Title: Do Not Make Me Stop This Cart! [Elf Children Series]
Author: Mayetra
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Tolkien characters belong to the Tolkien Estate. Original characters belong to me. No profit is made from this story.
Timeline: AU after This Is All My Fault
Author's Note: This installment stemmed from an idea that Andrea gave me.
Summary: Practical jokes get out of hand and the kids are sent on a trip.
*~*
53 Lairë * 170 T.A. - Caras Galadon, Lórien
The practical jokes had started innocently enough.
Arwen, tired of her brothers teasing her about marrying a human, had created a liquid concoction from stinging nettles and added it to their shampoo. Unfortunately, they had let Rúmil borrow it before they realized what she had done. Rúmil having left the shampoo unattended while he went back for his forgotten towel and coming back to find Haldir walking down the path away from the bathhouse assumed his elder brother had been behind the prank. Swiping a bit of laxative while the healer attending his welts wasn't looking, Rúmil had added it to Haldir's pudding during dinner. Haldir had been berry picking earlier and wasn't hungry for desert. He gave his pudding to Legolas whose stomach often resembled a bottomless pit. The pranks culminated with blood curdling screams that echoed through Caras Galadon, which brought every able-bodied adult running. What they found was Orophin, tears streaming down his face, clutching Hwest's body to his chest with one hand while holding the black stuffed cat's head in his other hand.
One emergency surgery to reattach the stuffed cat's head, two cups of soothing tea, and three hours later, Orophin was finally calm enough to be put to bed for some much needed rest.
The string of pranks and jokes were getting out of hand and Celeborn, Galadriel, and Celebrían met to discuss what to do about the children. Celebrían prescribed a stern talk and plenty of patience. Galadriel advocated lots of time spent weeding her garden. Celeborn, however, was firm in his decision. The children would be sent to Imladris where Erestor would focus their active minds on more scholarly pursuits. Not even the prospect of being separated from Orophin would change his mind.
It was decided. Celebrían would take the children to Imladris in two days with an escort of the finest Lórien border guards.
*~*
Celebrían should have known it was going to be one of those days the moment she woke up the morning of their departure. All the children, except Orophin, were lined up next to their luggage with glum little faces looking more like they were going to their execution instead of on a road trip. Either the children didn't know where Orophin was or they simply refused to rat on him. Galadriel eventually ferreted him out hiding under her and Celeborn's bed with Hwest.
It was a tearful goodbye except for Haldir who was busy pouting because he couldn't ride a horse and was stuck riding with the other children in one of the carts.
Four hours later, Celebrían was ready to run screaming from the cart. Her head was pounding and her nerves were shot.
"Rúmil is touching me again, Mommy," Arwen whined.
"Rúmil," Celebrían warned in a tired voice that clearly said she was over this particular complaint.
"She is in my space," Rúmil promptly retorted.
"I have to pee," Orophin chimed in.
"I am hungry," Legolas added, taking this as his cue to voice his woes.
Elladan and Elrohir took this moment to start a shoving match.
Haldir sighed dramatically. "Why 'I' have to ride with the 'children' is beyond me!"
"I have to PEE!" Orophin whined again. He expressed his urgency by wiggling frantically, which caused his feet to begin a rhythmic beat against the back of Celebrían's seat.
Celebrían sighed and motioned for the cart driver to stop.
Orophin promptly headed for the nearest clump of bushes, one of the male Lórien guards in hot pursuit. Though the scouts had already checked this area for Orcs and other dangers, the guards weren't going to take any chances, especially with Lord Celeborn's favorite.
Celebrían took this moment to address the other children. "Haldir, you will ride in the cart because contrary to your perception until you reach your majority you are still a child. Legolas, you had plenty to eat at lunch and will not starve before dinner. Elladan and Elrohir, you will cease your squabbling this instant. Rúmil, you will quit touching Arwen, Arwen, you will stay in your space. All of you will now take this opportunity to use the restroom if you must! We have a schedule and cannot afford to make any unnecessary stops." She managed to perform this speech in her normal mild- mannered tone with none of her aggravation showing through her calm façade.
Six voices rang out, "Yes, ma'am!"
Thirty minutes later, the bickering, sighing, and whining had begun anew. It was accompanied by pleading from Elladan and Elrohir that they had to use the restroom.
