Story by: Kerro Starbane
Lyrics by: Creed
I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
He had slept fitfully until a dream awoke him. It made his skin go cold with the mere thought of it. But as he woke up even more, it left his mind, but wouldn't let him sleep.
His life, wasn't it his? Yeah, he shaped it, he created himself, and he was a self made man. But, could he accept his life? Could he continue to be a Global Guardian, and an athlete, keeping both lives separate?
It frustrated him to no end, deciding which life he should choose. He could live the talented and famed life he had built, or give it up, and chase some insane doctor bent on killing the world for the rest of his life. Only one sounded appeasing, and the other he really wanted to do with out. But the heroism he felt every time he faced off, it just fed the fire already inside him, kept him wanting more, like a natural high.
Natural high, came everyday with his life, well, almost every day. There were some slow days, when he got a chance to relax, then the High days; the fast paced ones, when he finally got to do something. Seemed more like complicated living.
Been trading love with indifference
Yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone yeah
Maybe that's why I feel so alone
Simple Living. That's all he seemed to want in the past few days, just to sit back and relax. But his life wouldn't let him. He wanted to find the right person, and settle down. Fidget and Rikki were already going out. Grinder, the anchor, had decided that because of the vital role he played, that love was just not for him.
Love. No, truly not for him. To many one-night-stands on the rest weekends, and none of those had been serious. Always fan girls wanting a piece of him, and he simply called it indifference. When he first became famous, he thought that every girl loved him, and wanted a serious relationship with him, but when he asked a girl that, she said no, she just wanted to get screwed by him. That stung, but he quickly learned how to become indifferent to them.
It all led to loneliness. He became so indifferent to them, that he started to resent it. He felt so alone, so terribly alone, so horribly, sadly alone.
Barely holdin' together
I'm covered with skin that peels and
It just won't heal
No it just won't heal oh no no
Sometimes, it felt like that at any moment he was going to fall apart, just collapse. Some days he felt so old, like he was about to keel over and die any moment, and he wasn't even thirty yet! Those days were the worst, and he had found a way to hide them well, and that was to just simply ignore the feeling, then let the exhaustion take over when he fell into his bed at night.
Rusted and weathered. That was him, he was a man of the world, been everywhere, seen everything, and then found himself falling behind, getting old. It felt like it, like his body was finally giving in with the strain he put on it. What he thought had been minimal limits, became the max limit he could push himself too. He knew he was getting stronger, but it felt like his mind wasn't communicating with his body, so the mental strength he built along with the physical was lost. And with every thing he had done prior to it seemed to be unraveling.
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up yeah
I said sometimes I feel like giving up
The next verse in his song. The spot light he felt everyday, the light he could never escape from, the light that kept him in place, no matter how he was feeling, he always managed to stand upright and proud in that light. He never tried to avoid it, because he never had to, it followed him everywhere. Life followed him every where.
He held it too tight for his own good. He truly cared about getting hurt, and what people thought about him, but that, too, was shut out with another facade. Over the years, he became really good and hiding, so good; he never noticed he was really hiding anything. Those things he hid came back to haunt him time and time again.
Sometimes he truly wondered if he should just give it all up. Give up everything he had made, build, and created. Give up his life, his freedom, his all, to go after someone that would never give up, not even from the grave. Yeah, he was dead now, but Asazi and Tempest, and Gangrene and Quake were still out there, carrying on his schemes.
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you.
Day, the sun rising over the horizon, reminded him of everyone that existed, all because he fought to keep them alive. Their voices on the air, calling his name. That was what he fought for.
The night hid the truth from all eyes, even his own. Anything could happen in the dark of the night, anything at all, and many people would be powerless to stop it.
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends
One day we die
Truth be told, next to everything else, pride, he knew, would be his downfall. He wore pride out in the open, let it run with his life, let it make most of the decisions. But he knew one day he would have to leave it, and let it go. Pride couldn't keep him alive, pride couldn't pay him; pride just sometimes got him into trouble.
Knowing it all would end, one day that he would die, he had to live his life now, while there was still time. Everyone dies, and people just keep living on, not caring about it after a while. But when he was a pivotal point in the world, whether life would continue to make, or he could break it, all by simply losing the next battle, and any of the following ones after it. X may be gone, but that didn't mean his will was also gone with it.
That is your right
But I choose to win
I choose to fight
To fight
He would do it, he would fight for his world, he would fight for everyone else. He would stuff the feelings of being old, pride, alone, weak; he would shove it all down and fight to the end, until he won his battle, until the fight was over.
With the new revelation, Alex rolled over, falling into a dreamless sleep.
~ ~
Authors note: I did some revamping here... made it all much easiter to read, using some skills I learned in school. There are a few other changes. thanks for reading this!