Chapter 6
Last time on Rapunzel Maxwell –
Heero, the Delivery Boy from the FEDEX realm, where boys are really stupid, has found himself a love interest! Too bad his immediate consciousness isn't actually interested…
Relena, AKA Genie Girl, is determined to make Heero accept his fate as her master! And eventually marry her, of course. Because it's, um, fated or something. Hey, it could be. (Place your bets now!)
Duo and Hilde have fortunately progressed a bit further, but as there is a severe lack of random broom closets in the field, not much beyond verbal flirting has transpired.
Because yeah, that's why you're reading.
Ahh, romance. In a really large field of tall flowers. Sighs
Coming up next – new characters! Plus – ever wonder what FEDEX really stands for? You'll find out in this most recent installment of… RAPUNZEL MAXWELL!
And now, back to the tale!
A few short hours later, after flying non-stop over the sea of blossoms, the group took another break. Heero had mostly ignored the pair riding Deathscythe and they him until now.
"What is it this time?" he asked before hopping off Wing into the dusty clearing. Well, he didn't hop, because delivery boys do not hop. Hopping won't get them over picket fences and hydrangeas and pit bulls and other such obstacles. No, they hurdle! But they are apt to caper down an isolated forest path, humming "Someday My Prince Will Come" when the cargo happens to be a picnic basket with a cute little gingham cloth to cover the berry pie.
But you didn't hear it from me.
"She doesn't feel so great," Duo replied. Hilde stood leading against D-scythe's side with her eyes closed, breathing deeply.
"I wish she had told us she gets airsick," Heero said.
"I don't," Hilde said. "I think maybe I'm just hungry. I haven't eaten since breakfast at around six thirty."
Heero glanced at his watch. It was now quarter after one. Her condition was understandable for one who did not possess Heero's FEDEX training.
"We brought food with us," he said, with his usual air of "…". "Dig something out of the bag while I have a word with Duo."
Duo pointed to himself and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. It's about what we're going to do in the City. We can reach it by midnight if we ride all night. We should discuss our plans now so the dragons can feed and rest."
"Yah, gotcha. Hey Hil, toss me a bag of crackers, will ya?"
"They've packaged him?" Heero muttered to Wing, who laughed tactlessly.
"Sure." She reached into the knapsack and began rummaging around with one hand. Her fingers brushed something smooth and plasticy. "Hey – what's this? Cable boxes??? Duo!? Explain this!"
"I took 'em from the witch," he explained. "I didn't really steal them."
Hilde glared in the way only a truly annoyed and miserable person can.
"Um, but she took my yoyo…"
"You're lucky I'm too hungry to care that you're a cat burglar. Here," she said and threw a package of crackers at Duo. Due to the force of her throw, half of them broke when he caught them.
Well, she's not too hungry to chuck food at my head, he thought. The chick's got a good arm. Good thing I didn't request that jar of ca-vi-are stuff…
Duo trotted over to Heero, who was eyeing the flowers in case they began to sway suspiciously. Because you could never tell about flowers. Poppies like these weren't so bad, but they were red. Creepily red. Red like roses. Heero had a great dislike for roses, mostly because he associated them with… well… someone he liked even less than his psychopathic boss.
"Yo, where's yo genie at?" Duo inquired.
"I estimate that we'll reach Emerald City around midnight," he began, ignoring Duo completely. "We'll have to do the job before sunrise so you can escape and I can make it back to work. The first thing-"
"Hey, I said, where's yo genie at? You don't got no genie girl, I don't do no listenin'."
Heero, arms crossed, drummed his fingers on some very nicely toned biceps. There were so many things wrong with this situation. But fine. Fine. Better to play along and get things accomplished than argue with a brainless oddball, he told himself. Besides, that Relena girl would probably go do harmless girl things with Hilde, like talk about things that didn't make sense and giggle. No harm in that, right? Right.
Wordlessly, he opened the bottle. Relena greeted him with a half smile and a wink, before taking Duo's hint that the boys had things to discuss that were of too sensitive a nature to let an innocent's ears hear, and going to check on Hilde.
"Yo babe, sleep well? Great! Hey, me and Mr. Bike Shorts hafta plan a robbery, and he doesn't think so clear when he's being looked at by a pretty girl, so couldja like, peace out for a sec?"
"What?"
"Go hang with Hilde for a minute?"
"Ah." She yawned and stretched. "Certainly."
Heero blinked. Give me a sign that you're ALIVE, the voice requested.
