I'm Too Sexy
Chapter 10: Bloody Potter
By: liltrick89
Disclaimer: I own nothing. At all. Period.
Summary: Things don't go the way they're supposed to in Draco Malfoy's life… and naturally, Potter is blamed.
"I'll get father to expel pumpkin juice from the school. That'll work! Except for the fact that he's in AZKABAN!' Draco Malfoy bounded into his room, an air of anger across his aura. He yanked his tie off his neck and threw it as hard as he could across the room… and through the open window.
"Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!" he shouted, today was definitely going into Hogwarts, A History as the worst day in the history of Hogwarts. He peered out of the window to see where exactly his tie had landed…
"Bugger-it!"
The tie had landed right into what appeared to be a deep mud puddle.
"Crabbe! Goyle!" Draco shouted, like hell he was going to pick up that tie like some common muggle. Especially when he could get the said oafs to do it for him.
There was no reply. So he decided to try again.
"Crabbe! Goyle!"
…
"Crabbe? Goyle?"
…
"CRABBE! GOYLE!"
Still there was no sound of elephants stomping up the stairs. None what-so-ever. His vocal cords spent, Draco looked once more at his tie as it sank further into the muddy puddle. "Bloody Potter" he mumbled. Even though Potter had nothing directly to do with his mud sunken tie it felt good to blame the mangy git. "Stupid wanker of a bloody Potter" he added, surprised at how good he was beginning to feel despite the situation at hand. "Stupid wanker of a bloody Potter!" he repeated giddily before putting on his normal scowl. "Now, all I have to do is find some first year to get my tie for me." He muttered, because, heaven forbid that he should dirty his flawless pianist hands in the mud.
He slinked into the common room, on the prowl for the first year who would be lucky enough to pick up his tie for him. But luck wasn't on his side today… all through the common room not a student was stirring. There was not a first year in sight, or second, third, fourth, fifth or anyone for that matter. No one at all was there to do his bidding.
"Bloody Potter!"
30 minutes later…
The Great Hall was empty. The library was vacant. Even the bathrooms were devoid of any sign of life.
And Draco Malfoy wasn't pleased.
"Stupid mangy wanker of a bloody Potter" he chanted to himself as he marched outside ready to confront the puddle. And when he did arrive at it, he stared unblinkingly at it as if by glaring he could make his mud sunken tie levitate out of the seemingly bottomless mud hole. It didn't work.
Draco pulled his wand out of his pocket. He pointed it at the area he imagined his tie must have sunk into… and he had just opened his mouth to say "Wingardium Leviosa" when a sudden flash caused him to turn around to face it's source and coincidentally drop his wand into the puddle as well.
"Bloody Potter!" he hissed as he stared up into the lens of a camera. He quickly concealed his anger at the interruption with his famous smirk. "I know I'm devastatingly attractive, but I'm a little occupied at the moment." He paused as he suddenly got an idea, "If you fetch my tie and wand from this puddle I'll let you take as many pictures of me as you like." He was trying to sound suave and devastatingly charming, and he thought he was doing it rather well.
The camera was swung violently to the side and Draco was able to see the carrier's wide smile and frighteningly red hair.
"But, ferret face, I happen to not want you to pose for me. Candid shots are ever so much more fun. Like those I took earlier today… would you like to see the first batch of prints?"
Ginny Weasley had just won herself a place on Draco Malfoy's hit list. In fact, she was now number one.
"What, no answer? I'll take that as a yes then." She pulled what looked to be around fifty photos tied together with a string from her ripped and tattered robes. "These are your copies. Don't worry, I have the negatives… so if you want some to show to daddy I can make more."
Draco's eyes widened at this. Father would Avada Kedavra him straight away if he saw or knew about his pumpkin juice episodes. His eyes gained a murderous quality as he slowly raised both hands as if to strangle the weasel of a Weasley in front of him. He was stopped, however, by her wand poking his adams apple.
"Remember the Bat Bogey Hex, Malfoy? And I assure you, I can't miss at this range."
