Chapter Five
A Perfect Day
October 13, 1993
The loud knocking on the front door awoke Steve from his deep sleep, moaning slightly he rolled over and stared at his clock, which read in large letters 10:03 a.m. He rolled his eyes, he had today off, and this wasn't his idea of sleeping in. Beside him slept his girlfriend, her arms wrapped around his waist. Sighing he dislodged her from his waist and slowly got out of bed. When he opened the door he was surprised to see Amanda standing there. Raising an eye brow he looked at her.
"Amanda, what on earth are you doing here, on my day off, waking me up? The wedding isn't for another twenty-four hours," He inquired with annoyance in his voice.
"I need a favor," she said walking through the door.
"Couldn't it wait for another two hours," he said. She looked at him seriously, and he nodded.
"I'll go make some coffee," he said. Ten minutes later they were sitting on the deck, sipping their coffee, when she finally spoke up.
"Steve, this is my second wedding, and to be honest, I don't want this one to be like my first one… would….you're father was going to do it, but he can't, and I know you're Jack's best man, but dammit, you're my closest friend and….Steve would you…." He smiled at her and touched her hand.
"Would I walk you down the isle?" She nodded softly. He reached over and touched her cheek.
"Of course I would, I would love to," she smiled softly.
"Thank you Steve, it would mean so much to me, and…. I loved your father and I adore you," she whispered. He smiled and kissed her cheek.
"I love you to beautiful, now, it's my day off, and I'm up, so I could also use a favor," he said.
"Anything," he nodded.
Steve pulled his truck up in front of the jeweler, Amanda looked up at the small shop and smiled.
"Steve…?"
"Jack to Jenny and Allie to buy your engagement ring, and well I know for a fact Jenny and you have the same finger size, so I would like some help," he said softly.
"When?" She asked.
"December 31st, at 11:59 p.m." he said.
"How long have you been thinking about this?" Steve smiled as he looked at his hands.
"Since the day I met her, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever met, and one of the only ones I ever wanted to marry. She was the one…we had been talking about it, and we both seemed to pause at the comment, and god, I knew it was her, does that make any sense?" He said looking at her. Amanda smiled an touched his hand.
"It makes all the sense in the world, Steve, believe me, I'm proud of you," she said. He chuckled.
"There was a day when I was sure I'd never get married, never find that one person, but…I found her and I can't tell you the love I feel inside my heart at the thought of knowing from here on, I can wake up every morning with her by my side," he explained. Amanda smiled.
"I always knew you would find her Steve, always, and I'm glad you found her when you needed her the most." Steve smiled and leaned over, kissing her cheek.
"Thanks Amanda, for everything," she smiled and nodded.
"I know you would do anything for me Steve, now let's go get that ring," she said smiling.
Steve smiled as he looked at the ring he had chosen, after three rings he had found the perfect one, while he had joked with Amanda for sometime about larger rings, they had found the perfect ring. A small gold ring with two heart shaped diamonds, one was a sapphire blue diamond and the other a white diamonds. Steve knew she was going to love it, now the only trick would be not losing it. Amanda looked at him.
"Steve you're not really nervous are you?" She asked.
"Are you kidding, I'm terrified, I wasn't ever this scared in Vietnam," he whispered.
"Does it still hurt?" She asked, she knew Steve didn't talk about Nam much, but when he did he usually revealed pain and loss. Amanda had heard more than most about it from him. When she had been going through her divorce they had talked a lot about Vietnam, and Amanda being a foster child. They had spent early hours of the morning discussing it, Amanda had found out more about Steve in those three weeks than she had ever known about him in most of their time together. There had been a time when she had been attracted to him, now she just cared for him a great deal like an older brother.
"Only when I think about it, it's hard; sometimes at night I close my eyes, expecting to see darkness, but I see a different kind of darkness, the kind that haunts you forever. We used to sit in this hot climate area, jungles, so basically you never knew what was ten feet in front of your face, it was usually dark when we attacked, other wise we weren't attacking, sometimes we did, but with all the trees it got dark. You never knew if you were shooting them or some civilian, you hoped you were shooting the right person. I hated myself when I came home, I still do at times. These people would spit on us, yell at us and call us names, said we were murders, and God, I thought so at times. I was proud that I felt I could protect my country, but it made me so angry that these…these people were protesting something they didn't know anything about. People risked their lives over there! I come home, broken, fighting for my damn country and I'm ridiculed about being a murder, they didn't see what I saw Amanda, they didn't kill kids like me. They were over here basking in the glory of even being allowed to protest while we risked our lives trying to save them from losing their freedom," Steve said, his eyes looking out, lost in thought.