She has a nice navel, he thought.
We're getting somewhere.
"Yeah, I could do with an orange myself. Don't wanna end up with scurvy and walking all like this," Duo said, holding his arms at odd angles and twitching as he shuffled in a circle.
"An orange?"
"Yeah, you muttered something about a nice navel."
As there were no rocks to crawl under, Heero decided to ignore this latest comment from the innocent looking liar.
"The first thing to do will be to find out where the witch is residing and how many entrances there are. Oh, and we'll need to know her sleeping habits."
"Hey, I don't know her THAT well," Duo said, giving a "You naughty boy!" look to Heero.
Heero didn't waste time with rolling his eyes, although that remark certainly deserved it.
"I asked because I want to know if she'll be in her room asleep or out partying."
"Well, hmm... She's kind of a polite partier. Doesn't get drunk and line dance on the diving board, you know. But her bigger bashes have been known to go on 'til early morning, so I think we'll just have to wait until we get there to see where she is."
"In that case, we'll need four plans."
"Oh, only four, eh?"
"Yes. One for each possible situation."
"Ah. But hang on; you sure you didn't miscount? We need one if she is there, one if she's not."
"No. We need one if she is there and asleep, one if she is there and awake, one if she is away and we know where she is, and another if her whereabouts are unknown."
"Oh, for like, lookouts and distractions and all that good stuff."
"Yes, 'all that good stuff.'"
Suddenly, a rustling sound came from the flowers. Heero signaled for Duo, Hilde and Rel to follow him and hastily hide themselves in another section of the field. Wing and D tiptoed thru the poppies and lay flat against the ground.
Heero, with his finely tuned, uber-creepy DB powers, was first to hear the voices. Maybe someday, other people would begin to hear the voices, as well. He couldn't be the only one…
"Hey, you hear that?" Duo asked.
Heero figured Duo was speaking of the voices a ways across the field. The ones that were arguing. Sometimes Heero preferred actual out loud arguing voices to the loud silent one(s) in his mind. The one(s) that told him to do crazy things. Like blink on occasion.
As previously stated, these voices from across the field were arguing, and rather feistily, too.
"I don't know – perhaps we could start a little mom and pop general store in the country," a female voice said lightly.
"You're mocking me, woman," said a frustrated male.
They emerged from the giant flower field and paused.
"I do believe that we will find her," the woman said sincerely.
"I'm not so sure. Has it… has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps I am not meant to find her?" he asked quietly.
"Hm. Do you mean, has it ever crossed my mind that you were an unfit ruler and the overtaking of our kingdom was not due to the incredibly large number of OZ forces who for the most part, fought dishonorably? That it was in fact due to your incompetence and, oh… what was it again… gosh, the word just slipped my mind… oh yes, your weakness?"
Brief silence.
"No, that never crossed my mind," she continued. "But for some reason, this man with a ponytail keeps saying that when he thinks no one is listening. I don't believe him, though, and I've a mind to smack him one if he keeps on blathering that way."
"I thought you were a heavier sleeper," said the man sheepishly.
"Oh. Well, truthfully… you keep me awake."
"What?!"
"Yes, with your ranting…" the woman said cautiously.
"My thoughts were not meant for your ears, woman!"
"Then quit throwing them around for all of nature to hear!"
"I do not carelessly throw my thoughts around. You – you always seem so tired when we set up camp at night. You close your eyes, and breathe slowly, and give every sign of actually being unconscious. How am I to know that it is all ruse?"
"It is not a ruse! It's not my fault that I am woken up by loud cries in the night, startled, thinking it could be something capable of eating us… but no, it's only you. Only Wufei, feeling unworthy, yelling at the grass for not growing straight enough or someth-"
"That is ENOUGH!"
"And then, I have to worry about YOU!"
"What?!"
"Let me put it this way – it's not easy being your only 'loyal subject.'"
"Oh, really?"
"Well, you're just a bit demanding."
"Fine. Then leave."
Again, brief silence.
"I can't."
"Why the hell not? I would have left me ages ago!"
"That's exactly why I can't leave. You'll become discouraged, and then you'll give up seeking Nataku, and then where will our kingdom be?"
"No worse off than it is now."
"It currently does not exist."
"Well, that would be the point," he grumbled.
A longer silence ensued, in which the man unclenched his fists, flexed his muscles just slightly and folded his arms. The woman, to whom this was apparently an habitual occurrence, took the opportunity to collect her thoughts.
