Author's notes:
Disclaimer: I do not own YGO xx;
.-. A little fic I wrote out of amusement for Azurelle-chan. It took me a lot of effort not to keep it under R-rated material and is quite a deviation from my usual writing style (done in first person – and terribly might I add).
This fic happens somewhere after Battle City, I'm guessing, before the Egypt Arc. It's original storyline is based loosely on an excellent manga "Dear Myself" (Scanslations of that manga can be found at storminheaven.net)
And with that, onto the story.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --
My dad glanced at me strangely as I fiddled with a small contraption in the back seat of the car. His fingers tapped impatiently against the steering wheel, humming some tuneless song as he waited for the traffic light to change colour.
I remember little then; and less of it as time passes by.
But what I do remember was that he was driving when it happened.
In the middle of the highway, a dull basso lull still vibrating from my dad's throat, the car spluttered and came to a complete stop.
I remember those entire five seconds before everything blacked out. The truck behind us, blaring a warning, protesting with a terrible screech as the driver tried to brake in time. The next moment, our car had been hurtled into the air. My head violently slammed against the window; my eyes blinded by brilliant starbursts.
There was a searing pain and then a low buzzing sound.
And then nothing.
My mind was still wondering why my dad had stopped humming.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------
Everyone is afraid of something. Death, pain, denial, hatred, rejection. Afraid until it haunts them and eats them whole. Afraid until they need to be soothed and loved To bask in someone else's web of reassurance
What haunts me the most is to forget even what I fear.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1- Denial
I woke up to the sound of a stoic beeping penetrating my otherwise peaceful sleep. Slowly, I willed my eyelids open, and winced as the harsh artificial lights bore into my eyes, forcing them to involuntarily water.
There were a couple of people standing over me. They were blurry at first, no more distinguishable than vague cylinders towering over me.
Someone was shaking my shoulders lightly, muttering something. I involuntarily flinched at the touch, scrunching my back to avoid contact.
Slowly my vision cleared and I could easily see the people in front, or rather, above me. I was lying on a bedstretch in the middle of a hospital room. The grating beeping sound came from a heart monitor to my left.
I blinked and wondered if I was still dreaming. Standing in front of me was none other than Jounochi-san, the very same bully who found pleasure in "teaching me how to be a man". The other was the complete character foil; a very beautiful if not tomboyish Mazaki Anzu whom I had known since childhood.
It only made me more confused to realize that those fingers clutching my shoulders belonged not to Anzu but a very concerned-looking Jounochi.
My heart nearly stopped as I inhaled sharply for the first time in what seemed like forever.
The idolized basketball team champion was doing it again, shaking me and acting concerned. I didn't have the energy to shove him off, but my shoulders tensed as I stared at him as if he were some horrendous apparition.
Anzu was speaking now. "You okay Yuugi?" A soft smile graced her lips, and I felt my heart beat a little faster upon seeing at least a familiar face. "You passed out for quite a while. "
I groaned and tried to force myself to sit up. My arms protested with an unnatural grogginess as I sought to work my voice. "Anzu." The word came out in a hoarse whisper. I frowned and tried again. "Anzu, why is Jounochi- san here?"
Those fingers that had still been insistently clinging to my shoulders suddenly recoiled as if stung. Jounochi-san was looking at me oddly; I squirmed uncomfortably until his scrutiny. "Yuugi-kun," he repeated my name causally, too friendly-like. "I came here to visit you and I was worried about-"
"-No," I interrupted. I looked down, hands shaking. "You never talked to me before Jounochi-san. I barely even know you." I didn't have the courage to face his eyes. "You thought I was trash and worthless. Why are you treating me like a friend?"
An impregnable silence. Anzu and Jounochi exchanged glances.
The brunette freshman looked at me wearily. Was it just a trick of the light or did she seem older?
"Yuugi," Anzu began again. She bit her lower lip hesitantly. "What grade are we in?"