"I'm sorry Steve," she said.
"I pray my children never witness anything like that, I pray none of you do," he said quietly.
"Do you wanna talk anymore about it?"
"I remember the first time I killed a kid," he said chuckling slightly.
"Shit, I was nineteen, just a kid, and here I was facing off with this kid only a year older than me, both had our guns raised to kill, I remember thinking 'I'm in deep shit' but what to do after I got into that deep shit blew my mind. We fired, he missed, I didn't. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't leave him there, crying in pain, I felt so horrible, so I went to him, I really got to know him, we spent an hour talking before he died of blood loss and shock. He wasn't angry at me, never called me names or told me to go away, he told me thank you and to take something to his family. When I met him family they weren't angry either, they were grateful that he wasn't alone," Steve said.
"What did it feel like?"
"Like the death of innocence, I didn't know what to do, so I did something unexpected I helped him, for awhile I was sure I'd be arrested for helping, but they told me I had done the right thing," Steve whispered.
"It's over now Steve, you know that right?" Steve shook his head and looked at her, his eyes dead and sullen.
"It's never really over, maybe physically, but in a soldier's eyes the war still rages when they close those eyes, or think about something."
"Does your dad know any of this," Steve chuckled.
"Are you kidding, I spent my life trying to protect them from it. Dad wanted to protect me from it when I came back, to push it aside like it wasn't three years of my life, my innocence and childhood stole away from me like clothes ripped off. He wasn't angry, but god I felt so bad, and I never even told him I was a POW for awhile, he would have freaked," Steve admitted.
"You never told anyone that," Steve shook his head.
"No, I didn't, I jumped into the line of fire and saved my battalion, but got shot while I was at it, I spent the next six weeks in a POW camp," he admitted.
"Dear God, that had to be horrible."
"That doesn't even begin to describe it," he said.
"Steve," she stopped, not knowing what to say to him right now. He looked over at him and smiled.
"Thanks," he said, he then threw his truck into gear.
"Any time," she whispered. He smiled at her and pulled out.
Steve sat quietly at the rehearsal dinner, half listening to the director go through everything, half playing with the fork that was sitting in front of his hands. Jenny tapped him lightly on the shoulder to get his attention.
"What," he said. Jenny sighed, she looked over at Jesse, Amanda, Jack and Allie, they too looked very bored.
"Stop," she said lightly, while they were all excited about the wedding tomorrow morning, it was obvious that the only thing on their minds at this current moment was maybe sleeping tonight. Jenny reached around and gently began to run her hand through the back of his hair.
"Sorry," he whispered. She nodded and looked back at the man who was still babbling on.
"Is everything clear?" Steve shook his head lightly and gazed over at Amanda, who was now smiling.
"Crystal," Jack whispered as he got up and pulled out his chair.
"Well, see you tomorrow evening then," he said. They all nodded and slowly got up. Jenny slowly placed a hand on her boyfriend's back and looked at him.
"That was stimulating," she whispered. Steve chuckled as he slowly walked over to his truck.
"We'll see you early tomorrow morning," he said looking at Jesse and Allie.
"Bye guys," Allie said smiling at her friends.
"Ladies meet at my house, Steve you said the guys will be at yours?" Steve nodded and looked at his girlfriend.
"Does this mean we don't get to have a little of our own fun tonight?" He asked smiling at Jen.
"I guess not, save it for later," she said kissing his lips.
"Oh believe me, I plan on it," he said returning the kiss.
"Amanda and I will stop by the house, I'll pick up the boys and bring them over here for the night," Jack said. Steve nodded and kissed his girlfriend one final time as she got into her car and drove off. Jesse patted his best friend on the back and smiled.
