Chapter One
'Again?' I whined. Somehow, to make my reincarnation even more miserable than it is, Battousai ended up regaining control of my body. Well, not that it was a great prize at the moment anyway. With four wobbly, short, fat legs and a bloated little belly. With a big, fat head with large blue eyes and cream markings on the muzzle and around the eyes. Having a tail was odd and so were the whiskers.
Yes, you guessed it. Came back as a cat, or rather a kitten at the moment. Just a few weeks old and he was already getting into trouble, that Battousai. Momma Cat is getting rather fed up and one day he's going to lose her protection slaughtering us both.
Surprisingly he hasn't tried to yet. I would have thought, with all his big talk, that he would just kill us off as soon as possible and go happily to Hell laughing all the way.
Maybe it was Tomoe's impending arrival, or maybe he was just pleased to be prowling the streets of Kyoto again. Yes, I don't know why we were born here, but I'm sure a rather silent man of mediation and a bouncy, hyper weasel chick were going to get a visit. The poor, poor humans; they simply had no idea.
I hoped he would wait until we were big enough to run away in case Misao decided to use us for target practice, or something like that.
-For your information I think rats are tasty.-
'Nasty.'
-Can't live off the teat forever buddy.-
'I won't dignify that with a comment.'
-You just did.-
What's a poor prison to do? I stuck my tongue out, very mature I know. But when you're behind iron bars there isn't a whole lot you can do.
-So what do you think about starting this stupid thing now? I mean, we aren't getting any younger.-
'What? We can barely walk!'
-So? Never stopped me before. I can recall several times when there was no walking.-
'Fine.'
It was morning time, just like any other. Battousai directed us, scooting in and out of heavy, tromping feet with ease. You'd think he'd been feline in his past life or something. We had been wandering the market for a good fifteen minutes, and the sucker actually managed to con some food out of a few vendors! What a suck-up.
-I heard that.-
'What's that?' I asked. I noticed this a few days ago, when I couldn't do much more than think. I'm not nearly so polite to my alter ego as everyone else. In fact, I'm down right rude sometimes. But I think that's because if I were polite to him he'd brush it off in annoyance. He doesn't have time for civilities don't you know? The man is the most anti-social creature I have ever had the misfortunate to meet. He even puts Aoshi to shame.
Rather than waste his time answering he simply swerved in the direction that the sound was coming from. There in the corner sat a little girl. She was a mess and bawling. She couldn't have been more than three or four.
"I want M-momma!" She howled and Battousai cringed. He didn't do well with crying women or children.
'Just shut it!' He yelled, but what really came out was an angry 'meow'.
The child, startled, looked up with big, teary eyes and smiled. She started reaching her chubby, dirty hands in our direction and Battousai sputtered nervously, 'What's that look in her eye? I don't like it, not one bit!'
-I think she wants to petting the kitty, that I do.-
'No way. I'm not part of a petting zoo!'
-I think we are. Here's your good deed, get the girl to her mom. Are you up to it?- Now, if there's something I've learned over the last decade plus, is that Battousai loves a challenge and he hates to fail.
'Of course.' He snapped scornfully, 'Why wouldn't I be?'
The thing about this was that my wonderful, fearless alter ego had a few problems with little children. Namely a phobia of them, and being a cute, fuzzy kitten wasn't helping any. The child naturally wanted to get her little grubby hands on the furry animal in front of her.
"Kitty!" She said making a lunge. I'd love to say that with a quick jump we nimbly scampered out of reach.
'Curse these short, stubby legs!'
-Just play along. I don't think biting is a good thing.-
'Do I get negative points?' He snapped sarcastically.
"Actually, yes." An oily, brown rat remarked from the box he was perched on. The beady, black eyes were gleaming with amusement and the whiskers were twitching.
'Give me one reason why I shouldn't eat you rat-boy.' Battousai snarled, trying to wiggle out of the child's tight grasp.
The rat looked down steadily and a sneer was curling around his mouth. That looks really funny on a rat actually. Like he tasted something bad, but rats seem to like everything so that couldn't be it. His sharp incisors gleamed as his lips drew back.