I eyed her strangely but conceded to the interrogation. "The last year of junior high of course." My memory poured freely into me, filling me with the correct information. "I am in Tomino Junior High[1] and am a bully magnet. I live with my parents at-"
My voice suddenly trailed off as a muffled sob escaped from Anzu. She shook her head and rested her chin against Jounochi's chest. I felt betrayed somehow. Why was she siding with him all of a sudden?
"Actually," Jounochi picked up from where the Anzu had left off, "You're sixteen. Second year in senior high. You live with your grandfather in a game shop and are the uncontested Duel Monsters champion."
"Duel monsters?" I repeated the foreign sounding word. What had happened? Had I been thrown to some strange alternate dimension all of a sudden? "I don't even know what that is. And I can't be sixteen - I don't remember anything about it, not even graduating from junior high or living in the Game Shop."
Jounochi looked at me sadly. "You wouldn't remember it because two years ago, you were in a car accident. Your dad died, but you survived at the cost of amnesia. A couple of days ago you suddenly fell into a coma." He paused, taking in a deep breath. "The doctors had always said that you would regain your memory, but when you did, you would forget everything else. That you would forget what happened to you in the past two years before today."
At that moment, it didn't occur to me that the information was anything but a slight relief. I could ask them what had happened and my entire life would be complete again.
After all, how much could I do in two years?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------
Jiisan stared at me silently as he picked me up from the hospital. We walked home in the same awkward silence, my own gaze affixed to the cement sidewalk and his lost deep in his thoughts.
Abruptly, we arrived at Jiisan's Game Shop. I remember visiting there on weekends with my parents, and begging them to buy me the latest game. A twinge of grief passed through me, and I swallowed, tears suddenly blurring my vision. It wasn't fair. I didn't even know how my mom disappeared or attended my dad's funeral.
I hastily wiped the remaining tears with my sleeve, quietly filing in behind my grandfather. I couldn't even force a small smile as he turned around to gaze at me worriedly.
And I realized that I knew very little about jiisan. It would be like living with a complete stranger.
Jiisan cleared his throat and stared at me like some horrendous freak. Though my expression was confused, internally I was all but breaking down on the spot.
"Your room is upstairs to the left." he hesitated, obviously searching for something else to say and bridge the uncomfortable silence. "There's a washroom down the hall and I just washed your spare uniform so it should be on your bed."
Uniform. Right. I was in senior high now.
"Th-thank you." I gave an abrupt, polite nod before quickly turning upstairs, my footsteps rushing hurriedly up the flights of stairs before they led me towards my new room.
Slowly I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, knees giving away so I sat huddled on the floor. Fresh tears started trickling down my cheek as I buried my head in my arms and cried silently. It was all wrong. Everywhere I turned, every face that stared at me, they all expected me to act a certain way.
But I didn't. I couldn't.
I knew for sure that I didn't want to go to school tomorrow. To classes that I knew nothing about. I smile at people whom I didn't remember.
It took me a while to stop feeling sorry for myself, but in the end, I stood up, and shuffled across the room, getting a good look at my new place. There was a small bed to my right, and a closet behind it with a shelf full of, to my immense horror, very extreme-styled clothing in the least. My hands trembled as I shifted through my clothing. Black tight leather pants, equally sleek black shirts, chains, various armbands and belts. There were so many belts - ones to put around my neck, wrists, waist, and who knows where else. The only thing normal hanging there was my school uniform, looking very conspicuously out of place.
Was I some punk who hung out with the other "gang boys" now?
I rubbed my temples, head pounding fiercely. It felt like something was trying to talk to me though a phone receiver held across the room. I ignored the sensation and focused instead on something else to distract my attention.
And while I stared at them - at the various pencils on my desk and the photos of me, Anzu, Jounochi and Honda (should I have expected this?) I couldn't help but wonder if I could return to being the Yuugi I was in those two years.
Did I act differently too? I was too afraid to trouble Jiisan about it.
My gaze eventually drifted to the bed, and I saw the spare uniform he had mentioned sprawled out crisp and clean on the blankets. I ran a hand down the smooth blue jacket sleeve before my arm abruptly stopped.
