Chapter Seven
Just When No One is Looking
March 13, 1994
"What time is it?" Steve asked his friend and fellow officer Scott Ackerman, the older man groaned.
"Stop that! It's ten minutes since the last time you asked, and if you ask again I'll strangle you," Ackerman said stifling a yawn.
"How long do we have to stay here," Steve groaned, normally he wasn't so childish, but this was driving him nuts, "there's nothing going down tonight." Their thoughts were interrupted by Cheryl's voice.
"The mice have arrived, let's close this trap," she said. Steve smiled and grabbed his gun and quickly began to check it, Scott did the same with his own gun. They nodded at one another and left the car, approaching the darkened alley cautiously.
Scott went in ahead of Steve, who normally would be barging right in, he crept into the alley, Steve watching his back. They had made it halfway up the alley when automatic gun fire cut through the silence like a dull knife. Both men dove for cover behind a large dumpster; Steve listened for Cheryl and Adam to return gunfire. After a few moments Scott began his trek forward again, Steve hissing a warning towards him. Something inside of him told Steve to check the rooftops, and as he did he saw one gunman, clad in all black holding a gun aimed directly for Scott's back.
Not thinking twice Steve he uncovered himself and began to shoot at the man.
"SCOTT!" He yelled as he dove, a lightening pain shot through his chest and stomach as his body hit the ground like a limp rag doll. Scott turned around and began to return fire, at some point hitting the gunman.
Steve vaguely heard the gunfire and something else hit the ground, for a moment Steve didn't understand why anything hurt, he tried to focus on his hand as he looked at it he saw blood dripping off it and suddenly pain shot through his body causing him to moan loudly. The ground was cold and somewhere far away he could hear sirens.
"Dammit it Steve, what the hell were you thinking," Scott muttered as he came over beside his best friend and co-worker. Scott had gone to school with Steve, and they had been close for a long time, Scott had only recently returned to LA, and wasn't ready to lose his friend just yet. He quickly began to look at the two wounds, as Steve rapidly lost blood, Scott knew if this continued Steve wouldn't even make it to the hospital.
"Don't die on me Stevie, hold on buddy," he whispered. Scott was only a year old than Steve and looked at him as a younger brother.
"Scott…" Steve began, but it hurt too much to talk.
"Shut up Steve, this isn't a good time," he whispered as he pressed a handkerchief to the wounds, annoyed at how quickly it seeped up the blood.
"Jenny…" Steve cried slightly.
"Shh, I know buddy, I'll talk to her, just relax," Scott said taking off his coat and wrapping it around his friend.
"Don't….le….ave….her….alon….e….p….leas….e…"Steve said, pink frothy blood coming from the corner of his mouth. Scott looked down and gently wiped the blood away.
"Stay with me buddy," he said as he watched his friend loose consciousness, Scott looked around.
"Where the hell is that damn ambulance!" He screamed. As if in answer to his question a new set of sirens and lights screeched to a halt in the alley, which was now lit up like daylight. The EMTs relieved Scott of his burden and the well-trained crew swarmed around Steve, stopping the uncontrolled bleeding and inserting a tracheotomy tube down the unconscious man's throat to assist his labored breathing. In a matter of minutes Steve was loaded into the ambulance and whisked away to the ER at Community General, leaving Scott in the alley way, on his knees, blood covering his front as he watched in horror.
"Scott!" Cheryl called as she and Adam rushed towards him.
"How is he?" Cheryl asked.
"Just barely hanging on, oh God, how do I tell Jenny and his friends I let this happen, my God, how do I tell the Captain," Scott said as he placed his head in his hands.
"Oh God," he whispered, "Jenny, we've got to get to her before she gets to Steve," he said.
"Go!" Cheryl yelled as they rushed to the car.
The three detectives joined several others in the waiting room, Captain Newman walked towards them, but Scott didn't allow himself to stop, he rushed past the chairs until Amanda came over to him.
"How is he?" He asked. Amanda looked like she had just seen a ghost, her eyes red and swollen.
"Barely alive," she whispered. Scott looked at her and pulled her into his arms. They had all becomes friends quickly, Steve had been so happy to see Scott return a month ago, and to be able to tell him of everything that had been happening lately, for Scott it had been a dream come true, he and Steve had been like brothers during the academy.
"Amanda, I'm…" he stopped he couldn't talk, and suddenly he wished more than ever that Mark was here and that Katherine had never died.
