"Why, Gracie?" Sands asked, holding her body as close to his as he could.
"Why what?" she smiled, knowing what he was going to ask.
He licked his dry lips before answering her. "You've been a fucking angel to me – one that rivals my personality, I might add – I never thought I'd find anything close to that…explains why I, you know…"
"Love me?" She emphasized the words.
"Yeah, that," he said softly. "I, however, and I'll only admit this once, have been nothing but a horny bastard with you…wait, that's not exactly hard to admit is it?"
Grace laughed. "Not at all."
"So why, hm?"
"It's suddenly so important to you why a woman would…"
Sands kissed her neck. "You're not just any woman, Gracie. I wouldn't give a fuck about you if you were…"
"Um, not quite sure how to take that," she interrupted.
He chuckled. "It's a good thing, I guess. Don't make me beg you for an answer."
"Begging, huh? That really doesn't sound so bad."
"I'm spent for the moment, Gracie," he said, smiling. "C'mon, tell me."
Grace sighed and snuggled further into Sands before answering. "What's going to happen in three days, Jeffrey?"
"What?"
"When someone comes to get you, what's going to happen? Do I go home and try to pretend that all of this was nothing?"
"I…I actually sort of forgot about that," he confessed. "Only three more days?"
Grace swallowed. "Mm hm."
"Tell me first, then we'll talk about it."
"You're an arrogant, horny, 'my way or no way' asshole, Jeffrey." Sands pulled back a bit, not expecting those words to come from her. "But," she continued, "that's the way you package yourself. You didn't want me to see your face, you wanted to be able to hear the ocean…Jeffrey, you may never admit this, but you're not the heartless bastard that you make yourself out to be. We didn't 'fuck' our first time – you wanted to, but you couldn't and you know it. You gave up your control and you let me let make love to you and, damn it, you liked it. Last night too. There's more to you than you let people see, but, for whatever reason, you're letting me see it." Tears began to fall from her eyes. "I hardly know you, we've been more physical than anything…" Her tears hit Sands' chest, causing him to lift her face and wipe them away. "…and I love you. I can't explain it and it's scaring the shit out of me."
"You?" he said softly. "I've never said 'I love you' to any woman I wasn't related to. I've been screwed over by them one more than one occasion, but now the thought of being away from you is driving me absofuckinglutely crazy. As soon as I got my eyes torn from my skull, I…" He didn't finish the thought.
"What?"
"Huh uh, I'm not going to start talking like a fucking pansy."
She kissed his chest, tasting her tears. "Humor me?"
"What, you want me to say that it took me losing my sight to finally see?"
Grace smiled. "Was that so bad?"
"That's not me."
Before speaking again, Grace sat up in bed, sighing heavily. "How do you know, Jeffrey? I mean, do you honestly know who you are anymore?"
I don't…Christ, I really don't… "Last week, my life was in order. I was doing my job, my way. You'd think losing my sight would be my biggest downfall."
"It wasn't?"
He shook his head. "I broke my own number one rule: don't let anyone get too close. I blew it once with Ajedrez – my punishment, losing my eyes. Now there's you and…"
Grace's voice was soft. "I'm worse than some bitch that got your eyes ripp…"
Sands refused to let her finish the thought. It was nowhere near the truth. He kissed her, and she felt something that she never would have expected from this man. Tears fell onto her cheeks…tears that weren't hers. He pulled back. "I'm weak now, Gracie. I'm fucking weak…and I don't fucking care. When I walked out of that building and couldn't see a God damned thing, I thought my life was over. I went out, guns blazing, sure I was going to die…most of me wanting to. That kid brings a woman to help me…"
"Come home with me," Grace blurted.
"What?
"I don't think I'm wrong in guessing that you don't have a home in the states and I'm not going to be able to just put you behind me…"
"I hope you don't expect me to try and settle down into some normal life."
"What the hell else are you going to do? You said yourself you'll probably be made to retire and…"
"And just what am I going to do all day, huh? Sit around like some worthless piece of shit?"
Grace was quickly becoming hurt and angry. "If I thought that, I certainly wouldn't be asking you, would I? Jesus, Jeffrey, I'm just trying to offer you a new life – I really didn't think that would piss you off."
"I…" Sands had no smart remarks, no witty comments – he sat in complete silence, desperately trying to think of one, but realizing that he had become the one thing he never thought he could. Agent Sheldon Jeffrey Sands was scared. When he knew he was going to lose his eyes, he was upset, but not afraid. While he was being shot at with only his ears to rely on, he was angry. Now, however, he was scared out of his mind. Scared that he let himself become dependant on someone – terrified that he didn't want to live a day without her. I've seriously fucked up here.
"Is the thought of someone wanting to take care of you so terrible?"
"The stitches will be out soon and I won't need…"
"Oh!" Grace immediately jumped to conclusions. "So you can love me as long as you abso…absofuckinglutely need someone to help you, but then you're done?"
"Gracie, I didn't say…"
"God, I am just so fucking naïve! I can't trust a thing that comes out of your mouth can I? You only say what you know people want to hear!" Grace sprang out of bed, pulling the sheet with her – leaving Jeffrey in all of his "glory."
"Don't you leave this fucking room!" Sands yelled. He got out of bed, stubbing his toe on the way to her.
"Don't tell me what not to do," Grace spat. "Where's your phone? I can't stay here anymore!"
"You are not leaving me, Grace," he said, grabbing her arms. "You can't walk out of here thinking you know what the fuck you're talking about and jumping to any fucking conclusion you want to."
"Let go of me," she said, struggling against him.
"Not until you listen to me." His voice calmed down and his grip loosened. "I've done a lot of fucked up stuff, Gracie, but I wouldn't say something like 'I love you' just for the hell of it. Even I have certain limits."
"How am I supposed to believe you?" she asked, obviously beginning to cry.
Sands let go of her arms and caressed her face. "You just have to trust me, and believe me, I know that's asking a lot. I do love you and…going home with you doesn't sound like any form of torture, but what happens when you get bored with the blind guy?"
"What?"
"What happens to me when you decide you've had enough of your fucking adventure?"
"And the arrogance is stripped away," she whispered.
"There you have it, Gracie, I'm fucking insecure now...anyone would be if life shit on them the way it has on me."
"Thought you didn't want pity."
Sands wrapped his arms around Grace. "All I want…" He couldn't finish, but he didn't have to.
"Me too." They stood in silence for a moment before they heard his cell phone yelling, in a Homer Simpson voice, "The mail! The mail is here! Oo!" Grace couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Cartoon voices on your phone?"
Sands smiled. "Have to be entertained somehow, right?"
"Now I don't feel so bad about my phone playing theme songs."
"C'mon, it's probably info on your psychotic ex."
"There's a happy thought."