There, on the bed, was the most gaudy piece of jewellery I had ever seen. The base of it was an inverted pyramid-shape, pure gold with an eye engraving that vaguely reminded me of the Egyptian eye of Horus. There was a loop at the top of the trinket, bound by very bulky silver chains.
The light seemed to dance on the object oddly, and I felt my hand slowly being drawn towards it, a vague sense of nostalgia creeping into me. Spurred by the feeling, I pressed my fingers against the cool metal of the pendant and traced the eye-shaped engraving, staring at it with a rather morbid fascination. For some reason, I was tempted to hold it and wear the bulky thing around my neck.
Logic overwhelmed such urges. The thing must weigh more than it was worth wearing.
That didn't stop me from staring at the pendant for a long time. I noticed that the pyramid was actually composed of small pieces, like a puzzle that had fit together, its tight amber lines running smoothly against the golden surface.
"Finally you got back."
I almost fell off the bed, heart pounding fiercely in my chest as I stared at the owner of the voice.
Stared at a person that looked almost exactly like me. His eyes were crimson instead of violet and he seemed a bit taller, wearing a replica of my school uniform. And I knew for a fact that I had no other sibling; nor cousin that even vaguely resembled me to that degree.
"Oh god." I continued staring at the abomination in horror. "How did you get into my room?"
Confusion swept across the thing's face, clouding its -his?- crimson eyes a smoky red. "Aibou, are you okay?" And suddenly he was leaning towards me, one palm on my forehead. I was all too acutely aware of how close he was to me, the way he rested his other hand on my thigh, his musky scent and the curvature of his lean-
- What was I thinking?
With all my strength possible, I shoved him off me, off the bed, as far as me as possible. "Get away from me." I could hear the panic in my own voice as I backed up away from the stranger. I was all but fleeing on the spot. Why hadn't Jiisan told me about him or it or whatever the doppleganger was?
Again, the very same hurt I saw in Jounochi-san's eyes was reflected clearly in his crimson irises. He stared at me sadly, almost desperately expecting me to recognize him any moment.
I broke the eye contact. I couldn't bear staring at someone who expected me to do something I couldn't. "Look, whoever you are, I don't know you. I lost the memories I had during the last two years." My eyes remained glued to the ground. "I'm sorry."
I literally felt the denial rising in him in turbulent waves. His hands grabbed my arms again - please, just stop touching me - and forced me backwards onto the bed so that he crouched on top of me predator-like.
Again I tried to fend him off, but this time he wouldn't yield, fingers squeezing my shoulders tightly so it hurt. I could hear his breath and the faint tickling of his bangs against my cheek as I turned my face around, trying to avoid looking at him.
"I'll make you remember," the stranger promised, voice a bare whisper by my ear. I squirmed and recoiled at the very closeness of him. I had to get him off me! "Even if your mind doesn't remember me, some part of you will. Your soul, your body, it doesn't matter. I'll make you remember everything again, I promise."
"I -don't-" I began, squeezing my eyes shut, "want -to - remember-"
And suddenly I felt something warm pressing against my lips. I would have screamed if I could as the panic rose faster and faster in me the moment I realized what he was doing. His tongue was now pressed against my firmly shut lips, demanding something that I refused to do.
Before the shock could even think of wearing off, his lips were trailing down my neck, decorating it with soft kisses before deft hands unbuttoned my shirt and let his mouth continue sliding down my chest.
I tried to fend him off, but my senses were reeling, too disfocused and shocked to do anything else. I could feel too painfully the warmth between my thighs as I arced my back and moaned at the-
Oh god - had I made that sound?
Immediately I seized control of my senses and pressed my foot against his stomach, kicking him off the bed. Panting heavily, I shoved myself away from him and ran towards the door.
My hand barely curled around the doorknob when I felt him grab my wrist, squeezing it tightly. I yelled, hoping to attract Jii-san's attention, but the stranger quickly clapped one of his hands firmly over my mouth.
