Now, I've just watched Green Acres, so I'm ready to go! It always helps to
get in the mood of writing this fanfic, because most of the humorous parts
are inspired from older TV shows (I love it!). Well, that and my own
twisted mind, anyway.
Let's see...I've also just recently become a nice little fan of Angel Sanctuary, which means there could be "scary" things to come in my arsenal of fanfiction. But I doubt in this particular story. ^^;; It's a little too set right now in the direction it's going. Oh, yes, speaking of that...I'm very afraid that this story has lost all plot...x.x so I'm going to try and fix that. So, in fact, this story may get...a little "scary." LOL But in a happy, fluffy, Yugijouoh way!
I don't own YYH! ^_^
^*^*^
(Kurama's POV)
"Hiei...Hiei...!"
"Kurama, stop squirming!"
"I would if you were being a little more care—OW!"
"I'd be a little more careful if I could, but if this is going to fit in then we're going to have to be a little rough."
"Hiei, you know I'm—ow!—A lot more experienced with this kind of thing, so why don't you move and give me a go at it?"
"Because I don't want you having to take over every time we get into this position!"
"But...I doubt we'll ever do this again...."
"Why not?"
"Because it's extremely uncomfortable, confining, and, well, embarrassing..."
"You forgot comical."
"Oh, yes, and comical."
Hiei and I had just recently decided to renew our relationship...for the first time. So, we sealed it with a kiss. But halfway through the ever expanding, passionate show of affection, we realized it was extremely hard to do much of anything to further express our feelings, such as to hug or cuddle, while being handcuffed together. We then began the search for the lost key, but to no avail. Sadly, I feared the key was lost forever. I then decided that maybe I had stashed a key away in my giant key collection that could possibly fit the handcuffs. And so we were, sitting on my bedroom floor, trying key after key. None had worked so far, and Hiei had resorted to trying forcibly to fit each key in the lock, which wasn't very fun for the person's wrist that was being scratched and bruised in the process.
"Kurama," Hiei sighed. "This isn't working!"
"I know, Hiei," I said calmly, placing my hand gently on my love's shoulder, trying to restore the beautiful moment we had shared just but a moment ago. "We'll find a way to get these off. You needn't worry."
"Hn," Hiei grunted, shaking his head impatiently.
"Alright...so that isn't so likely. Perhaps...but if perhaps you talked to my other part? He should know one or two ways for you and I—him—to become unattached, by the handcuffs, I mean."
Hiei looked sternly denying of my proposal. He seemed as though he didn't want to have anything to do with me—him, anyway. I became rather worried then. What had I—he—done that caused Hiei to feel this way?
"Umm...Hiei...?" I started, looking at him seriously.
"Yes, Fox?" he answered, clearly knowing of what I had to ask.
"What...happened...between...?"
"He's not...very...pleased with me right now...." Hiei said, desperately.
"Really? Why not?"
"Because I told him I wasn't going to get back together with you, I guess."
"But Hiei, you already have. Any hard feelings can now be discarded. Talk to him," I told him, cheerfully.
"Hard feelings? More like soft ones, you mean. I took you back, but I don't think that makes a difference in what he feels for me. Sure, he never said he hated me or anything, but he's the kind of demon that would deny his own self in order to teach me a lesson."
"True, but I also believe I used to be one to easily give into persistence, especially persistence as sweet as yours," I chuckled, scooting closer to Hiei, softly laying my head on his shoulder.
I wouldn't say it out loud, but Hiei really was my protector. He was so very strong... I wouldn't feel right taking complete care of him. Hiei was not the kind who could allow someone like me to look after him.
Hiei said that he didn't want to lose himself by loving me again.... I would honor his wishes no matter how they had to be fulfilled.
I would do for him what I needed to, nothing more.
"Kurama," Hiei started, directing his eyes away from me. "I'll see him,"
I smiled, nodding as I began to change form.
(Hiei's POV)
What would I say? The last expression I saw on his face was a look of such deep pain, an expression that was all too familiar. I didn't want to add to it. I just had to be careful in choosing my words....
"Hiei," he spoke, glaring blankly at me. The look made him so unreadable. There was no trace of emotions in his eyes. How could I judge on what was right to say with that...?
"You're...quite...sexy...today," I said, rather unaware of myself. I was desperately searching through his eyes...what had I done!?
"I'd give it up for someone who cared," he snapped coldly, narrowing his eyes as they penetrated deeper into my heart. It felt as though...all my feelings were being taken out of me, as if I didn't deserve them.
"There are many people who care..." I whispered, turning my glance to the floor.
"You're wrong," he said softly. I looked up at him in curiosity. "I'm the great Yoko Kurama, Hiei. I took great pride in that. I made sure to excel in everything I did. I made sure that I was the best. And I held that for a very long time, and still do today. But...that doesn't matter to others now. Those I know now don't care about that. Even before death, before losing everything I had worked so hard for, I've been replaced. Yusuke and Kuwabara are Shuichi's friends, really. Shiori is /his/ mother... And, deny it as you will, you're /his/ lover, not mine. Shuichi has that key ingredient that makes him worlds better than I am. I...cannot be like him, nor will I try to be." Kurama looked heartbroken...lonely.
