Chapter 23- Opening Skirmish

Haldir could not believe that Indilisse would do such a thing. That she could actually lie to his face and say there was nothing between her and Elladan anymore, while still secretly meeting and then doing... Elbereth knew what. He could not even stay to watch out of curiosities sake, he felt so physically unwell. He could see that her hair had been taken down from the braid she had earlier, probably because Elladan enjoyed it that way. The instant Elladan had lowered his hands to her thighs, all he wanted to do was commit a horrible and painful murder, because the twin was touching his love, regardless what Galadriel and Celeborn would do to him. And then he had to remind himself that she was not his love until he told her. So maybe she was not really at fault for once again falling into Elladan's arms.

Still, he had trusted her character. He thought he knew her well enough to know that the one time mishap with Glorfindel was just that, and that Miruvor was not her friend. But he had been too quick to trust, something that he never let himself do, and had been hurt. She knew that he liked her enough to spend more and more time alone with her. Why would she so openly go to Elladan again? Why would she let Elladan touch her like he was? It just did not make sense to him. Was she still also leading Glorfindel along when she had said that she was not? He hated being in this permanent state of the unknowing. And if that was not killing him enough, the fact that Indilisse did not think enough of him or love him enough to abstain from all relationships was just adding insult to injury. He loved her more than the bright of sun on his face or the breeze through his hair. Why could he not communicate this simple statement to her? The one line that would let her know that he not only loved her, but wanted to bind with her, share the rest of his life with her and have elflings with?

It did not matter anymore, though. She had made her choice and gone back to Elladan. And that made him the most angry and jealous elf in the world. He had always been able to get what he wanted, never having to live in disappointment. Now that the one thing he wanted more than anything in Arda was out of reach, he would stop at nothing to have it. Almost even possess it. But then he remembered his friendship with Elladan and that he held both of Lord Elrond's sons in very high regards. He could not hurt them, and he could not do anything to disgrace Indilisse either because no matter how much he wanted her, the pesky emotion of love kept sweeping back into his mind.

Haldir found himself walking around the perimeter of the city for the third time that day, trying to bypass anyone or thing that deigned it necessary to interrupt him or make him think of Indilisse. And if that meant not seeing the Imladris party and his new wardens off, then he was prepared to accept the consequences. Though, now he realized that he had missed two meals and that he wished for a rest. He made his way back into the city, slipping into a dark back path so he could head for his talan and find some food. Hopefully no one would be there to stop him.

Indilisse smiled at the passing elves on their way to the practice field, now vacant and able to use since the training wardens were no longer there. She continued on her own way up to her talan to find her diary to eventually find a quiet place by a stream and in the blessed sunlight to sit and write for a little while. The farewells had taken place earlier, and surprisingly it was easy to see the twins depart. Indilisse decided that this was in large part due to finally putting the past behind her and having completely moved on to realizing the Haldir was the one that she was meant to be with and the roles she had played up to this point were only to get her back to Lórien and into his arms.

Now if only he saw it that way...

Haldir had not shown up at the gates to bid a farewell to his friends and the new wardens that were heading out to the borders. He had not been at the morning or afternoon meals either. Rúmil and Orophin had not seen him, and Luinil had even visited his talan, but still there was no sign of Haldir. She grew very worried by the time she made it to their flet and still he was not there. And that was why she was now headed to her talan to retrieve her journal, so hopefully it could take her mind off of the eerily missing March Warden.

She walked into her talan, and across the front room to the small chest of drawers she kept and opened one to pull out the barely used leather bound book and writing utensils. Indilisse set the inkwell and quill off to the side so she could flip through the pages quickly to make sure that the idea she wished to write more one was in this book. Then she heard soft breathing from the darkened corner of the room, and slowly turned around to find Haldir sitting in of her chairs and watching her.

"There you are!" Indilisse exclaimed, "I have been looking all over Caras Galadhon for you!"

"For what reasons?" He asked, remaining serious and brooding.

She sighed, "Can wanting to see you not be enough of a reason?"

"Why would you want to see me?" He asked, "You probably wanted to spend more time with your precious Elladan."

Indilisse stopped what she was doing to stare at him, trying to read his face. This was odd for Haldir. For one, he would not enter an elleth's talan and sit in a dark corner and not tell her he was there until she figured it out. And two, he had disappeared somewhere for more than half the day, neglecting his duties. Hoping to gain some insight, she frowned and glanced away from him to look through her book again, "What has got you in such a sour mood? Did you wake up next to Luinil this morning?"

"No, I did not. Who did you wake up next to this morning?" Haldir asked.

So much for a vain attempt at adding humor to the serious situation. Indilisse raised a brow curiously, "I know not what you mean, Haldir. I am in a good mood today, well except for the fact that you did not show up to bid the twins a safe trip. You do not know how highly they speak of you."

Haldir gave a disgusted grunt and got up to walk over to a cabinet to refresh his wine. "That does not seem to matter to me."

