A/N: Hey all, I'm sorry it's been so long… but here's a little cookie from the Maybe Someday universe. Now, it's Blake's turn to reflect. Thank you all for continuing to believe in me! I will try to step it up and start writing more. Love, Light and Blessed be, Chero
Reflections II
Tori just left my place. It's almost two in the morning, but we just started talking. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who can't relate to abuse like what my bro went through.
I head to the fridge, feeling the cool air emanating from the inside. I grab a coke and head for the balcony just off of my room. It's a new moon, a good time to banish the dark things in life. As the moon starts waxing towards full, I'll still try to keep the positive things in my life, like Tori, at the forefront of my mind.
The past still follows me though. The memories and feelings creep into my thoughts and dreams, tainting all that I used to know. I always knew there was evil out there. I just assumed that everyone knew who these vile people were, and that it was obvious. Then, when Hunter told us what happened to him… everything changed. The monsters could be anywhere, everywhere.
It hurts, that he didn't confide in me. He's my brother, the brother of my heart and soul. I know in my head why he didn't think he could tell me, and that he would've kept it inside if Cam hadn't forced his hand. Hunter would have died a little bit every day, using his laid back, enthusiastic attitude as a shield against anyone who would ask themselves if he was okay. He was shielding against me.
I remember all the little signals, telling signs that seem so obvious now, even though they didn't then. There's the nagging guilt that I could have, should have, done something to keep the bad things away from him. He needed my help, and I wasn't there for him.
Of course, I'm not a mind reader. I couldn't have known the turmoil that wracked Hunter inside. That still doesn't stop the guilt of not having been able to do something.
It makes me so angry! I try not to show my rage in front of anyone else. But it was my brother who got hurt! Why can't I take away his pain?! I mean, what do I say to him? "Gee Hunter I'm sorry that your foster brother raped you." Yeah, right, like that would do anything particularly useful. It wouldn't help him… or me.
I feel the familiar stinging in my eyes as they fill with tears. One drop sticks to my eyelashes, and then streaks its way down my cheek. Then another, and then another, until I'm silently crying for all the innocence lost. Hunter's, Tori's, Jenny's, Shane's… and mine.
I head to my dresser, where I dropped all my mail. On the very top, there was an envelope with just my name on it. I don't know how I didn't notice it before. It was in Hunter's handwriting, the familiar scrawl with all capital letters.
I opened it, not noticing that I got a papercut in the process. I unfolded the letter with trepidation, uncertain of the content, and whether I wanted to read it or not. But it was from Hunter, so I went on.
HEY BRO, IT'S ME, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY GUESSED.
IT SEEMS AS IF WE ARE HARDLY TALKING ANYMORE, AND SINCE MY COUNSELOR SAID I SHOULD TALK TO THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME, I DECIDED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER.
IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT BLAKE. YOU COULDN'T HAVE STOPPED IT, OR THE WAY IT WAS EATING ME UP.
WHAT COUNTS IS THE HERE AND NOW. YOU'RE MY TRUE BROTHER. NO ONE TAKES YOUR PLACE, NOT EVEN CAM. YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON I EVER LOVED, MORE SO THAN EVEN MOM AND DAD. YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE, THROUGH THE FIGHTS, AND THE NIGHTMARES, BOTH IN DREAMS AND IN THE REAL WORLD, AND YOU STILL ARE. YOU'RE MY ROCK, AND WE'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER.
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU, AND THAT YOU CAN TALK TO ME TOO. BOTH OF US FEEL ANGRY, GUILTY, VIOLATED AND LOST.
SO DON'T BASH YOUR HEAD IN RACING. I ALWAYS SMOKE YOU, SO YOU'D BETTER GET USED TO IT, SMALL FRY. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP.
LOVE,
THE BROTHER WHO ALWAYS WINS!!! HA!
HUNTER.
I feel a weight lifted from my heart. The pit in my stomach is nearly gone. I laughed at his last words, the letter filled with compassion, love, and ever his sense of humor.
I guess we're going to be okay after all. It'll take time, and determination, but suddenly, I'm sure we can do it. Jake might be in jail, but we need to beat his ghost now… and since when do the Thunder Brothers lose?