Complicated

Complicated, Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Room with a View

I'm so scared that the way that I feel
Is written all over my face

When you walk into the room

I wanna find a hiding place

Dom was looking at me strangely. I think sometimes he can see through my mask. It worries me, for that is what I hide my feelings for him behind. What if he can see it? What if my other friends can too? I have to continually hide behind my mask, trying to hide how I feel. Trying to hide myself.

We used to laugh,

We used to hug,

The way that old friends do,

But now a smile and a touch of your hand,

Just makes me come unglued

Its such a contradiction,

Do I lie or tell the truth,

Is it fact or fiction, the way I feel for you.

We've been friends since I became Lord Raoul's squire, and I have had a crush on you all of that time. But I think that over the past few years, it has developed into something new. Whenever you smile at me with your beautiful blue eyes shining, I want to fall apart.

It's so complicated,

I'm so frustrated,

I wanna hold you close,

I wanna push you away,

I wanna make you go,

I wanna make you stay

These emotions are complicating and frustrating, and I don't know what to do. I care about you so much, but we both have our work, and it would be impossible for us to be together, even if you do feel the same.

Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,

Oh I want you to know,

But then again I don't

It's so complicated.

I want more than anything to tell you, but I am afraid. Afraid of what will happen. I fear rejection, but I also fear that it will wreck our friendship.

Just when I think I'm under control,

I think I've finally got a grip,

Another friend tells me that,

My name is always on your lips

Neal tells me that you always talk about me to him. It scares me. What if you feel the same way? More than anything, I want to know.

They say I'm more than just a friend,

They say I must be blind

They always tease me about our relationship, and tell me that I must be stupid not to notice it. Neal says a dead man could.

Well I admit that I've seen you watch me,
From the corner of your eye

Sometimes when you think I won't notice you watch me. It makes me think that you feel the same way too. But I pass it off as a coincidence. After all, you like beautiful court ladies, and I am neither beautiful or a lady. I am a warrior.

Oh it's so confusing

I wish you'd just confess,

But think of what I'd be losing,

If your answer wasn't yes.

Sometimes I wish that you'd just tell me how you feel, but I'm afraid that you will and it won't be the same I feel. It will be nothing beyond friendship.

Its so complicated,

I'm so frustrated,

I wanna hold you close,

I wanna push you away

I wanna make you go,

I wanna make you stay,

Should I say it,

Should I tell you how I feel,

Oh, I want you to know,

But then again I don't,

It's so complicated.

I want so much for you to feel the same way, but I, Protector of the Small, Knight of Tortall, second Lady Knight, Yamani Lump, am afraid. You would never believe it, but I am. I fear telling you more than anything else. More than going to battle. I may die in battle, but my soul would be killed if I found out that you didn't feel the same way.

I hate it 'cause I've waited so long for someone like you,

I have always needed someone that will accept what I do, accept me, and find ways to make me laugh. Someone that will fight side-by-side with me, and will be proud of my accomplishments. Someone who will not get mad if I beat them at something.

Should I say it,

Should I tell you how I feel,

Oh I want you to know,

But then again I don't,

It's so complicated.

"Dom, I have a confession to make. I love you."