"Let's head home," nodding Jesse and Steve climbed into his truck. Jesse looked at Steve, and smiled softly.
"Are you in love?" He asked his friend.
"Jess, isn't that kind of a personal question?" Steve said.
"Well, yeah but truth is I want to know if what I feel is love too," he said. Steve nodded.
"Yes, I am head over heels in love with her Jesse," he said.
"Allie isn't even really my girlfriend, just a close female friend," Steve laughed looking at his friend.
"You sound like a teenager trying to get out of an accusation. She's not a disease Jess, she's a woman. And unless your not past that coodies stage then I think you might as well give into it," he said.
"I'm past it, just not very far," Steve smiled and looked at Jess.
"Don't worry Jesse, when you're sure you'll know."
"How?" Jesse asked.
"I didn't imagine myself having this conversation with anyone but a son or daughter, not you especially after that fling with Susan," Jesse glared at his friend.
"It wasn't a fling, I'm just… I don't want that to happen again."
"Okay, well let's see, um it's like you've spent your entire life waiting for the moment, and then suddenly it's there and you don't know what to do. Your palms sweat when you're around her, your mind is running a million miles an hour and worst of all you're tongue is frozen. Ask yourself simple questions, do you want to spend your life with her, can you see yourself waking up next to her for the next seventy years of your very young life and most of all, would you die for her?" He said looking at Jesse.
"Who do I answer the last one?"
"You can't Jess, not until you get to that moment, but if you can answer all the others with a yes then most likely you can do the same with the last one, because you so badly want to be with her that nothing else matters, not even your life."
"Have you ever felt like that before?" Steve sighed and looked at Jesse.
"Yeah, once, a long time ago," he whispered.
"When?" Jesse asked.
"Vietnam, the night was supposed to be shipped home."
"Can I ask what happened?"
"We were on our way, I was supposed to be on the plane to go home soon, I was supposed to be getting out of the hospital, my friend, girlfriend, Shauna was her name, had planned on being on the same flight. At the last minute they found I still had kidney damage and they weren't prepared to send me home, so Shauna got on the plane, and I didn't. The plane was blown out of the sky, she died," he said softly.
"Steve, I didn't know."
"Neither does anyone else, I make it a habit to keep Vietnam pretty much to myself, although it eventually I'm going to have to talk about it," he said.
"Steve, why don't you tell people more about it?"
"Because Jesse, it wasn't something to talk about, you were a little kid, you probably don't remember the things we faced when we got home. I don't know anyone that was thrilled to talk about a war after they came home. You know how an ulcer bleeds until you either fix it or bleed to death?" Jesse nodded.
"That's what war is to people in it or around it, a bleeding ulcer that won't go away until you do something about it, you either take something to cover it up, or you die from it."
"I never thought of it like that," Jesse said.
"Most don't Jess, and I pray every day you don't ever have to see what I saw those three years buddy," Steve said pulling into the driveway. Together the two men got out of the truck and headed inside.
Steve was amazed by how nervous Jack was the next morning while they were getting ready at the house. Steve was sitting on the couch calmly waiting for the limo to arrive, while Jack was in the other room getting ready along with the boys. Jesse in his room.
"Uncle Steve," a voice called. Steve looked away from his book and smiled at CJ, who was dressed in a nice black suit.
"Looking good buddy," he said straightening the boy's tie.
"Do you think daddy would mind if I called Jack daddy too?" CJ asked. Steve looked at the five year old.
"Your daddy was a good man CJ, and he would want what was best for you and your mom. He loved you guys, and I believe with all my heart that he is watching you. He can see you and knows Amanda is going to be happy with Jack. No CJ, I don't think he would mind one bit. However, if it helps you any Jack doesn't care what you call him because he will always love you," Steve said as he lifted the boy into his lap and smiled. CJ looked back at his 'Uncle Steve', he smiled softly.
"When are you going to have children?" He said. Steve chuckled.
"Someday soon I hope, why?" He asked.
"Cause you'd make a good daddy," he said smiling. Steve cocked a grin and hugged the young boy.
"Okay I'm ready," Jack said as he came out, Dion right behind him, both looking clean and ready.
