A/N: Well, this started as a challenge fic, but I suppose since I already submitted it there, I should be safe posting here too ; Yeah, this crap was mainly inspired by way too much Serial Experiments Lain after Otafest... The song is "The Man Who Stole the Worl" by Nirvana
The Man Who Sold the World
Time. It's a funny concept really. The constant stream, perfectly calculated, predictable, unstoppable. The tick tock of the clock- smooth, even, predictable, the sound of one's life wasting away. It makes me want to tear it off the wall. I lie, prone upon my side as the alarm beeps in a far corner of my mind. Shallow... Sane... Logical... TickTockTickTock... It's almost painful. My eyes flutter open, the sunlight streaming into the room blurry. Everything was so blurry and fake. The beeping alarm gnaws at the edge of my consciousness, so perfectly timed and orderly. Everything in here was so perfect and nice and disgustingly wonderful. Everything except me. I sit up and swing my pale legs over the edge of the bed, stop, stare. So pale and spindly as the clock ticks on the wall- My life wasting away.
RBakura wrote:
-What's it like to die?
I'm wasting away.
We passed upon the stairs
Spoke our words and went
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone
A long long time ago
Tip Toe Tip Toe down the sidewalk, afraid to step too loudly, afraid to shatter this suspended stillness and bring time rushing back in like the waves of a torrential flood. This was a place that time forgot. Barron telephone wires lacing empty streets as if in mockery of celebration- trees bare and lawns brown. Beautiful and gray and fragile and untouchable. Here is free from perfection. Here it is wonderful and flawed in sweet disorder. Here I could laugh, if I could still remember how. Tip Toe Tip Toe down the stairs into the subway- into the abyss. And suddenly time picks up, twisting and whirling, rushing around me again as the people bustle from this place to that. Insects. Mindless drones. Yet here I am, as lost as the rest. A shame really. I would have laughed if I could breath.
Tip Toe Tip Toe back up the stairs, only time has caught up to that special place, as it always tends to do. People walk down the street, walking dogs and laughing as children play on the front yards, ripping up the dead grass and staining the world with life. This place was perfect and happy and faceless, smiling blindly out at the rest of the world, just like all the others. There was no God here. Only broken dreams and painted smiles across porcelain faces, and the constant tick tock tick tock of eternity dwindling away away away into nothing. And I can't wait to talk to you.
ForeverFalling wrote:
-It hurts like a bitch ;-)
Oh no
Not me
We never lost control
Stood face to face
With the man who sold the world
Lavender and spun gold, dancing unto the depths of eternity, laughing laughing crying. Butterfly dancer, comfort me... So real, sweet mocha you're all that's real. You open your mouth, a gaping hole waiting to swallow the world. I don't understand your words, but I understand you. This is okay. I'm okay. And the mocking clock lies, torn from its wall, broken and utterly defeated. Time never changed you, could never corrupt you. Dance and twirl, you told me once that there was heaven up up up shining brilliantly in the darkened sky. You would sail across the milky way and feast with the gods and martyrs. I smiled for you once, you were my beautiful liar, you were so unpure, you were everything I was and could never be. You were my everything.
I suppose you still are, although we never hang out anymore- I suppose it's kind of impossible to see you again, considering the current situation. You told me everything, whispered softly in my ear as we lay together in the darkness, words twisting and weaving a horridly beautiful story and I cried for you. I don't know why, but I did. I still do sometimes, when the tick tock of the clock on the wall becomes too much to bear. I prayed for you, only to find that God wasn't there, so I prayed to you instead, to save me as you saved yourself. But I know you can't, not from where you are. And I'm too cowardly to save myself.
RBakura wrote:
-Why did you go?
I laughed and shook his hand
Then made my way back home
I searched for farther lands
Years and years I roamed
I gazed I gazed I stared
We walked a million hills
I must have died alone
A long long time ago
I remember you told me, your words jumbled as you gazed down at me with glazed, dilated eyes and you seemed so happy, whispering softly in my ear of your gods and the stars and how beautiful I was. You told me you couldn't, not in the head, because you wanted to see if the world really did become tinted with red as you faded away like it says in your mystery novels. You said you couldn't use a small one, only a rifle would work, that way you wouldn't have to hurt any organs, you'd just bleed and bleed until there was nothing left. You refused to cut yourself, I suppose you always had a flair for the dramatic and unconventional. And I smiled and laughed and we made love again and again and again that night, and I promised I'd be there to pull the trigger for you, because you made me feel whole. You made me feel. I promised I'd join you soon after, that the last thing we'd both see would be each other. And how milky your eyes were with passion and love and lust and suicide.
Father brought me to a party with him on that special night, I begged him to let me stay, I truly did. But you didn't wait for me. They said you pulled the trigger with your toe, so you wouldn't damage your face, just like you'd said. But from what I heard, it was quite a bit messier than you'd thought. It's surprising how much blood a body can hold isn't it? I know the scars in my arms bled and bled but yet I still lived on, time sealing the wounds and I was too cowardly to reopen them. You were always braver than me. With the tick tock of the clock and the stars drowned by the city lights and I wonder if you cried for me as your soft blond locks slowly stained red.
ForeverFalling wrote:
-Here there's a God.
Who knows
Not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who stole the world
I love talking to you, even if I can't see you anymore. Well, except for in my dreams, where we make love as the brilliant red slowly drips down the wall. Why oh why did you only have one bullet? Don't you know I'm too afraid to die alone? I dream of you dancing along the edges of twilight, bleeding bleeding and the stars shine so brightly. Tears of eternity upon black velvet. The blank computer screen glows eerily in the low light. No new messages, you aren't on tonight. Disappointment weighs heavily on the heart as the clock laughs in it's perfect, even-spaced, precise voice. I scroll down my friends list, but I can't find you. Did you block me? But all the words you whispered all those nights...
Tick Tock Tick Tock reality weighs heavily on the heart. Tinkle tinkle as the sand slips through the hourglass Tinkle tinkle as the broken porcelain scatters across the floor Tinkle tinkle as the world shatters Tinkle tinkle as my tears hit the marble And I can't help but laugh as the dusty computer screen reflects an empty friends list. I can't help but scream.
RBakura wrote:
-Where's "here"?
Who knows
Not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world
ForeverFalling has logged off.
Fin
A/N: Um, yeah, it started as a romance. Really. Yet more proof that I am incapable of fluff... Urgh, so crappy . twitch