For those of you that have stuck with me for six chapters, thanks, it means
a lot to me. Anyway, without any further adieu, here's chapter seven.
Raven went running down the hall towards her bedroom. Without hesitating, Robin ran after her.
"Robin, wait!" Starfire cried after him, "Were you not listening? You have been tricked! The feelings you have for her are not real! Robin? Where are you going?!"
Ignoring Starfire's cries, Robin ran towards Raven's room. 'I have to talk to her,' he thought, 'I can't let her leave me, not now...'
Raven was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking out her still-broken window, and crying softly to herself. Not even an hour ago, she was happier than she had ever been in her entire life. The only boy she had ever loved just told her he loved her back. She took a risk by exposing her emotions to him, but it had paid off. At least, that's what she thought until Starfire returned. Now, she could not even imagine a time when she had felt any worse. "Azarath...Metrion...Xinthos..." she chanted, as she used her powers to open her drawer and levitate a small box over to her. Opening the box, Raven pulled a long, heavy object from it, wrapped in black velvet. She stared at the object before finally unwrapping it, revealing a beautiful, gothic dagger. Her hand shook as she carefully brought the dagger up, towards her other arm.
"Put it down, Rae." Unsurprised, she looked up. Robin felt his heart sink, 'My god,' he thought, 'was she really going to do it? What if I hadn't have been quick enough? Would it have been too late?'
"It's ok, Robin. I...I don't think I really would have gone through with it."
"How did you..."
Raven gave Robin a small, sad smile. "I could tell you were scared, and worried. I read your feelings. I'm an empath...remember?" Raven started to cry again.
"Raven, please, you don't really believe what Starfire said, do you? I love you!"
Raven just shook her head. "Robin, I wish I could believe you, nothing in the world would make me happier...but I just can't. If you are under my powers, there is no way for you to know. For all you know, you ARE in love with me, but it isn't real."
"But it IS real Raven!"
"How can it be? THINK Robin, you're supposed to be so good at it. Think about it! How could you really be in love with me when you've only felt this way for a couple of days?"
Robin looked into her deep, violet eyes. He knew he had to tell her. "Who says I've only felt this way for a couple of days?"
Raven looked at him. "Robin, now you aren't even making sense anymore. Three days ago, you were celebrating your anniversary with Star."
"Yeah...I was, and you know what? It was one of the most difficult days of my life. You think you've got me all figured out, Rae? What would you do, if I told you that every single day, for the past year, the first thing I feel every morning when I wake up, is guilt? A guilt that's doubled every time I wake up next to Starfire. Do you know why I have this guilt Raven? Do you? It's because I've been dating Starfire for a year, but have been in love with you for over twice as long. Any idea what that kind of guilt feels like on your anniversary? It's the kind of thing that winds your heart up so tight that your emotions are constantly on edge."
He gave Raven a look, "It's the kind of thing that makes you so crazy, that at the first sign of affection from the person you actually have feelings for...you end up fucking her senseless rather than actually telling her how you feel."
"Robin..."
"What? You don't believe me?? Do you need PROOF? Is THAT it?" Robin was starting to get mad. "Raven, the other night was the most nerve-racking night I can remember. Not only did I feel horrible all day, as Starfire flew around making preparations for our anniversary party, but then, when we fought Phobia...she...god. Raven, she made me watch you die."
Raven looked at Robin, she saw tears slowly running down his cheeks. Slowly, she moved closer, and gently, she removed his mask. A pang of pain hit her heart as she saw the sorrow in his deep brown eyes. She wiped back his tears as Robin continued.
"I was in an abandoned warehouse. I had finally caught up to Slade. Rae...he...he had you in his arms. With a revolver pressed against your head. I pleaded with him, I yelled, I cursed, I even cried. It didn't matter. I watched him murder you right in front of my eyes, just because he knew how much you meant to me."
"Robin...I..."
"Wait, Raven. Let me finish. If I'm going to convince you, and I mean really convince you, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the love I feel for you is genuine, and not the product of some unintentional power spurt, then I'm going to have to tell you something that I've never told a soul. In fact, I can barely admit it to myself, let alone another person."
Raven said nothing, but nodded, as if telling him to go on.
"Rae...A year ago...I thought, I thought that I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell with you."
"What?"
"Yeah, believe it or not, I was convinced that you..ah..that you had feelings for..um..."
Robin was blushing, Raven sighed, she really did not have time for this kind of crap.
"Feelings for WHO Robin? Spit it out."