"Good, now where's you're best man, the limo will be here any second," he said. As if on cue Jesse stepped out and smiled, also looking clean and ready.
"All right, let's go get Jack married," Steve said as he lifted CJ into his arms and they headed outside.
Steve gently knocked on the bride's door, it was opened slightly to reveal Jenny in a beautiful beige dress, her face glowing.
"What are you doing here?" She asked.
"The guys are in place and they're ready whenever you are," Steve said. Jenny nodded and opened the door so he could get in. He looked over the room and drew in a sharp breath when his eyes fell upon Amanda. She was being touched up here and there by Cheryl Banks and Allison.
"How do I look?" Amanda asked. Steve didn't know what to say. Not sure if he should say what was on his mind, or not.
"Radiantly gorgeous," he said. Jenny smiled as she looked at him. Amanda was in a beautiful white long flowing dress, her hair back in a bun with a few loose strands, a veil behind her head.
"You're looking devilishly handsome yourself," Amanda commented. Cheryl smiled at Allison, she had been asked to be a bride's maid shortly after Allison.
"The guys are ready, and the guests are all here."
"Well then, let's get this show on the road," Amanda said. Nodding Steve gently took Amanda's arm.
"Ready for this?" He asked as they stood in the entrance hall to the church.
"Ready as I'll ever be, I wish your dad was out there," she whispered. Steve leaned over and looked at her.
"Amanda, my father adored you, and he would want you to be happy, so on behalf of my dad, I wish you all the best and we'll both walk you down the isle, me in reality my dad in spirit." She nodded and slowly the doors opened. Amanda gasped slightly, as she saw her friends begin to walk down the isle, she could see Jack at the front, with Jesse beside him, next to Jesse was CJ and Dion.
"Here we go," Steve said as the music began. The church was beautiful, sunlight falling all around Amanda and Steve. Steve couldn't be happier for his best friend, and he smiled even more as he saw Jenny smiling at him.
"Who gives this woman to this man?" The minister said.
"Her family," Steve said, Amanda looked at him in surprise, she had expected her friends, apparently he had changed it.
"I love ya Mandy," he whispered as he kissed Amanda's cheek and went to stand beside Jesse.
"Repeat after me, I Jackson Stewart," the minister said.
"I Jackson Stewart."
"Take Amanda Bentley,"
"Take Amanda Bentley," Jack said.
"To be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse."
"To be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse," Jack repeated.
"Until Death do us Part."
"Until death do us part," Jack said as he slipped the ring on her finger.
"Now saw your vows," Jack nodded and took Amanda's hands in his again and smiled softly at her.
"Amanda, I met you when we were still kids, and all I could think was she was so beautiful. You and I would tease each other all the time about things, you were for a long time a sister, but then everything changed, you once told me that you would never forget me and how close we were to each other. All I could think of was that I never wanted to be away from you again. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I don't plan to ever do it again, I love you Amanda, with this ring I thee wed," he said and looked at her. She had tears in her eyes.
"All right Amanda, repeat after me I Amanda Bentley."
"Take Jack Stewart,"
"Take Jack Stewart," Amanda said holding his hands.
"To be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse."
"To be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse," Amanda repeated.
"Until Death do us part."
"Until death do us part," Amanda said as she slipped the ring on her finger.
"Now saw your vows," she nodded and gazed into Jack's eyes.
"I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would fall in love with you, there were days when all I thought about was being a spoiled little daddy's girl. But you were always there for me, and the day you left I couldn't help but think of this feeling I suddenly had, I wanted to hold you forever and beg you not to go. I let you go once and that was a mistake, I don't plan on ever doing that again, with this ring I thee wed," she said looking up at him. He reached out and touched her face with his hand.
"I know pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride," Jack smiled and took her in his arms, everyone clapped as they kissed. Jack pulled away and smiled at her.
"A new beginning," he whispered.
"To old friends," she finished, he smiled and gripped her closely.
Steve smiled as he and his friends all sat at the table, Jesse was to his left, and next to him were the boys. On the other side of Jack was Amanda and all the girls. Steve looked at Jack and smiled.
"All right, as the best friend, I guess it's time to give my speech, let's see what can I say," Steve said as he rose, several clinging of glass ringing. Steve rose his glass in the air.