"You helped yourself to my wine as well?" She said, again trying to lighten the tension in the room, but was quickly put in her place by an extremely angry glare from Haldir. Indilisse closed the book and leaned against a wall, watching him before speaking, "Why does it not matter to you that the twins think highly of you?"

"Because one does not deserve the same from me." Haldir replied.

Indilisse sat on her chaise and stared at him as he made his way back to the chair facing her. "Haldir, why are you acting like this? Did something happen that I am not aware of?"

"Aye, something did happen, that I am sure you are very aware of." He said, meeting her eyes for a split second before casting his glance away.

"Would you care to tell what it is, because I do not remember doing anything distasteful?" She asked, wondering if he was mad at her or at someone else.

Haldir sipped his wine and sighed, "You left the party with Elladan last eve."

Indilisse sat back in shock, her mouth agape, "I do not recall there being a rule that I could not leave the celebration with another elf who begged my attention, who also happens to be my friend."

"You left me." He added.

"Oh, do not dare start this hurt attitude, March Warden." Indilisse gave him a harsh look, "Not when you could care less about me when we are around others. Maybe you should like me to tell you your less than lamentable offenses?"

"And what of yours?" Haldir questioned.

She stood up hastily, "I have done no crime! What are you accusing me of?"

He raised an arrogant brow, "You do not remember that you were with Elladan in the garden last night?"

"Aye, I was, but you should not give it a second thought," Indilisse said, gathering her things. "He is my friend."

"Do you give all of your friends the same considerations?" He asked.

"Of course I do," she answered slowly, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Just how much wine had he had?

"Then, friend, I would like to take my benefit of our relationship," Haldir stood quickly and closed the distance between them. His strong hands clasped around her arms to hold her in place, but this time they were not out of passion or of caring, they were out of pure unadulterated roughness.

Indilisse could smell the heavy wine upon his breath, and looked up at him with wide eyes. "What are you saying Haldir? You make no sense!"

Without saying another word, she felt his lips crash down on hers in a hard manner, crushing her lips and almost hurting her. This embrace was empty and not like any of the others they had shared before. His hands moved down her arms, to her waist, his fingers splaying our over her hips and pulling her hard against his body. He ground himself into her slightly so that she could feel his excitement.

She pushed back on his chest, enough to part their lips so she could get out a muffled, "Haldir..."

Again, he reclaimed her lips, his hands moving around to her backside, and pushing her abdomen against his groin.

More forcefully, she said, "Daro!"

He did not listen and soon his hands were on her thighs, lifting her gown by slight degrees up to her waist. This was it, he had broken the last straw.

"Daro! March Warden!" She exclaimed, reaching up to push away from him.

He caught her hands, and looked down at her with fierce eyes. "I thought you said you give all of your friends the same considerations. But you do no give them to me!"

Indilisse scoffed and tried to struggle free, but he held her still, "What has happened to you, Haldir? Has a malicious force overpowered you?"

Haldir kissed her hard and forceful again, though this time her hands were freed and she slapped her hand across one cheek, and the backside of it across the other. For good measure, she brought her knee up with as much strength she could muster, coming into contact with his groin. He backed away from her, grasping for his injury, his eyes watering in pain. Indilisse looked down on him for a few seconds before gathering her things.

She paused at the door, turning back to him, "For what ever reason has made you think I am like this, I am not. And no matter if you think you are Manwë himself, you cannot defile me like this March Warden!"

He did not respond, and only leaned back against the lounge.

"You may think me a helpless elleth, but by Elbereth," she said through gritted teeth, "you do not know who you are dealing with!"

Haldir looked at her.

"And if you really need it that horribly, go visit Nindë, I hear she still would not mind being bedded by the March Warden, even though he is more depraved than she!" With that, Indilisse slammed the door shut, running as fast as she could away from the talan. It hurt her deeply that some idea he had concocted into his head had made him have so little respect for her that he could try such a thing. She was not saying that he would have gone as far as she thought he might, but what he definitely was trying to do was be the biggest bully he could. For what reason, she did not know.

She had done nothing wrong? Had he received bad information? All she had done was leave the celebration with Elladan, which to few might have looked questionable, but to anyone who knew of the past would know that there was no longer anything between them. They had gone off to the garden and talked, Elladan about Eruanne, and Indilisse did everything but profess her undying love for Haldir. If he had followed them, then he should have heard that. And then Elladan had given her a friendly kiss upon her temple, only to find that Eruanne had made her way into the garden. They spoke briefly and she had left them alone to...

Indilisse stopped suddenly from her run. Did he mistake Eruanne for her? How could he have done that? They did not look very much alike except for shared hair color of golden brown. Even with that, Eruanne's hair was almost an entire shade darker than hers. Eruanne had worn hers down for the evening, Indilisse had ties hers up and woven the intricate braids with ribbons. They were wearing the same colored dress, but Eruanne's was a darker, richer blue. Anyone who had spent as much time watching her as Haldir had done that night from afar, should have been able to distinguish these differences.

