Disclaimer: I don't own Mutant X or the X Men.

Discoveries

Chapter 9

Earlier in that same day while Kitty napped, Jesse visited with his friends. After his talk with the professor he ventured off to see if he could find Jean and Ororo. He found Jean giving lunch to little Thomas. "Hey, there, big guy, how's the food? It looks yummy." Jesse watched as he turned a smiling face smeared with mashed sweet potatoes and pears up at him. He laughed as the baby reached for him. "Oh, no. You have to finish eating first." Turning to Jean he smiled.

Knowing what he was asking, since he'd done it so often on his visits to the mansion before, Jean just got up and handed him the spoon and bowl. "Go for it, Champ. He always seems to finish for you anyhow."

"Well that's because he knows that after lunch we always go for a ride." Jesse smiled as he fed the boy his next spoonful.

Jean moved to the sink and washed her hands and got a washcloth ready for when he was done. "You and Brennan did a great job finding the girls so quickly. God only knows what would have happened if it had taken any longer."

"Thank you and I've imagined too many scenarios in the past two days. It drove me crazy with worry. That's why I came looking for you. I want to talk to you about something."

Jean watched and listened as he spoke with all seriousness to her and was still able to portray a happy playmate to her son as he fed him. She continued to be amazed by the abilities of her friend.

As Thomas finished his last bite, Jesse reached for the cloth Jean offered. "So you see, I'm not sure how she's going to react. I know she'll need someone to turn to. So I decided to tell you and Ororo first. The professor already knows."

"You're both family to us. We'll support any decision that the two of you make." She went over and hugged Jesse as he stood up.

Taking a deep breath he turned to Thomas. "Well, kiddo, what should we do now?" He smiled as the child reached up for him. "I know, our ride." Lifting him from his seat he answered. "Wave 'bye bye' to mommy. We'll go see if we can find Auntie Ro." Jesse swung the child up to his shoulder and off they went.

After a short search, Jesse found Ororo watching Logan work on his motorcycle in the garage. "Here's Auntie Ro," he said as they passed through the door, "and look who else is here. Ew, Uncle Logan is all dirty."

Thomas laughed as Logan pretended to grab at him with grease coated fingers. "Somehow, I don't think getting dirty is gonna to bother him. I've seen him eat." Logan remarked.

Jesse handed the child to Ro when she reached for him. "How's Kitty feeling?" she asked.

"She seemed to be ok earlier. We really didn't talk too much about it. She got tired and went to take a nap." Jesse hopped up on the hood of Logan's jeep. "I wanted to talk to you about something while she slept, if you have a minute."

"Of course," Ro answered as she looked to Logan with slight apprehension.

Logan wiped his hands on an already dirty rag as he listened to all Jesse had to say. "Are you absolutely sure?" His question left no room for doubts as he glared at him.

"Yes." Jesse's answer was just as definitive as he confidently returned Logan's glare.

"I'm not sure how Kitty will react." Ororo patted Thomas as he fell asleep on her shoulder.

"I know. That's why I wanted to tell you and Jean. She'll need someone to talk to and I wanted to make sure you understood where I was coming from first."

Just then, Kitty came through the door. "Hey, I've been looking for you."

Jesse jumped down and kissed her when she came to him. "How was your nap?"

"Wonderful, I feel like a new person." She smiled as she hugged him.

"Great. Why don't we go for a walk since you're so rested?" Jesse smiled when she nodded and guided her out of the garage and on to the grounds.

He led her to the pond on the far end of the property. They sat in silence for a while as they watched the sun shining off the still water. Jesse turned and watched her face. He knew she had a million thoughts going through her head. "Kitty, we should talk about what happened."

Kitty turned quickly, "You said nothing happened." Fear set in her eyes as she questioned him.

"Nothing happened between us but this mission had some strong affects on you." He looked down. "I just think you need to talk some things out."

Kitty watched him for a moment as she replayed the events in her head. Taking a deep breath she began, "I guess you're right. I am really frustrated at the way things happened." She lay back in the grass as she spoke.