"Amanda!?" A voice came from behind them, turning they saw Carol standing there, tears streaming down her face.
"Carol, thank god you made it," Amanda whispered as she held the slightly younger woman close.
"How's my brother?" Carol asked.
"We don't know honey, we're just going to have to wait, Jack and Jesse are in there with him, as well as Allie, he's got the best help he can get," Amanda said as she looked over at Jenny.
"Amanda," a voice called gently, hundreds of heads faced Jesse Travis as the short ER doctor walked out into the waiting room, drenched in blood, much like Scott. He looked at all the people and took a deep breath and began, "the wound is very serious, and he has lost nearly a fourth of his blood supply. We're pumping in units of whole blood as fast as we can, and as soon as he's stable, he's going directly up to surgery."
Carol closed her eyes and took a deep breath before asking, "Will he be all right?"
"At this point, we just don't know. We're doing everything medically possible for him, be assured of that," Jesse explained weakly.
Just then the elevator pinged. As soon as there was enough room for her slim form to slide through, Jenny squeezed through the doors. Desperate whimpering noises came from her throat as she ran toward them, her eyes wide and terrified. She was still dressed in surgical greens, though her facemask and gloves had been stripped off and discarded on the trip down from the OR.
She observed Scott's blood-soaked appearance and the tense faces around her, and her face completely drained of color. She moaned and her legs started to buckle before Scott gripped her shoulders with both hands and told her, "He's alive," and held her to his chest.
She closed her eyes, a shudder convulsing her entire body as she sagged against him, covering her face with her hand and moaning.
"God! Oh, God!"
Gulping in a deep breath, she turned to Jesse and demanded, "Where is he?"
"Exam Room 2." She pulled away from Scott and headed for the exam room with a determined stride. Jesse attempted to block her path.
"Wait a minute. You can't go in there."
Jenny snarled savagely, "I am an authorized member of this hospital staff and there is no force on this earth that can keep me away from him, so don't you fucking try!" Jesse knew better than to mess with her attitude and stepped back from her ferocity. She elbowed her way past him and disappeared through the door. The doctors and nurses worked over the inert form in well-orchestrated, efficient movements. Jack, one of the attending physician, glanced up and did a swift double take at Jenny's appearance.
"O'Connell, you shouldn't be in here."
"How is he?" She ignored the warning and moved closer to the table. Jack blocked her path.
"We've stabilized him and we're taking him up to surgery now."
"Who's the surgeon?"
"Davidson, he just finished another surgery,"
"I know. I was in the OR with him until about five minutes ago." Two nurses and an intern took the gurney Steve lay on and rolled it toward the elevator that would take them up to the operating room. Steve was barely visible beneath the tubes and wires and machinery that surrounded him.
Jenny set her jaw and started to follow until Jack gripped her arm.
"Jennifer, you can't go. You know that."
"I have to be with him. Get out of my way!" Her voice rose in pitch as she struggled to free her arm. Jack kept his hold on her and spoke calmly.
"You know procedure. You're too close to this one. You can't be in there." She struggled in earnest.
"Let me go! I'm the only one that Davidson likes to have work with him. He's told me that things go smoother when I'm there. I have to be there!" She cried. Jack pulled her close gently and held her. She had transferred to OR nurse only recently, and thoroughly enjoyed it, Davidson, a doctor in his sixties loved having her there and usually took her. He was her second father in many ways, and Steve enjoyed having the man around as well.
"Dammit Jen, listen to me, if you go in there the only thing they'll be concentrating on is you and you want them to concentrate on Steve. Please sweetheart, I know you're terrified believe me so am I, but if you go in there something could happen and none of us want to lose him," Jack said looking at her.
"He's right baby," Davidson said as he walked through the door.
"Please," she whispered. Mike Davidson gently took her and held her close.
"I will do my damndest, but I need you to be strong, you know I love this boy like a son, I will do my best not to lose your fiancée, you can come a watch in the viewing room, but nothing more," she nodded. He reached down and kissed her forehead.
"I will give him my very best sweetheart, that's the best I can do," she nodded and followed him, then stopped.
"What is it honey?"
"He has a sister, she should be with me, please?" The doctor nodded and waited as Jenny ran towards the waiting room. A few seconds later she and a blonde haired woman returned.
"Let's go, I have to scrub up, Jack would you get them in the observation room and then join me?" Jack nodded.