"Yuugi!" The other's voice was desperate now. I cringed as he drew closer towards me. "It's me. You know it's me. We - you - can't you feel anything?"
'No', I wanted to say. 'I don't know you at all. All I want was for you to get away from me.'
There was yet another pregnant pause.
"Very well." The other shifted positions behind me, tone clearly dejected.
The air behind me seemed to ripple-
- and suddenly he was gone. Nothing, not even his hand clamped over my mouth or his breath tickling my neck. Only the ghosts of his fingers and lips over my mouth still remained.
He couldn't just -disappear- could he? I scrambled towards the window. It was tightly sealed, latched from the inside. The door was still shut.
I scrambled and shifted through my room. Only clothing in the closet, socks underneath the bed, and nothing underneath the desks or behind the door.
Had I lost it completely?
Stubbornly, I shoved the window open and stuck my head outside, looking for any scurrying figures fleeing from the game shop. Nothing outside in the darkness but the sound of rain and the pale orange haze of lamplights in either direction.
A gust of wind suddenly burst into the room, scattering all the papers on my desk. Hastily, I crouched on the ground, reaching towards a clump of papers when one of them caught my gaze.
It was sprawled innocuously on the ground not much different from the other crisp white sheets by it. It had my printing scrawled on it, summarized neatly together at the top with two simple words.
My lips traced over them the moment my eyes scanned the page.
"Dear myself"
I grabbed the page and continued reading.
"I know this is selfish of me to write this, since you must have forgotten who Yami is, but you can't leave him alone."
Already I knew who this "Yami" was.
"The doctor's told me that I'm going to forget everything that's happened to me after I regain my old memories. So I write this letter in hopes that the 'me' that forgets this will understand what 'I' have experienced. I want you to know because I hope that you will be just like I was in those two years.
Things are important now. Jounochi, Honda, Ryou, and Anzu. They all treat me like friends because of Yami. You see, Yami doesn't really live like we do. I can't explain it without making it sound like some fairy tale, but what I really want you to know is that Yami is truly an inseparable part of me."
I stopped reading. I literally could not read on. 'An inseparable part of me'? I felt no attachment to that look-alike stranger; not even a sense of curiousity. I simply felt repulsed, especially at anyone who would just attack me like that.
But guilt. Yes, I felt guilt. I felt like I was betraying whatever I was like before. This Yami expected me to do something, they had all expected me to do something, and I had all put them down. I had put him down the most.
And the more I thought of it, the more aggravated I became. 'I' obviously had a deeper relationship with this Yami than a 'special bond' but I was afraid to go that far. It seemed too abstract and wrong to me, especially sharing anything intimate with another guy. Or spirit that looked like a guy or whatever.
And yet...
I cleared my throat. "Look, uhm, Yami." It sounded funny talking to nothing. "I'm sorry I really can't remember. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that."
I fidgeted. Did I really expect that to work? It sounded lame at best.
A little sigh escaped my mouth, as the guilt and frustration niggled deeper in my chest.
"I really am sorry about this. If there's anyway I can make it up to you-" I searched my faltering mind for the suitable words-
-and was confronted face to face with a set of brilliant crimson eyes.
He must have seen me cringe because this time his fingers gently entwined themselves into my bangs, brushing though them before withdrawing his hands completely as if I were some fragile porcelain doll.
"Its all right aibou."
I could feel it, a sense of relief that passed through him and warmed my own soul. For a moment, I could almost believe what 'I' had written on that paper, that we were bonded somehow-
-And before I could understand it completely, the sensation disappeared, leaving behind an awkward emptiness. An inability to truly understand or feel.
His voice felt nice, strong and confident. Even though I admired his stature, even though I wanted to learn more about him, I didn't want him to... to...
"I'll teach you again everything you forget, as slowly as you want me to."