"...Beast Boy."
"WHAT?!"
"Well, what was I supposed to think? We all knew he had a huge crush on you, and the way you two were always going off on one another, well, it just kinda seemed like it. You know? But then, when...Terra came..." Robin hung his head, telling this story was going to be harder than he thought. Already he was having to dig up painful memories, and he hadn't even gotten to the really hard part yet. But he kept going. "When Terra came, and she and Beast Boy got together...I thought, hey, maybe I finally got my chance. But too much happened, and I didn't really have the time, or energy to talk to you about how I felt. Then after the betrayal...well, I knew Beast Boy was taking it hard, but it was you I was worried about. You opened up to Terra faster than you did to any of the rest of us. I knew she must have really hurt you. So I went looking for you, I thought maybe I could try to comfort you. I went to your room...and I cracked the door open just a bit, to see if you were there."
Raven felt tears forming in her eyes, she already knew where this was going.
"I peeked in, and I...I saw you there, with Beast Boy, I assumed you two were finding comfort in each other, and not thinking anything, decided to leave. But before I did, something inside me just made me turn around and look at you one more time. It's funny, I've thought about it. What would have happened, if I never turned around? Maybe me and Star never would have gotten together, and none of this would have happened. But I did, and well, you know what I saw Rae."
"Robin...you dumbass...you left right after you saw him kiss me, didn't you?"
"Of course I left, what you expected me to stay around so I could see the girl I love make out with my friend?"
"I didn't make out with him, you asshole! HE kissed ME. If you have had the balls, to stick around, you would have seen me push BB off of me. And tell him that wasn't the right way for him to get over his broken heart. But you didn't you just assumed huh? Well you know what they say Robin...when you assume-"
"Yeah, I know, "you make an ass out of 'u' and me". Fuck..."
Raven put her hand on Robin's shoulder. "I'm sorry Rich," she said, "I didn't mean to come off sounding so harsh like that..."
Robin looked up at her, it wasn't often that she called him by his real name. "No, Rae, its ok. Don't worry about it. How about I just finish my story?"
She nodded.
"Well, I guess you can kinda imagine what happened after that. Out of sheer jealousy and stupidity, I threw myself into a bit of depression. It was easy to pretend that I was feeling that way because of Terra, and the whole deal that went down with Slade. But now you know what was really troubling me. And Star...she really liked me, you know. I knew it from the beginning, but I always just sorta shrugged it off. I mean, sure, she was pretty, and nice and fun and all that, but she just wasn't the kind of girl to get my heart's attention. But then she came to me, and told me her true feelings. I was left with a choice, I could either go on feeling sorry for myself, or I could say yes to Starfire, and have a girlfriend. I thought I'd be happy, but of course, I wasn't. I couldn't be happy, because I was never in love with Star, nor did I have any true feelings for her. I just went out with her because I thought that you and I were never going to happen. I...god, Rae, when Star and I would get intimate with each other...when things got really hot and heavy...I'd close my eyes, and while kissing her...imagine she was you."
This took Raven completely by surprise, to the point where she really didn't know how to react. Robin looked embarrassed, she knew he had just told her his deepest, darkest secret.
"That's why I never had sex with her, Rae. I couldn't do it. The guilt was too great. How was I supposed to make love to her, when I was imagining she was her best friend when we'd make out?" Robin started to feel sick. He had a hard enough time just admitting these things to himself, he had never actually said them out loud before. Ashamed, he turned away from Raven, when suddenly he felt her moving closer to him.
"...Thank you...Robin, for telling me the truth." She gave him a loving look as she moved closer. "I'm sorry...I wish I had told you sooner, about how I feel about you. Maybe if I hadn't have waited so long..."
"No, Rae. You had your reasons for keeping your distance. You don't need to apologize to me."
"Maybe not...but I will do this." Raven kissed her boy wonder on the lips, the most passionate kiss Robin had ever felt. It seemed to last forever, as the two young lovers melted into each other's embrace.
Starfire was crying. After Robin had ran after Raven, she decided she was not going to let him get away from her, so she followed him. When Robin went into Raven's room, instead of giving up and leaving, Starfire pressed her ear against the door, and eavesdropped on the two titans. What she heard, however, was possibly the last thing she could have ever hoped to hear. This past year had been the greatest of the young Tamaran's life. Now, she learned that everything that made it so great was all a sham, a lie, a misconception. However, she did not go blind with rage, nor did she weep uncontrollably. Instead, she gathered herself, stood up, and opened the door.