Amanda sat beside several of the police officers from the precinct, Scott had left to get some clean clothes and take a shower, he hadn't been doing well, but that was understandable at this point in time. She sighed as she saw Jesse come towards her.
"Let's go to my office, I think you need some rest," she nodded, when she got up though the room was filled with her screams, as pain ripped through her pelvic regions. Jesse caught her as he watched her face grow pale. He quickly noticed the crimson color on her pants and hollered for an OB/GYN.
"Hold on Amanda, everything's going to be okay," he whispered, wishing he believed himself.
Carol and Jenny sat wordlessly in the observation room, watching the drama below them unfold. The intercom was on and they were able to hear and see everything that was being done. Jenny unconsciously reached for Carol's hand as the surgeon made his first incision.
"The left lower lung was punctured by the bullet. Collapsed lung," Davidson announced. He spoke as if a group of medical students were watching the surgery, describing every movement, every instrument. The lump thickened in Jenny's throat as she understood the lecture was for her benefit.
"Thank you, doctor," she whispered to herself.
"The bullet took a downward course through the chest cavity. After seeing the entrance wound, I thought there'd be some heart damage, but we got lucky on that one. Suction." The surgeon's movements were swift, sure, and steady.
He and his assistants worked as one, each anticipating the other's actions and having the necessary instruments ready.
Suddenly an alarm sounded; one of the monitors showed a flat line. Jenny rose out of her seat and pressed both hands against the window glass, as if attempting to push her way through to the other side. Carol's eyes widened, but she remained motionless. The surgical team below was unhurried and calm. Appropriate medications were fed through tubes or injected with syringes; dials were twisted.
In a matter of seconds the alarms stopped ringing and the tenseness eased, as the anesthesiologist announced,
"BP 140 over 80, pulse 80, normal sinus rhythm." Davidson flicked an upward glance at the nurse and the sister and nodded reassuringly.
"OK, people, back to work here." Jenny's knees suddenly buckled, and Carol guided her back down to her seat, keeping a strong arm about her shoulders. Shaking, they leaned against each other, but her eyes never left the scene below.
"Got some liver damage here," the doctor continued conversationally.
"Clamp off that bleeder and let's see what else we've got."
Instruments clicked and monitors beeped a steady rhythm. A nurse leaned over and wiped the sweat beading on the doctor's brow. The perspiration was the only sign of the man's exertion; his manner and movements were swift and sure.
"Found the bullet," Davidson grunted.
"There it is. Lodged in the muscle behind the liver, just missed the renal vein. Got it." Metal clanked against metal as the invading bullet was dropped distastefully in a basin.
Just then a nurse entered and whispered something in Jack's ear, his eyes grew wide and shocked.
"My god, when?" He asked.
"What's wrong Stewart?" Dr. Davidson asked. Jack looked up at his friend and felt tears in his eyes.
"I have to go…my wife just had a miscarriage," he whispered unsteadily. When Jenny heard this she let out a loud piercing scream.
"Go, quickly, nurse you stay here and take his place. Let her know we're thinking of her Stewart," Davidson said as Jack nodded and quickly left, tears trailing down her face.
"Get that bleeder tied off. More suction. Make sure we've got all the internal bleeding. How's he doing, John?" Davidson asked looking the anesthesiologist. John looked up at him, tears in his own eyes for Jack.
"He's been under five hours now. Levels are starting to go up. You about done?" The surgeon checked his work.
"I'm ready to close." The heart monitor screamed a warning as the line went flat. This time both Carol and Jenny rose to their feet as one, staring in horror as the line stayed flat and the alarm's keening wail went on and on.
Jack hurried into the small hospital room where his wife was lying on the bed, sleeping. Jesse looked up and sighed, "I'm really sorry Jack, it's been too much on her, there are no signs of life, she's had a full miscarriage," Jack nodded and watched his friend leave.
"Mandy, oh God honey, I'm so sorry," he cried as he kissed her cheek and held her hands.
"Jack?" Her whisper came, his brown eyes met her's as they welled up with tears.
"I lost it Jack," she cried. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.
"No honey, it's not your fault," he whispered as he held her, their baby was gone and he didn't know what to do. She was hurting and he just wanted to hold her.
"I'm sorry baby, god I'm so sorry," he whispered as she sobbed into his shoulder.
"Can I be alone?" She asked, he looked at her, praying she wasn't going to push him away.
"Honey?"
