Sora and the Perils of Randomness
By Goggle
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I have it up one day, don't get the 20 reviews I asked for, and still I update. The things I do for you people…..Ooh, I bet you like the chapter title. Sounds sexy, doesn't it? Actually, this chapter might turn into a song-fic (no need to tell you what song it is, you'll probably know it) and a parody (you will know it too). Makes you want to read and review, right?
Hey boys and girls, gather 'round and listen to a tale of an author named Goggle. She didn't own Kingdom Hearts, or Squaresoft, or Disney, or even a timeshare in the Bahamas. And she didn't claim to own any of these things, except for Stacy the Seahorse. So if anyone sued her, she'd just say "Look at the disclaimer! See! I don't own anything!" and then they'd drop their case. So, kiddies, the lesson is that Goggle doesn't own anything, so keep your filthy hands off my pudding!
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Chapter 2: Touched For The Very First Time
As Sora came to, he liked what he saw. And that vision was…Riku. Now, the sight of Riku alone is enough to make many fangirls faint, and the sight of Sora enjoying the sight of Riku is enough to make some fangirls write dirty stories making the two mate like sex-starved bunnies, Sora was happy for another reason. Riku, in a completely random change of personality and clothing preference, was dressed as a pimp; he was wearing a hat, coat, and all. In his left hand was a cane, and in his right hand was a stack of "Benjamins." At his right side stood what appeared to be his "ho", a 55-year-old blonde woman named Tanya who had curly hair, bangs, and a bald spot, and dressed in a hot pink tube top, blue leggings, and stiletto shoes. Riku spoke, "Hey, Sora! Ohmygawd, I woke up and I had a room full of fly honeys around me! They are, like, so freaking hot and desirable! Here, have one of them. It would be selfish not to share the fun." With that, he handed Tanya to Sora, and pulled a massive cigarette filled with fish out of the left breast pocket of his jacket, which he lit and immediately proceeded to smoke.
Sora was left with the "ho". To tell the truth, he wasn't really interested in Tanya. It's not because Tanya was old enough to be his grandmother, but that baldness in women wasn't really a turn-on. He picked up a rock from the ground and hit her on the head; she collapsed and said, "Oy." Then Sora randomly achieved Herculean strength, picked her up, and chucked her into the ocean. He shook his head and said, "Ugh. That ho was nasty. Still, stuff like that doesn't happen every day. In fact, it was kinda cool! I gotta tell the others!"
Just then, Sora heard a voice say, "Oh, So-ra! So-ra! Come over he-ere!" He turned around to see Kairi in a wedding dress standing on top of a what appeared to be a giant cake. "Oh, crap!" Sora thought, "She wants me to marry her? I'm not ready to take the next step in our relationship!" Even though he was frightened of commitment, he came closer. Suddenly, speakers came out of the sand and started blasting music. Kairi then lifted a microphone a few inches away from her mouth, as if she was going to sing. "Oh, she's just going to sing to me. Okay, I guess. She can't be that bad of a singer, can she?" Kairi took a breath and started singing:
"I made it through the wilderness,
Somehow I made it through-oo-oo
Didn't know how lost I was until I found you-oo-oo"
Sora was a bit shocked, to say the least. He was expecting her to belt out a Britney Spears tune, but this seemed unfamiliar to his ears. As Kairi sang, she quickly walked down the steps on the cake and had walked up to Sora. Right now she was inches in front of his face.
"I was beat, incomplete,
I'd been had, I was sad and blue-oo
But you made me fee-ee-eel
Yeah you ma-aa-aa-ade me fee-eel
Shiny and new-oo"
Kairi was now sitting on Sora, who had been pushed down onto the sand. Sora attempted to sit up, and then noticed that Selphie walked out from behind the cake, wearing a wedding dress as well, with a microphone in front of her face, prepared to sing. Just as Selphie opened her mouth, two seagulls swooped down and grabbed the speakers, and flew away with them. Kairi and Selphie let out an "Awww!" and Sora sighed in relief that he wasn't going to get groped anymore.
When it seemed like it couldn't get worse, a tidal wave washed over them, getting Kairi and Selphie's dresses all wet, and hundreds of fish washed up on the sandy beach. Pimped-out Riku ran over and started stuffing fish into his coat pockets, saying, "Tutto per me! Tutto pesci per me! Mwahaha!" Sora rolled his eyes and looked up, saying, "Aztrofollicameesha, there's no way I can't handle this randomness."
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will Sora realize randomness is not for him? Will Kairi and Selphie finish their song? What did the seagulls do with the speakers, and how did they carry them? Why is Riku speaking in Italian? All this and more will be answered in the next installment of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review. One of those poor staving African children has been let go thanks to the tiny amount of reviews I got, but nine children still remain, the ninjas now not only have giant novelty pencils, but big crusty baguettes as well, and their unicorns are wearing stiletto shoes. Review, review, review, review.
And if you don't know what song I used, or what I was parodying, I'll tell in the next chapter. If you do know, please don't tell what it is in the review, as it will spoil it for others. And sorry if my Italian was bad, I just got it out of an Italian-English dictionary.
Review!