"...Star?"
"Former-love Robin, I must speak with you. I...have heard all that you have said to Raven. I have nothing more to say to you other than that I wish to dissolve our relationship...and friendship."
"Starfire, I'm sorry, please, you don't have to-"
"You are my team leader, Robin, it was foolish of me to allow you to become anything more."
"Star..." Robin pleaded.
"I have nothing more to say to you." She walked over to Raven, who was sitting on her bed, and kneeled down in front of her. "Friend Raven, I apologize to you, with all my heart. My actions and accusations to you were unjust, and unreasonable. You did nothing more than follow your own heart, and wronged me in no way. That was done by another. You even expressed your support to me on my anniversary, even though it hurt you to do so. I could not have asked for a better friend. If you are able to find it in your heart to forgive me, I hope that we are able to remain friends."
"Starfire, you're my best friend. I don't know what else to say, I don't feel like I even have anything I need to forgive you for."
"Oh, but you do! Please Raven, say you will forgive me."
She sighed, "Ok Star, I forgive you, but only if you'll forgive me too."
Starfire nodded, "Then it is settled, friend." She gave Raven a warm smile. "And although I no longer wish to know him intimately, I also condone your new relationship with team-leader Robin, and wish you the best of luck, Raven."
The two girls hugged, until their tender moment was cut short by Robin. His tone was not nearly as happy as either of the girl's. "Starfire, I know you're not speaking to me, but what you said to Rae...that's really sweet of you." He turned to his love. "Raven...being with you, would make me the happiest person in the whole world..." he trailed off.
'Why does he look so sad?' Raven thought, 'We're starting a relationship, and we just got Starfire's blessing! I know she's mad at him now, but she'll warm up. What's wrong with him...'
Robin continued, "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else in all my days Rae...starting a relationship with you would give me enough happiness to last me the rest of my life. But...that kind of happiness...after what I did to Starfire, the way I treated her...I...I don't deserve it. I'm sorry. I really am. To both of you."
And with one last kiss upon his lover's lips, Robin walked out the door. The two girls stood there, shell shocked. Raven could barely comprehend what happened before she went running out into the hallway after him. But he was gone. She spent the remainder of the night searching the tower, and the streets of Jump City for her lover, but he was nowhere to be found. Robin had left the Teen Titans.
Raven went running down the hall towards her bedroom. Without hesitating, Robin ran after her.
"Robin, wait!" Starfire cried after him, "Were you not listening? You have been tricked! The feelings you have for her are not real! Robin? Where are you going?!"
Ignoring Starfire's cries, Robin ran towards Raven's room. 'I have to talk to her,' he thought, 'I can't let her leave me, not now...'
Raven was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking out her still-broken window, and crying softly to herself. Not even an hour ago, she was happier than she had ever been in her entire life. The only boy she had ever loved just told her he loved her back. She took a risk by exposing her emotions to him, but it had paid off. At least, that's what she thought until Starfire returned. Now, she could not even imagine a time when she had felt any worse. "Azarath...Metrion...Xinthos..." she chanted, as she used her powers to open her drawer and levitate a small box over to her. Opening the box, Raven pulled a long, heavy object from it, wrapped in black velvet. She stared at the object before finally unwrapping it, revealing a beautiful, gothic dagger. Her hand shook as she carefully brought the dagger up, towards her other arm.
"Put it down, Rae." Unsurprised, she looked up. Robin felt his heart sink, 'My god,' he thought, 'was she really going to do it? What if I hadn't have been quick enough? Would it have been too late?'
"It's ok, Robin. I...I don't think I really would have gone through with it."
"How did you..."
Raven gave Robin a small, sad smile. "I could tell you were scared, and worried. I read your feelings. I'm an empath...remember?" Raven started to cry again.
"Raven, please, you don't really believe what Starfire said, do you? I love you!"
Raven just shook her head. "Robin, I wish I could believe you, nothing in the world would make me happier...but I just can't. If you are under my powers, there is no way for you to know. For all you know, you ARE in love with me, but it isn't real."
"But it IS real Raven!"
"How can it be? THINK Robin, you're supposed to be so good at it. Think about it! How could you really be in love with me when you've only felt this way for a couple of days?"
Robin looked into her deep, violet eyes. He knew he had to tell her. "Who says I've only felt this way for a couple of days?"
Raven looked at him. "Robin, now you aren't even making sense anymore. Three days ago, you were celebrating your anniversary with Star."