Celebrían sighed once, counted to ten and then motioned for the driver to stop. She maintained her calm demeanor through another reminder of their travel schedule. Her question if anyone had to use the restroom was met with five solemn voices saying, "No, ma'am." It wasn't ten minutes later that Haldir and Rúmil got into an argument about the proper way to carry a bow while riding a horse. Orophin was singing to Hwest while Legolas snapped at him that he sounded like an Orc in heat. This remark prompted Orophin to sing louder and slightly off key. Elladan and Elrohir decided that annoying Legolas was a fun way to pass the time and joined Orophin in his serenade to Hwest. Arwen began shifting and bouncing, announcing rather loudly and insistently that she had to pee.
Celebrían once again called a halt. She didn't even bother to try and calm herself. She simply escorted Arwen behind a nearby boulder. Upon returning to the cart, she eyed each child as she launched into a lecture. "If you have to go to the restroom you had better do it now because we are not stopping again!"
The children sat and stared at her silently.
"Now!" Celebrían's voice rose several octaves.
Five little bodies bolted from the cart and disappeared behind various trees and bushes. Haldir remained in the cart.
Celebrian's eyes narrowed and she addressed the haughty young Elf. "Did you not hear what I said?"
Haldir nodded.
"Well?" Celebrían snapped.
Haldir shrugged. "I don't have to go"
Celebrían gritted her teeth and ground out, "Then you better find the urge in the next sixty seconds or you will regret it!"
Haldir had never really seen Celebrían in such a state of agitation. He decided to humor her and pretend to go before her head exploded.
If the young Elflings had been smart they would have remained quiet until the party stopped for the evening. However, youthful exuberance confined too long soon overruled good sense. The jibes, pushing, singing and arguing reached a crescendo that pushed Celebrían past her limit.
"ENOUGH!" She yelled as she turned in her seat to stare at the seven Elflings. "Do not make me stop this cart! Now hands and feet to yourselves. Your mouths shut! If I hear one more peep from any of you, you will regret it!"
Seven solemn faces stared in shock at the ranting Elf.
Haldir slowly raised her hand.
"What?" she snapped.
"I have to go pee," Haldir replied sheepishly.
There was another tense silence while Celebrían counted to ten. After she reached forty, she finally felt calm enough to ask the driver to stop the cart.
The rest of the afternoon passed peacefully. The children were absolute little angels. They didn't want Celebrían to stop the cart again. Their sore bottoms a constant reminder of what happened the last time.
The End
Author: Mayetra
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Tolkien characters belong to the Tolkien Estate. Original characters belong to me. No profit is made from this story.
Timeline: AU after This Is All My Fault
Author's Note: This installment stemmed from an idea that Andrea gave me.
Summary: Practical jokes get out of hand and the kids are sent on a trip.
*~*
53 Lairë * 170 T.A. - Caras Galadon, Lórien
The practical jokes had started innocently enough.
Arwen, tired of her brothers teasing her about marrying a human, had created a liquid concoction from stinging nettles and added it to their shampoo. Unfortunately, they had let Rúmil borrow it before they realized what she had done. Rúmil having left the shampoo unattended while he went back for his forgotten towel and coming back to find Haldir walking down the path away from the bathhouse assumed his elder brother had been behind the prank. Swiping a bit of laxative while the healer attending his welts wasn't looking, Rúmil had added it to Haldir's pudding during dinner. Haldir had been berry picking earlier and wasn't hungry for desert. He gave his pudding to Legolas whose stomach often resembled a bottomless pit. The pranks culminated with blood curdling screams that echoed through Caras Galadon, which brought every able-bodied adult running. What they found was Orophin, tears streaming down his face, clutching Hwest's body to his chest with one hand while holding the black stuffed cat's head in his other hand.
One emergency surgery to reattach the stuffed cat's head, two cups of soothing tea, and three hours later, Orophin was finally calm enough to be put to bed for some much needed rest.
The string of pranks and jokes were getting out of hand and Celeborn, Galadriel, and Celebrían met to discuss what to do about the children. Celebrían prescribed a stern talk and plenty of patience. Galadriel advocated lots of time spent weeding her garden. Celeborn, however, was firm in his decision. The children would be sent to Imladris where Erestor would focus their active minds on more scholarly pursuits. Not even the prospect of being separated from Orophin would change his mind.
It was decided. Celebrían would take the children to Imladris in two days with an escort of the finest Lórien border guards.
*~*
Celebrían should have known it was going to be one of those days the moment she woke up the morning of their departure. All the children, except Orophin, were lined up next to their luggage with glum little faces looking more like they were going to their execution instead of on a road trip. Either the children didn't know where Orophin was or they simply refused to rat on him. Galadriel eventually ferreted him out hiding under her and Celeborn's bed with Hwest.