"Ah!" The girl screamed, dropping her prize. She cowered in the other corner shaking her finger at Hoji and muttering gibberish in fright.
'Good job you dumbass. You're making my job harder. Why shouldn't I eat you?'
"I will simply return."
'That's not a reason, it's a threat.' Battousai snorted and cautiously coiled around the child's legs. She never took her eyes off Hoji.
"Get it kitty! Go! Kill it dead."
-Yes, kill it dead.- I snickered. He glared and suddenly the bars were shrinking in around me. -Oro.-
'Listen here brat, I doubt you're tiny brain is even registering this, but you need to find the woman that bore such a simpleton like you. I don't know what she looks like and strolling around until we find her won't work all that well.'
Well, of course, she had no idea what he was directing her on, but she got up anyway. Brushing off her clothing in a prissy manner she looked around before striking out.
"Come on Kitty! We need to go find Mommy!"
'The confidence of youth.' I smirked.
-What do I look like, a dog? I don't heel.-
'That you don't.' I tittered and he threw an electric jolt at me. I frowned, I hated when he did that. I never did that to him when he was in the cage. Not much anyway.
We followed the child about half a block, with Hoji slinking in the shadows, before a very upset woman rushed forward with a furious look. She snatched the child's tiny hand and screamed.
"Fujiko! You had me scared to death! How many times have I told you to stay next to me at all times? I even found a nice policeman to help me look for you."
The woman turned to the 'nice policeman'.
-Hey, isn't that the Eiji kid from way back? I didn't know he became a policeman. Makes sense, considering you threw the poor boy to the Wolf.-
'You make it sound like I had a choice!' Which I didn't really. I didn't have time to argue with Saitoh over a child that technically fell under his jurist diction anyway. After all, the boy's older brother was one of Saitoh's men.
-He seems to have turned out all right, but you never know.-
'Uh-huh.'
I looked out at the young man. He had grown quite a bit since I had seen him those years ago in the village. His black hair was cropped short and his uniform was immaculate. The black eyes were no-nonsense, but they didn't seem cold and his face was lit by a small, quiet smile.
"You heard your mother young lady. The world is a dangerous place and we wouldn't want you getting hurt or lost."
"I did get lost." She replied and pointed, "But Kitty saved me! There was this big, nasty rat and he protected me."
-I did? Great, the kid is delusional.-
"Nasty, what a filthy animal! Fujiko, you are coming with me and you are going to wash your hands right now. It didn't bite you did it? Good. No, we can't keep the kitty. Kitties are nasty, yucky creatures with fleas and dirt and Kami knows what else!"
-Thank you. So was that a good deed, or what? I think I should get two points for all that I put up with.-
Hoji appeared at the corner of some shallow shadows with his eyes glistening with reserved amusement, "One. Only forty-nine left to go. Just remember that every time you do a bad deed, you lose a good deed. That includes digesting me."
-What? That's total crap! When did that rule come into play? You can't just change things to suit your purposes, that's cheating!-
"I did not change a thing. These rules have remained the same since they were decided mutually between Hell and Heaven. You simply are not aware of all of them. A pity."
-A pity my tail! It will be a pity when I'm forced to tear you limb from tiny, rat limb!- Battousai snarled and lunged forward. Rage lent him speed and strength because he pinned the nasty sucker to the ground.
Hoji didn't seem particularly impressed or frightened. He glared back in his usual pompous way. No good intimidating him. That's okay, Battousai had other ways of getting what he wanted. And not all of them required fear. Geez, who's side am I on anyway?
"Hoji, stop antagonizing him." Tomoe commanded calmly. If I could only have one word to describe her it'd be imperturbable. The woman, dead or alive, was practically unflappable. "Please let go of him. You have worked hard, you wouldn't want that deed to go to waste."
'Just do it. It can't be that hard.' I urged, 'Unless you'd like to guide more lost children home?'
He shuddered, 'This good deed stuff is going to mental scar me for life.'