"No, Please Jack I need some time alone," she cried.
"All right honey, I love you," he whispered. He walked out of the room and lowered himself to the floor where he openly sobbed. He had just lost his child, oh god it hurt so bad.
Jenny sat beside Steve's bedside as she thought about all that had happened today, no one had seen Jack for two hours, Amanda was asleep, Scott was at home and several cops were still in and out asking how Steve was. Carol had headed home for some sleep and a nice shower. Poor Amanda, she was probably hurting badly as well as Jack. Steve was covered in wires, tubes and other various machines that were doing their best to keep him alive, her hand was tenderly stroking the damp hair just behind his left ear, she couldn't remember much of the past six or eight hours, they had gone by in a bit of a blur, everyone was hurting right now.
Suddenly the door opened to reveal Melissa and Paul O'Connell, she looked at them and hurried into her mother's arms as she sobbed. Melissa looked at her daughter and smiled as she ran a soft hand through her hair continually.
"It's okay, mama's got you now, we're not leaving until Steve is better and you are as well." Paul gently began to stroke his daughter's hair and sighed.
"How are you honey?"
"Oh daddy, it's so horrible, we're all having some rough times right now, I just want it all to be over, are you staying?" She asked.
"Until after the wedding baby, so just relax because your mom will take care of you guys."
"How is he sweetheart?" Melissa asked, she adored Steve by now, she couldn't count the number of times she had spoke to him over the past few months.
"He's in a coma, but I think he can hear us," she whispered as she sat back down beside him. Melissa nodded and walked over to him, tenderly caressing his forehead she smiled.
"Well, the first time I come and visit and this is the hospitality you show me, it's okay baby, you're going to get better, we're here for you son, just relax and we'll help you," she said. Suddenly the door opened again and Jesse entered.
"What's wrong Jess?" Jenny asked.
"We found Jack, I think you need to come," he said. Jenny looked at her mother.
"Don't worry baby, we're here," nodding Jenny followed Jesse out of the room.
Jack was sitting in the NNICU looking at the babies, just sobbing, although he wasn't hurting anyone he was disturbing the babies and nurses some. Jenny entered the room and looked at him.
"Go talk to Amanda, I don't care if she doesn't want to talk to anyone, these two need to talk now," she said. Nodding Jesse left the room while Jenny knelt in front of her friend.
"Jack, it's me Jen, I know you're hurting a lot right now, but you're wife and children need you. You've got three other children, and you're little baby is in heaven with God now, you have children here that need you," she whispered, running a hand through his hair.
"It was a little girl did you know that," he whispered.
"Yes Jack, I knew, please Jack I really need you to come with me," he nodded and slowly go up. Jenny led him to Amanda's room.
"Amanda, honey, I know you really don't wanna talk, but I won't watch your marriage get destroyed over this, you adore each other to much," she said. Amanda looked at her.
"I've never lost a child before," she cried. Jenny walked over and hugged her tightly.
"I know Amanda, God I know, and I know that it really hurts, but you two have three children on earth that need you. Your daughter is heaven now and far from pain. She's happy now, I know this is hard but you guys need to grieve together, otherwise you won't be able to get past this," she said touching Amanda's cheek.
Over the next week Jenny rarely left Steve's room, Carol had become acquainted with her family soon and loved them too, no matter how often she was threatened, yelled at or talked to, Jenny refused to leave her husband's side, afraid if she did he would die right there.
"You're going to make yourself sick if you go on like this," Jesse exclaimed. Between trying to keep Amanda and Jack together and Jenny healthy as well as Steve alive he was finding himself quickly at his wits end. He didn't know how to handle this anymore, Jack was slowly coming to terms but it still hurt to think about his daughter, they had named her Jennifer at Jen and buried her next to Katherine's grave. Amanda, saying she had accepted, it was obvious that she hadn't just yet, but Jesse didn't blame her, she had lost a child, and to lose a child was something more painful that most things.
"I don't care Jesse, he's more important to me right now, why can't you understand that!?" Jenny asked.
"Good god, if I didn't know better I would think you're Mark. He was just as stubborn, please Jen take care of yourself, I don't want you in a bed beside him, do I make myself clear?" He asked. She nodded.
"I love you Steven Michael Sloan, do you hear me, I love you so very much," she whispered.
"Dammit it Jenny, I'm going to pull you away from him if I have too!" Jesse yelled a few days later. Jenny was pale and sickly looking, the bags under her eyes were huge and would probably qualify as luggage.
