Feeling around atop the door frame of his apartment Tim located
his key and gestured Horatio in before him. Crossing towards the fridge
Tim tossed the key down.
"Get you anything?" Tim offered out of habit. Not that he really had anything much to offer.
"No, thank you." Horatio took in the apartment around him. It wasn't at all extravagant, but there were items about the place that seemed so very Tim. H breathed in, it unmistakably smelled like Tim. It was nice.
"Make yourself at home then. Unless...you probably oughta get back to your wife." Tim wondered if that had sounded as bitter as it had in his head. He wasn't a particularly jealous guy by nature, but he'd met Cynthia once or twice and was never able to picture her with a man like Horatio.
"No rush." H shrugged. No rush at all. It wasn't as though he had anywhere else to be anymore. On top of which he felt bad enough for having left Tim earlier. He was concerned of the safety in leaving him again. "I can hang around, if you'd like the company." Something in side him, was begging Tim to say yes, and it had nothing to do with Horatio's hatred for sleeping in hotels.
"Couldn't hurt." Glasses clinked on the shelf as Tim produced a shot glass from the cupboard and proceeded to uncap a new bottle.
"Whoa, slow down, Tim." Horatio moved in close behind him and eased the bottle from his hand. "I don't think you need any more tonight."
Tim paused to feel so much of Horatio's body against him again. He leaned into him and turned to see his face before realizing, H was taking his liquor.
"C'mon, I just need a little more." Speed protested reaching to get the bottle back. "Just so I can get some sleep." Tim thought H was complying when he removed the cap, but much to Speed's horror he placed the bottled upside down in the drain of the sink. "Hey!" Tim made another move for his drink, but was abruptly halted by Horatio's sturdy hands firmly seizing his shoulders.
"Tim! Tim, why are you doing this? You said you'd beaten this..." Horatio's eyes fell heavily upon his and Tim's face was immediately swallowed up with an over bearing look of utter disappointment. Tim hit a dead end, his brain scrambled for an excuse but no matter where he turned, he just couldn't see himself slipping out of the noose of truth this time. Crossing his arms about himself, he leaned against the counter and dropped to the floor. H crouched next to him searching his friend for an answer. "Tim? Talk to me. Please, Tim explain this."
"I never gave anything up. I just kept changing." Tim hugged his knees close to him.
"What?" Horatio's question came more from shock than, confusion. All this time he couldn't believe Speedle had hide everything from everyone. Particularly, from him.
"When I gave up the pills, I started with liquor, when I gave that up... I started seeing guys like Jeff. And I knew when he left, I could find something else." Tim wiped his eyes and H shuddered to think what terrible form of self abuse Tim might have taken up next. "I can't do it alone, H. I'll do whatever it takes to keep me from being alone or at least from feeling alone. I just got better at hiding it. I didn't want to lose my job. I love my job. I'm so sorry, Horatio. I'm so sorry." A steady stream of tears began their way down his cheeks. He sat, terrified of having, so hastily, admitted all his failure and feared that H may never forgive him. He wanted desperately to be better than he was and a piece of him knew he'd never be able to hide all his short comings forever. "I tried H. I really tried. I just can't do it on my own. I've ever been ok on my own. It's just too hard."
Assault victims, rape victims, any number of traumatized and panicked people, Horatio was more than capable of dealing with. Bringing calm in distressing circumstances was a part of his everyday life, but right here, this all too familiar situation seemed so foreign, as it was someone so close to him.
Standing, Caine turned and threw open the liquor cabinet violently enough that the hinges cracked. Viciously he grabbed bottle after bottle, wrenched off the tops and threw them into he sink. Speed rose cautiously as the bottles cracked and several shattered against each other.
"Horatio?" He felt childish speaking so timidly, but the more he watched Horatio, the more fearful he became of this temper he'd never seen before. Caine ignored the soft mention of his name and upon running out of liquor bottles he stormed into the bathroom and attacked the medicine cabinet in the same manner, pouring pills into the small waste basket. Tim had followed him but stopped at a safe distance just beyond the bathroom door. "Horatio?" He nearly stuttered, "Are you—"
Looking sternly into Tim's warm brown eyes, Horatio found his reasons and rationale. He'd already taken one large, sudden step today, there was nothing stopping him from taking another. He stepped.
All at once, one swift fist was clutching the collar of Tim's shirt, and a heavy hand landed on his shoulder pinning him back against the wall. Before Tim could speak, before he could as much as blink, Horatio's mouth had landed firmly on his own. It started rough, demanding reciprocation, but before long Tim found himself softly pleading kisses from the warm lips against his. Slowly Horatio relented and Tim looked back at him as confused as he was aroused.
"I'm sorry." H confessed, "I'm sorry, Tim, I missed it all. I should have seen it. I'd have been there if I'd known. I'd have done something more, a long time ago."