I wanted to tell him to stop wallowing in his own sadness, but I couldn't. I myself saw no lies behind it...mostly. And I wouldn't dare lie to *him*.
"Kurama," I started, turning to look at him, he returned my glance. "You're selfish."
He closed his eyes, twitched his ears, then let loose the smile he tried to hold back.
"You think you're clever, don't you, Hiei?" he smirked, glancing at me playfully.
"No. If anything, you're just stupid enough to believe it," I answered quickly, winking at him.
"Stupid or crazy...?"
"Crazy, definitely crazy..."
He laughed a little, putting his hand firmly on my knee, pulling himself closer to me as to look directly into my eyes.
"I've been thinking, Hiei..." he said, smiling slyly. "I don't love you. In fact, I rather dislike you." I sat there, dumbfounded. "Next time I see you, watch out!" he cried out, sarcastically pretending to choke me. Soon after, he began to transform back into human form, blowing a kiss as he did.
I merely sat. What the hell did he mean!? Did he really hate me...? Or was he...playing around? I had become thoroughly confused.
"Hiei, did you patch things up?" Kurama asked, wrapping his...arm around me as he smiled.
"Umm...yes."
**Who I Am~End**
And now, a special threat! Umm...I mean treat. X.X An extra long Pet Heaven! Enjoy!
~*Pet Heaven part III*~
As I'm sure you can understand by now, I wasn't having a spectacular day. I don't think Hiei was either. He had gone through so much already, and as you will soon find out, he was about to go through even more.
"Well . . ." Hiei said, slowly coming out from the bathroom, his head bowed in honor of Hernandez the Fish. "I guess I should move on. I can't let myself dwell on this for so long. I must prevail!" He shouted, triumphantly.
"That's the way to do it, Hiei!" I cheered. "Get back on your feet."
"Exactly. Do you know how I am going to do that?" Hiei asked, getting a glint in his eye.
". . .no," I said, hesitantly.
"I am going straight back to that pet shop and get me another pet!" He said, reaching for the car keys and running out the door.
"Hiei, wait!" I called after him. "You don't know how to drive!" I said, catching up to him in the garage.
"Nothing can stop me now. I feel wonderful, Kurama."
"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked, concerned about my friend's mental state. "I mean, you did just suffer your second tragedy in a mere hour. Maybe you should take a break from pets."
"I can't do that, Kurama. It's not what Robert or Hernandez would have wanted. I can feel that they have given me their spirit energy, and I feel like I can do anything! Even drive!"
And with that, he hopped into my brand new red Mustang convertible, got up on his knees and put the key into the ignition.
"This is great, Kurama! I can feel the wind in my hair!" Hiei happily cried out.
"Um, Hiei, you have to put your foot on the gas pedal to move the vehicle," I pointed out to the oblivious Hiei.
"Oh, so that's what those things are for. I thought they were foot rests..."
"Maybe I should drive. It would be faster, and safer," I said, taking the keys from Hiei.
"Well, okay. But I expect you to teach me how to drive very soon."
"Okay, Hiei . . .okay."
About seven and a half minutes later we were at the Pet'n'Park Place. Hiei jumped out of the car excitedly and ran into the store. I followed closely behind. Hiei darted all across the store like a demon in a pet store. I stood in front of the desk where the young man who waited on us earlier looked on suspiciously.
"Didn't I see you two here this morning?" The clerk asked, raising an eyebrow at me as I turned to face him.
"Yes, you did," I said with a smile.
"May I ask why you're back?"
"Yes you may," I said, very friendly I might add.
"Okay . . .why are you back?" He asked, clearly getting agitated.
"Oh, I was just doing some cleaning and accidentally killed the fish."
"Uh . . ." The man said in confusion. "Your cleaning gets pretty rough, huh?"
"Meh," I said, shrugging my shoulders and turning back to Hiei, who was looking intently at a fuzzy thing that looked like it should be on a lady's coat.
"Did you find something, Hiei?" I asked, coming over to see what he was looking at.
"Yes," He said, not taking his eyes off of the disgusting looking thing.
"Ew . . .what is it, anyway?" I asked, not wanting to look at the little thing that was curled up in a soft fuzzy ball sleeping.
"It's a ferret, Kurama! A ferret!" He said, gleaming.
"Oh. It looks like a miniature weasel."
"How dare you say that!" Hiei said, covering the things ears with his hands. "Ferrets have feelings too, you know."
"Well let's take it over to the counter and buy it so we can get out of here."
"One ferret, please," Hiei said to the man at the counter, who was still looking at both of like we just killed someone.
"Paper or plastic?" The man asked.
"Paper, please," I said. "It's better for the environment."
Right when we got back to our quaint little apartment, Hiei went right to work building a home for his furry little beast. I would have no part of it. I decided to relax with some more Dr. Phil. There must have been a marathon that day, because it seemed to be on every channel.