Jesse leaned back on his elbow so he could listen and watch her. He loved to just look at her. She was the most beautiful thing in his world.

"Jubes and I thought the mission was a bust. We were really feeling like we failed those missing mutants. They had been missing for over a month. Knowing now what the situation was, I just keep thinking about all they had to endure and how they must be feeling now that they aren't drugged anymore."

"The professor is making sure they get all the help they need."

"I know. Brennan told us after we first got to his room that we had been missing for two days. Two days of my life gone, Jess, I can't believe it. What did Derek do to us in those two days?"

"I really believe he just kept you sedated while he waited for a buyer. If I thought he had really touched you, --- well, --- he'd be in a lot worse shape than he is now."

"That makes me feel a little better. Thank you." She moved closer and as he lay next to her she put her head on his shoulder. "When the serum started to work, I started thinking about you." She fell silent as she began to recall the intense feelings she had had while under the influence of the stuff.

"I wish I had been able to get to you sooner." Jesse covered her hand on his chest with his.

"I'm glad you weren't." She moved and sat up when she felt him lift his head to question her. As they sat now next to each other Kitty tried to decide how to talk about this. "When we began our relationship we said we were going to take it slow and we have. I appreciate that more than you could know. We've taken the time to get to know each other. We've made out but you've never once tried to push me. I know that it's been hard on you." She watched as Jesse smiled and looked away. "What? Why are you smiling like that?"

Jesse composed himself and looked back to her. "I promised you that we would take it slow. I would never break that promise. I also needed the time to be able to make sure I would be thinking clearly when we actually got to that point. I don't want you ever to think that it's not you I'm concentrating on." He took her hands and caressed them, as he continued in a lower voice. "That doesn't mean that I haven't wanted to." Leaning in slowly he kissed her showing her exactly what he meant.

When she pulled back, she saw him furrow his brow in disappointment. "Jesse, I can't. I need to finish this. I've dreamt about you since I was 13. They were dreams of spending hours just kissing. As I got older the dreams didn't stop. They only got 'older' with me." She hit his shoulder when she saw him wiggle his eyebrows at her. "Stop and just listen, please. When you weren't around they weren't as frequent. When Mutant X came to visit they seemed to resurface. As time went on and I realized that it was more than just a crush the dreams got even more intense. I would wake up in a sweat sometimes when you guys would visit. It would upset me because I was always afraid Emma would sense it and I didn't want to cause you any problems. I knew how much you loved her." She stopped as she began to get teary. "I loved her too and I miss her. I would have never wished anything on her just to get you."

"Hey," Jesse took her hands, "I would never think that." His voice was stern and sure yet soft and understanding.

"I know. It's just that with everything I have to tell you, I just had to say that, too." She reached up and caressed his cheek as he smiled for her. "For the last 8 months I've been dreaming about you---us---almost every night."

"I've dreamt of us, too." He saw her smile then look away shyly.

Taking another breath, she turned back. "When I had the serum in me, I couldn't help but think of you. I knew you were close and that you and Brennan would get us out of there. I wasn't worried. I knew you weren't in any danger, so it wasn't that. My dreams began to play in my mind. I tried to fight them. I tried to push them away and think of anything else. I tried to think of Thomas, but I began to remember when you came right after he was born and picked him up like a pro. I tried to think of Logan's survival classes. Then I remembered the time I ran into the cave and got caught inside. You came in to find me. I tried to think of my parents and then remembered how much I want you to meet them. No matter what I tried to distract myself with, I was reminded of you."

"That's good isn't it? I'm glad it was me you were thinking of."

"No." She shook her head. "I was furious at myself in the beginning for being so weak and letting the serum influence me. Jubilee wasn't having any reactions at all. Brennan saw me shaking and put his arms around me. At first he thought Derek was watching. He held me and kissed my neck. All I could do was imagine that it was you. The pain subsided for a while and he moved away. I had to keep telling myself that it wasn't you. Brennan is your best friend. This was only a mission. I heard him talking to you and it helped to know you were close."

