DISCLAIMER: That, and rating, in part one of IF THE STARS STILL SILENTLY
BLESS YOU. Not mine.
SUMMARY: It's Big Block of Cheese Day Again. We're slowly entering AU territory here, but you can place this after, I dunno, Seperation of Powers, just to be on the safe side.
A/N: This is somewhat AU, because I wrote this and couldn't bear to hand Will off to the vice-president. So he still works for Bartlet in my happy little world.
A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW
Toby storms into my office just as I'm putting the finishing touches on a memo about the tax negotiations.
"Guess what. Leo signed up for us to do Block of Cheese Day right before we leave for the long weekend, and are you finished yet?" He slams a pile of folders on my desk.
"Oh, Sam told me about Block of Cheese Day. I've always wanted to do one of those." I smile and pick up the top folder and flip it open, the table of contents entitled "The Tax Debacle And How To Rescue Ourselves." Someone, somewhere, in the Communications Department has a sense of humor. "And, yeah, I just finished."
My good mood does nothing to improve my boss's bad one. "Well, wait until tomorrow. You won't be so excited then."
Over the past year, I've learned to pretty much ignore Toby when he's like this. Well, when isn't he like this? "Okay," I say simply.
****
The expression on my colleagues' faces is not quite what I'd expected when I walk into the Roosevelt Room. CJ and Donna are muttering amongst themselves, and Josh is sitting at the table, pouting. Margaret is whispering to Nancy, and Toby is scowling. I take a seat next to Josh and whisper, "So, what is it we do now?" Angela looks as if she's confused, too.
"Wait for Leo to come in and officially announce Total Crackpot Day," Josh sighs.
"Total what?" I ask.
"Never mind," Donna says, leaning over the table. "We just kind of let Leo do his thing every year."
CJ smiles and looks at me for a minute or so. "Don't worry. The day goes by pretty fast. They confuse you, you sink into a stupor, and then you give them a pen." She frowns. "Of course, sometimes they just freak you out."
And then everyone laughs, as if this is some big joke I'm not privy too.
Angela leans over and whispers, "Talk about a bunch of crackpots."
I feel vaguely insulted, but then I laugh meekly.
I'm saved from having to come up with a witty reply when Leo walks in, looking as if he just woke up. His hair is a mess and his tie is all wrinkled.
"As you may very well know, today is Big Block of Cheese Day," Leo says, drawing himself up importantly and brandishing a large stack of paper in front of us. "It is said that Andrew Jackson had, in his foyer--"
This is followed by some pretty loud and melodramatic groans. Leo puts his hand up, and everyone is silent.
"-- a big block of cheese. This block of cheese was huge, over two tons, and it was there for any and all who might be hungry. It is in the spirit of President Jackson that I set aside this day for you to meet with members of groups who might ordinarily have a hard time getting the attention of the White House."
If the groans from before were loud and melodramatic, that was nothing compared to what they are now.
"Why do we have to do this every year?" Josh asks.
I can tell Leo is pretending to be insulted. "Josh, remember my list?"
"I thought Sam was the sole member of your list."
"Well, now that he's gone, I don't see why we can't make room for more people."
"Fine."
"Anyway, I shall now hand out these assignments. And I want you all to note that this has been done with the utmost care and time, so that everyone is matched up perfectly. Margaret and I have spent time over the last few days working this out."
Margaret turns bright red and looks especially interested in the ceiling.
"CJ, you will talk to the UFO guys."
"They're back again?" she asks incredulously.
"Yeah." He hands out a packet of paper and shoves it in her direction.
She looks at it with disdain. "Do they keep that one guy around just to make our lives a living hell?"
Leo ignores her. "Josh, you'll talk to the Garymore Institute of Technology. Very important."
"You know," says Josh, "it sounds important now, but as soon as I start talking to them--"
Leo shoots him a look and then turns his attention to Angela. "You'll talk to the Students Against Book Burning Coalition." He hands a packet of paper over to her, too.
"Never heard of them," Angela says, picking up her packet and raising an eyebrow.
"They were just formed about a month ago. Made up the title themselves."
He turns his attention on Toby. "And since I know you're such a wonderful advocator of the arts--"
Toby glares right back at Leo. He's the only one I know who would dare to do that.
"--you'll be talking to the Committee for Equality in the Arts."
I can see now that Toby looks mildly interested as he takes his packet. As he turns the page, however, his expression falls.
"Will, last but not least," Leo says pleasantly.
I become slightly nervous.