It was a tearful goodbye except for Haldir who was busy pouting because he couldn't ride a horse and was stuck riding with the other children in one of the carts.
Four hours later, Celebrían was ready to run screaming from the cart. Her head was pounding and her nerves were shot.
"Rúmil is touching me again, Mommy," Arwen whined.
"Rúmil," Celebrían warned in a tired voice that clearly said she was over this particular complaint.
"She is in my space," Rúmil promptly retorted.
"I have to pee," Orophin chimed in.
"I am hungry," Legolas added, taking this as his cue to voice his woes.
Elladan and Elrohir took this moment to start a shoving match.
Haldir sighed dramatically. "Why 'I' have to ride with the 'children' is beyond me!"
"I have to PEE!" Orophin whined again. He expressed his urgency by wiggling frantically, which caused his feet to begin a rhythmic beat against the back of Celebrían's seat.
Celebrían sighed and motioned for the cart driver to stop.
Orophin promptly headed for the nearest clump of bushes, one of the male Lórien guards in hot pursuit. Though the scouts had already checked this area for Orcs and other dangers, the guards weren't going to take any chances, especially with Lord Celeborn's favorite.
Celebrían took this moment to address the other children. "Haldir, you will ride in the cart because contrary to your perception until you reach your majority you are still a child. Legolas, you had plenty to eat at lunch and will not starve before dinner. Elladan and Elrohir, you will cease your squabbling this instant. Rúmil, you will quit touching Arwen, Arwen, you will stay in your space. All of you will now take this opportunity to use the restroom if you must! We have a schedule and cannot afford to make any unnecessary stops." She managed to perform this speech in her normal mild- mannered tone with none of her aggravation showing through her calm façade.
Six voices rang out, "Yes, ma'am!"
Thirty minutes later, the bickering, sighing, and whining had begun anew. It was accompanied by pleading from Elladan and Elrohir that they had to use the restroom.
Celebrían sighed once, counted to ten and then motioned for the driver to stop. She maintained her calm demeanor through another reminder of their travel schedule. Her question if anyone had to use the restroom was met with five solemn voices saying, "No, ma'am." It wasn't ten minutes later that Haldir and Rúmil got into an argument about the proper way to carry a bow while riding a horse. Orophin was singing to Hwest while Legolas snapped at him that he sounded like an Orc in heat. This remark prompted Orophin to sing louder and slightly off key. Elladan and Elrohir decided that annoying Legolas was a fun way to pass the time and joined Orophin in his serenade to Hwest. Arwen began shifting and bouncing, announcing rather loudly and insistently that she had to pee.
Celebrían once again called a halt. She didn't even bother to try and calm herself. She simply escorted Arwen behind a nearby boulder. Upon returning to the cart, she eyed each child as she launched into a lecture. "If you have to go to the restroom you had better do it now because we are not stopping again!"
The children sat and stared at her silently.
"Now!" Celebrían's voice rose several octaves.
Five little bodies bolted from the cart and disappeared behind various trees and bushes. Haldir remained in the cart.
Celebrian's eyes narrowed and she addressed the haughty young Elf. "Did you not hear what I said?"
Haldir nodded.
"Well?" Celebrían snapped.
Haldir shrugged. "I don't have to go"
Celebrían gritted her teeth and ground out, "Then you better find the urge in the next sixty seconds or you will regret it!"
Haldir had never really seen Celebrían in such a state of agitation. He decided to humor her and pretend to go before her head exploded.
If the young Elflings had been smart they would have remained quiet until the party stopped for the evening. However, youthful exuberance confined too long soon overruled good sense. The jibes, pushing, singing and arguing reached a crescendo that pushed Celebrían past her limit.
"ENOUGH!" She yelled as she turned in her seat to stare at the seven Elflings. "Do not make me stop this cart! Now hands and feet to yourselves. Your mouths shut! If I hear one more peep from any of you, you will regret it!"
Seven solemn faces stared in shock at the ranting Elf.
Haldir slowly raised her hand.
"What?" she snapped.
"I have to go pee," Haldir replied sheepishly.
There was another tense silence while Celebrían counted to ten. After she reached forty, she finally felt calm enough to ask the driver to stop the cart.
The rest of the afternoon passed peacefully. The children were absolute little angels. They didn't want Celebrían to stop the cart again. Their sore bottoms a constant reminder of what happened the last time.
The End