"You are being selfish. That's all there is to it. You need to get off the couch and take an interest in what your spouse does. That way the two of you will have things to talk about at the dinner table and won't lose interest in each other," Dr. Phil said to a red haired woman who was weeping in the opposite chair.
"He is so right, you know. Hiei and I have that kind of relationship, and look how well we work together!" I told the woman through the thick glass.
"KURAMA!" Hiei called out from his newly named 'Pet Nook' in the laundry room. "Come and see the little community I made."
"UGH!" I said in exasperation. "Fine. But it better be good.
"Oh it is," Hiei said, as I came into the laundry room. "Look."
There before me was this large octagon platform with sides coming up about half a foot. On one half of the platform was wood chips on the bottom, little card board trees, a cave with a pillow inside, and a tire swing. On the other half was asphalt roads, a couple of little milk carton houses, a convenience store with a little cashier, and a nuclear power plant made of toilet paper roles.
"I worked really hard on it," Hiei said, wiping his brow.
"I can see that," I said in aw. "Why can't you put this much effort into cleaning the toaster?"
"The toaster isn't cute and furry."
"Speaking of which, where is the little vermin?" I said, looking around and seeing him no where.
"Jack, Kurama. His name is Jack the Ferret, and he's still on the paper bag the nice man at the pet shop gave us." He then opened the bag and lifted the furry little rodent into the octagonal habitat. The ferret didn't do anything for a moment. He just sniffed in the smells of cardboard and fresh asphalt. Hiei looked down in anticipation of what his new pet would do next. The stretched out rat then spotted the little pillow inside the cave and immediately ran to it, and fell asleep.
"Oh, isn't Jack the Ferret the best!?" Hiei asked, looked up to me with his eyes so bright.
"Er, yes, Hiei, your ferret is great," I said unenthusiastically.
"Jack THE Ferret, Kurama. Jack," Hiei corrected me.
"Oh, sorry. Well, I'm going to go and make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. You have fun."
And with that, I grilled myself some cheese and watched the rest of Dr. Phil. Later that day, Hiei came running out into the living room with an excited look on his face.
"Kurama, you will never guess what Jack the Ferret is doing right now!" He said, jumping up and down.
"No, I don't think I would," I said, not paying any attention at all.
"He's running around in little circles, and working at the power plant! He's even made friends with the grocery clerk. Can you believe it?"
"Gasp. No, I can't," I said, not hearing a word Hiei had just said.
"I'm going to go out and find long beer bottle so I can make Jack a sky scraper. I'll be back later!" And with that he was gone, blowing a kiss, not to me, but to his precious ferret.
". . . goodbye. . ."
It's obvious to say that I wasn't feeling so hot at the moment. Not only had I just pigged out on grilled cheese sandwiches, but I also was being completely ignored by my best friend and partner. Who knew a ferret would beat me in the game of love?
I flipped the TV on yet again, and saw that the Dr. Phil marathon was still running.
"Jealousy is the most common reason for a spouse to go crazy and kill everything his partner loves and cares for," Dr. Phil told his studio audience.
"Wow. Someone would have to be really jealous to do a terrible thing like that," I uttered. "I think another grilled cheese would go well with this show."
I got up and headed toward the kitchen to prepare my fourth grilled cheese of the day. It was when I was buttering the bread that I heard something peculiar coming from Hiei's Pet Nook. It didn't sound like a ferret quietly sleeping. It sounded like a ferret terrorizing a small cardboard town.
I dashed into the room and saw what the problem was. Jack the Ferret was running around in little circles, very, very fast. I hadn't a clue as to what to do! The poor little thing was going crazy. Sure, his sleek body and smooth fur looks like it could withstand this kind of behavior, but it couldn't have been normal.
"Ah ha! This ferret must be having a seizure! Think, Kurama, THINK!" I told myself. "There was something you were supposed to do in situations like this. But what was it . . . oh yes!" I ran into the bathroom and pulled out a bottle of extra strength aspirin.
"This will make you feel much better, Jack the Ferret," I told the little thing, still frantically running around in little circles. I tried more than once to actually catch the little bugger, for he was dashing to and fro so wildly. Once I had him in my hands I had to rethink my method of giving the little thing the medication. I couldn't tell him to take two pills every four hours with a glass of water. He simply would not be able to hold a glass with his scrawny little hands. So I had to think of an alternative. I then had a brain blast. I decided to give Jack the Ferret his extra strength aspirin the same way I give Hiei medication. I would have to force feed it to him!
And force feed him I did. I held his little head up and with my thumb and index finger squeezed open his mouth. He bit down on my hand, but I didn't let that bother me. I had a job to do. In one quick movement I dropped the two pills into the ferret's tiny mouth and waited for them to drop down into his stomach. After I waited a sufficient amount of time, I gently put the ferret back into his little octagonal habitat. Almost immediately Jack started to run even faster, and in even smaller circles. For a moment I thought I had made a mistake, until he suddenly stopped in his tracks. He just stood there, between the nuclear plant and the highway. Then, after about three seconds Jack the Ferret fell over, his legs stiff and sticking up in the air, his eyes still wide open.
