Chapter 2: "The Ugliest Woman I Have Ever Seen!"
A/N2~ Once again it was another crack chapter at me. Why? Just about all of Christy's chapters try and degrade me. *sobs* Oh, well, I'm still the cute one! *slaps HASRWANB's butt, grabs his hand as well as Jack's* Now I'm a happy person!
A/N~ Christy here. I'm typing therefore I am the author! *cackles* Gotta reply to this A/N2! Why? Because it's fun! I don't "try"; I succeed! And you're only the cute one cuz I'm the hott one! LOL! OK, you go be happy! Any time you see "A/N", it's Christy talking, "A/N2", it's Vanessa. On with the story now.
Boromir: *is reading an RPS * WHOA!! That's just wrong!
Me: *looks over his shoulder* Meh, that's nothing compared to what they usually write.
Aragorn: *is reading another RPS* (They're addicted to the internet. What can I say?) "My phallic symbol?" Wha?
Me: Hehe. I remember that one! But enough! *Grabs RPS's away from them*
Aragorn and Boromir: HEY! Give those back!
Me: Only if you do the disclaimer!
Aragorn and Boromir: *listlessly* Vanessa and Christy own nothing except what you don't recognize as Tolkein's work. There, happy.
Me: Yes. *Hands back RPS's* Y'all need help. *Rolls eyes*
I stormed sown the hall in a blur of pink and lace. Ooo.I was ever so mad. Nobody, and I mean nobody, puts Vanessa T. in anything pink! (A/N~ I think they just did.) So I rushed towards the war room where I was told Aragorn and Boromir and the advisors were planning; SG-1 and my "friends" following.
"Aragorn!" I yelled as I threw open the doors, my eyes blazing. "And Pincushion Boi, how convenient."
From my left I heard someone chuckle. I whipped around and shot the future King of Gondor the dirtiest glare I could muster. These things take years of practice, ya know. (A/N~ She has VERY dirty glares. Don't EVER get her mad!)
He gulped and pointed at Boromir. "He made me do it! I swear!"
The man cried, "I did no such thing! You put me up to ordering the dress, my friend."
"Ah, but you are mistaken. It was you who said, 'It would be funny to see Vanessa in a dress like your grandmothers'".
I scoffed. "Excuse me?!"
"It was his idea, Vanessa, honest," Aragorn pleaded.
"He made me do it! He ordered me to do it!" Boromir cried.
I thought for a moment. Man, was I angry and was in the mood to kick some serious male butt. "Aragorn, you should know better than to do that. Boromir, you should know better than to listen to Aragorn by now!"
Aragorn nodded, then stopped. "Hey!"
.~*~.
Jack walked towards the Stargate with a handful of Elven lembas in one hand and, in the other, he held a container of water. Sam and Teal'c were busy trying to fix the gate.
"Carter," Jack said briskly. "Didja get it working yet?"
Sam sighed. "Well, sir, the naquadah reactor seems to have blown the density-"
"AH!" Jack cried and dropped the lembas and water as he threw is hands to his ears. When he was sure Carter had stopped, he asked, "Is it working?"
"Not yet, Colonel; but give us some time."
"Right," he said as he picked up his food and water. Jack turned to walk away, but stopped and turned back. "Carter, do you think I'm fat?"
Sam looked at Teal'c who raised an eyebrow and went back to work on the gate.
"What?" he asked again through a mouthful of the Elven bread.
(A/N2~ Awww.crap. I messed up. OK, I'll fix it. After we got our clothes we had some free time so we all changed back into normal stuff until it was time. Yeah, there we go.)
.~*~.
Later that day/night it was time for the banquet. Everyone put on their "spiffy" clothes (I still had that stupid dress; damn Aragorn and his power!) and we met up in the front courtyard and made our way to the banquet hall.
"Why do I have the sudden urge to sing 'We're off to see the Wizard?'" I asked.
"I was just thinking that!" Jack cried.
"Ah!" I squealed. Jack and I then looped arms and started to skip while singing the aforementioned song.
"I don't know her," Christy moaned and buried her head in her hands. (A/N~ Actually I'd be singing along. I got paid not to sing it once in fact!)
"I was led to believe you did," Teal'c replied, confused.
"No, it's an- it's an expression, Teal'c," Daniel said.
"I see," the Jaffa replied, clearly not believing him.
"No, you see--" he started again.
"Let it go, Danny!" Jack called over his shoulder. "Just let it go."
When we arrived at the banquet hall we were, or at least I was, amazed. The usually drab, dull, dark room was bright and colorful. Already there were a few couples out on the dance floor, dancing to music from an unseen source.
As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs I heard laughter. No, it was the "wow, that was a funny joke" laugh; it was a "wow, Vanessa looks like a burrito" laugh (I don't think anyone got that but Christy and I).
