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A month. A month. A whole month!

And not one bloody letter. On no. I missed him. Maybe he hadn't missed me. Or maybe he had a mistress in Mirkwood that kept him busy. Yeah maybe that is it.

It was so unfair. I was well aware that I was ranting. But what I was ranting about was a mystery, even to me.

I should be happy. The man/elf that I love was finally home after weeks apart. All I wanted was to hear the words 'I love you and I missed you'. But at the same time I didn't because I was angry with him.

I had screwed up, this was all my fault. It's not his fault I'm a raving lunatic!

After speaking to my mother about my wedding dress, I had come straight back to my room. I was now pacing up and down, apparently trying to find out how long it would take me to wear out the rug.

My anger was slowly diminishing. I stopped and looked at the bed. It really did look empty, especially when I knew that I would be the only one filling it tonight. If I had my way, unless Legolas had a good reason for not writing to me, he was sleeping on the couch. Goddess, I was turning into my mother.

I was being stupid.

I spun round as I heard the knob on the door turn, I was good and ready to give him the rollicking of his life.

Unfortunately, as soon as he turned round, all of my anger dissipated and I was left racking my brain for something to say.

He stood in front of me, watching me with a smile in his face.

"Uhhh, hi"

That was lame. But it was the best I could do for now.

He stepped forward and put his hands on the side of my face as his bright eyes studied my face.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing melamin. I missed you. A month is too long"

He said it. He had missed me. A let a small smile pass my lip and before I could say anything he was kissing me senseless. A hunger erupted in the pit of my stomach and I responded eagerly.

After several minutes we broke away panting.

"I am going to bathe. Care to join me?" he asked with a grin.

"Your highness, are you having impure thoughts about a lady?" I asked coyly as I made my way to the bathroom, knowing just how to play this game.

"It depends who you are talking about" he responded as he took off his cloak, knowing full well that I wouldn't say no anyway.

All of a sudden the anger that I'd felt before came rushing back. And stormed back into the room and waiting for him to turn round. He did and I watched with some satisfaction as his smile disappeared.

"What is it?"

"What is it? What is it?! We have just spent a month apart. And in that month did I get a letter? Hmm, no I didn't. We spoke twice. Twice in four weeks, that's it! You may be safe in the knowledge that I love you and that's all you need- but I'm not. I need some kind of sign. I waited a month"

"Thalia? What happened? Are you alright?"

He looked genuinely confused and I started to feel somewhat guilty for shouting my mouth off.

"So what was it that kept you so busy? Hmm, some little concubine warming your bed because I won't? Was she keeping your occupied for a time?"

I'd stepped over the line. I knew it when I saw his blue eyes turn dark. I could see that it took all of his will power just to stay where he was. If I was him I'd have slapped me.

I couldn't stop myself, the words just kept on coming and I couldn't do a thing about it.

As I continued I saw his eyes turn slowly back to the azure shade that his gaze usually held.

I barely registered it as he stepped forward and grasped my arms.

"What" I said, slightly viciously.

"Are you listening to what you're saying?"

Umm- NO! But he doesn't need to know that. Right? How the hell can he tell anyways?

"Of course I am" yeah- that's it, take the cowards way out- muppet!

He narrowed his eyes and let go of me. I watched him pace in front of me. The vein on his temple was seriously doing over time. He was mad, or at least, part of him was mad. But the other part of him, knew something that I didn't. He felt sympathy for me and…concern.

~

She had no idea what she had just said. I could tell. I had watched as the words had come pouring out of her mouth so fast that even she had no idea what she was saying.

She felt insecure about herself and she couldn't allow herself to believe in the people closest to her. She needs physical reassurance, this I knew, but I hadn't known that she would become so…insecure. Her chest heaved with unbidden tears as she calmed down. She had thought that I had found another to satisfy my physical desires. I had not and would never turn to another. She should know this. She does know this. We have not yet joined our bodies and I couldn't help but wonder if she was feeling guilty or inadequate.

I reached out for her hand and brought her to rest on the bed next to me. My eyes wandered to the sky outside. The sun shone brightly over the tress and spreading her warmth.  

Thalia's hand idly played with the lace on the bedspread underneath us. She had changed the colour, it was now an ice blue, and the cushions were now covered in blue and green velvet to match.

"Why would you think such a thing Thalia? There is no reason for me to search for another to warm my bed. I am happy and content to share my bed with the woman I love and nothing will convince me otherwise. It is not acceptable for you to doubt yourself, that is what this is about is it not? I now that you are fearful of the future, but trust me, trust that I will be by your side at every moment"

She visibly relaxed but still held something in her gaze. She sighed heavily and looked me in the eye.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to…I just. I'm just finding it a little…overwhelming. I think my imagination just ran away with me"

She looked away and rose from the bed. My eyes followed her form as she stood by the window.

