Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! Almost a month. I was having computer troubles, and I don't have study hall at school anymore, so I've had a lot of homework. But no worrys, I'm back in action! Lol...Ok, well here's chapter three. R&R!

Disclaimer: If I owned the OC, I'd have to be Josh Schwartz. Do I sound like him to you? ;)

Chapter 3: Thoughts and Dreams of What I Can't Have

Ryan clenched the stearing wheel as hard as he could, as he sang the words to Hoobastank's "The Reason" in his head. This song usually always made him feel better, but now it was just making everything worse. This song used to have no meaning to him, it was just any old song. It only made him think of Marissa now.

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

God, how could he have been so stupid? He turned the song off, he just couldn't handle the pain it was causing him. But that didn't help. He would look out the window, and see a cloud in the shape of an M. Or he could look at the clock, and the little numbers would form the words 'I'm sorry.' Or 'I love you'. Damn, he could even look over out into the ocean and see a guy surfing and that would remind him of Marissa. Marissa didn't even like surfing. Nor did she ever try to surf, or even know anybody that surfed. Well, besides Sandy and Seth.

After what seemed like forever, Ryan pulled into the Cohen's driveway. By now, it was dark, and Seth, Sandy and Kirsten were probably eating dinner. Right now, he didn't want to eat. He didn't want to talk. To anyone. Not even himself. Ryan hated himself right now. For being mad at Marissa, for not trusting her, for driving her out of his life, and for letting her go. It seemed as though Seth had more influence on him as he thought. He seemed to follow his example of making beautiful blonde-haired women leave the state. He told himself that would never happen to him. He would always love Marissa. And look where that got him. Love always caused him pain, always caused someone to leave.

Ryan slammed the black Range Rover's side door shut. He tood the back way through the patio into the dark poolhouse. Once he saw his bed, he walked over and slumped on to the soft bed. Not even bothering to take his shoes off, he lay down, and again contemplated today's events. A light knock on his door again interrupted him from his thoughts. The knock was soft, and feminine. He hoped with all of his heart that it was Marissa, but deep down, he knew that it would only be Kirsten, or even Seth, trying to show sympathy with his knock.

"Come in." Ryan moaned, even though he really didn't want to see anyone.

He heard the person step in, and walk up to his bed. He decided he might as well look up, as if it was one of the Cohens, he knew that they would make him look up anyway.

If your wondering, YES, it was supposed to end there. I hope you liked it, even thought it was short, and more Ryan brooding time. But hey, he's hot when he's brooding, even though I feel bad for him. Anyway, please review! It makes me smile! Oh, and also, I know a lot of people use "The Reason" in their fics, and I have actually used it once, but I just couldn't help myself. Besides, I didn't steal the idea from anyone, I just used the song. Don't sue me!