"Tell me you do not care that OZ has destroyed your country and enslaved your people, and I will leave," she said, suppressing quite a bit of emotion in order to remain collected.
The man looked her square in the eye and after a moment of inner turmoil said,
"You know I cannot say that."
"Then I believe we are agreed," she said. He did not answer immediately. Instead, they bored holes into one another's heads with their intense stares. The man, or more correctly, the king, looked away after a moment.
"Dammit, you always win those."
She shrugged and tossed half her roped hair over a shoulder.
"I got skills."
The man gave her an offensive look, but then snorted in amusement.
"You sound so stupid when you talk like that."
"Oh, don't lie to yourself. You'd miss it if I were gone."
"I would not go that far, woman. If I wanted to hear someone speaking like a fool, I would turn on MTV."
"Now that's a strange thing, you know? One doesn't seem to find many televisions while on a quest…"
"That is SO true!" Duo exclaimed. The man and woman spun in his direction and struck fighting poses. Hilde buried her face in her hand and tried to sink into the ground. Heero pulled out his gun and Relena grimaced – she really wished she hadn't just seen that.
"Hey, that's so cool! Do y'all know Kung Fu?" Duo asked as he emerged from behind the curtain of flowers.
"Who are you and how long have you been there?"
"My my! He IS demanding," Duo chuckled.
"Answer or die!"
"Uh, I'll take choice A," he said. "I'm Duo Maxwell, known around these parts as the Great Rapunzel! But don't take that too seriously, 'cause I don't actually do much killing myself. Actually," he added, scritch-scratching the back of his head, "none so far. How about you?"
"Hey, uh, I'm a doctor and I would recommend not doing that," the woman said.
"We know," the assembled company, minus Duo and the two new additions, groaned.
"Not doing what, killing?" Duo asked. He was ignored. "Well, anyway, we're just a group o' travelers, looking for a place to spend the night," he continued casually. "How about you guys?"
"That is none of your business, even though you probably know it all anyway from eavesdropping!" The man said sharply. "That was uncalled for, and you're pathetic for not using better judgement!"
"Injustice," the woman coughed.
"What was that, woman?"
"Hey, wait a minute. Why do you keep calling her 'woman'?" Hilde, having reluctantly inched her way out of the blossoms to keep an eye on her almost-but-not-quite-boyfriend, asked.
"Why not?" the man replied snottily.
"It's because he can't pronounce my name," the woman explained.
"That is a lie! And you know it!" he replied indignantly, not happy that she found it amusing to tease him in front of these travelers.
"Then say it," Hilde and the woman said in sync.
"Jinx!" yelled the woman a split second before Hilde.
"Aw, man!" Hilde sighed.
"I do not have to waste my time with such foolishness. I am on a quest. And I do not care to associate myself with fools such as you! Come, woman." He stalked over to the edge of the flowers, but stopped before entering, since he realized she was not following him. He turned and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey."
"Hm?" she said, as if awakening from a daze. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something?"
His face read, "You know darn well I was."
"Oh, I did not know you were addressing me," she said pseudo-innocently. Then she waited.
"Well?" he prompted.
"Well what?"
"WOMAN!"
"There he goes again," Duo said, adding a "tsk tsk" that seemed to annoy the man to no end.
"I have it so good," Hilde said, sliding an arm around his waist.
"You ain't the only one, baby," he replied, pulling her close.
"Ooh!" she giggled.
"Oh, they are so cute, are they not?" Relena sighed.
"They are not," Heero replied, giving the couple a look of annoyance, which they could not see for the flowers.
"I am very sorry, but thou art not much fun," Relena said.
"I'm not supposed to be fun."
"I see. Well, it is too bad. As for me, I am going to go and acquaint myself with these other travelers."
In just under .1 seconds, Heero had her arm in a death grip. His heart rate sped up moderately, but he chose to ignore it.
"Don't," he commanded simply.
"Must I remind thou that thou art not in a position to be making requests of-"
"I'll kill you."
"Pardon me?" She looked down and found herself standing in front of the scary end of his gun.
"You're in my line of fire," he explained. He had been aiming for the bickering couple in case they tried to sabotage his mission.
"Oh. Ha ha, I see. Well, excuse me," she said, and took the long way around the crouched automaton.
Back in the field…
"So, you know he basically admitted to watching you while you sleep?" Duo whispered to the lady.
"Shh," she said with a wink and her pointer finger over her mouth.
"Hello," said Relena.