"You can't and won't make me!" Jenny yelled in response.
"I'm about this close from hauling your ass out of here myself!"
"Well that's about what it will take," she hollered back.
"Jenny I swear if you don't go home…" he didn't have time to finish as Paul came in and gently wrapped his arms around her, gripping her around the waist he carried her outside the room.
"Do you two not understand that you are arguing in a young sick man's room!? The last thing he needs to hear or not hear is you two yelling at one another," Paul said angrily as he glared at both his daughter and the doctor.
"Daddy," Jenny began.
"No, no Daddy, this is the Police Captain talking now, and consider yourself a grounded teenager again. I want you to go home and get some rest, Carol and Melissa will remain here with him, I'm taking you home no ifs ands or buts, you're going home. Jesse I think it's time you went home as well, you haven't slept much with everything going on. This hospital will live without the two of you constantly bickering," Paul said. Jesse looked at the man and smiled slightly.
"You remind me of Mark too," Jesse whispered. Paul placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Good, because I know you would have listened to him, go home son," the older man said. Jesse nodded and slowly walked away from them. Paul looked at his daughter.
"Now, you can walk out of this hospital with me, or I can carry you out, the choice is yours," Paul said.
"Daddy," he knew that within seconds she would lose it. So he gently carried her into an empty hospital room and closed the door, allowing her to fall against him as she sobbed.
"Every time I close my eyes I see him dying, and I can't imagine a moment without him anymore."
"I know baby, but if you don't get a little rest you'll be the one in that bed and he'll be hurting."
Warmth was the first thing Steve was aware of, and a gentle hand caressing his forehead and cheek, slowly opening his eyes he found Melissa sitting by his side gently stroking his face, Carol fast asleep on the couch over in the corner. He found he couldn't really move as he had a breathing tube down his throat, he groaned, causing Melissa to look at him.
"Welcome back," she said softly. He looked at her.
"I'll go get a doctor," she said, he watched her get up and leave the room for a moment. Dr. Davidson walked in a moment later.
"Nice to see you're finally awake Steve, why don't we try to remove the ventilator," Steve nodded and gave a large cough, the one cough caused him to have a fit of coughs once the machine was out, an oxygen mask placed over his face as he tried to regain his breath. Dr. Davidson smiled at Melissa.
"He's going to be fine, we'll move him to a step down unit as soon as we get his test results back," Dr. Davidson said. Melissa nodded her thanks and smiled at Steve.
"You gave us all quite a scare big brother," Carol said coming over to his other side. Steve tried to smile, but right now he was trying to just stay awake.
"Sorry," he muttered, the struggle with his eyes to remain open was being lost rather quickly.
"Its okay sweetheart, why don't you get some sleep, we'll be here when you wake up," Melissa said as he slowly closed his eyes.
"Love you," were his final words before he surrendered to sleep.
"We love you too," Melissa said as she smiled.
Carol sat quietly at table with Melissa and Paul, they had both been such a comfort to her since they had arrived. She was still missing her own father and they seemed to just step right in and take on the role as Steve and Carol's parents.
"I can't thank you enough for what you're doing for us," Carol said quietly.
"Honey, we met Steve three months ago, he was a good boy and loves our daughter, but at the same time we knew about his father's disappearance and the death of your mother all those years ago, we couldn't just let the boy have no family. We don't want to take you're mother and father's place but we would really like the chance to help you both," Melissa said. Carol smiled and touched this kind woman's hand softly, gratefulness in her eyes.
"We would really like that," she whispered.
Amanda sat in her bed, tears falling from her face, she didn't know what to do, she felt so useless suddenly.
"Jack," she called gently to her husband who was asleep beside her.
"Huh," he responded gruffly.
"Are you angry with me?" He turned over and looked at her, he quickly sat up and took her in his arms.
"No, I'm not angry with anyone," he whispered.
"Not even a little?" She asked, she would feel better is someone was angry, if there was someone to blame.
"Amanda nothing you did lost our baby girl, nothing I did lost her. Something happened that we can't explain right now, I think sometimes babies die inside their mothers because they wouldn't make it long outside. I know it seems like it would be easier to handle just holding them once, but truth is we don't know anything. Now, you didn't do anything to cause the miscarriage, and neither did anyone else, there is no one to blame, and we can't blame God, because he placed her there in the first place. We have to look at it in a good way, that our little girl is safe, out of pain and happy in God's arms and while we only spent four months carrying her we still had her in our minds and hearts, where she will forever remain. I love you Amanda, and we need to grieve over this loss and then make sure to take care of our other children," as if on cue a small head popped in through the slightly open door, revealing the brown headed four year old girl.
