***This is a one-shot song fic. It deals with suicide so if that subject
upsets you in ANY way.. DON'T READ ON!! The song is based on "Hold on" by
Good Charlotte. Please Read and Review. If you don't like it.. DON'T TELL
ME. ***
This world, this world is cold But you don't, you don't have to go Your feeling sad you're feeling lonely But no one seems to care
I can't take to pain anymore. It's too hard to go day-by-day plastering a smile on my face because my friends don't know the hurt I feel everyday.
As I sit here with a blade to my wrist, I am not crying, there are no tears left. I touch the blade closer to my skin; I feel it's cool sharp edge. Finally, the blade cuts into my wrist, it feels good. I am not thinking about the blood trickling from the wound, but about the broken shards of my life.
I was so happy for a while there, then my mom left. It's just my dad and me, doesn't sound bad right? Wrong. My dad is a cocaine addict. Morning, noon and night he is sitting at the kitchen table snorting. When he gets like that I have to lock myself in my room because he will come after me.
Your mother's gone and your father hits you This pain you cannot bear
I am glad I am at school, away from him, though life hasn't got better by any means. Harry and Ron have no idea what I am going through. Yes, they know my mom is gone, but they don't know about my dad nor do they care much.
Now that I am Head Girl, they totally ignore me. I think they were relieved that I got the position because I wouldn't be around them as much. I spent six fucking years helping them defeat Voldemort and they're thanks? They ignore me and hope I go away.
So I'll do just that, I will go. I will go away from this Earth. No one will miss me because I am just studious muggleborn Hermione Granger. The only time people need me is to do their homework for them.
Shit I just got blood on the carpet. They will just magic it out, after I am gone.
But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through
I cut a little deeper, it hurts now but that's ok. I want it to hurt. I want to feel. I can't remember what it is like to feel things. I have been so numb to everything around me since my father started hitting me.
I stop cutting my left wrist, and move onto the right. This one is harder to do; I can't find a good place it is already too cut up. When I found a good place I cut, quickly so it would hurt more.
Your days you say there way too long And your nights you can sleep at all Hold on And you're not sure what your waiting for, but you don't want to no more And you're not sure what your looking for, but you don't want to no more
And boy did it hurt! I needed it, for a second I felt happy. Happy because I was feeling something that didn't hurt so badly, also I was happy because I was starting to black out.
The world around me was getting dark. My wrists were bleeding freely now, and I was losing a lot of blood. I must have cut in the right place.
Right as the world was fading away, I heard a voice.
"Granger?" it asked.
"Granger can you hear me?" That's the last thing I remember.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I woke up a few days later in the Hospital wing. My arms were bandaged and they hurt.
"Good, Miss Granger. Your awake." Madame Pomfrey came over as fast as her legs could carry her.
"What happened?" I asked. I remember cutting and then a voice. Anything after that is a mystery to me.
"You were found in your dormitory lying unconscious. It's a good thing Mr. Malfoy saved you. You would have been a goner." Madame Pomfrey busied herself with the bandages on my arms.
"Malfoy?" I asked, through gritted teeth. You would think that when she went into the medical field she would at least be gentle.
"Yes. He had gone to your room to ask you something, when he saw you cutting your arms. He was going to ask you what you were doing but then he saw you begin to pass out. You lost a lot of blood the other night. Why did you do it?" She stopped with my bandages and looked at me seriously.
"I needed to feel." I said simply, as the tears began to fall.
She hugged me while I cried. It felt good to have someone to hold me while I was upset. When I calmed down I lay back down in the bed and just thought about things.
What are you looking for? What are you waiting for?
I came to the conclusion that I needed to talk to Malfoy; I wasn't able to complete my task because Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let me leave for three more days.
The minute she let me out though, I ran around the school in search of Malfoy. I finally found him sitting at the trunk of a tree facing the lake.
"Malfoy?" I approached him.
"I knew you would come." He didn't even turn towards me. He just sat there staring out at the lake.
Do you know what you're doing to me? Go ahead, what are you waiting for?
"Thank you." I said to him.
"Everybody deserves a second chance at life." His face was unreadable, he just stared out at the lake.
"Even me?" I took a step closer.
"Even you."
I smiled. "Thanks again, I don't know how I could ever repay you."
"Repay me?" He turned towards me. His eyes were different, not the cold gray but warmer, more gentle. "The only way you can repay me is to NEVER pull that shit again, ok?"
"I won't." I said.
"Promise?" He raised his eyebrows.
"I promise." I walked over the rest of the way too him, sat next to him and hugged him. I don't think he expected it for a moment there, and then he just wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged back.
It was healing for me to hug him. I know in a way it was healing for him too.