Tomoe, who was in the form of a white dove, very poetic if you ask me, sat unblinking. I'm sure that she could hear Battousai's dialogue, since Hoji seemed very apt at butting in on private conversations between us. Yet she didn't reprimand him, after all, that wasn't a woman's place.
I smiled. Kaoru would have beaten me senseless if I had made such an insensitive remark. Of course, I never would have. Not out loud anyway. After all, I dedicated my life to helping people. I can't say I enjoyed every minute of it, but there is that intangible satisfaction that lingers after a job well done.
"You are already scarred, I suggest you concentrate on other matters. Namely the man that's about to pick you up by your scruff." Hoji sneered and I wanted to take a potshot at him. Bad, rurouni, bad!
Then again, I was dead. So was I still out to help people, or could I let Battousai take over for a bit and relieve my wearying burden? Would that leave me free to act naturally? So that I could be jealous, greedy, and selfish like a normal human? To wish bad things I didn't mean or say things I didn't mean, but still felt?
-Hey, Mister Philosophical, what should we do?-
'Oro?'
It was too late by then. There was this nauseating feeling as we were lifted aloft by the scruff of our neck. The loose fur bunched nicely in his palm and I felt the body respond by going limp. We hung there with our legs and tail curled up protectively.
Battousai's flattened his ears and hissed, but the young man just chuckled.
"You don't look like much." He commented in a deep voice, "But I suppose my brothers will like you anyhow. I wouldn't want such a heroic kitten to starve on the streets."
-No!- Battousai howled, but by then we were tucked under an arm firmly and off to meet an old friend.
A/N: I feel really bad about not posting the next chapter of Strays, so here's an early bonus! Anyway, drive-by replying:
Fyyrrose: Some of my one-shots have more, but it's nice. Yes, I left the forewarning, why'd you think I wouldn't? Posted yes continue I'll try. I really need to work on TT. I think it's time for the boys to get rid of Tokio's "present."
MissBehavin: If only I knew where I was going. Yes, Saitoh, incase you couldn't tell, is definately going to be in here. Enishi laughs don't they eat cats in China? Hoji will be himself --' And Tomoe gets to shoot him down a bit
WhiteRabbit5: I'd be a bit grumpy if I did all that redemption in life, die of a crappy diesease, then was stuck in limbo. Yup. As for a philosophy? These are my typical chariacatures. I generally use Battousai in my humor fics... well, most of my fics are humor... but Kenshin is one person usually. SDK was an interesting anime. I haven't read all the manga yet, and I bet it's different, but Kyo/Kyoshiro's relationship was really twisted. Well, I won't spoil it.
Shimizu Hitomi: yes, you can see why I was laughing so hard. But you know, I have a sick mind, so. Hehe, "Fireflies in the Grass" certainly explained the unexplainable! It all makes perfect sense now!
Hoji: You'll come back as a wingless fruit fly
Kenshin: So when will I be born?
Hoji: Too late, you just died. Mwahahaha!
Kenshin: ;; That wasn't fair, all I did was blink!
misaoshiru: Hmm, so other people watched that show? Yes, vaguely that was one of the base influences, but since I only saw like 4 eppies of Deeds... Most of it is just me being myself.
eriesalia: He'd be a cute bunny! Okay, I've compared Shishio to a bunny... the poor people. Ooo, battousai could be a chipmunk, or a hamster... wait no, those are evil things. The hamsters. And stupid.
indigochipmunk: Thankies, I got tired of being subtle and tactful
TYDYE girl: I always thought it would be a freak accident, but that's just me
Trupana: What's with the cow thing? That really made an impact on you guys, didn't it?!! Well, since Tomoe's going to be a major player I wanted to clear that up right away. I've read it now
kawaii sakura-chan: Thankies, I'm motivated, I think.
Maeve Riannon: I could have done some many evil things to the poor guy. Thank you, I think everyone has some sort of sarcastic inner voice.
Wistful-Eyes: Yes! Just couldn't do without good ol' B, huh. He won't be blowing up any houses... I don't think... not this time... Yup, I finally got Tomoe... well, she's still dead, but she's an animated dead person!