And yet, if he truly was a part of me, why did he not feel my hesitation?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
End notes:
RAWR. Ff.net ate my asterisks . -has a hissy fit-
Sorry for the abrupt end – I'm tired and full out of ideas . -rots-
Disclaimer: I do not own YGO xx;
.-. A little fic I wrote out of amusement for Azurelle-chan. It took me a lot of effort not to keep it under R-rated material and is quite a deviation from my usual writing style (done in first person – and terribly might I add).
This fic happens somewhere after Battle City, I'm guessing, before the Egypt Arc. It's original storyline is based loosely on an excellent manga "Dear Myself" (Scanslations of that manga can be found at storminheaven.net)
And with that, onto the story.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --
My dad glanced at me strangely as I fiddled with a small contraption in the back seat of the car. His fingers tapped impatiently against the steering wheel, humming some tuneless song as he waited for the traffic light to change colour.
I remember little then; and less of it as time passes by.
But what I do remember was that he was driving when it happened.
In the middle of the highway, a dull basso lull still vibrating from my dad's throat, the car spluttered and came to a complete stop.
I remember those entire five seconds before everything blacked out. The truck behind us, blaring a warning, protesting with a terrible screech as the driver tried to brake in time. The next moment, our car had been hurtled into the air. My head violently slammed against the window; my eyes blinded by brilliant starbursts.
There was a searing pain and then a low buzzing sound.
And then nothing.
My mind was still wondering why my dad had stopped humming.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------
Everyone is afraid of something. Death, pain, denial, hatred, rejection. Afraid until it haunts them and eats them whole. Afraid until they need to be soothed and loved To bask in someone else's web of reassurance
What haunts me the most is to forget even what I fear.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1- Denial
I woke up to the sound of a stoic beeping penetrating my otherwise peaceful sleep. Slowly, I willed my eyelids open, and winced as the harsh artificial lights bore into my eyes, forcing them to involuntarily water.
There were a couple of people standing over me. They were blurry at first, no more distinguishable than vague cylinders towering over me.
Someone was shaking my shoulders lightly, muttering something. I involuntarily flinched at the touch, scrunching my back to avoid contact.
Slowly my vision cleared and I could easily see the people in front, or rather, above me. I was lying on a bedstretch in the middle of a hospital room. The grating beeping sound came from a heart monitor to my left.
I blinked and wondered if I was still dreaming. Standing in front of me was none other than Jounochi-san, the very same bully who found pleasure in "teaching me how to be a man". The other was the complete character foil; a very beautiful if not tomboyish Mazaki Anzu whom I had known since childhood.
It only made me more confused to realize that those fingers clutching my shoulders belonged not to Anzu but a very concerned-looking Jounochi.
My heart nearly stopped as I inhaled sharply for the first time in what seemed like forever.
The idolized basketball team champion was doing it again, shaking me and acting concerned. I didn't have the energy to shove him off, but my shoulders tensed as I stared at him as if he were some horrendous apparition.
Anzu was speaking now. "You okay Yuugi?" A soft smile graced her lips, and I felt my heart beat a little faster upon seeing at least a familiar face. "You passed out for quite a while. "
I groaned and tried to force myself to sit up. My arms protested with an unnatural grogginess as I sought to work my voice. "Anzu." The word came out in a hoarse whisper. I frowned and tried again. "Anzu, why is Jounochi- san here?"
Those fingers that had still been insistently clinging to my shoulders suddenly recoiled as if stung. Jounochi-san was looking at me oddly; I squirmed uncomfortably until his scrutiny. "Yuugi-kun," he repeated my name causally, too friendly-like. "I came here to visit you and I was worried about-"
"-No," I interrupted. I looked down, hands shaking. "You never talked to me before Jounochi-san. I barely even know you." I didn't have the courage to face his eyes. "You thought I was trash and worthless. Why are you treating me like a friend?"
An impregnable silence. Anzu and Jounochi exchanged glances.
The brunette freshman looked at me wearily. Was it just a trick of the light or did she seem older?
"Yuugi," Anzu began again. She bit her lower lip hesitantly. "What grade are we in?"
