Chapter 16
His hand lingers on my skin, spreading its warmth throughout me. Disappointment floods through me when he pulls it away gently, and I just want to grab his hand and hold it up to my face again.
His eyes shimmer in the darkness of the room, lit only by the harsh light of the television. The light it lets off plays against the walls, lighting up the shadows briefly like a candle flickering in the gloom. Yet, his eyes stand out astoundingly, full of brightness. My eyes roam his face searching for a reason, an excuse to make this all right.
His hand finds mine and squeezes it gently. A small smile crawls onto my face, but doesn't stay for long. I can feel the tension growing in the room as we stare at each other. I'm full of desire, my body craves him, it yearns for the taste of his lips and the feel of them against mine, for the feel of his soft skin and the way he caresses me gently. I long for his love, for his lust, for him.
His hand runs up my arm, stroking it softly. I almost moan with pleasure just from his tender touch. He massages my shoulder carefully and I close my eyes, enjoying every second of it. He continues, massaging my neck and edging closer ever so carefully. His fingers feel like fire against my cold skin and I pull him closer. He's right next to me, his body almost resting against mine. I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. His face reflects the same emotions I'm feeling and I just want to grab him and pull him even closer, so close that every inch of my body feels as if it is in contact with him and can feel his warmth.
I take hold of his hand and bring it to my waist. My other hand rushes to his face, and quickly draws away from it, as if it had been extremely hot. It quickly makes its way back and I run down my finger down his jaw and down onto his neck. I pull myself closer to him, so that I'm breathing on his neck as my fingers trace little circles upon it, teasing him. His eyes are closed and my finger runs up to his ear, running along his earlobe. I bring my hand down to his chest and rub firm circles against his skin. I let my chest brush against him for a second and then stroke the area of his chest exposed by his partially open shirt. I tug at the closed buttons lightly and playfully. His hand on my waist is already running smoothly against my stomach as he reaches under my shirt. It makes its way back running up the length of my back and then back to my stomach rubbing it softly all the way up to my ribs.
He grabs my hand and forces me off of him gently, and then whispers into my ear. It's his turn. He lays me down next to him and brings his face to me. He tugs down on my shirt lightly and brushes his lips against my collarbone. A moan escapes my lips as he continues to do so. He blows on my skin, sending chills of pleasure down my spine and suddenly, he's on top of me. His body lowers down until his face is millimeters from mine and I can feel his breath on the side of my face.
I look up at him and he leans down, his body pressing against mine. His lips are above mine and our eyes are half closed. But before our lips can meet, he pulls away slightly and positions his head so that he might continue. His arms lie at my sides and he tugs down at my shorts lightly. One hand strokes right below my right hip and the other pulls my shirt up and runs along the outside of my bellybutton. He blows into my ear playfully, goose bumps rising all over my body. The hand once playing around my bellybutton now presses against my belly as he begins to softly nibble my ear. A murmur of nonsense leaves my lips, followed closely by his name. I pull him to my face again and bite my lower lip.
"You're killing me, you know that right?" He responds with a grin and I pull him down against me. Our lips brush together every few seconds from the closeness and we stay in that position for a couple of seconds. But then, something stirs in the back of my mind. Every single part of my mind and body is telling me yes, but I can't. I look right at him, my eyes pleading and in his eyes I see how much he cares for me, his lust for me, I see how much he wants this to happen, and I know that its what I want too. But I can't, not now, not like this. I see disappointment flash in his eyes, and I can see how much I mean to him. In his eyes I now find a somber emptiness, and I can't stand it. Where is my glimmer, my hope?
"I better go take a shower" He begins to pull away but I bring him back down to me. His eyes light up, thinking maybe I've changed my mind. But I haven't.
"Thank you" the words leave my lips slowly and I can't help but press my lips lightly against his for a couple of seconds. He gives me a weak smile and pushes himself off of me. As he leaves the room I know we've reached an understanding. He knows I care for him, I know he cares for me, but there's still something holding me back. Everything is still fine between us; I know he'll wait for me. But now that I can't feel him against me, now that he's not with me, and showing me his affection, I feel hollow. I sit up and lean back against my pillow, letting my arm stretch out to where he was, by my side. A single tear escapes me and I wipe it away rapidly. But there's nothing I can do, after the first, they just seem to pour out, one after the other, and they all start coming down.