She chuckled to herself. Here Haldir had nearly tried to force her into a compromising situation and she was rationalizing it, trying to make it seem to her not that bad and that it had only big a huge negligence on his part. Could it possibly have been the love she held for him that was making her do this, making her forgive him so easily? And then she remembered Elladan forgiving her for the transgression in Imladris and it made her feel even worse, finally understanding what it felt like to be in Elladan's shoes. No matter the offense your loved one made, it was easy to forgive them, but still hurt nonetheless and validation of the situation was the only way to quell the pain.

So many new realizations rooted her in her spot. Elladan had unconditional love, and she had never really known to what extent. Now, standing here after being personally violated by the elf she cared for the most, she understood what to love unconditionally entailed. It meant that even after the most despicable thing had been committed by them or against them, you would rationalize the situation and move on after a little bit of a rocky road.

For her, forgiving Haldir was easy. But for what ever crime she had committed against him, Haldir's process of forgiveness must have been like crossing the labyrinth of jagged rocks of Emyn Muil on your hands and knees.

Indilisse shook her head and continued on her way. Whether she was willing to forgive him or not, she definitely was not about to allow him an easy time forgetting what he did.

Haldir sat in the silence of her talan, still trying to recover from the devastating blow to his body. And what was most unfortunate was that he actually deserved all of the residual pain he had been left with. Watching her leave like that made Haldir hate himself, and really, seriously, wish he had done differently. He had not only violated her physically, but also betrayed the trust she held in him as the Guardian of Lórien, March Warden of the Borders, and as a friend. How could he possibly ever gain it back?

He put the goblet of wine back in her kitchen, before leaving the talan. It had been wrong to take the approach he had, and he would be ashamed if anyone knew of the situation that had taken place. But still he was left no clues as to what really happened between Indilisse and Elladan. He could not tell if through her sarcastic statements about leaving with Elladan were to cover up her own mistakes or to be completely and utterly serious with him. It was true that he should not have been concerned about her leaving the celebration, but as soon as he had noticed her smile missing, he excused himself and went on the search for her.

And on the way he found Nindë...

Rhach!

How could he have been so unbelievably dim-witted to overlook the fact that he had spoken to Nindë and she had been the one to tell him where Indilisse was, and that she was with Elladan in the garden. He knew he should not have trusted her, but the look upon her face was truthful, even if she was deceitful.

Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself approaching Nindë's talan and raising his hand to bang on the door. Nindë came to the door, and smiled as sweetly as she could manage, it slowly changing to the ubiquitous means of seduction from her gray eyes. In the past, such a show would have excited him and he would have devoured her completely, but now he felt his stomach lurching at even the sight of that grin.

"Whatever can I do for you, March Warden?" Nindë asked, stepping to the side and allowing him entrance.

Haldir stepped inside and looked down at her, "I do not know, maybe you could tell me about last eve."

"What is there to say, Haldir?" Nindë looked at him after shutting the door, "You as well as I saw with our very own eyes that Indilisse is not as perfect as you originally thought."

"But I know Indilisse, and she would never..." Haldir said, and trailed off realizing that it would be useless to try and prove this point to Nindë.

"She must be a very good deceiver then, to not only fool you, but Glorfindel and Elladan as well." Nindë remarked, walking over to a chaise lounge across the room and dropping down onto it, ending in a suggestive pose.

But she underestimated how easy he could give up such a thing. Haldir looked at her and sighed, "I will not stay long, Nindë. I just wanted to hear what you knew of last night."

"It is true that I was spying on them," Nindë spoke slowly. "And it was perfect when you came down, but I did not think much would happen when I told you they were in the garden because all they had been doing was talking and sitting together. Elladan did kiss her temple, though, but that was when I left."

"So you did not know to what extent they were together when you told me where they were?" He asked, his eyes narrowing. Nindë reached behind her head and pulled a fresh strawberry from a bowl, placing it in her mouth slowly and seductively. His stomach flopped.

She swallowed the berry and sighed, "Nay, but I was just as surprised as you were when I found them back in that position."

"So you knew it was Indilisse for sure?" Haldir questioned.

"I saw golden brown hair and a blue dress. When I stopped spying before, Indilisse was with Elladan." Nindë shrugged, "What would you take from that, Haldir?"

He nodded his head and pursed his lips slightly, before turning around and opening the door. "Goodbye."

"Why are you leaving so quickly, Haldir?" Nindë questioned, "I can tend to the needs that Indilisse obviously has not, since she has been dallying with Elladan."

Haldir turned his head to the side to look back at her and sighed, "Even if Indilisse never will, I would not come back to you, Nindë."

With that, he left the talan, not knowing where he was going, but needed to be somewhere where he could think and come to conclusions.

--- Daro!- Stop! Or Halt!

Rhach!- Curses