Author's Notes: I've had enough of the word 'hospital' to last me a while. First, my brother gets a weird bumpy thing on his neck, that was about a week ago, then my cousin gets heart damage (he's 30 something ^^;;) and goes to the hospital, then Roxy's aunt died two days before Halloween, and while I'm typing this note, my brother is IN the hospital because our neighbor's dog bit 'em... SEE PEOPLE?! ANOTHER REASON WHY I HATE DOGS!!! I've never liked 'em... Well, considering I was attacked 3 times when I was a kid -_- yeah.... But anyhow, me being the paradox I am, it helped finish up this chapter. But battling that is the limit that my mom has not set up- 1 hour 30 minutes of internet time per day. *sighs* So I won't have much inspiration anymore in that subject....

Adding to that... I recently read one of my penpal's diaries... very depressing... That helped me fuel some of this angst, I guess. I just couldn't help making this thing angst. It just... came. It totally defied my outline. But it just came. The inspiration was there... and it just flowed unto this. Especially with the heart-wrenching entries that were in there.... I'm on an anti-Christian spree right now. I nearly yelled at Amara because of that. I didn't, though. But I was really pissed, getting all these hospital, and asylum reports above my head.

It's really stressing. Really. And that's why "The Peony" and this fic got done way before I thought it would.

What can I say? Depression fuels me.

Anyhooish, notes.

Sailor Millennium: Loved Hiei's drunk talk ^^ "I swear to drunk I'm not God!" Tee hee. ^^ Sure, Hiei, sure... *pokes* but... *sighs* I won't get to write humorous Hiei for quite a while now... it's going to be dark again... like how you want it, right? ^^ *sighs* but then... *sobs* you won't be on the net for a looong time... T_T I'll miiiiiiss yooooouuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madame Arrow Foxfire: Ooo, questions? *pokes* All right, right now, I don't need much other than the appearance of the Koorime settlement that Hiei was born to... you know, the floating island? I've never really seen a picture of it... I need to know what type of house they have, the traditions done with death, that stuff. I'd like it if you can tell me by chapter 11, please. ^^ You've been a great help so far with Kuronue. Hmm... Yomi... *goes off to research* or will you tell me more, like, past the basic blinding and revenge thing... things that hint toward romance. *winks*

LadyFuzzy: ^^;; Er... fine. Skit. Oh, and you do remember that "The Peony" now officially screwed with the plot, right? Oh and... *GLOMP* YAY!!! YOU'RE FUZZY AGAIN!!

Hiei Hotsause: ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Er... Seto fics? *points to Mayara Estrel* Look there. Or, two very good Ryou/Seto fics are "Plans," by Just Ego, and "Fairydust," by Pikachumaniac. AND, I am proud to say, I proofread a few chapters of "Plans" while her usual beta was on vacation. Oh, and LadyFuzzy read my reviews... and regretted it when she came to yours. *grins* But I'm used to people like you. I have a talent for attracting insane people ^^;; let's see, one suicidal person, one self-mutilist, two psychos who drive me crazy, and NOW YOU!!! ...As you can see, I know people! *grin* Anyhoo... I don't have a car yet. And this story is more of a character development story than a plot story.... ^^;; Although yes, this thing actually does have a plot....

Rachel Marianne: -_- Cut down on the sugar already! Wait. O.o Is that "..." person your friend or something?!

...:  Erm... thanks for the reviews? Many reviews, I might mention ;; Er... sugar? Where?!

Tat: NOO!!!! SPARE KURAMA!!! SPAAARE HIM!!!! *gets on knees and begs* There's some darkness in here! SPPPPAAAARE KURAMA! T_T

PyscoticLoverKitty: Yeah, poor peach. Hmm... the evil sake is taken away... for now! *evil laugh*

Roxy-the-Wolf-Demon: I still can't believe you kissed Hiei in our RP. Really.

Warnings(haven't done this in a while ^^;;): Umm... death threats... profanity... that's all for now!

Disclaimer: Okay, since I've just gotten out of English class, let's post an analogy, okay?

Yusuke :: Rose Whip

Kuwabara :: hot guy

Hiei :: skimpy bikini

Kurama :: annoying spoiled brat

R Amythest :: Yu Yu Hakusho

The solution:

Person :: an item or trait that he/she doesn't possess

^_^ I LOVE doing that.

*~*~*Clouds*~*~*

I face the mirror and look into my own eyes.

Stormy, unclear, shrouded. Clouds float beneath the surface, confusing and twisting emotion. They will continue to grow, and soon it will rain... acid rain of fury, defiance, misery... unleashed at the most inconvenient of times. Someday I shall lash out at the world... clouds unleashing a storm, black gems flying, metal slashing through the air... my only worry is that it will happen too soon.

I'd rather have the clouds. But where's the sunshine?

These days, I think it's with Koenma and his little dancing detectives. They're too cheery, if you ask me. Walking around in their land of innocence... a land that will never survive for long. The wrath of fate never allows those worlds... he allows only the ones with darkness to prevail. Soon, their world will come crashing down while I remain standing... standing for a price. And this price... is the clouds.