"Yeah...I was, and you know what? It was one of the most difficult days of my life. You think you've got me all figured out, Rae? What would you do, if I told you that every single day, for the past year, the first thing I feel every morning when I wake up, is guilt? A guilt that's doubled every time I wake up next to Starfire. Do you know why I have this guilt Raven? Do you? It's because I've been dating Starfire for a year, but have been in love with you for over twice as long. Any idea what that kind of guilt feels like on your anniversary? It's the kind of thing that winds your heart up so tight that your emotions are constantly on edge."
He gave Raven a look, "It's the kind of thing that makes you so crazy, that at the first sign of affection from the person you actually have feelings for...you end up fucking her senseless rather than actually telling her how you feel."
"Robin..."
"What? You don't believe me?? Do you need PROOF? Is THAT it?" Robin was starting to get mad. "Raven, the other night was the most nerve-racking night I can remember. Not only did I feel horrible all day, as Starfire flew around making preparations for our anniversary party, but then, when we fought Phobia...she...god. Raven, she made me watch you die."
Raven looked at Robin, she saw tears slowly running down his cheeks. Slowly, she moved closer, and gently, she removed his mask. A pang of pain hit her heart as she saw the sorrow in his deep brown eyes. She wiped back his tears as Robin continued.
"I was in an abandoned warehouse. I had finally caught up to Slade. Rae...he...he had you in his arms. With a revolver pressed against your head. I pleaded with him, I yelled, I cursed, I even cried. It didn't matter. I watched him murder you right in front of my eyes, just because he knew how much you meant to me."
"Robin...I..."
"Wait, Raven. Let me finish. If I'm going to convince you, and I mean really convince you, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the love I feel for you is genuine, and not the product of some unintentional power spurt, then I'm going to have to tell you something that I've never told a soul. In fact, I can barely admit it to myself, let alone another person."
Raven said nothing, but nodded, as if telling him to go on.
"Rae...A year ago...I thought, I thought that I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell with you."
"What?"
"Yeah, believe it or not, I was convinced that you..ah..that you had feelings for..um..."
Robin was blushing, Raven sighed, she really did not have time for this kind of crap.
"Feelings for WHO Robin? Spit it out."
"...Beast Boy."
"WHAT?!"
"Well, what was I supposed to think? We all knew he had a huge crush on you, and the way you two were always going off on one another, well, it just kinda seemed like it. You know? But then, when...Terra came..." Robin hung his head, telling this story was going to be harder than he thought. Already he was having to dig up painful memories, and he hadn't even gotten to the really hard part yet. But he kept going. "When Terra came, and she and Beast Boy got together...I thought, hey, maybe I finally got my chance. But too much happened, and I didn't really have the time, or energy to talk to you about how I felt. Then after the betrayal...well, I knew Beast Boy was taking it hard, but it was you I was worried about. You opened up to Terra faster than you did to any of the rest of us. I knew she must have really hurt you. So I went looking for you, I thought maybe I could try to comfort you. I went to your room...and I cracked the door open just a bit, to see if you were there."
Raven felt tears forming in her eyes, she already knew where this was going.
"I peeked in, and I...I saw you there, with Beast Boy, I assumed you two were finding comfort in each other, and not thinking anything, decided to leave. But before I did, something inside me just made me turn around and look at you one more time. It's funny, I've thought about it. What would have happened, if I never turned around? Maybe me and Star never would have gotten together, and none of this would have happened. But I did, and well, you know what I saw Rae."
"Robin...you dumbass...you left right after you saw him kiss me, didn't you?"
"Of course I left, what you expected me to stay around so I could see the girl I love make out with my friend?"
"I didn't make out with him, you asshole! HE kissed ME. If you have had the balls, to stick around, you would have seen me push BB off of me. And tell him that wasn't the right way for him to get over his broken heart. But you didn't you just assumed huh? Well you know what they say Robin...when you assume-"
"Yeah, I know, "you make an ass out of 'u' and me". Fuck..."
Raven put her hand on Robin's shoulder. "I'm sorry Rich," she said, "I didn't mean to come off sounding so harsh like that..."
Robin looked up at her, it wasn't often that she called him by his real name. "No, Rae, its ok. Don't worry about it. How about I just finish my story?"
She nodded.