I eyed her strangely but conceded to the interrogation. "The last year of junior high of course." My memory poured freely into me, filling me with the correct information. "I am in Tomino Junior High[1] and am a bully magnet. I live with my parents at-"
My voice suddenly trailed off as a muffled sob escaped from Anzu. She shook her head and rested her chin against Jounochi's chest. I felt betrayed somehow. Why was she siding with him all of a sudden?
"Actually," Jounochi picked up from where the Anzu had left off, "You're sixteen. Second year in senior high. You live with your grandfather in a game shop and are the uncontested Duel Monsters champion."
"Duel monsters?" I repeated the foreign sounding word. What had happened? Had I been thrown to some strange alternate dimension all of a sudden? "I don't even know what that is. And I can't be sixteen - I don't remember anything about it, not even graduating from junior high or living in the Game Shop."
Jounochi looked at me sadly. "You wouldn't remember it because two years ago, you were in a car accident. Your dad died, but you survived at the cost of amnesia. A couple of days ago you suddenly fell into a coma." He paused, taking in a deep breath. "The doctors had always said that you would regain your memory, but when you did, you would forget everything else. That you would forget what happened to you in the past two years before today."
At that moment, it didn't occur to me that the information was anything but a slight relief. I could ask them what had happened and my entire life would be complete again.
After all, how much could I do in two years?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------
Jiisan stared at me silently as he picked me up from the hospital. We walked home in the same awkward silence, my own gaze affixed to the cement sidewalk and his lost deep in his thoughts.
Abruptly, we arrived at Jiisan's Game Shop. I remember visiting there on weekends with my parents, and begging them to buy me the latest game. A twinge of grief passed through me, and I swallowed, tears suddenly blurring my vision. It wasn't fair. I didn't even know how my mom disappeared or attended my dad's funeral.
I hastily wiped the remaining tears with my sleeve, quietly filing in behind my grandfather. I couldn't even force a small smile as he turned around to gaze at me worriedly.
And I realized that I knew very little about jiisan. It would be like living with a complete stranger.
Jiisan cleared his throat and stared at me like some horrendous freak. Though my expression was confused, internally I was all but breaking down on the spot.
"Your room is upstairs to the left." he hesitated, obviously searching for something else to say and bridge the uncomfortable silence. "There's a washroom down the hall and I just washed your spare uniform so it should be on your bed."
Uniform. Right. I was in senior high now.
"Th-thank you." I gave an abrupt, polite nod before quickly turning upstairs, my footsteps rushing hurriedly up the flights of stairs before they led me towards my new room.
Slowly I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, knees giving away so I sat huddled on the floor. Fresh tears started trickling down my cheek as I buried my head in my arms and cried silently. It was all wrong. Everywhere I turned, every face that stared at me, they all expected me to act a certain way.
But I didn't. I couldn't.
I knew for sure that I didn't want to go to school tomorrow. To classes that I knew nothing about. I smile at people whom I didn't remember.
It took me a while to stop feeling sorry for myself, but in the end, I stood up, and shuffled across the room, getting a good look at my new place. There was a small bed to my right, and a closet behind it with a shelf full of, to my immense horror, very extreme-styled clothing in the least. My hands trembled as I shifted through my clothing. Black tight leather pants, equally sleek black shirts, chains, various armbands and belts. There were so many belts - ones to put around my neck, wrists, waist, and who knows where else. The only thing normal hanging there was my school uniform, looking very conspicuously out of place.
Was I some punk who hung out with the other "gang boys" now?
I rubbed my temples, head pounding fiercely. It felt like something was trying to talk to me though a phone receiver held across the room. I ignored the sensation and focused instead on something else to distract my attention.
And while I stared at them - at the various pencils on my desk and the photos of me, Anzu, Jounochi and Honda (should I have expected this?) I couldn't help but wonder if I could return to being the Yuugi I was in those two years.
Did I act differently too? I was too afraid to trouble Jiisan about it.
My gaze eventually drifted to the bed, and I saw the spare uniform he had mentioned sprawled out crisp and clean on the blankets. I ran a hand down the smooth blue jacket sleeve before my arm abruptly stopped.
