Chapter 9: Bad Boy
By liltrick89
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and what I do own I'm pretty sure the angry reviewers are going to throw at me (because I haven't updated hides sheepishly under a table*)
A/N: Look at my profile people! This fic is updated whenever inspiration hits! And well, inspiration hasn't hit in a LONG time (well it has but not for this story. For my Mediator fics (read those! They're good! But not unless you like the series which is totally awesome! (It's Buffy meets the Sixth Sense!)), and my A Hogwarts Christmas Carol (currently going to go through a name change… and holy cow! I need to update!) I love working on this fic though, honestly I do. But recently I haven't been in the comedy mood. I'll try to update sooner, promise!
A/N2: Things Draco sings are in Italics.
Summary: A new kind of DA and a pumpkin juice plot.
"I would like to bring this meeting of the DA to an order." A gavel slammed onto a desk. Squeals of excitement followed. "First off is there any new business?" Several hands went up. "Okay Lavender you have the floor."
Lavender Brown stood up and flashed her pearly whites, but just as she opened her mouth to speak the door to the room burst open.
"Hey sorry 'bout being late, just heard there was a DA meeting…" Harry Potter scanned the room, something was wrong. "Where's Neville and Ron?" he asked slowly as his eyes fell on a familiar Slytherin face, "And why's Pansy here?" He gave a puzzled look to the figure holding the gavel. He couldn't see their face clearly… but… it looked like –
"Wrong DA Harry." The figure replied nervously.
"Yeah! This is DA, Draco Admirers, DUH!" Lavender replied, glaring at him.
Harry's mouth opened in shock, too stunned to resist as several girls pushed him through the door. What was Hermione doing running a Draco fan club meeting? And more importantly, why didn't Harry have one?
-Ã -
Hermione gave a sigh of relief; "Thank goodness he's gone." She said, "Lavender, I believe you still have the floor."
"Right. Like anyway, remember how well Draco sang that "I'm Too Sexy" song? Well Pansy, Pavarti, and I figured out it was because of the pumpkin juice that he sang. So…" Lavender grinned, "I propose we cause another, well, you know, by giving him loads of pumpkin juice like before."
"And this time we'll take pictures to put in the DA album!" Pavarti added. The other girls gave thrilled shrieks.
Hermione smiled, she was hoping she might see Draco sing and dance again. "We'll put it to a vote. All in favor of performing Lavender's suggestion say 'Aye'"
The room thundered with 'Ayes' after all, the entire female population of Hogwarts was there – except one girl.
"Those opposed?" Hermione raised an eyebrow silently challenging anyone to speak. No one made a sound. "Well I guess it's unanimous. So, Lavender what's your plan?"
"Well, see like Pansy will keep giving him like pumpkin juice tomorrow during study hall, and well he'll start singing…" Lavender paused, "hopefully."
"What about the camera? Colin Creevey's the only one with one."
"Well, see, I was thinking… um… well… um… like…I don't know." Lavender frowned. The room filled with groans.
"Okay let's think. Colin won't let anyone touch his camera…"
"But he'll do anything for Ginny Weasley!" Lavender piped up. "He has a like totally big thing for her, you know?" The room seemed to move in a wave as everyone nodded their heads.
"Wait a second, what makes you think Weasel will help us? After all she's the only girl not a member of the DA. She's too busy swooning after Potter," Pansy said, a sneer on her face.
Hermione sucked in her lip, "Leave Ginny to me. Pansy, you worry about the pumpkin juice."
-Ã -
"Ginny please? I'm begging you!"
"Hermione, I'm disappointed in you, the wanker calls you a mudblood and suddenly you worship the ground he walks on? I'll have to tell Ron about that…"
Hermione's mouth thinned. "You are not going to tell Ron or anyone, anything, or I'll tell them about the Harry shrine in your trunk."
Ginny's eyes widened, "You wouldn't… fine. I won't tell a soul about your obsession with ferrets, but what do I get for getting the camera?"
