Lupin sat behind his desk, the candle burning low, the shadows dancing across his face. He sighed, running his fingers through his thick mouse-brown hair in frustration. Sirius Black had escaped Azkaban, gods damn him. Remus wanted to find him, yell at him, ask him Why, why Sirius, why? Why did you kill Lily and James? Why did you betray us?!, and in the back of his mind, a piece of him wanted tell Sirius the one thing he couldn't face for a long time. I loved you, dammit. Why didn't you ever see that, Sirius? He made a noise that resembled a growl and slammed his fist down on the wood desk. The wax from his candle splashed and hit his hand. He cursed; silently glad for the brief physical pain as a distraction to his mental anguish.

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

How Remus used to envy Sirius, his good looks, his witty remarks, his knack of wooing everyone with his lazy yet devilish smile, how fucking perfect he was. Sirius never had nightmares that kept him awake, shivering and alone in the dark. Sirius never had blood soaked hands, he never woke up to the scene of a murder, the coppery salty taste of last night's kill still fresh in his mouth. Sirius never curled up in a corner of the dorm when everyone was asleep and silently cried, ashamed of what he was.

What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

Why did Dumbledore hire him as the Defense Against Dark Arts professor? Was it to keep an eye out for Harry? He didn't know. He didn't feel like he should be here, teaching these children, these innocent children. He shivered, wishing for a moment that he was with Sirius, wherever he was. He quickly quelled this idea and want. He's a murderer! he reminded himself. So are you, a cold voice reminded him. Remus hung his head, feeling weary and completely helpless. Sirius, find me. We can be the vagrants of the highest sin, live wretchedly in our misery together.

I called you after midnight

Then ran until my heart burst

I passed the howling woman

And stood outside your door

An emaciated, shaggy black dog pawed at the door of Remus Lupin's study, his brown eyes haunted and carried a most un-canine look in them. Remus picked up his head, the scent of his old friend, masked by dirt and other filth suddenly taking over his senses. The lycanthrope stood and opened the door, not sure what to expect. He looked down and uttered in a hoarse whisper, "Sirius."