Grace ran into Sands room. In the moonlight, she could see that he was sitting up, shaking terribly. Oh, God…Did the meds do something to him? She rushed to his bed. "Sands? Sands, what's wrong?"
His voice was unnerved and terrified. "I have no fucking eyes! I opened my eyes and there weren't any there!"
Grace panicked for a moment. What do I do? What do I say to him? Shit… "Sands, calm down. You have to remem…"
"Who the fuck are you?"
She put her hands on his arms, attempting to still him. "Sands, it's me, Grace…uh, Gracie."
He struggled for a moment, then settled down. "Gracie?" He began to let his body lean into her a bit, then quickly realized his glasses were off. "Tell me the fucking light is off."
Grace shrank back a bit. "It is." Sands breathed a sigh of relief. "What happened? Are you all right?"
Sands felt around and found his glasses on the bed. He put them on, then said, "Just a moment of me freaking out. I haven't really slept, you know? I've been sedated…just forgot what happened for a minute. No big fucking deal."
"Sands, you were practically shrieking…"
"I'm fine! You don't need to coddle me!"
Grace got up off of the bed. "I'm not coddling, I'm just…Well, if I started screaming in the middle of the night, wouldn't you worry about me?"
"I only worry about myself."
"Oh," she said softly. "Well, then…you just enjoy freaking out alone." She left the room, slamming the door behind her. Why did I slam the door? Now he's going to think he hurt me…meaning he'll think I have feelings for him or something…Wait…Am I hurt? Shit, I am. O.K., just forget about it. He's not the type of guy I should consider to be attractive or alluring at all. I helped him though. He shouldn't be so… I bet he's the "I don't need anyone" type of guy. Yeah, that's it. Fine. I'm only in this for the money…I'll keep telling myself that anyway.
She went to her room and changed into a short, satin nightgown, then crawled into bed. She fought the best that she could, but exhaustion and the cruel treatment from Sands – when she only tried to help him – got to her. She cried into her pillow, making sure that Sands wouldn't be able to hear her.
Sands was still sitting up in his bed. He rubbed his temples for a moment, then felt around his eyes. "They're not coming back, buddy," he muttered to himself.
I shouldn't have said that to her, she was only trying to help. I don't need help though. I've been in this fucking country alone for… It's all a game anyway. I have no fucking eyes…The only person I'll be laying is myself. I can still kill…sort of…A blind assassin? CIA won't go for that. Christ, I'm pitying myself! Knock it off, Sands! Why couldn't some fat slob of a fuckmook have found me instead of her? Between these drugs and her…I'm losing my edge…I'm losing my fucking self! Hell, she's in it for the money – just like I'd be.
He sat up a bit further, his feet almost swinging off of the bed.
No, I am not apologizing. I have no eyes, I've been shot, I'm in a shitload of pain – I have every right to be a son of a bitch! That's what I am! She was set up and…I let her fall. Dammit… If I go in her room…if I can find her room…No. I refuse to do it.
He reclined against the pillows and forced himself to sleep. He finally knew what guilt felt like…and he didn't care for it at all.
The next morning, he stumbled out of bed, bumping into just about everything on the way.
"Ow! Fucking chair!…Jesus! Damn dresser!"
Grace could hear him, but made no move to help him; she was busy cooking breakfast for herself. Not able to sleep in, she found that she was able to order food to stock the small kitchen to avoid calling room service for every meal. She was making scrambled eggs and Sands could smell them as he floundered his way to the bathroom. When he finally appeared in the living area, Grace didn't even glance at him.
Guilt was still eating at him and he had no idea how to begin to approach the situation. "Uh, breakfast?"
"Uh huh," she answered coldly.
"It…um, it smells good."
"Uh huh."
"So, um, I guess you ordered room service?"
"Huh uh. I'm cooking it." She looked at him and said. "I'd offer you some, but I only worry about myself."
"O.K., I deserved that." He found the counter and put his hands on it, guiding himself around to the other side of it. Grace simply watched him. "I'm sorry."
"And that sounded so very heartfelt," she spat.
Sands groaned. "I think you're the first person I've said those words to in the past ten years or so – and meant them – that really should mean something."
"My taking care of you should mean something too! You are ungrateful to the largest extent I've ever seen! It sounded like someone was killing you, for Christ's sake, and all I did was…" Sands had made his way to Grace and slid an arm around her waist. He turned her to face him and heard her swallow.
"You cared," he whispered. "I'm supposed to be on my own Gracie, looking out for myself…I am sorry." Hoping that he judged correctly, he moved his face closer to hers and kissed her. He parted her lips with his, but didn't go any further. Instead, he waited for a response.
Grace pulled away from him – the single most difficult thing she had ever done. She took a second to calm her nerves. "You…you think that you can just kiss me and that makes me forget what an ass you were to me last night?"
"Well, you liked it, so, um, yeah?"
"I did not!"
"Oh, please," he said, laughing. "You can't be serious!"
"Why not?"
"The sexual tension here is more obvious than the fact that I'm missing my eyes!"
"I'm not even sure that makes sense!"
Sands was flustered. "So you got no enjoyment from that?"
"Did I kiss you back?"
"Not the point!"
"Pig!"
"Tease!"
And in unison, they both yelled, "Fuckmook!" Both started to laugh uncontrollably.
Sands caught his breath. "Where've you been all my life?" he asked, sarcastically.
"In your wildest fantasies," Grace answered, still laughing.
"Are you still mad?"
"Did you mean your apology?"
"Yeah."
"Are you going to be like you were last night anymore?"
"No…I am really sorry. I did have a really shitty couple of days..."
"I know…"
"…but I won't change anything else."
Grace sighed. "All right, then I'm not as mad."
"And you liked it?"
She avoided the question. "You're still not getting my eggs…" He frowned. "I'll make you your own when I'm done."
"So, when are we gonna cut through all this bullshit and hit the sack, Gracie?"
She whispered her answer in his ear. "When you stop asking."