"You'll take the Committee for the Reorganization of the Military."
"Me?"
"Yes." He hands over my packet, and I look at it for a long time.
"That's it, then," Leo says cheerfully, and Margaret follows behind him, shooting all of us sympathetic looks.
****
Josh comes up behind me. "What do you have?" he asks.
"Someone wants to revisit the idea that soldiers fighting in a war can seek shelter in people's homes."
"I thought the Revolutionary War pretty much took care of that."
"I did, too. And the fact that it's, you know, unconstitutional."
"That, too."
"Who do you have to talk to?"
"Someone wants to spend billions of dollars of taxpayer's money, rebuilding all the major highways in the U.S."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Good luck with that." As Josh begins to walk away, I stop him. "CJ mentioned something about... I give them pens?"
"Oh," Josh says, half-laughing. "Sam used to give people pens with the White House seal on them. It's a blow to their pride when we tell them we can't do what they ask. So Sam always tried to make them feel better by giving them free pens."
"Okay."
****
I wander into my office a few minutes later, and there's a group of middle- aged men in t-shirts and jeans.
"Sorry I'm late." I give the obligatory apology and sit down. "So."
"So, we have a couple of points to bring up. First, we believe that soldiers should be able to stay in the homes of American families, like they used to do in England."
"Okay," I say slowly, "but I'm pretty sure that's against the law."
"I was afraid you might say that," the first man said.
"Because it is."
"Well, we'd be asking the White House to support us when we take it to Court."
"Wait a minute. Let me see if I have this right. You're going to contest a law that was all but unconstitutional in 1776 in Court?"
"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," says another man.
"Why don't you do something useful, like back the White House in a fight against tobacco, or help us fight for the ERA or something like that?" I ask incredulously. I can see now why Josh calls this Total Crackpot Day.
"Mr...?" the first man looks around for a nameplate. I notice with some embarassment my door still says SAMUEL SEABORN in block lettering. "Seaborn," he adds.
"Actually, I'm Will Bailey. I took his place."
"Okay, Mr. Bailey. Look. We believe these soldiers work hard. They deserve the hospitality of other peoples' homes when they're here."
"But that's during peacetime!" I hear myself yelp. "That's unfair. I think Thomas Jefferson called it treacherous."
"We can change that."
"No, we really can't." I'm praying for the earth to open up and swallow me whole, right at this very minute.
I am, however, rescued by a loud knock at my door. Praise God.
"Come in!" I yell, feeling pretty frazzled.
Zoey pokes her head in. "Sorry. I didn't see you were in a meeting. I can come back."
"No!" I stand up in a panic, knocking over my chair in order to keep her from leaving. I repeat more calmy, "We were just, um, finishing," I say, standing and handing out a handful of White House pens. "I'm sorry there's nothing we can do to help you.."
They each take a pen, looking at me uncertainly, and walk out of my office.
"Sorry I interrupted you," Zoey says again.
"No problem. I was actually praying for an interruption."
She smiles at me. "Another one of Leo's Cheese Day meetings?"
"Yeah. Sit down, have a seat." I motion for her to sit down and she does so, giving me an awkward glance.
"Will, you probably saw this on tv, but I had a long talk with Jean-Paul. I forgave him. He's pretty messed up right now, with the Ecstacy. Only a news reporter found me and began asking me questions."
"Now, that's CJ's job, to take care of that."
"Well, no, she already did. She and my father threatened to send the reporter to Timbuktu."
"Okay."
"Well, they want me to do a public speech. The media, that is. And I need you to write me a speech."
"Why are you accepting?"
"Because I'm nice like that." She smiles. "Actually, because there's a lot of secrecy. I mean, I did the interview and a quick press conference, but I'm getting letters in the mail and everyone wants to know more of my story."
"I can do that. What do you want me to say?"
"That I forgave Jean-Paul but it wasn't easy. I don't want to sound too perfect. Charlie gave me the heads up that if I told the world that I forgave him on my own that I'd sound sickeningly sweet. I don't want that."
"No."
"And there was a struggle, you know? I had to talk to my father. So I need you to write all that in beautiful prose."
I smile, and she catches my grin. "I'll try."
****
That evening, Leo calls a senior staff meeting in his office. "So, did we learn anything today? I'll ask Will and Angela because they're new."
We both give each other you-should-go-first-(no-really!) glances, and then I take a deep breath and say, "Well, I learned that I can scare people away with White House pens."
Angela nods. "I guess Harry Potter is a really good series. I'll start on the first one tonight."