"Oh right, we all need to finish introducing ourselves," Duo said happily.
"No. No. Go away," the king said. He was growing weary of being embarrassed in front of random odd commoners.
"Sorry, but this was our field first. We just cleared out to make room for y'all."
"Well I would be on my way, if it weren't for… that… S-Ss…"
Duo, Hilde and Rel leaned closer in anticipation.
"That…" He stopped and shook his head. He looked pleadingly, perhaps even contritely, at the woman.
She cocked her head to the side a bit. Not goadingly. Just to let him know that all that was required was one little move on his part. He swallowed and calmed his pulse.
"Sally. Come with me."
She smiled softly.
"That's all I want to do."
Hilde bit her bottom lip.
"That's so sweet," she whispered to Duo.
"No, that's pretty sad. Trust me, I can do better." Having grown up listening to soap operas, Duo had learned a bit. Such as, what not to say. As long as he kept away from the soapiness, he couldn't go wrong, right?
"Hey, I'm not complaining!" Hilde said with a bit of drama in her voice.
Duo didn't know what to say. So he hugged her tight.
That worked pretty well.
Sally now stood only a few feet from the man and they seemed about ready to be on their way.
But Relena had a bit of a plan. She made her way over to the emperor. No one noticed, because they were all paying attention to Duo, who called out dramatically to the deposed Chinese dude,
"Wait, we don't even know your name!!!"
Now feeling a little better about himself, tho' strangely worse for having been… what? Harsh? Hm. Well, the man felt at peace enough to behave like a decent human being.
"I am Emperor Chang Wufei of China. I seek to restore my kingdom."
"Wow, emperor. And I thought he was only a king," Duo said. Hilde patted him on the head.
"Your Majesty," Relena said, kneeling before him. "I am but a humble genie, but I would like to offer me services to thee, to assist thee in any way possible in the restoration of your kingdom."
"Wow," Sally said. "Good offer."
"A genie…" the emperor thought aloud.
"What?" Heero asked no one.
"A genie could serve me well. But I am not certain that I would make a very good master."
"As it happens, I am currently without a master. I can think of none better than one so noble as thee."
"Hm." Emperor Chang rubbed his chin. He liked the sound of that. Maybe Sally was right and he wasn't such a bad guy. He was still weak as hell, tho', but then, perhaps for that reason he needed this genie. And her service would not inconvenience her because, after all, she was a genie and sought a master.
"Wait. Question," said the Heero.
"Who are you?" asked Wufei.
"Yuy, Heero. FEDEX. Rank: Delivery. Number 143769. My question is for the genie."
"Yes?" she said aloofly.
"If you become his genie, does that mean I don't have to become your master?"
"That is true."
"And you would go with him, and leave our party?"
"Of course."
Heero should have felt relief. More than that, he should have been ecstatic. But he was not.
Damn you. DAMN YOU! Why can't I be more in control of myself?
You're too uptight. You need to let go, said the voice.
NO!
Okay look, here's the deal – you can be in control once you start making some good decisions. And you can't do that until you recognize what's good for you. Until then, I rule the roost. That's the deal.
Who are you?
The formless authority figure that you need to tell you what to do, you order taking zombie. You start making better decisions, I get quieter.
What do you want me to do?
You'll see.
"All right, genie. From this moment on, you are mine," Wufei was saying.
What? Heero thought. This seemed wrong… but oh well. Good riddance.
"Thank you, master."
"Oh no, now he's got someone to call him master." Sally threw her arms up in the air. "Now I'll never hear the end of it."
"What are you implying, womannnuh, I uh, Sally?"
"Well, that wasn't too bad."
"Complain, complain, complain…"
"Is there anything thou wishest of me?" Relena interjected.
"Uh, yes. Carry our gear," Wufei ordered superciliously.
"Easily done."
"Wait," said Heero. Out loud. Everyone turned to stare at him.
"If you're going to take her off my hands, shouldn't I be compensated? After all, I was the one who discovered her. I freed her from her bottle."
"Then why aren't you her master?" asked Wufei.
"I was simply providing a transportation until she found a new master."
"Oh, well, I suppose I should give you something."
But Heero didn't want the sack of gold the emperor tossed his way. What he wanted was for that neurotic Chang fellow to stop ordering around his genie.
"And now, genie, I believe that is all. You are mine. Let us move forward."