He put his arm around her and drew her close to him. "I'm glad Brennan was there for you when I couldn't be. I trust him with you and I trust you with him."

She pulled away and stood up. "You shouldn't. I couldn't trust me. When it began to hurt again, I was in tears. To stop the pain, I curled into a ball so tight I couldn't breathe. Nothing worked. I saw Brennan take his shirt off and crawl onto the bed. I put my head on his shoulder. I ---wanted to--- touch him. I had to feel his skin on mine. All I could see was you in my head. I fought to keep my hand in a fist on his chest. I dug my nails in just to keep from letting it wander. His attention wasn't on me. Thank God. He was trying to get Jubilee to come closer. She was strong enough to move away. I wasn't."

Jesse stood behind her and touched her shoulders. "Kitty, stop torturing yourself. None of this was your fault. You did keep controlled in a very painful situation. When I walked in, you were only under his arm. Not that it's her fault either but Jubilee was the one kissing him."

Crying Kitty turned to face him. "That was only because he was focused on her. If we had still been on the bed, I don't know what I would have done to him. I just couldn't help it. I'm so sorry." She began to sob as he pulled her into his embrace.

"Shh, Baby, you have to stop. It wasn't you." He tried to calm her.

"No, Jess, don't you see? That's what I'm trying to tell you. It is me. It has to be. The serum only brought out what was already there. When you walked in, it only gave me you to focus on. God only knows what I would have done to you if Jean hadn't sedated me. I was attacking you and you had to fight me off. How do I know what will happen the next time we make out? Will I be strong enough to deal with the heat of the moment? How can I ever trust myself again? How can you trust me?" Again she moved away from him.

"Kitty, that's enough. Now listen to me. The serum was designed to do that. I was only fighting you off because I knew it wasn't you. That's not what you would've wanted. Knowing that, I would never have allowed it." He put his arms around her and guided her back to the pond. "Everyone did what was necessary to get the job done. Brennan protected you and Jubilee. Any of us would have done the same thing for any of you girls. Before I knew you were missing I had plans for this weekend. There was so much I wanted to tell you. The mission just proved to me that what I was doing was right."

He dried her tears and kissed her cheek as he sat against a tree and allowed Kitty to sit in front of him. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned her back against him. "You were right when you said we've taken it slow. I've loved this time we've spent getting to know each other. You've meant the world to me. I would hate to imagine what my life would have been like if you hadn't been there when Emma died." He felt her squeeze his hand. "I said that taking it slow gave me the chance to make sure that when the time was right I would be completely focused on you. Well, my entire life right now is focused on you. I can never stop thinking about you."

She turned to face him when he didn't continue. He was waiting for her. When she turned he caught her gaze and looked deeply into her eyes. "Kitty, I love you. You mean the world to me and I want to give you the world; my world. After I lost Emma I learned that I should never take anything or anyone for granted. We have no guarantees of tomorrow. When my feelings for you changed and you permeated my soul, I vowed to treasure every moment God gives us. I missed you so much this month. It nearly killed me, not being able to even talk to you. I didn't like it and made some very important decisions. When you went missing and we found you, I knew that the time was right. I can't wait any longer." He watched as emotion after emotion crossed her face. Gently he turned her to face him completely. "Kitty, I want you. Not only do I want your body, but I want you with me, always. I want to love you and protect you and keep you in my world." Jesse stopped and reached into his pocket. He withdrew his hand and took a deep breath. "Kitty Pryde, will you marry me?"

Kitty gasped when she actually heard him ask the question she'd been dreaming he'd ask since she was 13. She looked at his extended hand and saw a beautiful, large, heart shaped diamond in a platinum setting. Looking back to him she just stared into his eyes unable to speak as thought after thought assaulted her mind.

He remained still and just smiled at her but his smile quickly faded as he saw her fight to reign in tears, quickly stand and bolt back toward the mansion. Jesse was shocked for a moment and didn't move. When he could finally think, he got up and dashed after her.

TBC