There, on the bed, was the most gaudy piece of jewellery I had ever seen. The base of it was an inverted pyramid-shape, pure gold with an eye engraving that vaguely reminded me of the Egyptian eye of Horus. There was a loop at the top of the trinket, bound by very bulky silver chains.
The light seemed to dance on the object oddly, and I felt my hand slowly being drawn towards it, a vague sense of nostalgia creeping into me. Spurred by the feeling, I pressed my fingers against the cool metal of the pendant and traced the eye-shaped engraving, staring at it with a rather morbid fascination. For some reason, I was tempted to hold it and wear the bulky thing around my neck.
Logic overwhelmed such urges. The thing must weigh more than it was worth wearing.
That didn't stop me from staring at the pendant for a long time. I noticed that the pyramid was actually composed of small pieces, like a puzzle that had fit together, its tight amber lines running smoothly against the golden surface.
"Finally you got back."
I almost fell off the bed, heart pounding fiercely in my chest as I stared at the owner of the voice.
Stared at a person that looked almost exactly like me. His eyes were crimson instead of violet and he seemed a bit taller, wearing a replica of my school uniform. And I knew for a fact that I had no other sibling; nor cousin that even vaguely resembled me to that degree.
"Oh god." I continued staring at the abomination in horror. "How did you get into my room?"
Confusion swept across the thing's face, clouding its -his?- crimson eyes a smoky red. "Aibou, are you okay?" And suddenly he was leaning towards me, one palm on my forehead. I was all too acutely aware of how close he was to me, the way he rested his other hand on my thigh, his musky scent and the curvature of his lean-
- What was I thinking?
With all my strength possible, I shoved him off me, off the bed, as far as me as possible. "Get away from me." I could hear the panic in my own voice as I backed up away from the stranger. I was all but fleeing on the spot. Why hadn't Jiisan told me about him or it or whatever the doppleganger was?
Again, the very same hurt I saw in Jounochi-san's eyes was reflected clearly in his crimson irises. He stared at me sadly, almost desperately expecting me to recognize him any moment.
I broke the eye contact. I couldn't bear staring at someone who expected me to do something I couldn't. "Look, whoever you are, I don't know you. I lost the memories I had during the last two years." My eyes remained glued to the ground. "I'm sorry."
I literally felt the denial rising in him in turbulent waves. His hands grabbed my arms again - please, just stop touching me - and forced me backwards onto the bed so that he crouched on top of me predator-like.
Again I tried to fend him off, but this time he wouldn't yield, fingers squeezing my shoulders tightly so it hurt. I could hear his breath and the faint tickling of his bangs against my cheek as I turned my face around, trying to avoid looking at him.
"I'll make you remember," the stranger promised, voice a bare whisper by my ear. I squirmed and recoiled at the very closeness of him. I had to get him off me! "Even if your mind doesn't remember me, some part of you will. Your soul, your body, it doesn't matter. I'll make you remember everything again, I promise."
"I -don't-" I began, squeezing my eyes shut, "want -to - remember-"
And suddenly I felt something warm pressing against my lips. I would have screamed if I could as the panic rose faster and faster in me the moment I realized what he was doing. His tongue was now pressed against my firmly shut lips, demanding something that I refused to do.
Before the shock could even think of wearing off, his lips were trailing down my neck, decorating it with soft kisses before deft hands unbuttoned my shirt and let his mouth continue sliding down my chest.
I tried to fend him off, but my senses were reeling, too disfocused and shocked to do anything else. I could feel too painfully the warmth between my thighs as I arced my back and moaned at the-
Oh god - had I made that sound?
Immediately I seized control of my senses and pressed my foot against his stomach, kicking him off the bed. Panting heavily, I shoved myself away from him and ran towards the door.
My hand barely curled around the doorknob when I felt him grab my wrist, squeezing it tightly. I yelled, hoping to attract Jii-san's attention, but the stranger quickly clapped one of his hands firmly over my mouth.