It was a beginning of a beautiful, but kind of ironic, friendship.
Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking your one step closer Don't stop searching it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
This world, this world is cold But you don't, you don't have to go Your feeling sad you're feeling lonely But no one seems to care
I can't take to pain anymore. It's too hard to go day-by-day plastering a smile on my face because my friends don't know the hurt I feel everyday.
As I sit here with a blade to my wrist, I am not crying, there are no tears left. I touch the blade closer to my skin; I feel it's cool sharp edge. Finally, the blade cuts into my wrist, it feels good. I am not thinking about the blood trickling from the wound, but about the broken shards of my life.
I was so happy for a while there, then my mom left. It's just my dad and me, doesn't sound bad right? Wrong. My dad is a cocaine addict. Morning, noon and night he is sitting at the kitchen table snorting. When he gets like that I have to lock myself in my room because he will come after me.
Your mother's gone and your father hits you This pain you cannot bear
I am glad I am at school, away from him, though life hasn't got better by any means. Harry and Ron have no idea what I am going through. Yes, they know my mom is gone, but they don't know about my dad nor do they care much.
Now that I am Head Girl, they totally ignore me. I think they were relieved that I got the position because I wouldn't be around them as much. I spent six fucking years helping them defeat Voldemort and they're thanks? They ignore me and hope I go away.
So I'll do just that, I will go. I will go away from this Earth. No one will miss me because I am just studious muggleborn Hermione Granger. The only time people need me is to do their homework for them.
Shit I just got blood on the carpet. They will just magic it out, after I am gone.
But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through
I cut a little deeper, it hurts now but that's ok. I want it to hurt. I want to feel. I can't remember what it is like to feel things. I have been so numb to everything around me since my father started hitting me.
I stop cutting my left wrist, and move onto the right. This one is harder to do; I can't find a good place it is already too cut up. When I found a good place I cut, quickly so it would hurt more.
Your days you say there way too long And your nights you can sleep at all Hold on And you're not sure what your waiting for, but you don't want to no more And you're not sure what your looking for, but you don't want to no more
And boy did it hurt! I needed it, for a second I felt happy. Happy because I was feeling something that didn't hurt so badly, also I was happy because I was starting to black out.
The world around me was getting dark. My wrists were bleeding freely now, and I was losing a lot of blood. I must have cut in the right place.
Right as the world was fading away, I heard a voice.
"Granger?" it asked.
"Granger can you hear me?" That's the last thing I remember.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ I woke up a few days later in the Hospital wing. My arms were bandaged and they hurt.
"Good, Miss Granger. Your awake." Madame Pomfrey came over as fast as her legs could carry her.
"What happened?" I asked. I remember cutting and then a voice. Anything after that is a mystery to me.
"You were found in your dormitory lying unconscious. It's a good thing Mr. Malfoy saved you. You would have been a goner." Madame Pomfrey busied herself with the bandages on my arms.
"Malfoy?" I asked, through gritted teeth. You would think that when she went into the medical field she would at least be gentle.
"Yes. He had gone to your room to ask you something, when he saw you cutting your arms. He was going to ask you what you were doing but then he saw you begin to pass out. You lost a lot of blood the other night. Why did you do it?" She stopped with my bandages and looked at me seriously.
"I needed to feel." I said simply, as the tears began to fall.
She hugged me while I cried. It felt good to have someone to hold me while I was upset. When I calmed down I lay back down in the bed and just thought about things.
What are you looking for? What are you waiting for?
I came to the conclusion that I needed to talk to Malfoy; I wasn't able to complete my task because Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let me leave for three more days.
The minute she let me out though, I ran around the school in search of Malfoy. I finally found him sitting at the trunk of a tree facing the lake.
"Malfoy?" I approached him.
"I knew you would come." He didn't even turn towards me. He just sat there staring out at the lake.
Do you know what you're doing to me? Go ahead, what are you waiting for?
"Thank you." I said to him.
"Everybody deserves a second chance at life." His face was unreadable, he just stared out at the lake.
"Even me?" I took a step closer.
"Even you."
I smiled. "Thanks again, I don't know how I could ever repay you."
"Repay me?" He turned towards me. His eyes were different, not the cold gray but warmer, more gentle. "The only way you can repay me is to NEVER pull that shit again, ok?"
"I won't." I said.
"Promise?" He raised his eyebrows.
"I promise." I walked over the rest of the way too him, sat next to him and hugged him. I don't think he expected it for a moment there, and then he just wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged back.
It was healing for me to hug him. I know in a way it was healing for him too.
It was a beginning of a beautiful, but kind of ironic, friendship.
Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking your one step closer Don't stop searching it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on