"Get you anything?" Tim offered out of habit. Not that he really had anything much to offer.
"No, thank you." Horatio took in the apartment around him. It wasn't at all extravagant, but there were items about the place that seemed so very Tim. H breathed in, it unmistakably smelled like Tim. It was nice.
"Make yourself at home then. Unless...you probably oughta get back to your wife." Tim wondered if that had sounded as bitter as it had in his head. He wasn't a particularly jealous guy by nature, but he'd met Cynthia once or twice and was never able to picture her with a man like Horatio.
"No rush." H shrugged. No rush at all. It wasn't as though he had anywhere else to be anymore. On top of which he felt bad enough for having left Tim earlier. He was concerned of the safety in leaving him again. "I can hang around, if you'd like the company." Something in side him, was begging Tim to say yes, and it had nothing to do with Horatio's hatred for sleeping in hotels.
"Couldn't hurt." Glasses clinked on the shelf as Tim produced a shot glass from the cupboard and proceeded to uncap a new bottle.
"Whoa, slow down, Tim." Horatio moved in close behind him and eased the bottle from his hand. "I don't think you need any more tonight."
Tim paused to feel so much of Horatio's body against him again. He leaned into him and turned to see his face before realizing, H was taking his liquor.
"C'mon, I just need a little more." Speed protested reaching to get the bottle back. "Just so I can get some sleep." Tim thought H was complying when he removed the cap, but much to Speed's horror he placed the bottled upside down in the drain of the sink. "Hey!" Tim made another move for his drink, but was abruptly halted by Horatio's sturdy hands firmly seizing his shoulders.
"Tim! Tim, why are you doing this? You said you'd beaten this..." Horatio's eyes fell heavily upon his and Tim's face was immediately swallowed up with an over bearing look of utter disappointment. Tim hit a dead end, his brain scrambled for an excuse but no matter where he turned, he just couldn't see himself slipping out of the noose of truth this time. Crossing his arms about himself, he leaned against the counter and dropped to the floor. H crouched next to him searching his friend for an answer. "Tim? Talk to me. Please, Tim explain this."
"I never gave anything up. I just kept changing." Tim hugged his knees close to him.
"What?" Horatio's question came more from shock than, confusion. All this time he couldn't believe Speedle had hide everything from everyone. Particularly, from him.
"When I gave up the pills, I started with liquor, when I gave that up... I started seeing guys like Jeff. And I knew when he left, I could find something else." Tim wiped his eyes and H shuddered to think what terrible form of self abuse Tim might have taken up next. "I can't do it alone, H. I'll do whatever it takes to keep me from being alone or at least from feeling alone. I just got better at hiding it. I didn't want to lose my job. I love my job. I'm so sorry, Horatio. I'm so sorry." A steady stream of tears began their way down his cheeks. He sat, terrified of having, so hastily, admitted all his failure and feared that H may never forgive him. He wanted desperately to be better than he was and a piece of him knew he'd never be able to hide all his short comings forever. "I tried H. I really tried. I just can't do it on my own. I've ever been ok on my own. It's just too hard."
Assault victims, rape victims, any number of traumatized and panicked people, Horatio was more than capable of dealing with. Bringing calm in distressing circumstances was a part of his everyday life, but right here, this all too familiar situation seemed so foreign, as it was someone so close to him.
Standing, Caine turned and threw open the liquor cabinet violently enough that the hinges cracked. Viciously he grabbed bottle after bottle, wrenched off the tops and threw them into he sink. Speed rose cautiously as the bottles cracked and several shattered against each other.
"Horatio?" He felt childish speaking so timidly, but the more he watched Horatio, the more fearful he became of this temper he'd never seen before. Caine ignored the soft mention of his name and upon running out of liquor bottles he stormed into the bathroom and attacked the medicine cabinet in the same manner, pouring pills into the small waste basket. Tim had followed him but stopped at a safe distance just beyond the bathroom door. "Horatio?" He nearly stuttered, "Are you—"
Looking sternly into Tim's warm brown eyes, Horatio found his reasons and rationale. He'd already taken one large, sudden step today, there was nothing stopping him from taking another. He stepped.
All at once, one swift fist was clutching the collar of Tim's shirt, and a heavy hand landed on his shoulder pinning him back against the wall. Before Tim could speak, before he could as much as blink, Horatio's mouth had landed firmly on his own. It started rough, demanding reciprocation, but before long Tim found himself softly pleading kisses from the warm lips against his. Slowly Horatio relented and Tim looked back at him as confused as he was aroused.
"I'm sorry." H confessed, "I'm sorry, Tim, I missed it all. I should have seen it. I'd have been there if I'd known. I'd have done something more, a long time ago."