"Mommy," she whispered. Amanda smiled slightly and watched the girl walk over to the bed, tears were covering her face as well.
"What's wrong honey?" Amanda asked as she lifted the girl into her and Jack's lap.
"Bad dream," the girl muttered burying her head in Jack's chest. He smiled gently and began to stroke her soft brown hair.
"Shh, it's okay baby," he whispered to her.
"Can I stay in here wif you?" She asked quietly. Amanda sighed and looked at the sweet innocent face of the girl.
"Of course honey," she said. Jack smiled as they both helped her into the bed, within seconds the girl was fast asleep against Amanda. Jack looked at his wife and smiled.
"Want me to take her back to her room?" Jack asked. They didn't normally let the children sleep in their bed once they had fallen back asleep. But Amanda held up her hand.
"I need to be close to her," Amanda whispered. Jack nodded, understanding and cuddled closer to both Amanda and Mandie.
Scott walked into the room early the next morning and smiled, Steve was awake and talking to Melissa, while she listened and laughed periodically.
"Hey kid," Scott greeted. Steve smiled gently and offered a hand towards his friend.
"Steve I…" he stopped unable to say anything. He had practiced this all night and all the way to the hospital. He saw in Steve's blue eyes forgiveness and gratitude.
"Did you get 'em?" Steve asked weakly. Scott smiled and nodded.
"Every one of them," he whispered. He watched Steve slightly for a moment and then smiled.
"How ya feeling?"
"Shit," Steve muttered, causing both Melissa and Scott to smile gently.
"Not in front of a lady Steve," Scott said.
"Sorry," he muttered again.
"Steve, don't you ever do that again. I'm the one who should be in that damn bed. I went in there acting like nothing could touch me, why did you back up my sorry ass anyway?" Steve cocked a smile.
"If I don't cover yours then who'll cover mine?" He said. Scott shook his head in disbelief.
"You're annoying you know that, look I have to head to work, anything you need?"
"Food," he whispered.
"What you mean you're favorite dishes here have suddenly gone sour?" Scott asked with a smirk. Steve was always talking about how he loved hospital food.
"They don't feed you the same stuff from the cafeteria, it's mush," Steve muttered.
"All right, I'll call Jesse and have him pick something up from Bob's. You just relax amigo," he said smiling.
"Take Melissa home too, she needs rest," he whispered.
"I can do that," Scott said smiling. They both watched as Steve's eyes slid closed.
"Come on Mrs. O'Connell, let's get you back to Jen's house," he said.
"Don't worry, I'll stay with him for awhile," Jack said. He was dressed in his white overcoat and a pair of blue jeans as well as a blue shirt.
"You're back?" Scott said.
"Amanda and I had a talk last night, and a little visitor, we'll be okay, it may take a while, but we'll be all right," he said smiling.
"Good, come one Mrs. O'Connell," Scott said.
"Please call me Melissa, Mrs. O'Connell makes me feel old," this caused a laugh from Scott who was probably on ten years younger than her.
"Now I know why everyone in the precinct is talking about the lovely woman watching over Steve," he said chuckling.
"It's good to know I'm like," she said smiling.
"Melissa, I don't think a person in the world could dislike you, Steve was hurting and between you and Jenny, we you guys have helped a lot in bringing him back to us."
Jenny sighed, she had actually slept for awhile and was heading back to the hospital at last to see her fiancée, she couldn't wait. She missed him so much and was so horribly worried about him, however her dad had told her that he would be fine and he was awake.
When she entered the room, Jack was sitting beside him with his feet propped up on the bed, he looked bored out of his mind. Jenny smiled at him and walked over towards Steve's head. His eyes were open, but as soon as he saw her his face turned cold and angry.
"Get out," he whispered. Jennifer's face turned white, as Jack stood up and watched him.
"Steve, it's me Jenny," she whispered, pain in her voice.
"I know who you are, I said get out," he said bitterly.
"Steve, what's wrong with you?" Jack asked confused. Alarms began to go off as Steve's breathing became more labored.
"I said get out!" He yelled. Amanda and Carol were just entering, Jack instantly took over.
