AN: I woke up today with the feeling that I just had to write another part
of this. For some reason I enjoy writing fanfic more than doing my
psychology homework... I'm glad there are other people out there who are also
enjoying the story. Thank you for letting me know!
Part 4
"Harm, what are you doing here?" Harm had followed Mac to her cabin after their, for her shocking, meeting in the wardroom. She hadn't meant to be so harsh to him when they had talked about the special court martial, that his client was facing. She had just been so shocked and then eager to prove that whatever had happened between them that last night in Washington didn't mean she would go easy on him in court. It was especially important that everybody else knew that.
"I was sent here by the admiral," Harm answered relieved that she seemed to be much calmer now that they were alone. They hadn't had much contact with each other for the last two weeks that she'd been away. He had called her right before he had been assigned this case, but he had understood that she needed some time alone and wasn't really interested in talking about them at that point. However, he was there now and with a lot of determination he wasn't going to let this occasion slip away.
"Really?" Mac asked.
"Maybe I subtly expressed a wish to go here..." Harm admitted. He closed the hatch behind him "Aren't you glad that I'm here?" Maybe it had been the wrong decision for him to go there. Maybe she still needed time.
"...yes, yes I'm glad that you're here. Of course. But it makes everything so complicated," she looked up into his eyes and they continued the talk silently. She saw how hurt he was by her distancing herself from him, not just physically by going to the Guadalcanal, but also emotionally by not wanting to talk to him on the phone or right now.
"I'm sorry if... if I'm moving to fast for you," Harm apologized. That night in his apartment had opened him up to the feelings he'd been trying to hide away from himself and locking them in again would hurt so much.
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. I'm just so scared."
"Of what?" Harm asked.
"That what's between us isn't real. That we're just on the rebound. That we'll ruin our friendship over something that won't work out. That if we start something I won't be able to work with you. That we'll ruin our friendship over something that won't last. That it's already too late and I will disregard everything my head tells me and still jump into it," Mac stopped rambling.
"Mac, what are your feeling," Harm asked and broke the silence "... for me?" he added so she wouldn't be able to avoid the question on a technicality. He reached out to her and put his hand on her arm in a vain attempt of trying to stop her from backing away.
"Harm, I... I need more time."
"But if our feelings are strong enough. We'll somehow work it out. So are you ready to let go?" he asked the same question that Mac had asked him before and Mac felt just as backed into a corner as he had.
There was a knock on the door and Mac told Gunny, who was on the other side of the door that he could enter. Harm quickly removed his hand from her arm, but the heavy tension and raw emotions that were filling the room wasn't lost on Gunny when he walked in.
"Maybe I should come back later," he wanted to back out of the room.
"No," Mac ordered desperately. "What did you want?"
Gunny continued to explain what he had found out and soon both he and Harm left her cabin. Harm had realized that now wasn't a very good time to have that conversation with her.
During the rest of the case their behavior towards each other was friendly, but within the boundaries of professionalism.
Ten minutes before Harm was leaving the ship with the COD, he was walking up to the deck and several times he turned his head and looked behind hoping that Mac would show up.
"Hey," Mac shouted when he almost walked past the place where she had stood waiting for him.
"Hey," he shouted back surprised. It was rather loud and they had to stand close together to be able to hear what the other was saying without screaming their lungs out.
"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time. It caused them both to motion for the other to talk first, but then Harm started off.
"I shouldn't have backed you into a corner like that. I can wait for you regardless of how long it takes."
"My heart knows what it wants," Mac shouted back and put her hand right above her heart to show that she really meant what she was saying. "My head just needs some time to catch up with everything that has happened."
The man in charge of the COD waved at Harm that he had to come and board now.
"I'll come back to you," Mac promised him. With that she promised both him and herself that when she came home again, she'd be ready for a conversation about them.
"I'm in love with you, Sarah," he said and turned around to walk away. He knew he wasn't allowed to say that, at least not now, not yet, but at that moment he didn't really care. It had come completely instinctly without any real thought about its consequences. He walked away so quickly that she didn't have a chance to react to it. He hoped that it would cause her to not feel so much pressure to do any oral admissions of her own feelings. Anyway he was already pretty sure what they were.