'Again?' I whined. Somehow, to make my reincarnation even more miserable than it is, Battousai ended up regaining control of my body. Well, not that it was a great prize at the moment anyway. With four wobbly, short, fat legs and a bloated little belly. With a big, fat head with large blue eyes and cream markings on the muzzle and around the eyes. Having a tail was odd and so were the whiskers.
Yes, you guessed it. Came back as a cat, or rather a kitten at the moment. Just a few weeks old and he was already getting into trouble, that Battousai. Momma Cat is getting rather fed up and one day he's going to lose her protection slaughtering us both.
Surprisingly he hasn't tried to yet. I would have thought, with all his big talk, that he would just kill us off as soon as possible and go happily to Hell laughing all the way.
Maybe it was Tomoe's impending arrival, or maybe he was just pleased to be prowling the streets of Kyoto again. Yes, I don't know why we were born here, but I'm sure a rather silent man of mediation and a bouncy, hyper weasel chick were going to get a visit. The poor, poor humans; they simply had no idea.
I hoped he would wait until we were big enough to run away in case Misao decided to use us for target practice, or something like that.
-For your information I think rats are tasty.-
'Nasty.'
-Can't live off the teat forever buddy.-
'I won't dignify that with a comment.'
-You just did.-
What's a poor prison to do? I stuck my tongue out, very mature I know. But when you're behind iron bars there isn't a whole lot you can do.
-So what do you think about starting this stupid thing now? I mean, we aren't getting any younger.-
'What? We can barely walk!'
-So? Never stopped me before. I can recall several times when there was no walking.-
'Fine.'
It was morning time, just like any other. Battousai directed us, scooting in and out of heavy, tromping feet with ease. You'd think he'd been feline in his past life or something. We had been wandering the market for a good fifteen minutes, and the sucker actually managed to con some food out of a few vendors! What a suck-up.
-I heard that.-
'What's that?' I asked. I noticed this a few days ago, when I couldn't do much more than think. I'm not nearly so polite to my alter ego as everyone else. In fact, I'm down right rude sometimes. But I think that's because if I were polite to him he'd brush it off in annoyance. He doesn't have time for civilities don't you know? The man is the most anti-social creature I have ever had the misfortunate to meet. He even puts Aoshi to shame.
Rather than waste his time answering he simply swerved in the direction that the sound was coming from. There in the corner sat a little girl. She was a mess and bawling. She couldn't have been more than three or four.
"I want M-momma!" She howled and Battousai cringed. He didn't do well with crying women or children.
'Just shut it!' He yelled, but what really came out was an angry 'meow'.
The child, startled, looked up with big, teary eyes and smiled. She started reaching her chubby, dirty hands in our direction and Battousai sputtered nervously, 'What's that look in her eye? I don't like it, not one bit!'
-I think she wants to petting the kitty, that I do.-
'No way. I'm not part of a petting zoo!'
-I think we are. Here's your good deed, get the girl to her mom. Are you up to it?- Now, if there's something I've learned over the last decade plus, is that Battousai loves a challenge and he hates to fail.
'Of course.' He snapped scornfully, 'Why wouldn't I be?'
The thing about this was that my wonderful, fearless alter ego had a few problems with little children. Namely a phobia of them, and being a cute, fuzzy kitten wasn't helping any. The child naturally wanted to get her little grubby hands on the furry animal in front of her.
"Kitty!" She said making a lunge. I'd love to say that with a quick jump we nimbly scampered out of reach.
'Curse these short, stubby legs!'
-Just play along. I don't think biting is a good thing.-
'Do I get negative points?' He snapped sarcastically.
"Actually, yes." An oily, brown rat remarked from the box he was perched on. The beady, black eyes were gleaming with amusement and the whiskers were twitching.
'Give me one reason why I shouldn't eat you rat-boy.' Battousai snarled, trying to wiggle out of the child's tight grasp.
The rat looked down steadily and a sneer was curling around his mouth. That looks really funny on a rat actually. Like he tasted something bad, but rats seem to like everything so that couldn't be it. His sharp incisors gleamed as his lips drew back.