"Ok, honestly…it's not that I don't trust you. I do I really do. With all my heart. But a part of me expects you to find somebody else and cheat behind my back. I expect to get burned. All good things must come to an end right?"

I felt my heart sink within my chest. She spoke with conviction. She truly believed her words.

"I will not leave you, I promise. In three weeks you will be my wife. Do you think that I would take my vows to you so lightly? My mother had her doubts before she married my father. It is natural to be anxious. And I understand your reasons for being wary. But I am not your father and I will never raise my hand to you, intentionally or no"

She smiled, the first absolutely genuine smile that I had seen yet. She pushed her hair from her face wearily and smiled at me, her eyes glittering as she reached for me. She was reassured and was happy for now.

If I did not find a way to help her, this could become a very serious problem. Hopefully the ceremony would be enough to show her that I would not leave her. I would not.

Perhaps we should remain in Imladris for a little longer than planned. I had not realised that she was still in this frame of mind. Although, granted, it may be her nerves showing through. We would see in time.

Meanwhile. I planned to talk with Glorfindel and Elrond this evening.      

"Legolas"

Thalia called me from the bathroom where she was busy running a bath. My only hope now is that her new cuts are shallower than the previous one that I had seen. She was to be my wife, she was the woman I loved. I am not happy that she still feels the need to cut her own flesh. But I know not to take it away. She needs it. She needs to feel that she can control something in her life and at the moment it is the only option that she can see.

I stripped off my tunic and threw it onto the floor, not really caring about where it landed. After putting my boots in the wardrobe I walked to the bathroom, I could not help but smile at the scene that she made. She knelt on the floor. Her hair cascading down her back and some demurely hanging in front of her eyes as she lifted her head to look at me. One hand lay on her knee while the other held fragranced oil over the water.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm putting lavender oil in the water what does it look like?" she answered haughtily. I laughed at her and lifted her up. My hands undid the ties of her dress as she continued to pour in the oil. The scent of vanilla mixed with the rising scent of lavender filled my senses. Once stripped of our clothing we entered the pleasantly hot water.

I lifted her up and sat her on my knee. At first she appeared confused but then realised what I wanted, she moved her hands from her thighs and let me see the cuts. It pleased me to see that they were indeed shallow, almost scratches. A sense of pride rose in me and lifting her head I kissed her softly, letting her know that there was no need for shame.

She leaned back and rested against me. I sat running my fingers along her soft skin as she played with my hair. It was times like this when I realised that it was this that I wanted. The quiet moments that we spent together were the most sacred of all. There were no barriers between us. We were simply two people.

She shifted and sat up. Her hand strayed to my cheek and a slender finger traced my jaw and my brow.

She lay back down again and slid her arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry Legolas. Really I am"

I tightened my hold on her and kissed her neck.

"Don't apologise melamin. Next time talk to me. It will do you no good to keep your thoughts to yourself. Especially ones such as these. I do not wish to see you as you were when we first met"

I felt her nod against my neck. She did not realise that she meant so much to me. She did not hold herself in high esteem, she had little confidence, despite all that I had tried to do.

"Do not be upset melamin. But I wish that you had come to me. Did you talk to anybody while I was gone? You could have talked to Haldir"

"I know but I couldn't. I didn't want him to be disappointed in me. He worked so hard, you all worked so hard in trying to help me get back on my feet. I didn't want to ruin that"

I shook my head, annoyed at my own naivety.

"Nay, Thalia. We all knew when we began that it would take a while for you to become comfortable enough to stop harming yourself. And you have not done anything wrong. It will take time. Look at your legs. They are not as deep as you once would have cut are they? That tells me a great deal. We will get through this. But know this. You will never disappoint me, never. I will prove that to you. In a few years time when we are lying in a bath such as this, talking as we are now, only then will we realise that we did not have control. We think we do, but things such as this prove that we do not. We do not control our emotions and I dread to think what would have become of you if you had no cut"

"I'd be dead" she whispered.

"But you are not, and now you can live your life as you were meant to"

"Hmm hmm. I can. We can"

"So, what did you do in Mirkwood then?"

She asked me, hoping to move onto a lighter topic.

This is how it should be.

I stood telling her about my days in Mirkwood as she stood behind me soaping my back and massaging my muscles. Every so often she would interrupt with a comment or to discuss something.

Eventually, we got out of the bath and dressed for dinner. A smile graced her face and she looked stunningly beautiful.

But I had not forgotten about our conversation and I would talk to Glorfindel and Elrond before the evening was through.

Carefully, she braided my hair, a now familiar occurrence between the two of us. We helped each other dress, and then made our way to dinner together.