I looked around and, sure enough, there was my HASRWANB standing, talking to Pincushion Boi. They act like teenage boys if you ask my.
"If you'll excuse me," I said. "I'm off to kick some Gondorian asses!"
"I don't know who to feel sorry for; Vanessa for wearing that dress or Aragorn and Boromir for having to endure her wrath!" Sam lamented.
"Definitely Aragorn and Boromir," Frodo mumbled.
"Get back here, you great imps!" I shouted as the two men ran away. "I'll show you who's gonna wear this dress and it ain't gonna be me!"
"Yes, Aragorn and Boromir," Frodo repeated.
.~*~.
"Nessa."Boromir whined. "Why do I have to wear it? I'm the best friend of the King of Gondor, that should give me some authority over this!"
"Well, that's too darn bad for you," I said. "You get to wear it because you were the only one I could catch."
"You didn't catch me; you dog-piled me!"
"Yeah, so?"
"And I've been meaning to tell you, you need to lay off the lembas; you're heavy."
SMACK! "You were saying?" I smiled.
Boromir rubbed his cheek (not that one!) which was a bright shade of red. "Oww."
Aragorn and I dragged the cross-dressed man out to the dance floor. "Now, Aragorn, dance with the man. Err.woman."
"What?! I'm the king!"
"Not yet."
"Vanessa, I refuse to dance with Boromir."
"Are you saying he's ugly?" I asked.
"Yes!" he retorted and Boromir made a face. "No, I mean- No, I don't know what I mean, actually."
I stomped my foot impatiently. "DANCE!"
Aragorn gulped and nodded. "Yes, ma'am." He then turned to Boromir and made an unhappy face. "I'm sorry, Boromir, but you have to be the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
I suppressed a giggle at the face had made and left the two to their dance.
Noticing Christy and Haldir at the drinks, I headed over. "Hiya, guys!" I greeted. "Didja see what I did to my men?" Aragorn and Boromir were dancing about two feet away from each other and trying hard not to hold hands.
"Nessa, why is the future king dancing with Boromir in your dress?" Haldir asked.
"It's one of my many ways of torturing them for the whole dress incident."
"Why not just shoot them?"
"Naw, no public humiliation."
A/N2~ It sux but I don't care! I'm tired and I'm having troubles in Biology. So I'm gonna go sleep. REVIEW ME BABY!
A/N~ Please review! Or Vanessa will give you one of her dirty looks! You have to take a shower afterwards their soooo dirty! OK, just review!
A/N2~ Once again it was another crack chapter at me. Why? Just about all of Christy's chapters try and degrade me. *sobs* Oh, well, I'm still the cute one! *slaps HASRWANB's butt, grabs his hand as well as Jack's* Now I'm a happy person!
A/N~ Christy here. I'm typing therefore I am the author! *cackles* Gotta reply to this A/N2! Why? Because it's fun! I don't "try"; I succeed! And you're only the cute one cuz I'm the hott one! LOL! OK, you go be happy! Any time you see "A/N", it's Christy talking, "A/N2", it's Vanessa. On with the story now.
Boromir: *is reading an RPS * WHOA!! That's just wrong!
Me: *looks over his shoulder* Meh, that's nothing compared to what they usually write.
Aragorn: *is reading another RPS* (They're addicted to the internet. What can I say?) "My phallic symbol?" Wha?
Me: Hehe. I remember that one! But enough! *Grabs RPS's away from them*
Aragorn and Boromir: HEY! Give those back!
Me: Only if you do the disclaimer!
Aragorn and Boromir: *listlessly* Vanessa and Christy own nothing except what you don't recognize as Tolkein's work. There, happy.
Me: Yes. *Hands back RPS's* Y'all need help. *Rolls eyes*
I stormed sown the hall in a blur of pink and lace. Ooo.I was ever so mad. Nobody, and I mean nobody, puts Vanessa T. in anything pink! (A/N~ I think they just did.) So I rushed towards the war room where I was told Aragorn and Boromir and the advisors were planning; SG-1 and my "friends" following.
"Aragorn!" I yelled as I threw open the doors, my eyes blazing. "And Pincushion Boi, how convenient."
From my left I heard someone chuckle. I whipped around and shot the future King of Gondor the dirtiest glare I could muster. These things take years of practice, ya know. (A/N~ She has VERY dirty glares. Don't EVER get her mad!)
He gulped and pointed at Boromir. "He made me do it! I swear!"
The man cried, "I did no such thing! You put me up to ordering the dress, my friend."
"Ah, but you are mistaken. It was you who said, 'It would be funny to see Vanessa in a dress like your grandmothers'".
I scoffed. "Excuse me?!"
"It was his idea, Vanessa, honest," Aragorn pleaded.
"He made me do it! He ordered me to do it!" Boromir cried.
