Summary: Spike and Anya have returned to earth as vampires, after breaking out of hell. They have no souls.

Two dark figures trudged along the dark road. Although they fit the traditional definitions of evil, they had just broken out of hell.

Anya frowned. "You look like you, and what I can see of my body looks like me."

"You look just like your old self." Spike assured her.

"So how did we get our bodies back? I mean, yours burned up, right? And mine was all stabbed and dead and stuff."

"I dunno."

"Or did William just make pretty replicas of our bodies for us to inhabit?"

"Dunno, don't care."

Anya considered that for a minute.

"But the bodies, they're us. Sort of."

"Count your blessings." Advised the vampire.

"I need to know!"

"Get over it."

"Okay." She sighed.

For a while they walked through the night in silence, enjoying the feeling. Just a couple of undead beings enjoying the earth. Of course, there was no way that would last long.

"So, where we going now?" Asked Anya brightly. "I mean, it's not like we're just going to go find Buffy so you can try your luck again, right?"

"What?" Exploded Spike. "Of course not! I was dying, I had a soul, I was noble, and she still didn't love me! I looked in her eyes, and I couldn't even see the slightest spark of love! No matter what I do, there's no way she'll ever love me. It's over between us. I'm a thing, a thing that likes humans and wants to be like them, but a thing. It is completely over."

"So, there's a second Hellmouth in Cleveland. I bet she's there. We can get there in a couple days." Said Anya innocently.

"Okay." Said Spike without thinking.

Anya smirked, none too gently.

They walked on in peace over the paved road. All around them the farmland was silent. Spike glanced back, eyeing the approaching headlights he could see far off in the distance on the flat farmland. "Another minute or two, and another car. Thumbs again?" Asked Spike.

"Why not? Spike, I know this sounds funny, but what happened to my soul?"

"Your soul?" Asked Spike dumbly.

"Well, I started as a human, unlike you." Said Anya. "Then I was a demon. Then human, then demon. But when I died, I was a human. So where'd my soul go?"

"Well, I assume it went to heaven when you became a demon, and stayed there when your new demon self turned human. Or maybe it was turned into a demon. I dunno, pet."

"You know what? Your lack of introspective skills are driving me bad. What made a good demon?"

"You mean what made me all shiny and sparkly and seek out a soul? Go bark up some other tree, love. I don't rightly know."

"Aw, you must know."

"Nope."

"Come on, you turned good! If you aren't going to brood, can't you at least share?"

"Nothing to share. I hurt the girl, and when I did I realized that I never, ever wanted to hurt the girl. Beginning, middle and end of story."

"Pft. I can tell my tale for redemption better than that. Heck, I can tell YOUR tale for redemption better than that!"

"Yeah, I guess so." Said Spike docilely. Realizing how much like his souled self he was beginning to sound he immediately shot back with a barb. "How about you, you wanna find your man, Xander?"

"Xander? We split. It's over." Said Anya with certainty.

Spike sensed a hidden weakness, and went in, smiling devilishly. "Oh. How about Giles, then? I know you like the bloke." He said, in as offhand a manner as possible.

"GILES? What.? No! Definitely not! There is no sparkage there! Not even a little! And, and, that one time we kissed, well, that was just not what you think! Our memories were gone, and we thought we were married! What are you talking about? I don't like him! Not a bit!"

"Hm, that's odd, I seem to remember the same thing—a spell, suddenly thinking we loved each other—sparking my little romance with the Slayer. How about that, eh?"

"No comparison!" She said, disturbed by the comparison.

"Sure, whatever." Said Spike.

"Oh, yeah. Sure. You just say whatever, and that's the end of the conversation. You suck."

"Hello, pet. Vampire." Said Spike lazily, not quite rising to the bait. "That's what we do."

"Yeah, we suck." Groused Anya. "How come I'm a vampire? I never was before! I was human! So what happened to my soul, huh?"

"Been over this, love."

"Doesn't it count for anything that I died heroically?!"

"I dunno, pet. Only this is pretty much the most human form of demon, and you went to hell. That means, like it or not, taking Dehoffey's offer the first time made you demon forever. Even when he stripped you of your powers."

"Dehoffey? You called D'Hofferyn...Dehoffey?"

"Yeah, yuk it up." Said Spike, shooting a glare at the younger—well, in terms of actual age she was older, in terms of physical age they were twins, and in terms of time spent human she was older, but in terms of time spent as a vampire, he was, in fact, the elder—vampire.

"Doesn't the fact that we, demons, want to be human and do good, doesn't that upset some balance?" Asked Anya speculatively.

"Doubt it." Said Spike. "What's more, I couldn't care less."

"You know, if I really wanted to pick someone to escape hell with, it wouldn't have been you. Why did all those other demons hate you, anyway?"

"Oh, those were just the ones I've killed over the years." Said Spike.

"Ouch, tough gig. And the ugly one who was yelling at you?"

"Me great-great-grand-sire. He thought I should have followed in his noble tradition. I was quite a disappointment to him, really. And that was even before he realized I was such a ponce, wanting to be human-like and all."

"Ouch." Said Anya thoughtfully. "So, how long do you think it's been, here on earth?"

"Time moves quicker in hell." Replied Spike. "So, it's probably been a week or some stupid thing. Angel once spent a thousand years in hell. And came back to earth a month or so later. Or some stupid thing like that. And I hear he really didn't enjoy hell. Well, Angelus did. But Angel didn't. Can you imagine spending all your time in Hell with Angelus?"

"Never met him." Replied Anya. Spike shuddered. "Wait, you don't like him? The Angelus half? But I thought the reason you hated Angel was because he was less than Angelus!" Anya frowned. "Or something like that."

"No, nothing like that." Said Spike. "Simple fact is, I always hated Angelus. And then, after he was a poofter, I hated Angel too. And when Angelus came back, I still hated him."

"Why?"

"Well, he's mean, vicious and cruel." Said Spike.

"Aren't we?"

"Uh, yes and no."

"Yes and no?"

"It's our nature, but we're better than that."

"Oh, right. Because we're out for redemption."

"Are you mocking our search for redemption?"

"A little."

"You're mocking my search for redemption!"

"Yes, I am."

"You sodding bloody—!"

"Look, the car is stopping for us!"

"Good. Now, you just be quiet and let me do the talking."

"Is there something wrong with my talking?!"

"Yes. You talk too much, and it makes people uncomfortable. Rule one of hitchhiking, make your benefactor comfortable."

"Rule two, kill them? I mean, you must have learned the first rule while you were an evil vampire, right?"

"I've never killed anyone who picked me up!" Said Spike, aggrieved. "That's biting the hand that feeds you. I much preferred those who wouldn't pick me up. I once tracked one three hundred miles, just because he splashed me as he went by."

"But you don't like that now, remember?"

"No, of course not. Not a bit." Said Spike innocently.

In the huge bedroom in the huge mansion Xander burst out of the bed, panting. Sweat soaked every inch of his body, and his hair hung in his eyes, sticking to his forehead.

His breath came in huge, dark gasps, as he tried to catch his breath.

"They're back." He gasped. "Oh god. Oh god. They're back."