Chapter 3: Wrong Pipe

"What d'ya mean?" Wario bellowed to their unseen visitor, "'Ever wondered what it's like ta be a ghost,' what a load of bull. You'd better get out here so we can give you a good smack fer bein' so stupid!"

"Teehee! I'd say you're the one who needs a smack then. Two, even!" the voice giggled girlishly.

"Wario, shut up!" Waluigi said, smacking his brother on the back of the head, "I don't want to get in a fight with something I can't see. Use your brain! Or whatever you have in that big head of yours..." he mumbled, desperately trying to see where the disembodied voice was coming from.

"Hohoho, you have them, mistress!" came another voice. This one was deeper and aged, much different than the high pitched voice from earlier.

"Damn it, there's more than one!" Wario cried, hastily running to the doors, and motioning for Waluigi to follow.

"Aw come on, we wouldn't let you go that easily! You are our guest after all. We aren't that rude!" came the high voice again.

The large doors they had entered through slammed shut with a more than audible "BAM!" and the room had fallen into complete darkness.

An eerie pale green glow was cast on the brothers from above, and they snapped thier heads up to see where it came from. What they saw made them cry out and scramble to the door, which was still closed. The green glow hovered closer to them, cornering them against the wall, and the high pitched laugh sounded once more.

"It's impossible to escape now! LUNCH TIME, BOYS!"

From the high cathedral ceiling came a multitude of round glowing sphere, all screeching and giggling, and not to mention arguing about who got to eat what.

"I call the fat one!" one shrieked, giggling profusely.

"You can't, like, eat the whole thing! You get, like, a leg! From the other one!" another said, bouncing on top of the first and laughing.

"The other doesn't even have any meat on 'im! Let's just..uh... mix 'n match 'em! That's all fair, I say!"

Wario and Waluigi were shaking like leaves, grabbing onto each other and screaming at the orbs to go away and pleading not to eat them.

"Oh, you don't want to be eaten?" the pale green one said, surprised. At that point, it seemed to grow a mouth, a large grinning one, with two sharp fangs and a long pink tongue. It descended on the two men, threatening to swallow them whole. The many other orbs in the room chanted and whooped, waiting for their leader to eat them whole. Suddenly, the voices stopped as the green one's mouth stopped a few inches from their faces.

"Well, Okay then."

Their eyes snapped open to see a boo floating a few inches from their faces. It was a pale green, with two dark eyes and red bows on either side of its head.

"BOO!" it screeched, sending the duo flipping backwards onto the floor in shock, "Teehee! You should have seen the looks on your faces!" it giggled, pointing a fin-like arm at them.

"What the heck? A Boo!" Wario said, blinking a few times.

"Not 'A Boo'! My name is Lady Bow of Boo Mansion, (which you've rudely trespassed on, by the way) understand, tub of lard?" the Boo said, raising a fan to Wario's face.

She was answered by vigorous nodding on Wario's part.

"You too, walking broomstick."

Waluigi sneered, "Whatever."

"Hey, weren't you gonna eat us?" Wario asked, receiving a sharp elbow in the ribs from Waluigi for reminding the Boos of their original intention.

"I'm afraid not. Human Intolerant," she said simply, "So we help out people who get lost in Forever Forest. However... You don't look lost to me..." she said, eyeing them suspiciously, "Thieves?"

"No, no, no, we're definitely lost. Lost, yeah, lost." Waluigi babbled nervously under the ghost's gaze.

Wario, who had strayed from the conversation, let out a strangled yelp, "Where's alla da gold?"

"Fake. Us Boos love tricking people, and we know you loved treasure!" Bow laughed, "But you'd better get out of here before night falls, Forever Forest is really..." she trailed off.

"Really?"

"REALLY SPOOKY!" Bow screamed, jumping out and baring her fangs at the both of them, sending them reeling backward, "Sorry, I do that a lot," she said, beaming at the fallen duo, "BOOTLER!"

A mustachioed boo materialized next to her, "Yes, my Lady?"

"Escort these two back to Toad Town, will you? I'd rather be rid of them before sunset."

"As you wish..." Bootler said, smashing into both Wario and Waluigi, sending them onto their feet and out the door.

Toad had managed to overcome his silverware episode, and was marching down to the Marios' house for tea with the Princesses Peach and Daisy, and Mario and Luigi themselves.

Trying his best to avoid the eyes of the flowers and trees (they always made him feel uncomfortable, watching him like that) he skipped down the path to the conveniently placed Warp Pipe to the Mario residence. He was humming a well known song quietly to himself, minding his own business, when he bumped into someone, who had apparently been running, and he was knocked off his feet, as was the person who had run into him.

"Brrr..." the figure moaned.

Once Toad's eyesight came back into focus, he saw a pink dinosaur creature sitting in the cobblestone path, seemingly crying. It had a strange suction- looking snout and a red bow on its head. It seemed to be crying over the cracked egg in its hands, turning it over to inspect whether any further damage had been done.

"Aw, Birdo!" Toad said, scrambling to his feet and kneeling down beside the dinosaur, "I'm sorry! Think it'll be okay?"

Birdo made a strange honking noise, she didn't know how to speak very well yet, but Yoshi was attempting to teach her. So far, he had managed to teach her how to say "Yes", "No" and "Duck" although Toad didn't quite understand why she'd need to know how to say that.

She managed a squeaky, "No," and pointed to the crack it had gained from its quick trip to the ground.

"Aw, wanna come with me and get it fixed? I'm heading down to the Marios right now, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you joined us."

"Yes!" the hot pink creature yelped, hopping to her feet and hop-skipping alongside the mushroom boy.

They walked down the path a while longer, before coming to the thing they were looking for. A long, shining green pipe towered over them, with a plaque that had the family name, Mario printed on it in gold lettering.

"C'mon Birdo, let's go in!" Toad said, jumping onto the blocks next to the pipe and motioning for her to come up as well.

Birdo looked at her egg, clutched it tightly to her chest and leapt straight up to the top of the pipe, turning back and smiling (if possible) at Toad, who stood speechless behind her. He never knew she could jump that high. She gave him one last wink and disappeared into the depths of the pipe

"...Or just jump straight down..." he muttered, before leaping down the pipe himself. He rushed downwards at such a speed that it felt like he was being ripped in two, and both halves of his body were being pulled on mercilessly, but he felt no pain at all. Warp Pipes did that to you, and you had some serious lag afterwards for a minute or so, but it was the best way to travel long distances in a matter of seconds.

Toad was spit out of the pipe, which retracted back into the ceiling it was hanging from.

Ceiling? The end of the Mario Pipe was outdoors. Why was there a ceiling?

It was then that Toad realized that not only had they used the wrong pipe, it was the worst possible one.

"Hey, wimp! Nice of you to DROP IN!" came a high, juvenile voice, giggling at the boy's misfortune. "It's not every day a side dish drops right in at dinnertime!" As the after-pipe lag wore off, Toad was able to make out a green spiked shell and a small ponytail of red hair.

He was in Bowser's Keep.