"You guys need to leave, don't worry," he said as he paged for some help. Jenny stepped outside with Amanda and Carol, both were surprised as well.
"What was that all about?" Amanda asked.
"I don't know, I walked in and he instantly told me to get lost," Jenny whimpered. Amanda pulled her close to her.
"It's okay honey, that's not at all like the Steven Sloan we know and love," she whispered. Just then Jack came out, closing the door behind him self.
"He's stable, I don't know what that was all about, however he's asked that you do not come back in
Two days passed and Steve remained adamant in his orders that visitors were restricted -- at least where Jennifer was concerned. He refused to discuss the reasoning with anyone, and grew so agitated when the subject was broached that no one dared speak of it.
After two more days, and agreeing to remain at the beach house with Carol, he was released. He was given a full set of post-op exercises both for his lung and his healing muscles. Carol and Jesse vowed to hold him to the routine.
Pale and gaunt, he folded himself stiffly into the large four-door sedan Carol brought to take him home. They traveled in relative silence, and Steve's answers to questions were monosyllables and grunts.
By the time they reached the beach house, he was more than ready to take a pain pill and get into bed. Carol helped him into bed and sighed as she watched him fall asleep, gently she brushed a stray lock of hair away from his face and sighed. She watched him for a few more moments before heading back into the living room where Jesse sat with Allie, both were talking, she sat down in a nearby chair and Jack handed her a coffee.
"I didn't know you were all here," she whispered.
"We came to talk about Steve," Jack said as he sat down beside Amanda in a chair, which Carol hadn't realized she was here either.
"I don't know anything if that's what you mean," she said.
"So the question is what should we do next," Jesse said.
"We wait, what else is there. Steve won't talk about it, and if we try to make him he'll only react the way he has before, claim up. While this is totally unlike my older brother, I believe there is a reason for this," Carol explained. There was a knock on the door, going to go get it she was surprised to see Melissa and Paul standing there.
"May we come in?" Carol smiled softly.
"Of course, we weren't expecting to see you, I thought you would…" she stopped.
"Angry, no, confused much as you guys all are, as well as our daughter, however I'm not leaving until my daughter and son-in-law get married. I love Steve like my son and that isn't going to stop, because I know something is wrong, now I thought you might all like something to eat and Jenny was telling us about this great Bar-B-Q place," Melissa said handing Carol a bag of food, causing her to smile.
"You're a gracious woman Melissa O'Connell," Carol whispered as she led them into the kitchen.
"Once again I see how your daughter turned out so amazing," Jack whispered as he joined them in the kitchen.
"Thank you Jack, but our daughter made herself the way she is, how are you and Amanda?"
"We're doing better, how's Jen?" He asked. He had been worried about his young friend ever since Steve's reaction. He prayed she didn't think they all hated her just because he seemed to.
"She has a broken heart Jack," Paul answered.
"I hope she doesn't think we all feel this way, I don't know what the hell is going through Steve's mind, but your daughter has changed all our lives for the better, I can't thank her enough and whether Steve likes her or not right now, we adore her and always will," Jack said. Melissa touched the young man's face with a gentle smile and tears in her eyes.
"Thank you Jack, I will make sure to tell her that, because right now she is so afraid of losing all of you."
"Never," Amanda said as she and Jesse entered the kitchen.
"We're here to stay," Jesse said smiling.
"I now understand why Jenny loved being here so much, thank you," Paul said.
Two weeks went by, and seeing either Steve or Jenny became a rare thing, Jack knew Jenny was hurting and Steve was getting better physically but there was something about him emotionally that made all of Jack's senses sky rocket. Finally, Jack decided he wasn't going to wait around anymore and he headed to Jenny's house. Sighing he knocked, when he didn't get an answer he attempted the knob and was surprised to find it open.
"Jen?" He called. He found her sitting on the floor packing up her stuff in boxes.
"What are you doing here?" Jenny asked.
"I could ask you the same question, is this your way of dealing?" He asked.
"Leave me alone, I don't want to talk about this," she whispered. Jack shook his head.
"Steve says the same thing, you know it's funny that two people so alike and that love each other so very much both find an identical way to hurt each other."
"What are you talking about!? He's the one that hurt me!" She yelled.
"Is he!? Come on Jen, get with it here, something is going on in his mind, you know by now how he is, I mean Jesus, for two years you've been deadly in love with him, there is no way you can sit here and tell me you're suddenly out of love with him!" Jack said.