Everyone laughs, but I notice Leo is just smiling. Maybe it's a grimace.
"Josh? What about you?"
"They wanted to repave the highways in the US. All of them. If I hadn't cut in at the last minute, I think they would have gone into the merits of repaving the highways in Canada, too."
"Billions of taxpayers' money," Donna yells from the back.
"Just about," Josh agrees.
"And CJ?"
"I tried to be polite," she says, giving us all a guilty look, "but I started to daydream. I was only awakened by someone telling me I had a glazed over look."
We all laugh and then Leo turns to Toby. "Toby?"
"They want us to endorse pupeteering. They say there isn't enough money for good puppets." He rubs his bald spot and then shakes his head. "It was the longest meeting of my life."
"That'll do it, folks," Leo says. "Go home. Take a break. Happy Thanksgiving."
"Oh, speaking of that," says Josh. "You all, and some of your assistants, are invited to my apartment. I'm going to cook a turkey and watch football all day."
Donna smirks. "You're going to cook a turkey?"
"Thanks for volunteering," he says, smirking.
"Cook your own damn turkey," she retorts.
"Anyone interested?" he asks.
I notice Leo is the only one without his hand raised in the room. Everyone begins smiling and chatting in the room, except for Leo and me. I see Leo is very slowly sitting down at his desk and reading some papers.
I sneak out of the room and go to back to my office to get my coat.
****
I arrive at Josh's house at about 11:30 the next day. Toby, Ginger, Bonnie, and Josh are watching football, while CJ is standing over them, complaining in loud tones about the game.
Donna comes in a few seconds later and stands next to CJ, also complaining loudly.
"Did you burn the turkey?" she asks good naturedly, and Josh turns around and scowls at her.
I walk into the kitchen and put my relish tray on the buffet table. It's a very nice apartment for someone who works for the government. There's a bar and a fairly spacious kitchen. I notice a red blinking light on his answering machine.
Just as I'm on my way back from the kitchen, Margaret confronts me. "Will, have you seen Leo?"
"No, I haven't. Is he supposed to come?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't he?"
"Because yesterday at the end of the staff meeting he seemed pretty depressed."
"Oh, my God. I'll be right back."
She spins right past me and I watch her as she strides over to Josh and whispers something in his ear.
By his facial expression, I can tell something is wrong. We might have a problem here.
SUMMARY: It's Big Block of Cheese Day Again. We're slowly entering AU territory here, but you can place this after, I dunno, Seperation of Powers, just to be on the safe side.
A/N: This is somewhat AU, because I wrote this and couldn't bear to hand Will off to the vice-president. So he still works for Bartlet in my happy little world.
A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW
Toby storms into my office just as I'm putting the finishing touches on a memo about the tax negotiations.
"Guess what. Leo signed up for us to do Block of Cheese Day right before we leave for the long weekend, and are you finished yet?" He slams a pile of folders on my desk.
"Oh, Sam told me about Block of Cheese Day. I've always wanted to do one of those." I smile and pick up the top folder and flip it open, the table of contents entitled "The Tax Debacle And How To Rescue Ourselves." Someone, somewhere, in the Communications Department has a sense of humor. "And, yeah, I just finished."
My good mood does nothing to improve my boss's bad one. "Well, wait until tomorrow. You won't be so excited then."
Over the past year, I've learned to pretty much ignore Toby when he's like this. Well, when isn't he like this? "Okay," I say simply.
****
The expression on my colleagues' faces is not quite what I'd expected when I walk into the Roosevelt Room. CJ and Donna are muttering amongst themselves, and Josh is sitting at the table, pouting. Margaret is whispering to Nancy, and Toby is scowling. I take a seat next to Josh and whisper, "So, what is it we do now?" Angela looks as if she's confused, too.
"Wait for Leo to come in and officially announce Total Crackpot Day," Josh sighs.
"Total what?" I ask.
"Never mind," Donna says, leaning over the table. "We just kind of let Leo do his thing every year."
CJ smiles and looks at me for a minute or so. "Don't worry. The day goes by pretty fast. They confuse you, you sink into a stupor, and then you give them a pen." She frowns. "Of course, sometimes they just freak you out."
And then everyone laughs, as if this is some big joke I'm not privy too.
Angela leans over and whispers, "Talk about a bunch of crackpots."
I feel vaguely insulted, but then I laugh meekly.
I'm saved from having to come up with a witty reply when Leo walks in, looking as if he just woke up. His hair is a mess and his tie is all wrinkled.