"What do you want? I could get Harry to sit with you at lunch…"
"I'm over him Hermione, remember? The shrine is just for memories sake." Hermione rolled her eyes, obviously she didn't agree. "Really! But hmm… I know. I want the negatives."
Hermione smiled, "Awesome! But why do you want them?"
A sinister smirk appeared on Ginny's face. "I have my reasons…"
-Ã -
"How to prove the mudblood likes me. Idea number 1: Get injured." Draco mumbled as he wrote the list. It was study hall and he had yet to see any proof that Granger like him. Not that he liked her, she was a mudblood after all, but every girl liked him. Well except two to his knowledge – Granger and the Weaselette, but the second was delusional, after all she had liked Potter of all people.
"Pansy, get me some water," he ordered never looking up from his paper, holding out his hand for his glass, which was immediately thrust into it. Without looking at the glass he downed the contents, he didn't taste a thing. He had eyes only for his list and his mind was consumed with it.
"Number 2: Flirt shamelessly with her." He said, "More water, Pansy." He repeated the process, taking a glass every time he wrote an idea down. His throat was parched, and the water had some sort of addictive quality in it.
"Number 15: No need *hic* for *hic* plan because I *hic* know the mudblood *hic* loves me." He gave a sigh as Pansy gave him another glass. He liked number 15 best. He drank the "water" and finally tasted the liquid. This wasn't water – it was pumpkin juice! And suddenly he had the strangest urge to sing…
He stood up as suddenly music began to play in his head. Crabbe and Goyle both exchanged looks, completely oblivious to the triumphant smile on Pansy Parkinson's face.
"If you want it to be good girl get yourself a bad boy." The study hall fell silents as everyone's eyes focussed on a certain drop dead gorgeous Slytherin. Music that had been in his head suddenly flooded the room with the flash of a camera. With a swish of a wand, courtesy of Hermione (who figured Draco needed some back up singers) Crabbe and Goyle found themselves under the same spell that Draco was…or at least seemed to be.
Draco's gaze roamed the room… and it fell on a certain Gryffindor. Wearing his trademark smirk he stood on top of the table, "Whoo!" kicking away his books in a dramatic gesture, as his tag-a-longs did the same just as a second flash went off.
Draco jumped over to the Gryffindor table and knelt down so his face was inches from Hermione's. FLASH! "If you want it to be wild, gotta know just who to dial, baby." He grabbed her chin and pulled her up on the table. FLASH! Hermione's face was turning red with a mix of embarrassment and happiness. "That's me." Draco pointed to himself, all the while moving his body to the music, forcing Crabbe and Goyle to do the same. FLASH!
"If you really like it hot," Draco moved his hips in Elvis style and pulled Hermione closer. FLASH! "get someone who hits the spot, hunny." Draco smirked again and gave Hermione a quick kiss on the mouth. FLASH! "Oh yeah" he pushed her away and did a cross between a strut and a prance down the Gryffindor table. FLASH!
He arrived at Lavender and Pavarti's place at the table."And if you want to get it done, then you gotta get the one. The one who's got it goin' on." FLASH! He shot them a grin and a wink. FLASH! "If you want to make it last, gotta notice who to ask. Babe's he's gotta be the best. Tonight, sweet." The two girls squealed, gave Draco a look that screamed 'we'll be there' and satisfied with their reaction Draco leaped over to the Ravenclaw table. Pulling Cho up on the table with him and noting her complete lack of resistance, Draco sent a smirk in Harry's direction. Harry of course turned completely red with rage as Draco continued to sing. "If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy. If you really want it good girl, get yourself a bad boy. Get it like it could be, would be, yeah like it should be. If you want it to be good girl get yourself a bad boy." Draco gave Cho a deep Hollywood kiss. FLASH! It lasted quite a bit longer than the one he had given to Hermione. When he was done he gave Harry a smirk. FLASH! He jumped over to the Hufflepuff table with a "Whoo!"