"Yeah well I am," she said.
"No you're not and you won't be leaving until I let you. Talk to me Jennifer."
"Why, so I can be rejected by you too? Incase you haven't noticed Jack, I was the one who came here not knowing anyone. You, Amanda, Jesse and Steve had been friends forever. How do I know that you won't hate me too?" She said.
"Because we won't," Jack stated.
"But how, how Jack."
"Because that's not what friends do," he said.
"Oh yeah, well what were Steve and I?"
"Jennifer, listen to me," he said grabbing her by the arm firmly and staring at her in the eyes.
"I don't know what Steve's problem is, but you need to deal with it, you have a like here, and while it seems like Steve was part of that, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I love you like a sister, and I'm not going to let you leave. Believe it or not that would hurt Steve more than the loss of his father!" Jack yelled.
"God damn him! Goddamn Mark and Steve! I didn't even know the man, and I'm supposed to measure up to him!" She yelled.
"No, not measure up, but you helped. You were there, you brought him out of that depression, he didn't survive because of us alone, you were there."
"I don't know how to do this anymore Jack, truth is, I'm so in love with that man that I don't know what to do, it hurts, but I can't see him, I wish his father was here, because form the sound of it, he'd being doing a lot better than me."
"Jenny, come here," he whispered pulling her into his arms. She rested he head against his chest as his chin came to rest on his head.
"I spent years getting to know Mark, didn't meet his son till after Nam, so I wasn't sure what to think either, let me tell you something honey, Steve does love you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose either one of you to stubbornness. You need to talk to him Jen, not me, not you're parents no one but you. I want to see you two get married and have children, but that can't happen if you don't try to talk to him."
"I don't know where to start," she whispered.
"Then start at the beginning, don't let him stop you until you're finished or you're both crying," he whispered.
"Will you take me to him?" Jack smiled and looked down at her.
"You bet I will, come on pretty lady," he said smiling.
Jenny entered the living room where Steve was sitting on his couch, positioned so that he was looking out on to the ocean. His mind seemed to be far away. She took a deep breath and walked over to him.
"We need to talk," she said in the strongest voice she could muster. He jumped, not expecting anyone, let alone her.
"Jesus, couldn't you be a little louder," he said.
"Yes, but I didn't think it would be nice, look Steve, I don't know what's going on up in that head of yours, however I think it's fair to say that we both need to talk and we need to talk now," she said.
"I have nothing to say," he whispered.
"No, no you will not shut me out, I've spent two years trying to be near you, around you and with you. I love you too much to let our relationship die before it really begins. Now, what the hell is going on!?" She said.
"None of your damn business," he bit.
"This isn't the Steve Sloan I know, is it your dad!? Is that it…. You're so afraid you'll never see your dad again that you think if I go away he'll come back?" She asked, he said nothing.
"Or maybe it's that you're so afraid if you love me I'll go away too, why not it's happened to you mother and father," she watched something spark behind those crystal blue eyes of his.
"Is that it Steve," she said quietly.
"Are you happy!?" He yelled.
"No, not until I know the answer," she yelled.
"Fine I'll tell you…" he stopped, his voice suddenly lower.
"My mother died when I was just fifteen, I felt it was my fault, then my sister Carol left because I drove her away, then I lost friends in Nam, and Jack left, then I lost dad…I have lost so many people close to me that I'm so afraid if I fall in love with you, that I might lose you too, or worse you'll lose me and then what?" He asked looking up at her. Her face had softened within moments, she sat down beside him.
"I figured if I told you to get lost that maybe, just maybe I could spare you or myself from that pain of loss, I didn't think about how much pain it would be to lose you," he whispered. She reached out and touched his cheek, not surprised to find it wet.
"I'm here, you're not going to lose me, do you understand Steve, you will not lose me," she whispered.
"I need you, I love you so much and it hurt so bad at the thought of losing you, all I could think of while lying in that street bleeding was what would happen to you, or the others, I wanted so badly to protect you that nothing else mattered," he explained. She reached out and pulled him close to her, within moments both had resolved and began to cry.
"I'm sorry, please don't leave me, please," he cried into her waist. She said nothing but they held each other.
~ I originally quit writing this because I didn't think anyone cared, that's not very fair of me, since I know there's always one person who looks forward to reading every story they can get their hands on. Besides I write to write, nothing else. Thanks Please review!~