"Oh good, I guess it worked. Put him right to sleep!" I went back into the kitchen and decided I didn't want another grilled cheese. I went back to the couch and fell asleep to Dr. Phil's soothing voice.
"Kurama?"
"TERMITES!!!!" I screamed, jolting up, my body drenched in sweat.
"Kurama, are you okay?" Hiei asked, looking over me, his face showing genuine worry.
"Oh, Hiei, you're back. I must have fallen asleep," I rubbed my eyes and discovered that my finger really hurt. I looked down at it and saw a large cut, which had clearly been bleeding.
"I found a perfect bottle for the sky scraper," Hiei told me, showing me this large Coors Light 42 ounce beer bottle.
"Sky scraper? What are you talking about?" I asked, standing up.
"For Jack the Ferret. Remember I told you I was making him a sky scraper. Speaking of which, where is my little cupcake of fur?" Hiei asked, getting a goofy smile on his face and prancing toward his Pet Nook. Then, for some reason, he stopped dead in his tracks. He bent over and inspected something on the white carpet. He then abruptly stood up and turned toward me, a look of fear in his eyes.
"Kurama . . . why is there a trail of blood leading to my ferret?"
I looked back down to my finger. The ferret must have bitten me harder than I thought he did when I force fed him the extra strength aspirin.
Hiei didn't wait for an answer. He dashed into the laundry room. Naturally, I followed him to explain what I had done to save his pet. But when Hiei got to the octagonal habitat, I got a very strange and unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it was because I couldn't stand the site of blood. Maybe it was because I had eaten too many grilled cheese sandwiches. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I could see that Jack the Ferret was dead. The first thing that gave me this inclination was that, not only was the smell in the room unbearable, but the ferret's eyes seemed to have decayed while I was sleeping.
"Oh my God."
Was all Hiei said. That was all he said for a solid fifteen minutes. He just stood there, looking at his dead ferret. Then suddenly, he spoke.
"Kurama, why did you kill Jack the Ferret?" He asked, giving me the most pathetic and desperate look.
"I-I thought he was having a seizure, so I force fed him some aspirin." I said very bluntly.
"Then why did you leave me a trail of blood? So I would be sure to not miss the decaying corps?"
"Well when you put it that way, it sounds really bad, Hiei," I looked deep into Hiei's red eyes and saw nothing but utter despair. I could take no more of it. I broke down into a sobbing fit. I grabbed Hiei's shiny feet and cried into them, pointy as they may be.
"Hiei, I really didn't mean to kill Jack the Ferret . . ." I said between sobs. "I just wanted to help him, and then I tried and he bit me and I stuffed them in like I have to do with you and he bit me and the blood went everywhere and then I needed the grilled cheese and everything, and I really didn't mean for him to die, and the octagonal habitat is really nice, and I'm so sorry, Hiei!!" I cried out, as I rolled over and huddled into a little ball.
Hiei stood very still for a moment. He did nothing. He didn't look at me. He didn't look at Jack. He did nothing but look straight ahead into nothing. Finally, he released a breath of air very slowly and looked down at me sucking on my thumb.
"I understand, Kurama. You don't have to cry." He turned around and took the dead and rotting corps out of the little highway and walked into the kitchen. He then took out the pan I had used for my many grilled cheese sandwiches and poured oil on it. Finally, he gently put Jack the Ferret on the pan, took out a match, lit it, and dropped it on the pan, which burst into flames.
"KAAAAAABBBBBBOOOOHHHHOOOOOMMMMMMMBBBBBAAAAAAAA!!" Was the sound of the oil igniting and every fiber of the dead ferret catching fire.
"Don't worry," I told Hiei, wrapping my arms around him. "You always said that when you went you wanted to be cremated. Shall I pull out the marshmallows?"
^*^*^
Oh god...wasn't that Pet Heaven odd!? Well, funny thing actually... After my sister wrote this and I was reading it over, we turned on the computer voice to have "it" read the story. IT WAS HILARIOUS! If you're like...totally bored of something, copy this section of Pet Heaven (you'll have to highlight and then hit "Ctrl" and then "C" because I don't believe you can copy stuff the other way...if this way ever works...) and then paste it onto Microsoft Word, then hit the windows key, then S. It's SO FUNNY! But if you can't copy it, just type in "Kurama, why did you kill Jack the ferret?" THE VOICE SAYS IT EXACTLY as me and my sister imagined it... HAHA! It's so good...
Oh, yes! I almost forgot to apologize for this extremely delayed update . and to all those authors out there whose fanfics I read, I'm sorry I haven't done that as well! (Especially Crazy Mongoose and Katyfoxdemon2!) I'm getting caught up though! ^.~ Hmmhm! My grandmother was here so...yeah. I'm not going to write and read yaoi-ish shonen-ai while my grandma's looking over my shoulder. LOL Oh, and please remember, the next update won't take as long. I promise! You can hold me to this one!
