Eccentric Seeming Emotions Chapter 6: Carcass, a csi fanfic

Disclaimer: It's been a year; hopefully by now everybody knows: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation does not belong to me.

Author's Note: For Mr. Hathaway; for b8kworm and Sun Mee who give me nothing but support. For Mark, I count everyday of my life with you in it as a blessing; always remember that. For the people who do or ought to belong to nagging.com - Angie, Manda, Marianne, and Rita. Will you ever cut me some slack? Thanks, Mena, for the song. Many, many thanks to Beth for permission to use Bleak; we did it! Thank you for inspiring me. There is no chronological order to these chapters; consider it a stream-of-thought.

Summary: Tonight, something had changed and he sincerely cursed the near perfect memory that made his job easier while his heart became a wrenched mess.

Rating: PG-13

Archives: the Graveyard, mine. Anybody else, email me.

Pairing(s): G/C

Spoiler(s): None.

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Title: Eccentric Seeming Emotions

Author: Laeta
Email: ladylaetayahoo.com

Chapter 6: Carcass

Bleak and lonely, the depths of one's soul.
The deep abyss of emotion shattered before them in one explosive cry for help.
The screams - love is life; love is lost.
The reckless tumble of eccentric-seeming emotions quake as they erupt to the surface.
We fall.
Our life is our love and we have nothing without it; a mere carcass of emptiness.

He watched the sun's rays lower by tiny increments through the slits of the curtain blinds. It started in the far corner of the room and slid its way down the bare white walls. Jumping atop the bed, the patient only turned towards the warmth, not bothered in the slightest by her companion.

It crept up the bed, intending to crown her head with a halo of clean brightness; it stopped, fascinated by the myriad of hues coloring her hair. The rays spent long minutes simply selecting this strand or that one; Gil jealously blocked its entrance into the room.

His shadow disrupted her sleep, but she smiled up at him, still tired from her ordeal.

"Hey. How do you feel?"

"Like I lost ten pounds and twenty years off my life."

Gil smiled, appreciating the humor that was so much a part of her personality. He reached out and grasped her hand to give her an anchor simply because he could.

"Have you been here all morning?"

"You know me. Wouldn't be anywhere else."

Catherine smiled gratefully. He watched the play of sunlight on her face as she indulged in a few brief seconds of gratitude before letting clouds cover her fatigue-opened eyes.

"Is he here?"

He tightened his hand about hers. "He called me a few hours ago; he'll be here. I promise."

She nodded, lips contorting gradually to suppress the tears. Reflexively, Gil's hand floated to her face and soothed the stress lines; he selflessly gave comfort - at his own expense.

"Cath, he'll be here. Don't let yourself think of anything else; trust me, okay?" She nodded beneath his hand. "Good. Get some rest, there's a little angel who will want to see you bright and early." There, he managed to evoke a genuine smile from her.

When her breathing evened, Gil knew it was time to go. His watch showed him Eddie was due to arrive and he had promised to meet the new father. A soft tap alerted Gil to a presence beyond the door. It was Eddie.

Although Gil could see the rumpled clothing, the askew hair, and the wide-eyed sleepless look in Eddie's appearance, Gil was not one to resist a little malevolence. After all, he had not slept either.

"Eddie. Where've you been?" he asked, keeping his voice low-keyed and monotone.

"I came as soon as I heard! C'mon, Gil, give me a little slack, will ya? She wasn't due for another week!"

Gil only raised an eyebrow. "You should've been here last night, not me."

"I know! I know." Eddie glanced warily at the closed door. "Is she awake?"

He sighed and answered. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind waking up for you."

Eddie all but sprinted for the door. Just as he turned the knob, he paused and looked at Gil, directly in the eyes.

"Was it difficult?"

As much as Gil wanted to ply on the guilt, there was feeling behind those words - mostly fear, some contrition. He took the middle ground:

"No, but it would've been easier with you here."

Eddie nodded his thanks and disappeared into Catherine's room; Gil instinctively prevented the door from closing completely in Eddie's wake. He could hear the distinct shuffling as Eddie sat on the edge of Catherine's bed as well as his greeting to her.

Feeling his heart slowly realize the truth, Gil pulled the door shut until the quiet click resounded in the empty hallway. He nodded to the nurse on duty and made his way to the viewing room.

.....

He gazed at Lindsey Willows, not even twelve hours old, as she slept blissfully. With her arrival, Gil had to accept the truth: proof of Catherine's love for Eddie lay with Lindsey.

Before today, Gil could ignore the marriage and pretend that he still had time to feel out his relationship with Catherine. Before today, he could convince himself that he still had the freedom to deepen the ties between them; all he needed was the right impetus. Before today, he could dream there was a beautiful future for the two of them, just waiting for him to declare it so.

After this moment, Gil knew he always would be a friend to Catherine. After this moment, he knew that he would never find another woman worthy to take her place in his heart. After this moment, the future would be uneventful in its solitude.

However, he knew one thing would happen: he would love another woman, but one who would not take his heart. She was Lindsey and Gil vowed in his soul to protect her as best he could. After all, he was the first man to hold her. It entitled him to a few privileges. Right?