"As you may very well know, today is Big Block of Cheese Day," Leo says, drawing himself up importantly and brandishing a large stack of paper in front of us. "It is said that Andrew Jackson had, in his foyer--"
This is followed by some pretty loud and melodramatic groans. Leo puts his hand up, and everyone is silent.
"-- a big block of cheese. This block of cheese was huge, over two tons, and it was there for any and all who might be hungry. It is in the spirit of President Jackson that I set aside this day for you to meet with members of groups who might ordinarily have a hard time getting the attention of the White House."
If the groans from before were loud and melodramatic, that was nothing compared to what they are now.
"Why do we have to do this every year?" Josh asks.
I can tell Leo is pretending to be insulted. "Josh, remember my list?"
"I thought Sam was the sole member of your list."
"Well, now that he's gone, I don't see why we can't make room for more people."
"Fine."
"Anyway, I shall now hand out these assignments. And I want you all to note that this has been done with the utmost care and time, so that everyone is matched up perfectly. Margaret and I have spent time over the last few days working this out."
Margaret turns bright red and looks especially interested in the ceiling.
"CJ, you will talk to the UFO guys."
"They're back again?" she asks incredulously.
"Yeah." He hands out a packet of paper and shoves it in her direction.
She looks at it with disdain. "Do they keep that one guy around just to make our lives a living hell?"
Leo ignores her. "Josh, you'll talk to the Garymore Institute of Technology. Very important."
"You know," says Josh, "it sounds important now, but as soon as I start talking to them--"
Leo shoots him a look and then turns his attention to Angela. "You'll talk to the Students Against Book Burning Coalition." He hands a packet of paper over to her, too.
"Never heard of them," Angela says, picking up her packet and raising an eyebrow.
"They were just formed about a month ago. Made up the title themselves."
He turns his attention on Toby. "And since I know you're such a wonderful advocator of the arts--"
Toby glares right back at Leo. He's the only one I know who would dare to do that.
"--you'll be talking to the Committee for Equality in the Arts."
I can see now that Toby looks mildly interested as he takes his packet. As he turns the page, however, his expression falls.
"Will, last but not least," Leo says pleasantly.
I become slightly nervous.
"You'll take the Committee for the Reorganization of the Military."
"Me?"
"Yes." He hands over my packet, and I look at it for a long time.
"That's it, then," Leo says cheerfully, and Margaret follows behind him, shooting all of us sympathetic looks.
****
Josh comes up behind me. "What do you have?" he asks.
"Someone wants to revisit the idea that soldiers fighting in a war can seek shelter in people's homes."
"I thought the Revolutionary War pretty much took care of that."
"I did, too. And the fact that it's, you know, unconstitutional."
"That, too."
"Who do you have to talk to?"
"Someone wants to spend billions of dollars of taxpayer's money, rebuilding all the major highways in the U.S."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Good luck with that." As Josh begins to walk away, I stop him. "CJ mentioned something about... I give them pens?"
"Oh," Josh says, half-laughing. "Sam used to give people pens with the White House seal on them. It's a blow to their pride when we tell them we can't do what they ask. So Sam always tried to make them feel better by giving them free pens."
"Okay."
****
I wander into my office a few minutes later, and there's a group of middle- aged men in t-shirts and jeans.
"Sorry I'm late." I give the obligatory apology and sit down. "So."
"So, we have a couple of points to bring up. First, we believe that soldiers should be able to stay in the homes of American families, like they used to do in England."
"Okay," I say slowly, "but I'm pretty sure that's against the law."
"I was afraid you might say that," the first man said.
"Because it is."
"Well, we'd be asking the White House to support us when we take it to Court."
"Wait a minute. Let me see if I have this right. You're going to contest a law that was all but unconstitutional in 1776 in Court?"
"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," says another man.
"Why don't you do something useful, like back the White House in a fight against tobacco, or help us fight for the ERA or something like that?" I ask incredulously. I can see now why Josh calls this Total Crackpot Day.
"Mr...?" the first man looks around for a nameplate. I notice with some embarassment my door still says SAMUEL SEABORN in block lettering. "Seaborn," he adds.
"Actually, I'm Will Bailey. I took his place."
"Okay, Mr. Bailey. Look. We believe these soldiers work hard. They deserve the hospitality of other peoples' homes when they're here."
"But that's during peacetime!" I hear myself yelp. "That's unfair. I think Thomas Jefferson called it treacherous."
"We can change that."
"No, we really can't." I'm praying for the earth to open up and swallow me whole, right at this very minute.