"Ah!" The girl screamed, dropping her prize. She cowered in the other corner shaking her finger at Hoji and muttering gibberish in fright.
'Good job you dumbass. You're making my job harder. Why shouldn't I eat you?'
"I will simply return."
'That's not a reason, it's a threat.' Battousai snorted and cautiously coiled around the child's legs. She never took her eyes off Hoji.
"Get it kitty! Go! Kill it dead."
-Yes, kill it dead.- I snickered. He glared and suddenly the bars were shrinking in around me. -Oro.-
'Listen here brat, I doubt you're tiny brain is even registering this, but you need to find the woman that bore such a simpleton like you. I don't know what she looks like and strolling around until we find her won't work all that well.'
Well, of course, she had no idea what he was directing her on, but she got up anyway. Brushing off her clothing in a prissy manner she looked around before striking out.
"Come on Kitty! We need to go find Mommy!"
'The confidence of youth.' I smirked.
-What do I look like, a dog? I don't heel.-
'That you don't.' I tittered and he threw an electric jolt at me. I frowned, I hated when he did that. I never did that to him when he was in the cage. Not much anyway.
We followed the child about half a block, with Hoji slinking in the shadows, before a very upset woman rushed forward with a furious look. She snatched the child's tiny hand and screamed.
"Fujiko! You had me scared to death! How many times have I told you to stay next to me at all times? I even found a nice policeman to help me look for you."
The woman turned to the 'nice policeman'.
-Hey, isn't that the Eiji kid from way back? I didn't know he became a policeman. Makes sense, considering you threw the poor boy to the Wolf.-
'You make it sound like I had a choice!' Which I didn't really. I didn't have time to argue with Saitoh over a child that technically fell under his jurist diction anyway. After all, the boy's older brother was one of Saitoh's men.
-He seems to have turned out all right, but you never know.-
'Uh-huh.'
I looked out at the young man. He had grown quite a bit since I had seen him those years ago in the village. His black hair was cropped short and his uniform was immaculate. The black eyes were no-nonsense, but they didn't seem cold and his face was lit by a small, quiet smile.
"You heard your mother young lady. The world is a dangerous place and we wouldn't want you getting hurt or lost."
"I did get lost." She replied and pointed, "But Kitty saved me! There was this big, nasty rat and he protected me."
-I did? Great, the kid is delusional.-
"Nasty, what a filthy animal! Fujiko, you are coming with me and you are going to wash your hands right now. It didn't bite you did it? Good. No, we can't keep the kitty. Kitties are nasty, yucky creatures with fleas and dirt and Kami knows what else!"
-Thank you. So was that a good deed, or what? I think I should get two points for all that I put up with.-
Hoji appeared at the corner of some shallow shadows with his eyes glistening with reserved amusement, "One. Only forty-nine left to go. Just remember that every time you do a bad deed, you lose a good deed. That includes digesting me."
-What? That's total crap! When did that rule come into play? You can't just change things to suit your purposes, that's cheating!-
"I did not change a thing. These rules have remained the same since they were decided mutually between Hell and Heaven. You simply are not aware of all of them. A pity."
-A pity my tail! It will be a pity when I'm forced to tear you limb from tiny, rat limb!- Battousai snarled and lunged forward. Rage lent him speed and strength because he pinned the nasty sucker to the ground.
Hoji didn't seem particularly impressed or frightened. He glared back in his usual pompous way. No good intimidating him. That's okay, Battousai had other ways of getting what he wanted. And not all of them required fear. Geez, who's side am I on anyway?
"Hoji, stop antagonizing him." Tomoe commanded calmly. If I could only have one word to describe her it'd be imperturbable. The woman, dead or alive, was practically unflappable. "Please let go of him. You have worked hard, you wouldn't want that deed to go to waste."
'Just do it. It can't be that hard.' I urged, 'Unless you'd like to guide more lost children home?'
He shuddered, 'This good deed stuff is going to mental scar me for life.'