Let's see...I've also just recently become a nice little fan of Angel Sanctuary, which means there could be "scary" things to come in my arsenal of fanfiction. But I doubt in this particular story. ^^;; It's a little too set right now in the direction it's going. Oh, yes, speaking of that...I'm very afraid that this story has lost all plot...x.x so I'm going to try and fix that. So, in fact, this story may get...a little "scary." LOL But in a happy, fluffy, Yugijouoh way!
I don't own YYH! ^_^
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(Kurama's POV)
"Hiei...Hiei...!"
"Kurama, stop squirming!"
"I would if you were being a little more care—OW!"
"I'd be a little more careful if I could, but if this is going to fit in then we're going to have to be a little rough."
"Hiei, you know I'm—ow!—A lot more experienced with this kind of thing, so why don't you move and give me a go at it?"
"Because I don't want you having to take over every time we get into this position!"
"But...I doubt we'll ever do this again...."
"Why not?"
"Because it's extremely uncomfortable, confining, and, well, embarrassing..."
"You forgot comical."
"Oh, yes, and comical."
Hiei and I had just recently decided to renew our relationship...for the first time. So, we sealed it with a kiss. But halfway through the ever expanding, passionate show of affection, we realized it was extremely hard to do much of anything to further express our feelings, such as to hug or cuddle, while being handcuffed together. We then began the search for the lost key, but to no avail. Sadly, I feared the key was lost forever. I then decided that maybe I had stashed a key away in my giant key collection that could possibly fit the handcuffs. And so we were, sitting on my bedroom floor, trying key after key. None had worked so far, and Hiei had resorted to trying forcibly to fit each key in the lock, which wasn't very fun for the person's wrist that was being scratched and bruised in the process.
"Kurama," Hiei sighed. "This isn't working!"
"I know, Hiei," I said calmly, placing my hand gently on my love's shoulder, trying to restore the beautiful moment we had shared just but a moment ago. "We'll find a way to get these off. You needn't worry."
"Hn," Hiei grunted, shaking his head impatiently.
"Alright...so that isn't so likely. Perhaps...but if perhaps you talked to my other part? He should know one or two ways for you and I—him—to become unattached, by the handcuffs, I mean."
Hiei looked sternly denying of my proposal. He seemed as though he didn't want to have anything to do with me—him, anyway. I became rather worried then. What had I—he—done that caused Hiei to feel this way?
"Umm...Hiei...?" I started, looking at him seriously.
"Yes, Fox?" he answered, clearly knowing of what I had to ask.
"What...happened...between...?"
"He's not...very...pleased with me right now...." Hiei said, desperately.
"Really? Why not?"
"Because I told him I wasn't going to get back together with you, I guess."
"But Hiei, you already have. Any hard feelings can now be discarded. Talk to him," I told him, cheerfully.
"Hard feelings? More like soft ones, you mean. I took you back, but I don't think that makes a difference in what he feels for me. Sure, he never said he hated me or anything, but he's the kind of demon that would deny his own self in order to teach me a lesson."
"True, but I also believe I used to be one to easily give into persistence, especially persistence as sweet as yours," I chuckled, scooting closer to Hiei, softly laying my head on his shoulder.
I wouldn't say it out loud, but Hiei really was my protector. He was so very strong... I wouldn't feel right taking complete care of him. Hiei was not the kind who could allow someone like me to look after him.
Hiei said that he didn't want to lose himself by loving me again.... I would honor his wishes no matter how they had to be fulfilled.
I would do for him what I needed to, nothing more.
"Kurama," Hiei started, directing his eyes away from me. "I'll see him,"
I smiled, nodding as I began to change form.
(Hiei's POV)
What would I say? The last expression I saw on his face was a look of such deep pain, an expression that was all too familiar. I didn't want to add to it. I just had to be careful in choosing my words....
"Hiei," he spoke, glaring blankly at me. The look made him so unreadable. There was no trace of emotions in his eyes. How could I judge on what was right to say with that...?
"You're...quite...sexy...today," I said, rather unaware of myself. I was desperately searching through his eyes...what had I done!?
"I'd give it up for someone who cared," he snapped coldly, narrowing his eyes as they penetrated deeper into my heart. It felt as though...all my feelings were being taken out of me, as if I didn't deserve them.
"There are many people who care..." I whispered, turning my glance to the floor.
"You're wrong," he said softly. I looked up at him in curiosity. "I'm the great Yoko Kurama, Hiei. I took great pride in that. I made sure to excel in everything I did. I made sure that I was the best. And I held that for a very long time, and still do today. But...that doesn't matter to others now. Those I know now don't care about that. Even before death, before losing everything I had worked so hard for, I've been replaced. Yusuke and Kuwabara are Shuichi's friends, really. Shiori is /his/ mother... And, deny it as you will, you're /his/ lover, not mine. Shuichi has that key ingredient that makes him worlds better than I am. I...cannot be like him, nor will I try to be." Kurama looked heartbroken...lonely.