I thought for a moment. Man, was I angry and was in the mood to kick some serious male butt. "Aragorn, you should know better than to do that. Boromir, you should know better than to listen to Aragorn by now!"
Aragorn nodded, then stopped. "Hey!"
.~*~.
Jack walked towards the Stargate with a handful of Elven lembas in one hand and, in the other, he held a container of water. Sam and Teal'c were busy trying to fix the gate.
"Carter," Jack said briskly. "Didja get it working yet?"
Sam sighed. "Well, sir, the naquadah reactor seems to have blown the density-"
"AH!" Jack cried and dropped the lembas and water as he threw is hands to his ears. When he was sure Carter had stopped, he asked, "Is it working?"
"Not yet, Colonel; but give us some time."
"Right," he said as he picked up his food and water. Jack turned to walk away, but stopped and turned back. "Carter, do you think I'm fat?"
Sam looked at Teal'c who raised an eyebrow and went back to work on the gate.
"What?" he asked again through a mouthful of the Elven bread.
(A/N2~ Awww.crap. I messed up. OK, I'll fix it. After we got our clothes we had some free time so we all changed back into normal stuff until it was time. Yeah, there we go.)
.~*~.
Later that day/night it was time for the banquet. Everyone put on their "spiffy" clothes (I still had that stupid dress; damn Aragorn and his power!) and we met up in the front courtyard and made our way to the banquet hall.
"Why do I have the sudden urge to sing 'We're off to see the Wizard?'" I asked.
"I was just thinking that!" Jack cried.
"Ah!" I squealed. Jack and I then looped arms and started to skip while singing the aforementioned song.
"I don't know her," Christy moaned and buried her head in her hands. (A/N~ Actually I'd be singing along. I got paid not to sing it once in fact!)
"I was led to believe you did," Teal'c replied, confused.
"No, it's an- it's an expression, Teal'c," Daniel said.
"I see," the Jaffa replied, clearly not believing him.
"No, you see--" he started again.
"Let it go, Danny!" Jack called over his shoulder. "Just let it go."
When we arrived at the banquet hall we were, or at least I was, amazed. The usually drab, dull, dark room was bright and colorful. Already there were a few couples out on the dance floor, dancing to music from an unseen source.
As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs I heard laughter. No, it was the "wow, that was a funny joke" laugh; it was a "wow, Vanessa looks like a burrito" laugh (I don't think anyone got that but Christy and I).
I looked around and, sure enough, there was my HASRWANB standing, talking to Pincushion Boi. They act like teenage boys if you ask my.
"If you'll excuse me," I said. "I'm off to kick some Gondorian asses!"
"I don't know who to feel sorry for; Vanessa for wearing that dress or Aragorn and Boromir for having to endure her wrath!" Sam lamented.
"Definitely Aragorn and Boromir," Frodo mumbled.
"Get back here, you great imps!" I shouted as the two men ran away. "I'll show you who's gonna wear this dress and it ain't gonna be me!"
"Yes, Aragorn and Boromir," Frodo repeated.
.~*~.
"Nessa."Boromir whined. "Why do I have to wear it? I'm the best friend of the King of Gondor, that should give me some authority over this!"
"Well, that's too darn bad for you," I said. "You get to wear it because you were the only one I could catch."
"You didn't catch me; you dog-piled me!"
"Yeah, so?"
"And I've been meaning to tell you, you need to lay off the lembas; you're heavy."
SMACK! "You were saying?" I smiled.
Boromir rubbed his cheek (not that one!) which was a bright shade of red. "Oww."
Aragorn and I dragged the cross-dressed man out to the dance floor. "Now, Aragorn, dance with the man. Err.woman."
"What?! I'm the king!"
"Not yet."
"Vanessa, I refuse to dance with Boromir."
"Are you saying he's ugly?" I asked.
"Yes!" he retorted and Boromir made a face. "No, I mean- No, I don't know what I mean, actually."
I stomped my foot impatiently. "DANCE!"
Aragorn gulped and nodded. "Yes, ma'am." He then turned to Boromir and made an unhappy face. "I'm sorry, Boromir, but you have to be the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
I suppressed a giggle at the face had made and left the two to their dance.
Noticing Christy and Haldir at the drinks, I headed over. "Hiya, guys!" I greeted. "Didja see what I did to my men?" Aragorn and Boromir were dancing about two feet away from each other and trying hard not to hold hands.
"Nessa, why is the future king dancing with Boromir in your dress?" Haldir asked.
"It's one of my many ways of torturing them for the whole dress incident."
"Why not just shoot them?"
"Naw, no public humiliation."
A/N2~ It sux but I don't care! I'm tired and I'm having troubles in Biology. So I'm gonna go sleep. REVIEW ME BABY!
A/N~ Please review! Or Vanessa will give you one of her dirty looks! You have to take a shower afterwards their soooo dirty! OK, just review!