He strutted down the table spinning around in the middle. FLASH! "If you like it innovated better get someone creative, hunny." He repeated the Elvis hip swing as the Hufflepuff gals screamed. "If you want it to be jamming better get somebody slamming, baby." He began to prance down the table as various girls attempted to grab onto his clothes. FLASH! Pulling out a handkerchief Draco wiped his sweaty brow and tossed it in a random direction. FLASH! He stopped in front of Susan Bones, who looked like she was about to feint by his sudden attention on her. "And if you want to get it done, then you gotta get the one. The one whose got it goin' on. If you want to make it last, gotta notice who to ask. Babe's he's gotta be the best. Tonight, sweet." Malfoy leaned in close but backed away just before the lips met, a teasing smile on his lips. FLASH!
"If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy. If you really want it good girl, get yourself a bad boy. Get it like it could be, would be, yeah like it should be. If you want it to be good girl get yourself a bad boy." He spun around and holding his hands in a 'come on' gesture walked away. FLASH! The effect was immediate, as girls from all the houses stumbled onto and around the table.
"There's a thing, ya mamma shouldn't know…" Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle all turned back around, facing the girls. "There's a thing, I really wanna show…" Once again, the Elvis move was used, and the girls went wild. FLASH! "There's a thing, I wanna show you how… so won't ya lemme show you right now? Oh baby!" Draco began to unbutton his shirt smiling at all the ladies. FLASH! "And if you want to get it done, then you gotta get the one. The one whose got it goin' on. If you want to make it last, gotta notice who to ask. Babe's he's gotta be the best. That's me, my lady."
Draco spotted Pansy and brought her up onto the table, his body in perfect rhythm throughout the entire song so far. FLASH!"If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy. That's right. If you really want it good girl, get yourself a bad boy. If you really want it, if you really want it… Get it like it could be, would be, yeah like it should be. If you want it to be good it's gotta be like it should…"
Crabbe and Goyle began doing senseless repetitions of the songs lyrics as Draco began prancing towards the doors, arriving at them just as the music stopped. The world seemed to stand still as Draco slowly looked down his now practically bare chest. Slowly he turned around and looked at hundreds of girl's drooling faces. Pushing back his hair, it had become unslicked in the song, he turned to Crabbe and Goyle, who mimicked his stunned expression. FLASH! Ginny walked out of the crowd, a smirk practically identical to his own trademark one on her face. She held up a camera.
"Can we all say, blackmail?"
Alternate beginning:"I would like to bring this meeting of the DA, Draco Admirers to an order." A gavel slammed onto a desk. Squeals of excitement followed. "First off is there any new business?" Several hands went up. "Okay Lavender you have the floor."
Lavender Brown stood up and flashed her pearly whites, but just as she opened her mouth to speak the door to the room burst open.
"Hey girls! Sorry about being late! Oh my gawd, I love Draco! Isn't he just the cutest?" Lavenders shocked face was priceless as she looked at a boy standing in the doorway.
"Harry, I like didn't know you were like gay."
Alternate ending: The world seemed to stand still as Draco slowly looked down his now practically bare chest. Slowly he turned around and looked at hundreds of girl's drooling faces. Pushing back his hair, it had become unslicked in the song, he turned to Crabbe and Goyle, who mimicked his stunned expression. The silence was broken as Hermione Granger approached a certain red head. "Did you get it? He kissed me! Me! The 'Sexy Slytherin Seeker' of Hogwarts kissed me!" Ginny nodded a mischievous grin on her face.Draco recovered his wits, "The 'Sexy Slytherin Seeker' of Hogwarts?" he arched an eyebrow, a cocky smirk on his face. "Knew you loved me, mudblood."
A/N: Now, since I gave you two alternate thingys can you forgive me for not updating? And yes, I know the alternate ending is funnier than there real one (and more satisfying for the Hermione/Draco lovers) but the real one works for plot.