"Well, I guess you can kinda imagine what happened after that. Out of sheer jealousy and stupidity, I threw myself into a bit of depression. It was easy to pretend that I was feeling that way because of Terra, and the whole deal that went down with Slade. But now you know what was really troubling me. And Star...she really liked me, you know. I knew it from the beginning, but I always just sorta shrugged it off. I mean, sure, she was pretty, and nice and fun and all that, but she just wasn't the kind of girl to get my heart's attention. But then she came to me, and told me her true feelings. I was left with a choice, I could either go on feeling sorry for myself, or I could say yes to Starfire, and have a girlfriend. I thought I'd be happy, but of course, I wasn't. I couldn't be happy, because I was never in love with Star, nor did I have any true feelings for her. I just went out with her because I thought that you and I were never going to happen. I...god, Rae, when Star and I would get intimate with each other...when things got really hot and heavy...I'd close my eyes, and while kissing her...imagine she was you."
This took Raven completely by surprise, to the point where she really didn't know how to react. Robin looked embarrassed, she knew he had just told her his deepest, darkest secret.
"That's why I never had sex with her, Rae. I couldn't do it. The guilt was too great. How was I supposed to make love to her, when I was imagining she was her best friend when we'd make out?" Robin started to feel sick. He had a hard enough time just admitting these things to himself, he had never actually said them out loud before. Ashamed, he turned away from Raven, when suddenly he felt her moving closer to him.
"...Thank you...Robin, for telling me the truth." She gave him a loving look as she moved closer. "I'm sorry...I wish I had told you sooner, about how I feel about you. Maybe if I hadn't have waited so long..."
"No, Rae. You had your reasons for keeping your distance. You don't need to apologize to me."
"Maybe not...but I will do this." Raven kissed her boy wonder on the lips, the most passionate kiss Robin had ever felt. It seemed to last forever, as the two young lovers melted into each other's embrace.
Starfire was crying. After Robin had ran after Raven, she decided she was not going to let him get away from her, so she followed him. When Robin went into Raven's room, instead of giving up and leaving, Starfire pressed her ear against the door, and eavesdropped on the two titans. What she heard, however, was possibly the last thing she could have ever hoped to hear. This past year had been the greatest of the young Tamaran's life. Now, she learned that everything that made it so great was all a sham, a lie, a misconception. However, she did not go blind with rage, nor did she weep uncontrollably. Instead, she gathered herself, stood up, and opened the door.
"...Star?"
"Former-love Robin, I must speak with you. I...have heard all that you have said to Raven. I have nothing more to say to you other than that I wish to dissolve our relationship...and friendship."
"Starfire, I'm sorry, please, you don't have to-"
"You are my team leader, Robin, it was foolish of me to allow you to become anything more."
"Star..." Robin pleaded.
"I have nothing more to say to you." She walked over to Raven, who was sitting on her bed, and kneeled down in front of her. "Friend Raven, I apologize to you, with all my heart. My actions and accusations to you were unjust, and unreasonable. You did nothing more than follow your own heart, and wronged me in no way. That was done by another. You even expressed your support to me on my anniversary, even though it hurt you to do so. I could not have asked for a better friend. If you are able to find it in your heart to forgive me, I hope that we are able to remain friends."
"Starfire, you're my best friend. I don't know what else to say, I don't feel like I even have anything I need to forgive you for."
"Oh, but you do! Please Raven, say you will forgive me."
She sighed, "Ok Star, I forgive you, but only if you'll forgive me too."
Starfire nodded, "Then it is settled, friend." She gave Raven a warm smile. "And although I no longer wish to know him intimately, I also condone your new relationship with team-leader Robin, and wish you the best of luck, Raven."
The two girls hugged, until their tender moment was cut short by Robin. His tone was not nearly as happy as either of the girl's. "Starfire, I know you're not speaking to me, but what you said to Rae...that's really sweet of you." He turned to his love. "Raven...being with you, would make me the happiest person in the whole world..." he trailed off.
'Why does he look so sad?' Raven thought, 'We're starting a relationship, and we just got Starfire's blessing! I know she's mad at him now, but she'll warm up. What's wrong with him...'
Robin continued, "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else in all my days Rae...starting a relationship with you would give me enough happiness to last me the rest of my life. But...that kind of happiness...after what I did to Starfire, the way I treated her...I...I don't deserve it. I'm sorry. I really am. To both of you."
And with one last kiss upon his lover's lips, Robin walked out the door. The two girls stood there, shell shocked. Raven could barely comprehend what happened before she went running out into the hallway after him. But he was gone. She spent the remainder of the night searching the tower, and the streets of Jump City for her lover, but he was nowhere to be found. Robin had left the Teen Titans.