I wanted to tell him to stop wallowing in his own sadness, but I couldn't. I myself saw no lies behind it...mostly. And I wouldn't dare lie to *him*.
"Kurama," I started, turning to look at him, he returned my glance. "You're selfish."
He closed his eyes, twitched his ears, then let loose the smile he tried to hold back.
"You think you're clever, don't you, Hiei?" he smirked, glancing at me playfully.
"No. If anything, you're just stupid enough to believe it," I answered quickly, winking at him.
"Stupid or crazy...?"
"Crazy, definitely crazy..."
He laughed a little, putting his hand firmly on my knee, pulling himself closer to me as to look directly into my eyes.
"I've been thinking, Hiei..." he said, smiling slyly. "I don't love you. In fact, I rather dislike you." I sat there, dumbfounded. "Next time I see you, watch out!" he cried out, sarcastically pretending to choke me. Soon after, he began to transform back into human form, blowing a kiss as he did.
I merely sat. What the hell did he mean!? Did he really hate me...? Or was he...playing around? I had become thoroughly confused.
"Hiei, did you patch things up?" Kurama asked, wrapping his...arm around me as he smiled.
"Umm...yes."
**Who I Am~End**
And now, a special threat! Umm...I mean treat. X.X An extra long Pet Heaven! Enjoy!
~*Pet Heaven part III*~
As I'm sure you can understand by now, I wasn't having a spectacular day. I don't think Hiei was either. He had gone through so much already, and as you will soon find out, he was about to go through even more.
"Well . . ." Hiei said, slowly coming out from the bathroom, his head bowed in honor of Hernandez the Fish. "I guess I should move on. I can't let myself dwell on this for so long. I must prevail!" He shouted, triumphantly.
"That's the way to do it, Hiei!" I cheered. "Get back on your feet."
"Exactly. Do you know how I am going to do that?" Hiei asked, getting a glint in his eye.
". . .no," I said, hesitantly.
"I am going straight back to that pet shop and get me another pet!" He said, reaching for the car keys and running out the door.
"Hiei, wait!" I called after him. "You don't know how to drive!" I said, catching up to him in the garage.
"Nothing can stop me now. I feel wonderful, Kurama."
"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked, concerned about my friend's mental state. "I mean, you did just suffer your second tragedy in a mere hour. Maybe you should take a break from pets."
"I can't do that, Kurama. It's not what Robert or Hernandez would have wanted. I can feel that they have given me their spirit energy, and I feel like I can do anything! Even drive!"
And with that, he hopped into my brand new red Mustang convertible, got up on his knees and put the key into the ignition.
"This is great, Kurama! I can feel the wind in my hair!" Hiei happily cried out.
"Um, Hiei, you have to put your foot on the gas pedal to move the vehicle," I pointed out to the oblivious Hiei.
"Oh, so that's what those things are for. I thought they were foot rests..."
"Maybe I should drive. It would be faster, and safer," I said, taking the keys from Hiei.
"Well, okay. But I expect you to teach me how to drive very soon."
"Okay, Hiei . . .okay."
About seven and a half minutes later we were at the Pet'n'Park Place. Hiei jumped out of the car excitedly and ran into the store. I followed closely behind. Hiei darted all across the store like a demon in a pet store. I stood in front of the desk where the young man who waited on us earlier looked on suspiciously.
"Didn't I see you two here this morning?" The clerk asked, raising an eyebrow at me as I turned to face him.
"Yes, you did," I said with a smile.
"May I ask why you're back?"
"Yes you may," I said, very friendly I might add.
"Okay . . .why are you back?" He asked, clearly getting agitated.
"Oh, I was just doing some cleaning and accidentally killed the fish."
"Uh . . ." The man said in confusion. "Your cleaning gets pretty rough, huh?"
"Meh," I said, shrugging my shoulders and turning back to Hiei, who was looking intently at a fuzzy thing that looked like it should be on a lady's coat.
"Did you find something, Hiei?" I asked, coming over to see what he was looking at.
"Yes," He said, not taking his eyes off of the disgusting looking thing.
"Ew . . .what is it, anyway?" I asked, not wanting to look at the little thing that was curled up in a soft fuzzy ball sleeping.
"It's a ferret, Kurama! A ferret!" He said, gleaming.
"Oh. It looks like a miniature weasel."
"How dare you say that!" Hiei said, covering the things ears with his hands. "Ferrets have feelings too, you know."
"Well let's take it over to the counter and buy it so we can get out of here."
"One ferret, please," Hiei said to the man at the counter, who was still looking at both of like we just killed someone.
"Paper or plastic?" The man asked.
"Paper, please," I said. "It's better for the environment."
Right when we got back to our quaint little apartment, Hiei went right to work building a home for his furry little beast. I would have no part of it. I decided to relax with some more Dr. Phil. There must have been a marathon that day, because it seemed to be on every channel.