She was smirking. This girl had the nerve to smirk at HIM! And that wasn't a normal smirk, oh no… that was his smirk. He hadn't given her the right to use it! He almost raised his hands again, but he did indeed remember the Bat Bogey Hex. And he didn't particularly like it that much. He gulped as his hands fell to his sides.
She put the stack of photos next to him, her wand and gaze never leaving him. "I'll discuss the price for the negatives later with you… until then – ta!"
And with that Ginerva Weasley left Draco Malfoy all alone with only a mud puddle and a stack of photos to keep him company.
"Bloody Potter," he declared as he turned back to the menacing puddle and reverted back to glaring at it. How was he supposed to get his tie back without a wand? He supposed that he could just buy another one, but that wasn't the point. It was the principal of the thing!
He contemplated running to wherever Weasley was and making her get his tie and wand for him… but for some odd reason he didn't think that his charm would help him get her assistance. He was on his own. Slowly, Draco rolled his sleeves until they were a bit above his elbows and, after looking away in the other direction so he wouldn't have to see his skin get dirtied, thrust his exposed arms into the puddle. He searched desperately for his tie and wand, the mud sloshing around his fingers only increasing his distress.
Finally he felt his tie and wand. Hurriedly, he grabbed them and pulled them out of the puddle. Carefully he inspected them. The tie was definitely his and he thanked his mother for placing a anti-stain charm on it… the tie was still brilliantly green and silver. His wand was ok as well. Relieved, he wiped his hand on his forehead… his still mud covered hand. Of course, it wasn't until he stood up from the puddle and drips of mud began streaming down his face that he realized this.
"BLOODY POTTER!"
10 minutes later…
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Draco Malfoy had been alone in the Slytherin dormitories for around five minutes now.
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
And that was the only sound that could be heard to tell of his condition.
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Down in the common room, Crabbe and Goyle (who had just gotten back from a certain closet in a certain room that shall not be named) were trying their best not to imagine what must be causing these noises.
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
But as much as they tried, it was a very difficult task.
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Slowly Crabbe looked up from his feet, "reckon he's got a girl up there?"
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Goyle also looked up from his feet, "I dunno"
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Goyle suddenly grinned, "wanna find out?"
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
But this time the sound wasn't from Draco, it was from Crabbe. It appeared he was just as eager (and perverted) as Goyle was to find out what was really going on.
The two dunderheads then proceeded to climb the stars from the common room, only the sound of
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
keeping them going.
5 more minutes later…
They had finally reached the top of the twenty stairs and had arrived at the boys dormitory. But now a new question was laid before them…
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Who was going to open the door?
Was it going to be Crabbe?
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Or would Goyle do it?
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
Nope, it was Crabbe. It was Crabbe who opened to door to find….
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
the dormitory was empty. But still he could hear the sound of
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
He looked around, there was no sign of Draco anywhere… at least that was what he thought.
Goyle poked him in the arm and pointed to the bathroom door where the sound of water hitting tile could be heard. And that was most definitely were the
"Yes, Yes, Yes, YES!"
were coming from. But it was here that Crabbe and Goyle's courage failed them. They weren't Gryffindors after all.
However, in the bathroom, completely oblivious to his frightened lackeys who were just outside the door, Draco Malfoy was washing his hair and scrubbing vigorously at his arms. No trace of mud was left, but that wasn't enough for Draco, the germs could still be there. Yet, he couldn't stay in the bathroom all day. So when his skin was rubbed raw, his hair had been washed numerous times (he had lost count after 10), and he had brushed, flossed, and whitened his teeth (as well as put some clothes on), he exited the bathroom to enter the dormitory. And that's where he found Crabbe and Goyle perched on his bed, eagerly looking at the photos Ginny Weasley had given him earlier.
"I am I really that fat?" Crabbe asked, shocking Draco immensely. Draco didn't realize that Crabbe had expanded his one syllable vocabulary to two. It was altogether amazing. He reached down and picked up a photo. His photo self was giving a quick kiss to Granger who proceeded to melt into his arms and practically swoon.
He pulled out a list out of his pocket, and checking off one of the remaining two empty boxes (all the other hundreds were already checked) he smiled.
"I knew Granger liked me."