Something in Heero stirred and he knew he had to keep the genie with him. Maybe it was his DB sense kicking in, warning him that he would encounter something terrible that even his training hadn't prepared him for. Maybe it was that fate thing that starry eyed people liked to daydream about, telling him that for whatever reason, she was destined to go with his troupe.
Maybe.
But he called out her name because he knew that once she was gone he would miss her.
Darn stupid emotions, not making any sense. I don't even know this genie person, she's just some annoying…
She turned slightly.
"Yes?"
He could not speak to her. His mouth went dry.
He tossed the bag of gold at the emperor's feet.
"I don't want compensation. I want my genie back."
"It was a fair deal, and it is done," Wufei began.
"I said I want my genie back."
They stared. Duo and Hilde stepped away from the sparks.
It didn't seem that either side would back down.
"I am her rightful master," Heero said with more force than that champion hot dog eater guy shoves the dogs down his throat with.
"Very well." In one suave move, the emperor rolled the coin bag onto his foot, flicked it high and caught it.
Relena smiled.
"Allow me to leave you something." She folded her arms, blinked her eyes, and a horse-drawn cart appeared.
"Thank you!" Sally said.
"Not bad," said Wufei.
They said their goodbyes and were on their way.
Note the rhyme
"Oh wait, I have a question!" Duo called after them.
"What?" asked Emperor Chang in his, "Hurry it up, you annoying person" voice.
"If China has been taken over by OZ, then what do you call Chinese food now?"
"Not worth it," Sally whispered. The two rode off into the flowers to continue their quest for Nataku.
"Hey!" Duo called desperately.
"I wouldn't worry about it," Hilde said.
"But if it's not China, it can't be Chinese food… it's like, East Asian OZian… and see, that does NOT sound appetizing. Man. It's all gonna be OZian! I declare, that for the diversity of food courts everywhere, we should help those people!"
"But Duo, you've already got a mission."
"Well I know, but-"
"Which you have neglected to inform me about."
Duo shrugged and tried to look his cutest and most oblivious. But Hilde had powers as well. She looked into his eyes and leaned in.
"Duo… won't you please tell me what your mission is?"
"Uh…" Her eyes were big… and violet… and… and shiny…
Duo suspected that she was saying something, but couldn't really be sure.
There was only one thing to do.
Kiss her.
He tried to bring the vast three inches between their lips down to an acceptable zero, but at the last sixteenth of an inch, she turned away.
"You haven't told me about your mission yet," said Hilde, trying not to sound as breathless as she felt.
Duo let his forehead fall against her shoulder. Then he picked it up and let it fall again.
Why couldn't real life romance be simple???
Relena faced her new master. Her new, silent as ever, master.
"So," she ventured. "Thou art now my master."
"Yes."
"Is there anything that thou wishest of me, Master?"
"D-don't call me that."
"Do not call thou what, Master?"
"That. Master. It-it doesn't work for me."
"Oh."
She was looking at him, but he was looking everywhere else but at her. Something about it made her nervous.
"Then, uh, what would thou like me to call thee?"
"Heero will do."
"Heero." She found her gaze falling to the grass. She had thought she'd be so happy to be his genie officially [and she was, magnificently happy!], but something about the arrangement had made things awkward. To say the least.
Neither spoke. Nor did they even glance at one another until they were sure the other was looking at a flower or something and then each stole a peek at the person s/he was now tied to – by chance, at the same time.
Heero frowned.
Relena blushed.
But neither looked away.
And the seconds ticked by, slowly, as they do when one gazes at someone particularly special. But master and genie were separated by many things, not to mention seven feet of field.
"We should get going," Heero said, forcing the words thru his esophagus.
"Yes, Heero." She was going to enjoy every chance she got to address him by name.
"We've lost time."
"Quite a bit of it."
They remounted silently, paying more attention to their own basic motor skills than Hilde and Duo's playful banter, Wing's anxious snorts or even each other. Heero was relieved when Relena climbed up behind him. It saved him the stress of having to invite her, and he would have had to, since making her ride in the bottle now somehow seemed too uncouth. He scooted forward, leaving the saddle for her and managed not to do or say anything stupid. Relena wrapped her arms comfortably around his waist and settled in for the flight. Heero found that he was not bothered by this at all, and could even concentrate on flying. Granted he couldn't concentrate on much else, but he'd already made all the plans, so there really was nothing left to do but enjoy the flight.
Relena hoped Heero wouldn't remember that genies can fly.
Okay, so the FEDEX acronym will be revealed in a later chapter. Oops. So much for my planning.