"You are being selfish. That's all there is to it. You need to get off the couch and take an interest in what your spouse does. That way the two of you will have things to talk about at the dinner table and won't lose interest in each other," Dr. Phil said to a red haired woman who was weeping in the opposite chair.
"He is so right, you know. Hiei and I have that kind of relationship, and look how well we work together!" I told the woman through the thick glass.
"KURAMA!" Hiei called out from his newly named 'Pet Nook' in the laundry room. "Come and see the little community I made."
"UGH!" I said in exasperation. "Fine. But it better be good.
"Oh it is," Hiei said, as I came into the laundry room. "Look."
There before me was this large octagon platform with sides coming up about half a foot. On one half of the platform was wood chips on the bottom, little card board trees, a cave with a pillow inside, and a tire swing. On the other half was asphalt roads, a couple of little milk carton houses, a convenience store with a little cashier, and a nuclear power plant made of toilet paper roles.
"I worked really hard on it," Hiei said, wiping his brow.
"I can see that," I said in aw. "Why can't you put this much effort into cleaning the toaster?"
"The toaster isn't cute and furry."
"Speaking of which, where is the little vermin?" I said, looking around and seeing him no where.
"Jack, Kurama. His name is Jack the Ferret, and he's still on the paper bag the nice man at the pet shop gave us." He then opened the bag and lifted the furry little rodent into the octagonal habitat. The ferret didn't do anything for a moment. He just sniffed in the smells of cardboard and fresh asphalt. Hiei looked down in anticipation of what his new pet would do next. The stretched out rat then spotted the little pillow inside the cave and immediately ran to it, and fell asleep.
"Oh, isn't Jack the Ferret the best!?" Hiei asked, looked up to me with his eyes so bright.
"Er, yes, Hiei, your ferret is great," I said unenthusiastically.
"Jack THE Ferret, Kurama. Jack," Hiei corrected me.
"Oh, sorry. Well, I'm going to go and make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. You have fun."
And with that, I grilled myself some cheese and watched the rest of Dr. Phil. Later that day, Hiei came running out into the living room with an excited look on his face.
"Kurama, you will never guess what Jack the Ferret is doing right now!" He said, jumping up and down.
"No, I don't think I would," I said, not paying any attention at all.
"He's running around in little circles, and working at the power plant! He's even made friends with the grocery clerk. Can you believe it?"
"Gasp. No, I can't," I said, not hearing a word Hiei had just said.
"I'm going to go out and find long beer bottle so I can make Jack a sky scraper. I'll be back later!" And with that he was gone, blowing a kiss, not to me, but to his precious ferret.
". . . goodbye. . ."
It's obvious to say that I wasn't feeling so hot at the moment. Not only had I just pigged out on grilled cheese sandwiches, but I also was being completely ignored by my best friend and partner. Who knew a ferret would beat me in the game of love?
I flipped the TV on yet again, and saw that the Dr. Phil marathon was still running.
"Jealousy is the most common reason for a spouse to go crazy and kill everything his partner loves and cares for," Dr. Phil told his studio audience.
"Wow. Someone would have to be really jealous to do a terrible thing like that," I uttered. "I think another grilled cheese would go well with this show."
I got up and headed toward the kitchen to prepare my fourth grilled cheese of the day. It was when I was buttering the bread that I heard something peculiar coming from Hiei's Pet Nook. It didn't sound like a ferret quietly sleeping. It sounded like a ferret terrorizing a small cardboard town.
I dashed into the room and saw what the problem was. Jack the Ferret was running around in little circles, very, very fast. I hadn't a clue as to what to do! The poor little thing was going crazy. Sure, his sleek body and smooth fur looks like it could withstand this kind of behavior, but it couldn't have been normal.
"Ah ha! This ferret must be having a seizure! Think, Kurama, THINK!" I told myself. "There was something you were supposed to do in situations like this. But what was it . . . oh yes!" I ran into the bathroom and pulled out a bottle of extra strength aspirin.
"This will make you feel much better, Jack the Ferret," I told the little thing, still frantically running around in little circles. I tried more than once to actually catch the little bugger, for he was dashing to and fro so wildly. Once I had him in my hands I had to rethink my method of giving the little thing the medication. I couldn't tell him to take two pills every four hours with a glass of water. He simply would not be able to hold a glass with his scrawny little hands. So I had to think of an alternative. I then had a brain blast. I decided to give Jack the Ferret his extra strength aspirin the same way I give Hiei medication. I would have to force feed it to him!
And force feed him I did. I held his little head up and with my thumb and index finger squeezed open his mouth. He bit down on my hand, but I didn't let that bother me. I had a job to do. In one quick movement I dropped the two pills into the ferret's tiny mouth and waited for them to drop down into his stomach. After I waited a sufficient amount of time, I gently put the ferret back into his little octagonal habitat. Almost immediately Jack started to run even faster, and in even smaller circles. For a moment I thought I had made a mistake, until he suddenly stopped in his tracks. He just stood there, between the nuclear plant and the highway. Then, after about three seconds Jack the Ferret fell over, his legs stiff and sticking up in the air, his eyes still wide open.