The flower fields are beautiful, I'll admit that. But without the dark storms, they would never survive. They'll wither without the hardships within.

The only question is, would I rather wither, or suffer the storms?

Truth is, I don't want either of these to happen. I'd love it if everything were sunshine and happiness. That's the truth... of dreams. The truth of reality is that nothing ever comes without a price. And the clarity of sanity is my sacrifice.

The ones who don't realize that and believe that the world is completely pure... they fall into self-deception. And in the end... they are driven into insanity. Or drastically betrayed. Or... they're soulless from the start.

That's why I kill. They shouldn't taint the others who truly deserve to survive with their ridiculous dreams.

It makes me wonder why I don't just go and kill Yusuke and Kurama now. Is it because they don't annoy me? Or because I know their hardships? It's the latter, I believe... their world is not so innocent... though not as dark and fiery as mine, theirs is also splattered with shadows. One would not feel this until blood runs over their hands, screams pierce the air... the battlefield of life.
You can't win a war by dancing. Nor can you have light without darkness. Light is wholesome and pure, but also causes shadows. There is no light without darkness.

But does that mean darkness can be alone?

Do complete voids exist?

Or does light find a way to come back in the end?

*~*~*

I think the dark room with the mirror is my greatest nightmare.

My greatest fear is a time so dark and disastrous, you can't even find yourself in a mirror. A time so catastrophic that your soul seems distant from your bodies. A time where eyes are blank, emotionless, or clouded.

~"Contradictory as it seems,

I cannot find myself again.

In the shadows it hides,

Endless, unbridled,

Waiting to unleash the darkness."~

But following this, does that mean Kurama fears innocence, times with sunshine and prosperity, where demons' and peoples' eyes alike are deep and endless, that you can stare into forever and never reach a bottom[1]? Can one really be as corrupted as to shield themselves from purity?

Not likely. Forget about that.

Then does this mean that it's our soul? Mine dark and clouded, his pure and innocent? Pft. Kurama is not that naïve. A land full of dreams? I know he's too experienced to be like that. As Youko, he probably went through as much as me. Give or take a few. Hmm... nope, not that either.

A knock on the door interrupts my musing. Rudely, Yusuke comes in without my permission. "Hey Hiei, maybe it's time t' think about comin' out a' there, 'cause I think you're giving Botan an ulcer."

"I don't care if that hyper ferry girl gets one, my welfare is none of her business."

Yusuke grumbles, annoyed, with random shouts in the background. "Geez, I just can't be nice with you, huh?"

"Don't try it. It won't get you anywhere," I slur, putting a hand on my hip and raising an eyebrow. "Besides, if you can deal with Keiko, I believe you can deal with Botan as well."

"HEY! What's that supposed to mean?!" he accuses.

"Just like what it sounds like," I snap back, pushing him out the door and slamming it in his face. I sigh, annoyed, and lock it. I've had just about enough of him. More than enough of him.

I think it's coming to the point that the clouds are swirling in preparation.

*~*~*[2]

The open window brings in a breeze, the tempt of the outside world. More than once, my self-control falters, and I found myself reaching for the handle, to open it wider until the gap is large enough for me to crawl through... to be able to reach outside and feel the breeze; to just let the clouds rain and rain forever, where nobody would care, where there's no one to be agitated about, where clouds would never be able to exist because it's always raining before they can even form.

If only I knew the nightmares wouldn't chase me, I'd go. I'd just plain go out to that one desired tranquil setting-- if I didn't know that there was no way back, and that the nightmares and strings of dreams cut in the middle would come to haunt me.[3]

~"If endless times of nightmares wouldn't haunt me,

If I knew that a heart would await me,

I'd go to the light at the end of the tunnel--

But only if I knew a cliff weren't at the end."~

~"When I reach the end of my life

And the dark tunnel awaits me,

Will I have the presence of someone beside me?

Or do I clamber to the end on my own?"~

~"What if the light is an endless illusion?

What if the stars were only reflection?

What if the darkness was endless to start with?

Where would it begin...?"~

~"Dreams of time that were cut in half,

Dangle from silhouettes of life;

If my shadow weren't so split and stretched

I'd just let them fall."~

~"Memories from beyond the barrier

Attacking; they break down the wall

The fortress of bitter cold is cracking,

Soon the flood will come."~

But will I be ready for it? Where will I be?

Oh Inari, I just better not be next to an innocent victim....

*~*~*

"Oh, Hiei, you're finally out of there! If you keep wallowing in your misery, you'll never forget, you know," Botan pipes. I turn to glare at her, effectively shutting her up. I sit down on the chair offered, poking at the food. Someone remind me why I came here.

Again I state-- boredom is a powerful tool. Hmm, yes, that would be a reason.

Yusuke, sitting across from me, scowls.

If I remember correctly... in English code of conduct, if one spills, they apologize, help clean it up, then forget about it. I spilled my sanity, I cleaned it up, and I made it up to them.[4] Nightmares aren't very polite, are they? They're taking it like I never cleaned it, like I never apologized; they act like I'm still an insane nut who's hell-bent on taking over the world.