By Goggle
-------------------------
I have it up one day, don't get the 20 reviews I asked for, and still I update. The things I do for you people…..Ooh, I bet you like the chapter title. Sounds sexy, doesn't it? Actually, this chapter might turn into a song-fic (no need to tell you what song it is, you'll probably know it) and a parody (you will know it too). Makes you want to read and review, right?
Hey boys and girls, gather 'round and listen to a tale of an author named Goggle. She didn't own Kingdom Hearts, or Squaresoft, or Disney, or even a timeshare in the Bahamas. And she didn't claim to own any of these things, except for Stacy the Seahorse. So if anyone sued her, she'd just say "Look at the disclaimer! See! I don't own anything!" and then they'd drop their case. So, kiddies, the lesson is that Goggle doesn't own anything, so keep your filthy hands off my pudding!
-------------------------
Chapter 2: Touched For The Very First Time
As Sora came to, he liked what he saw. And that vision was…Riku. Now, the sight of Riku alone is enough to make many fangirls faint, and the sight of Sora enjoying the sight of Riku is enough to make some fangirls write dirty stories making the two mate like sex-starved bunnies, Sora was happy for another reason. Riku, in a completely random change of personality and clothing preference, was dressed as a pimp; he was wearing a hat, coat, and all. In his left hand was a cane, and in his right hand was a stack of "Benjamins." At his right side stood what appeared to be his "ho", a 55-year-old blonde woman named Tanya who had curly hair, bangs, and a bald spot, and dressed in a hot pink tube top, blue leggings, and stiletto shoes. Riku spoke, "Hey, Sora! Ohmygawd, I woke up and I had a room full of fly honeys around me! They are, like, so freaking hot and desirable! Here, have one of them. It would be selfish not to share the fun." With that, he handed Tanya to Sora, and pulled a massive cigarette filled with fish out of the left breast pocket of his jacket, which he lit and immediately proceeded to smoke.
Sora was left with the "ho". To tell the truth, he wasn't really interested in Tanya. It's not because Tanya was old enough to be his grandmother, but that baldness in women wasn't really a turn-on. He picked up a rock from the ground and hit her on the head; she collapsed and said, "Oy." Then Sora randomly achieved Herculean strength, picked her up, and chucked her into the ocean. He shook his head and said, "Ugh. That ho was nasty. Still, stuff like that doesn't happen every day. In fact, it was kinda cool! I gotta tell the others!"
Just then, Sora heard a voice say, "Oh, So-ra! So-ra! Come over he-ere!" He turned around to see Kairi in a wedding dress standing on top of a what appeared to be a giant cake. "Oh, crap!" Sora thought, "She wants me to marry her? I'm not ready to take the next step in our relationship!" Even though he was frightened of commitment, he came closer. Suddenly, speakers came out of the sand and started blasting music. Kairi then lifted a microphone a few inches away from her mouth, as if she was going to sing. "Oh, she's just going to sing to me. Okay, I guess. She can't be that bad of a singer, can she?" Kairi took a breath and started singing:
"I made it through the wilderness,
Somehow I made it through-oo-oo
Didn't know how lost I was until I found you-oo-oo"
Sora was a bit shocked, to say the least. He was expecting her to belt out a Britney Spears tune, but this seemed unfamiliar to his ears. As Kairi sang, she quickly walked down the steps on the cake and had walked up to Sora. Right now she was inches in front of his face.
"I was beat, incomplete,
I'd been had, I was sad and blue-oo
But you made me fee-ee-eel
Yeah you ma-aa-aa-ade me fee-eel
Shiny and new-oo"
Kairi was now sitting on Sora, who had been pushed down onto the sand. Sora attempted to sit up, and then noticed that Selphie walked out from behind the cake, wearing a wedding dress as well, with a microphone in front of her face, prepared to sing. Just as Selphie opened her mouth, two seagulls swooped down and grabbed the speakers, and flew away with them. Kairi and Selphie let out an "Awww!" and Sora sighed in relief that he wasn't going to get groped anymore.
When it seemed like it couldn't get worse, a tidal wave washed over them, getting Kairi and Selphie's dresses all wet, and hundreds of fish washed up on the sandy beach. Pimped-out Riku ran over and started stuffing fish into his coat pockets, saying, "Tutto per me! Tutto pesci per me! Mwahaha!" Sora rolled his eyes and looked up, saying, "Aztrofollicameesha, there's no way I can't handle this randomness."
-------------------------
DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will Sora realize randomness is not for him? Will Kairi and Selphie finish their song? What did the seagulls do with the speakers, and how did they carry them? Why is Riku speaking in Italian? All this and more will be answered in the next installment of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!
-------------------------
Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review. One of those poor staving African children has been let go thanks to the tiny amount of reviews I got, but nine children still remain, the ninjas now not only have giant novelty pencils, but big crusty baguettes as well, and their unicorns are wearing stiletto shoes. Review, review, review, review.
And if you don't know what song I used, or what I was parodying, I'll tell in the next chapter. If you do know, please don't tell what it is in the review, as it will spoil it for others. And sorry if my Italian was bad, I just got it out of an Italian-English dictionary.
Review!