I am, however, rescued by a loud knock at my door. Praise God.
"Come in!" I yell, feeling pretty frazzled.
Zoey pokes her head in. "Sorry. I didn't see you were in a meeting. I can come back."
"No!" I stand up in a panic, knocking over my chair in order to keep her from leaving. I repeat more calmy, "We were just, um, finishing," I say, standing and handing out a handful of White House pens. "I'm sorry there's nothing we can do to help you.."
They each take a pen, looking at me uncertainly, and walk out of my office.
"Sorry I interrupted you," Zoey says again.
"No problem. I was actually praying for an interruption."
She smiles at me. "Another one of Leo's Cheese Day meetings?"
"Yeah. Sit down, have a seat." I motion for her to sit down and she does so, giving me an awkward glance.
"Will, you probably saw this on tv, but I had a long talk with Jean-Paul. I forgave him. He's pretty messed up right now, with the Ecstacy. Only a news reporter found me and began asking me questions."
"Now, that's CJ's job, to take care of that."
"Well, no, she already did. She and my father threatened to send the reporter to Timbuktu."
"Okay."
"Well, they want me to do a public speech. The media, that is. And I need you to write me a speech."
"Why are you accepting?"
"Because I'm nice like that." She smiles. "Actually, because there's a lot of secrecy. I mean, I did the interview and a quick press conference, but I'm getting letters in the mail and everyone wants to know more of my story."
"I can do that. What do you want me to say?"
"That I forgave Jean-Paul but it wasn't easy. I don't want to sound too perfect. Charlie gave me the heads up that if I told the world that I forgave him on my own that I'd sound sickeningly sweet. I don't want that."
"No."
"And there was a struggle, you know? I had to talk to my father. So I need you to write all that in beautiful prose."
I smile, and she catches my grin. "I'll try."
****
That evening, Leo calls a senior staff meeting in his office. "So, did we learn anything today? I'll ask Will and Angela because they're new."
We both give each other you-should-go-first-(no-really!) glances, and then I take a deep breath and say, "Well, I learned that I can scare people away with White House pens."
Angela nods. "I guess Harry Potter is a really good series. I'll start on the first one tonight."
Everyone laughs, but I notice Leo is just smiling. Maybe it's a grimace.
"Josh? What about you?"
"They wanted to repave the highways in the US. All of them. If I hadn't cut in at the last minute, I think they would have gone into the merits of repaving the highways in Canada, too."
"Billions of taxpayers' money," Donna yells from the back.
"Just about," Josh agrees.
"And CJ?"
"I tried to be polite," she says, giving us all a guilty look, "but I started to daydream. I was only awakened by someone telling me I had a glazed over look."
We all laugh and then Leo turns to Toby. "Toby?"
"They want us to endorse pupeteering. They say there isn't enough money for good puppets." He rubs his bald spot and then shakes his head. "It was the longest meeting of my life."
"That'll do it, folks," Leo says. "Go home. Take a break. Happy Thanksgiving."
"Oh, speaking of that," says Josh. "You all, and some of your assistants, are invited to my apartment. I'm going to cook a turkey and watch football all day."
Donna smirks. "You're going to cook a turkey?"
"Thanks for volunteering," he says, smirking.
"Cook your own damn turkey," she retorts.
"Anyone interested?" he asks.
I notice Leo is the only one without his hand raised in the room. Everyone begins smiling and chatting in the room, except for Leo and me. I see Leo is very slowly sitting down at his desk and reading some papers.
I sneak out of the room and go to back to my office to get my coat.
****
I arrive at Josh's house at about 11:30 the next day. Toby, Ginger, Bonnie, and Josh are watching football, while CJ is standing over them, complaining in loud tones about the game.
Donna comes in a few seconds later and stands next to CJ, also complaining loudly.
"Did you burn the turkey?" she asks good naturedly, and Josh turns around and scowls at her.
I walk into the kitchen and put my relish tray on the buffet table. It's a very nice apartment for someone who works for the government. There's a bar and a fairly spacious kitchen. I notice a red blinking light on his answering machine.
Just as I'm on my way back from the kitchen, Margaret confronts me. "Will, have you seen Leo?"
"No, I haven't. Is he supposed to come?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't he?"
"Because yesterday at the end of the staff meeting he seemed pretty depressed."
"Oh, my God. I'll be right back."
She spins right past me and I watch her as she strides over to Josh and whispers something in his ear.
By his facial expression, I can tell something is wrong. We might have a problem here.