Tomoe, who was in the form of a white dove, very poetic if you ask me, sat unblinking. I'm sure that she could hear Battousai's dialogue, since Hoji seemed very apt at butting in on private conversations between us. Yet she didn't reprimand him, after all, that wasn't a woman's place.
I smiled. Kaoru would have beaten me senseless if I had made such an insensitive remark. Of course, I never would have. Not out loud anyway. After all, I dedicated my life to helping people. I can't say I enjoyed every minute of it, but there is that intangible satisfaction that lingers after a job well done.
"You are already scarred, I suggest you concentrate on other matters. Namely the man that's about to pick you up by your scruff." Hoji sneered and I wanted to take a potshot at him. Bad, rurouni, bad!
Then again, I was dead. So was I still out to help people, or could I let Battousai take over for a bit and relieve my wearying burden? Would that leave me free to act naturally? So that I could be jealous, greedy, and selfish like a normal human? To wish bad things I didn't mean or say things I didn't mean, but still felt?
-Hey, Mister Philosophical, what should we do?-
'Oro?'
It was too late by then. There was this nauseating feeling as we were lifted aloft by the scruff of our neck. The loose fur bunched nicely in his palm and I felt the body respond by going limp. We hung there with our legs and tail curled up protectively.
Battousai's flattened his ears and hissed, but the young man just chuckled.
"You don't look like much." He commented in a deep voice, "But I suppose my brothers will like you anyhow. I wouldn't want such a heroic kitten to starve on the streets."
-No!- Battousai howled, but by then we were tucked under an arm firmly and off to meet an old friend.
A/N: I feel really bad about not posting the next chapter of Strays, so here's an early bonus! Anyway, drive-by replying:
Fyyrrose: Some of my one-shots have more, but it's nice. Yes, I left the forewarning, why'd you think I wouldn't? Posted yes continue I'll try. I really need to work on TT. I think it's time for the boys to get rid of Tokio's "present."
MissBehavin: If only I knew where I was going. Yes, Saitoh, incase you couldn't tell, is definately going to be in here. Enishi laughs don't they eat cats in China? Hoji will be himself --' And Tomoe gets to shoot him down a bit
WhiteRabbit5: I'd be a bit grumpy if I did all that redemption in life, die of a crappy diesease, then was stuck in limbo. Yup. As for a philosophy? These are my typical chariacatures. I generally use Battousai in my humor fics... well, most of my fics are humor... but Kenshin is one person usually. SDK was an interesting anime. I haven't read all the manga yet, and I bet it's different, but Kyo/Kyoshiro's relationship was really twisted. Well, I won't spoil it.
Shimizu Hitomi: yes, you can see why I was laughing so hard. But you know, I have a sick mind, so. Hehe, "Fireflies in the Grass" certainly explained the unexplainable! It all makes perfect sense now!
Hoji: You'll come back as a wingless fruit fly
Kenshin: So when will I be born?
Hoji: Too late, you just died. Mwahahaha!
Kenshin: ;; That wasn't fair, all I did was blink!
misaoshiru: Hmm, so other people watched that show? Yes, vaguely that was one of the base influences, but since I only saw like 4 eppies of Deeds... Most of it is just me being myself.
eriesalia: He'd be a cute bunny! Okay, I've compared Shishio to a bunny... the poor people. Ooo, battousai could be a chipmunk, or a hamster... wait no, those are evil things. The hamsters. And stupid.
indigochipmunk: Thankies, I got tired of being subtle and tactful
TYDYE girl: I always thought it would be a freak accident, but that's just me
Trupana: What's with the cow thing? That really made an impact on you guys, didn't it?!! Well, since Tomoe's going to be a major player I wanted to clear that up right away. I've read it now
kawaii sakura-chan: Thankies, I'm motivated, I think.
Maeve Riannon: I could have done some many evil things to the poor guy. Thank you, I think everyone has some sort of sarcastic inner voice.
Wistful-Eyes: Yes! Just couldn't do without good ol' B, huh. He won't be blowing up any houses... I don't think... not this time... Yup, I finally got Tomoe... well, she's still dead, but she's an animated dead person!