"Oh good, I guess it worked. Put him right to sleep!" I went back into the kitchen and decided I didn't want another grilled cheese. I went back to the couch and fell asleep to Dr. Phil's soothing voice.
"Kurama?"
"TERMITES!!!!" I screamed, jolting up, my body drenched in sweat.
"Kurama, are you okay?" Hiei asked, looking over me, his face showing genuine worry.
"Oh, Hiei, you're back. I must have fallen asleep," I rubbed my eyes and discovered that my finger really hurt. I looked down at it and saw a large cut, which had clearly been bleeding.
"I found a perfect bottle for the sky scraper," Hiei told me, showing me this large Coors Light 42 ounce beer bottle.
"Sky scraper? What are you talking about?" I asked, standing up.
"For Jack the Ferret. Remember I told you I was making him a sky scraper. Speaking of which, where is my little cupcake of fur?" Hiei asked, getting a goofy smile on his face and prancing toward his Pet Nook. Then, for some reason, he stopped dead in his tracks. He bent over and inspected something on the white carpet. He then abruptly stood up and turned toward me, a look of fear in his eyes.
"Kurama . . . why is there a trail of blood leading to my ferret?"
I looked back down to my finger. The ferret must have bitten me harder than I thought he did when I force fed him the extra strength aspirin.
Hiei didn't wait for an answer. He dashed into the laundry room. Naturally, I followed him to explain what I had done to save his pet. But when Hiei got to the octagonal habitat, I got a very strange and unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it was because I couldn't stand the site of blood. Maybe it was because I had eaten too many grilled cheese sandwiches. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I could see that Jack the Ferret was dead. The first thing that gave me this inclination was that, not only was the smell in the room unbearable, but the ferret's eyes seemed to have decayed while I was sleeping.
"Oh my God."
Was all Hiei said. That was all he said for a solid fifteen minutes. He just stood there, looking at his dead ferret. Then suddenly, he spoke.
"Kurama, why did you kill Jack the Ferret?" He asked, giving me the most pathetic and desperate look.
"I-I thought he was having a seizure, so I force fed him some aspirin." I said very bluntly.
"Then why did you leave me a trail of blood? So I would be sure to not miss the decaying corps?"
"Well when you put it that way, it sounds really bad, Hiei," I looked deep into Hiei's red eyes and saw nothing but utter despair. I could take no more of it. I broke down into a sobbing fit. I grabbed Hiei's shiny feet and cried into them, pointy as they may be.
"Hiei, I really didn't mean to kill Jack the Ferret . . ." I said between sobs. "I just wanted to help him, and then I tried and he bit me and I stuffed them in like I have to do with you and he bit me and the blood went everywhere and then I needed the grilled cheese and everything, and I really didn't mean for him to die, and the octagonal habitat is really nice, and I'm so sorry, Hiei!!" I cried out, as I rolled over and huddled into a little ball.
Hiei stood very still for a moment. He did nothing. He didn't look at me. He didn't look at Jack. He did nothing but look straight ahead into nothing. Finally, he released a breath of air very slowly and looked down at me sucking on my thumb.
"I understand, Kurama. You don't have to cry." He turned around and took the dead and rotting corps out of the little highway and walked into the kitchen. He then took out the pan I had used for my many grilled cheese sandwiches and poured oil on it. Finally, he gently put Jack the Ferret on the pan, took out a match, lit it, and dropped it on the pan, which burst into flames.
"KAAAAAABBBBBBOOOOHHHHOOOOOMMMMMMMBBBBBAAAAAAAA!!" Was the sound of the oil igniting and every fiber of the dead ferret catching fire.
"Don't worry," I told Hiei, wrapping my arms around him. "You always said that when you went you wanted to be cremated. Shall I pull out the marshmallows?"
^*^*^
Oh god...wasn't that Pet Heaven odd!? Well, funny thing actually... After my sister wrote this and I was reading it over, we turned on the computer voice to have "it" read the story. IT WAS HILARIOUS! If you're like...totally bored of something, copy this section of Pet Heaven (you'll have to highlight and then hit "Ctrl" and then "C" because I don't believe you can copy stuff the other way...if this way ever works...) and then paste it onto Microsoft Word, then hit the windows key, then S. It's SO FUNNY! But if you can't copy it, just type in "Kurama, why did you kill Jack the ferret?" THE VOICE SAYS IT EXACTLY as me and my sister imagined it... HAHA! It's so good...
Oh, yes! I almost forgot to apologize for this extremely delayed update . and to all those authors out there whose fanfics I read, I'm sorry I haven't done that as well! (Especially Crazy Mongoose and Katyfoxdemon2!) I'm getting caught up though! ^.~ Hmmhm! My grandmother was here so...yeah. I'm not going to write and read yaoi-ish shonen-ai while my grandma's looking over my shoulder. LOL Oh, and please remember, the next update won't take as long. I promise! You can hold me to this one!