Part 4
"Harm, what are you doing here?" Harm had followed Mac to her cabin after their, for her shocking, meeting in the wardroom. She hadn't meant to be so harsh to him when they had talked about the special court martial, that his client was facing. She had just been so shocked and then eager to prove that whatever had happened between them that last night in Washington didn't mean she would go easy on him in court. It was especially important that everybody else knew that.
"I was sent here by the admiral," Harm answered relieved that she seemed to be much calmer now that they were alone. They hadn't had much contact with each other for the last two weeks that she'd been away. He had called her right before he had been assigned this case, but he had understood that she needed some time alone and wasn't really interested in talking about them at that point. However, he was there now and with a lot of determination he wasn't going to let this occasion slip away.
"Really?" Mac asked.
"Maybe I subtly expressed a wish to go here..." Harm admitted. He closed the hatch behind him "Aren't you glad that I'm here?" Maybe it had been the wrong decision for him to go there. Maybe she still needed time.
"...yes, yes I'm glad that you're here. Of course. But it makes everything so complicated," she looked up into his eyes and they continued the talk silently. She saw how hurt he was by her distancing herself from him, not just physically by going to the Guadalcanal, but also emotionally by not wanting to talk to him on the phone or right now.
"I'm sorry if... if I'm moving to fast for you," Harm apologized. That night in his apartment had opened him up to the feelings he'd been trying to hide away from himself and locking them in again would hurt so much.
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. I'm just so scared."
"Of what?" Harm asked.
"That what's between us isn't real. That we're just on the rebound. That we'll ruin our friendship over something that won't work out. That if we start something I won't be able to work with you. That we'll ruin our friendship over something that won't last. That it's already too late and I will disregard everything my head tells me and still jump into it," Mac stopped rambling.
"Mac, what are your feeling," Harm asked and broke the silence "... for me?" he added so she wouldn't be able to avoid the question on a technicality. He reached out to her and put his hand on her arm in a vain attempt of trying to stop her from backing away.
"Harm, I... I need more time."
"But if our feelings are strong enough. We'll somehow work it out. So are you ready to let go?" he asked the same question that Mac had asked him before and Mac felt just as backed into a corner as he had.
There was a knock on the door and Mac told Gunny, who was on the other side of the door that he could enter. Harm quickly removed his hand from her arm, but the heavy tension and raw emotions that were filling the room wasn't lost on Gunny when he walked in.
"Maybe I should come back later," he wanted to back out of the room.
"No," Mac ordered desperately. "What did you want?"
Gunny continued to explain what he had found out and soon both he and Harm left her cabin. Harm had realized that now wasn't a very good time to have that conversation with her.
During the rest of the case their behavior towards each other was friendly, but within the boundaries of professionalism.
Ten minutes before Harm was leaving the ship with the COD, he was walking up to the deck and several times he turned his head and looked behind hoping that Mac would show up.
"Hey," Mac shouted when he almost walked past the place where she had stood waiting for him.
"Hey," he shouted back surprised. It was rather loud and they had to stand close together to be able to hear what the other was saying without screaming their lungs out.
"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time. It caused them both to motion for the other to talk first, but then Harm started off.
"I shouldn't have backed you into a corner like that. I can wait for you regardless of how long it takes."
"My heart knows what it wants," Mac shouted back and put her hand right above her heart to show that she really meant what she was saying. "My head just needs some time to catch up with everything that has happened."
The man in charge of the COD waved at Harm that he had to come and board now.
"I'll come back to you," Mac promised him. With that she promised both him and herself that when she came home again, she'd be ready for a conversation about them.
"I'm in love with you, Sarah," he said and turned around to walk away. He knew he wasn't allowed to say that, at least not now, not yet, but at that moment he didn't really care. It had come completely instinctly without any real thought about its consequences. He walked away so quickly that she didn't have a chance to react to it. He hoped that it would cause her to not feel so much pressure to do any oral admissions of her own feelings. Anyway he was already pretty sure what they were.