"Yuugi!" The other's voice was desperate now. I cringed as he drew closer towards me. "It's me. You know it's me. We - you - can't you feel anything?"
'No', I wanted to say. 'I don't know you at all. All I want was for you to get away from me.'
There was yet another pregnant pause.
"Very well." The other shifted positions behind me, tone clearly dejected.
The air behind me seemed to ripple-
- and suddenly he was gone. Nothing, not even his hand clamped over my mouth or his breath tickling my neck. Only the ghosts of his fingers and lips over my mouth still remained.
He couldn't just -disappear- could he? I scrambled towards the window. It was tightly sealed, latched from the inside. The door was still shut.
I scrambled and shifted through my room. Only clothing in the closet, socks underneath the bed, and nothing underneath the desks or behind the door.
Had I lost it completely?
Stubbornly, I shoved the window open and stuck my head outside, looking for any scurrying figures fleeing from the game shop. Nothing outside in the darkness but the sound of rain and the pale orange haze of lamplights in either direction.
A gust of wind suddenly burst into the room, scattering all the papers on my desk. Hastily, I crouched on the ground, reaching towards a clump of papers when one of them caught my gaze.
It was sprawled innocuously on the ground not much different from the other crisp white sheets by it. It had my printing scrawled on it, summarized neatly together at the top with two simple words.
My lips traced over them the moment my eyes scanned the page.
"Dear myself"
I grabbed the page and continued reading.
"I know this is selfish of me to write this, since you must have forgotten who Yami is, but you can't leave him alone."
Already I knew who this "Yami" was.
"The doctor's told me that I'm going to forget everything that's happened to me after I regain my old memories. So I write this letter in hopes that the 'me' that forgets this will understand what 'I' have experienced. I want you to know because I hope that you will be just like I was in those two years.
Things are important now. Jounochi, Honda, Ryou, and Anzu. They all treat me like friends because of Yami. You see, Yami doesn't really live like we do. I can't explain it without making it sound like some fairy tale, but what I really want you to know is that Yami is truly an inseparable part of me."
I stopped reading. I literally could not read on. 'An inseparable part of me'? I felt no attachment to that look-alike stranger; not even a sense of curiousity. I simply felt repulsed, especially at anyone who would just attack me like that.
But guilt. Yes, I felt guilt. I felt like I was betraying whatever I was like before. This Yami expected me to do something, they had all expected me to do something, and I had all put them down. I had put him down the most.
And the more I thought of it, the more aggravated I became. 'I' obviously had a deeper relationship with this Yami than a 'special bond' but I was afraid to go that far. It seemed too abstract and wrong to me, especially sharing anything intimate with another guy. Or spirit that looked like a guy or whatever.
And yet...
I cleared my throat. "Look, uhm, Yami." It sounded funny talking to nothing. "I'm sorry I really can't remember. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that."
I fidgeted. Did I really expect that to work? It sounded lame at best.
A little sigh escaped my mouth, as the guilt and frustration niggled deeper in my chest.
"I really am sorry about this. If there's anyway I can make it up to you-" I searched my faltering mind for the suitable words-
-and was confronted face to face with a set of brilliant crimson eyes.
He must have seen me cringe because this time his fingers gently entwined themselves into my bangs, brushing though them before withdrawing his hands completely as if I were some fragile porcelain doll.
"Its all right aibou."
I could feel it, a sense of relief that passed through him and warmed my own soul. For a moment, I could almost believe what 'I' had written on that paper, that we were bonded somehow-
-And before I could understand it completely, the sensation disappeared, leaving behind an awkward emptiness. An inability to truly understand or feel.
His voice felt nice, strong and confident. Even though I admired his stature, even though I wanted to learn more about him, I didn't want him to... to...
"I'll teach you again everything you forget, as slowly as you want me to."
And yet, if he truly was a part of me, why did he not feel my hesitation?
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End notes:
RAWR. Ff.net ate my asterisks . -has a hissy fit-
Sorry for the abrupt end – I'm tired and full out of ideas . -rots-