In ways, I suppose I still am insane and trying to take over the world. Just in smaller proportions, I suppose.

Well, at least the sweet snow's still there. I take a scoop of it and lick it. It's the cold flavor again... and it only reminds me of Yukina. Growling slightly, I put the spoon down and leave without a trace.

But... Inari must hate me. I manage to bump into Kurama on the way out. "Why in such a hurry?" he asks, rubbing his impacted arm.

I growl, shoving him out of the way to land myself into my room. I close the curtains and the door, the utter darkness surrounding me. It cradles me again, blocking out the world, blocking out pain, sympathy, and all of those confusing things. But then the stubborn sunset light makes its way through the curtains, and it makes the darkness shrink back.

The light illuminates and destroys the darkness that had become companionable. Leaving me with reflections; leaving me with the mirror.

The mirror that reflects my world.

*~*~*TBC

[1] Sounds like my preference of bishounen: ones with really pretty eyes that you can stare into forever and ever and know all their thoughts, dreams, and desires, and hold light and innocence, yet with taint, but you can never quite feel a bottom. ^^;; Did I confuse people? Heh, I tend to do that....

[2] Y' know... I'm really getting ahead of myself with the plot... it really shouldn't be this dark until the NEXT chapter.... Ah well.

[3] Hmm... this part is a tad confusing, I suppose... the thing about 'no way back' and the 'tranquil setting'... for people who can't understand, he's talking about death- not dying to the underworld death; he's talking about when your soul is destroyed. But he's saying he can't get his soul destroyed because too much is on his mind, so he's just be a restless wandering ghost. On another note, and I have no clue where the poem came from. I just write them when I feel in the mood to do so.

[4] Hehe ^^;; Life Skills (Home Ec) worksheet thing.... Yes, Brittany 'n' Roxy, THAT worksheet.

*~*~*

Endnotes: Hmm, must be in a dark mood. First this... and... O.o somehow, my plot for 'The Peony' mutated from a humor/romance fic 'bout Kurama falling in love with a flower, to a humor/horror fic where he falls in love with a flower, gets sent to a mental hospital, hallucinates blood, learns his past as Youko, kills Hiei, has flashbacks of Yomi and Kuronue, and... yeah. ^^;; Hehehe... and it's not really even legible romance anymore. *sweatdrops* And then you learn why Youko's doin' it, and then it's... er... romance again. I highly recommend all people who like the 'horror' factor of this story to read it, 'cause you're going to be scared... both ways.

LadyFuzzy: You mean... IT'S POSTED?!

R Amythest: Yes, it's posted.... And PEOPLE, STOP BOTHERING MY ENDNOTES!!!

Roxy: *bares wolf fangs* I'M NOT A PERSON!!!

R Amythest: Demons, whatever!! Stop bugging my poor li'l' endnotes!

Alex (Golden Sun): *nods* indeed.

R Amythest: What the heck are YOU doing here?!

Maya: I brought him here! ^_^ *glomps*

R Amythest: LEAVE... ORGANISMS, LEAVE!!!

All: *leave*

R Amythest: ^^;; the scariness of scientific words? Hehe... wait, reviewers, come back! *chases* I didn't mean it, really!

LadyFuzzy: *peeks behind the curtain* Hehe. YAY! I'M IN THE SKIT!!!!

R Amythest: -_-;;; I GIVE UP. Just review!

Written While Listening To******

"Forgotten," "By Myself," "In the End," and "Crawling," all by Linkin Park. O.o What? Don't stare at me! I went on a Chester spree! ^^;; Dun ask. I do that. Once I went on a Kuwabara streak, too. Yes, that is possible. ^^;; I'm a random person.

Random Questions************

If you shine light into (yes, INTO) a ball with a mirror that wraps around on the inside, will it bounce inside the ball forever, until someone opens it up? Or will the mirrors someday decide not to reflect it all, and eventually dull the light?

(Grr, someone answer this for me, I'm serious, chapter 11 depends on it...)

Shuuichi? Is that Kurama's alias or his little brother's name? I've read two fics or so where Kurama's little brother is named 'Shuuichi.' I know he has a little brother, I've seen pics, but I'm confused with the names. In the anime, Kurama confesses to Yusuke that he's really a fox demon, and that his human name is pronounced "Soo-ee-chee." I've seen a few versions of this: Shuichi, Suichi, Shuuichi, and Suuichi, of which I prefer Shuuichi. But what's his little brother's name if his human name's one of those spellings? Do they have the same name or something? *faints in confusion* @_@

(Folks, this might be my most urgent question.)

Random Note****************

Why are almost all my reviews so... happy-go-lucky? O.o People, feel free to criticize me, as long as you have a point. Not exactly flame, those are pointless, but if you can help me improve, heck, do it!

Oh, and I love little funny skit things. *giggles* Those are really amusing... and like a humor ficlet dedicated to me!

Another, deeper point to this little note? *whistles* C'mon, I'm sure you can figure out this one... think "Go" purple button....