"I can still remember some of the things Jack and I did to Amanda, or Amanda and I to Jack. They were great sports, truth is I could always tell Jack felt something for Amanda, and visa versa, it's too bad it took them this long. Jack wasn't subtle, but at the same time he wasn't straight forward, so one night when I was sitting at lunch with him, I remember him telling me how he really felt about Amanda. He had made me promise not to tell her, and I didn't. Keeping a secret for ten years is tough, so I'll tell you exactly what he said," Steve said looking at Jack and Amanda, "he looked me in the eyes and said 'one day I'm going to marry her or kill her, because I'm so in love with her I can't imagine a moment without her,' all I could do was chuckle. Truth was I adored her and didn't want to hurt either of them. Jack I'm proud of you and congratulations. Amanda, you're a beautiful woman and if he ever hurts you just call me," he said. Amanda smiled and gave Steve a hug as did Jack.
They all smile as the music began, the soft song of the
Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra.
Someday
When I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight
Yes, you're lovely
With your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft
There is nothing for me but to love you
And the way you look tonight
With each word your tenderness grows
Tearing my fear apart
And that laugh
That wrinkles your nose
Touches my foolish heart
Lovely
Never ever change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight
And that laugh
That wrinkles your nose
It touches my foolish heart
Lovely
Don't you ever change
Keep that breathless charm
Won't you please arrange it
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight
Hmm...
Hmm...
Just the way you look tonight.
Amanda smiled as they swayed to the music, her head on his shoulder, one of the moments she would forever remember.
"I love you," Jack whispered.
"I love you too," she whispered as she leaned further into him, her world was standing still as all she could think of was the love she felt radiating from the man she adored more than anything in the world, looking up she smiled as she saw Steve dancing with Cheryl, while they were partners it was obvious that Steve cared for her much like he did Amanda.
"Why?" Amanda asked.
"Why what?" He responded.
"You named her Mandie, you had a reason?" She inquired as he continued to hold her tightly.
"I told Angela, my dead wife that I wanted to name her, and Angela knew she was dying, she had always loved the name Amanda, she didn't know it was because I loved another woman."
"Do you miss her?" Jack smiled as he leaned his head against her's.
"Sometimes, yes," he replied.
"She's a beautiful little girl," Amanda said.
"I know, looks like her mama, and damn it's hard to deal with at times."
"You've got me now," Amanda said. He smiled.
"Don't I know it, Thank God for that," he whispered. The music came to an end at last and Jack split from her, he smiled softly as she approached Steve as another song began. They had spent hours deciding a song for each other.
Amanda smiled as she and Steve slowly began to dance, he chuckled lightly as he heard the song.
Bette Midler
Wind Beneath My Wings
Oh, oh, oh, oh -
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strengh,
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Steve sighed and smiled as he held onto Amanda, she looked at him and smiled gently.
"You miss him a lot don't you?"
"Yes, and I'm glad you're all here," he answered.
"Have you told Jack yet?" Amanda asked as Steve gazed into her chocolate eyes.
"No, not yet, soon," he said softly. She nodded and continued the dance. Smiling as she could hear Steve humming ever so lightly, which she found strange since he rarely allowed his shield down.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.
Amanda smiled and looked up at Steve, kissing his cheek, "thanks for being the wind beneath my wings," she said calmly. Steve smiled as she walked off towards Jack, Jenny moving towards him.
"May I have this dance?" Steve asked. Jenny smiled.
"You can have anything you want from me," she said.
The reception went on until about two in the morning, when people finally began to leave, Jenny had caught the bouquet and Steve the garter. They headed home after biding their friends a good night, as did Jesse and Allie. Jack looked over at Amanda, Amanda's mother had gladly taken the kids with her for the week, she had been surprised but not angry when she found out Steve would be escorting her daughter down the isle, she knew they were all so close. She adored Steve and Jesse as her children as well.
"Ready to go home, pack and head away for two calm weeks on our honeymoon?" Jack asked Amanda smiled.
"Do you even have to ask?" Jack smiled and chuckled.
"Come on Mrs. Stewart, let's go home," he said taking her hand.