His hand lingers on my skin, spreading its warmth throughout me. Disappointment floods through me when he pulls it away gently, and I just want to grab his hand and hold it up to my face again.
His eyes shimmer in the darkness of the room, lit only by the harsh light of the television. The light it lets off plays against the walls, lighting up the shadows briefly like a candle flickering in the gloom. Yet, his eyes stand out astoundingly, full of brightness. My eyes roam his face searching for a reason, an excuse to make this all right.
His hand finds mine and squeezes it gently. A small smile crawls onto my face, but doesn't stay for long. I can feel the tension growing in the room as we stare at each other. I'm full of desire, my body craves him, it yearns for the taste of his lips and the feel of them against mine, for the feel of his soft skin and the way he caresses me gently. I long for his love, for his lust, for him.
His hand runs up my arm, stroking it softly. I almost moan with pleasure just from his tender touch. He massages my shoulder carefully and I close my eyes, enjoying every second of it. He continues, massaging my neck and edging closer ever so carefully. His fingers feel like fire against my cold skin and I pull him closer. He's right next to me, his body almost resting against mine. I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. His face reflects the same emotions I'm feeling and I just want to grab him and pull him even closer, so close that every inch of my body feels as if it is in contact with him and can feel his warmth.
I take hold of his hand and bring it to my waist. My other hand rushes to his face, and quickly draws away from it, as if it had been extremely hot. It quickly makes its way back and I run down my finger down his jaw and down onto his neck. I pull myself closer to him, so that I'm breathing on his neck as my fingers trace little circles upon it, teasing him. His eyes are closed and my finger runs up to his ear, running along his earlobe. I bring my hand down to his chest and rub firm circles against his skin. I let my chest brush against him for a second and then stroke the area of his chest exposed by his partially open shirt. I tug at the closed buttons lightly and playfully. His hand on my waist is already running smoothly against my stomach as he reaches under my shirt. It makes its way back running up the length of my back and then back to my stomach rubbing it softly all the way up to my ribs.
He grabs my hand and forces me off of him gently, and then whispers into my ear. It's his turn. He lays me down next to him and brings his face to me. He tugs down on my shirt lightly and brushes his lips against my collarbone. A moan escapes my lips as he continues to do so. He blows on my skin, sending chills of pleasure down my spine and suddenly, he's on top of me. His body lowers down until his face is millimeters from mine and I can feel his breath on the side of my face.
I look up at him and he leans down, his body pressing against mine. His lips are above mine and our eyes are half closed. But before our lips can meet, he pulls away slightly and positions his head so that he might continue. His arms lie at my sides and he tugs down at my shorts lightly. One hand strokes right below my right hip and the other pulls my shirt up and runs along the outside of my bellybutton. He blows into my ear playfully, goose bumps rising all over my body. The hand once playing around my bellybutton now presses against my belly as he begins to softly nibble my ear. A murmur of nonsense leaves my lips, followed closely by his name. I pull him to my face again and bite my lower lip.
"You're killing me, you know that right?" He responds with a grin and I pull him down against me. Our lips brush together every few seconds from the closeness and we stay in that position for a couple of seconds. But then, something stirs in the back of my mind. Every single part of my mind and body is telling me yes, but I can't. I look right at him, my eyes pleading and in his eyes I see how much he cares for me, his lust for me, I see how much he wants this to happen, and I know that its what I want too. But I can't, not now, not like this. I see disappointment flash in his eyes, and I can see how much I mean to him. In his eyes I now find a somber emptiness, and I can't stand it. Where is my glimmer, my hope?
"I better go take a shower" He begins to pull away but I bring him back down to me. His eyes light up, thinking maybe I've changed my mind. But I haven't.
"Thank you" the words leave my lips slowly and I can't help but press my lips lightly against his for a couple of seconds. He gives me a weak smile and pushes himself off of me. As he leaves the room I know we've reached an understanding. He knows I care for him, I know he cares for me, but there's still something holding me back. Everything is still fine between us; I know he'll wait for me. But now that I can't feel him against me, now that he's not with me, and showing me his affection, I feel hollow. I sit up and lean back against my pillow, letting my arm stretch out to where he was, by my side. A single tear escapes me and I wipe it away rapidly. But there's nothing I can do, after the first, they just seem to pour out, one after the other, and they all start coming down.