Save Me from Myself
Disclaimer: Okay, you know that deal. JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter people. I just own the plot of this story.
Author's Comments: Well, here is the next chapter everyone! Hope you all enjoy it! I should be updating almost daily this week. Hopefully, anyways.
tennisplaya287: Thanks for your comments. If the Express really is scarlet, than that is a fault on my part. I really like that song, Long Black Train, though. Thanks again, and I hope you keep reading.
Blade McKay: Thanks for your comments. Here's the next chapter!
DragonSpirit7037: Thanks for you comments. I like to keep the reader in suspense about some things, and that is what the delaying of telling the dreams is all about. Glad you are enjoying the story so far!
Chapter Three: Potions, Confusion, and the Continuing of Nightmarish Secrets
When Hermione woke the next morning, she felt awful. She hadn't slept well, and it always made her feel terrible the following morning. She hesitantly crawled out of bed and went into the bathroom.
The hot water felt marvelous to Hermione. The pulsing beat of the water on her shoulders and back slowly removed some of the tension she was holding. It was still rather early. Hermione liked it that way so she could have plenty of time for a relaxing shower.
After her shower, she put on her school robes, which fit her better, and sat at the vanity. Pulling out a brush, she heard a girlish giggle behind her. She turned around, startled. Moaning Myrtle was floating in her bathroom.
"Hello, Myrtle," Hermione said politely.
"Since when do you have straight hair?" asked Myrtle.
"Since over the summer."
"And you wear make-up now?"
"Yes."
"Are you annoyed with me?" Myrtle asked sniffling.
"No, of course not. I'm merely trying to get ready for school. That's all," Hermione replied soothingly.
"Have you seen the really nice-looking guy in the other room?" Myrtle asked, changing the subject suddenly.
"You mean Draco Malfoy?" Hermione asked.
"If you mean that guy with the white blonde hair and piercing icy gray-blue eyes, then yes."
"Yes, I have seen him."
"Well, since you know his name, I'm sure you've seen him. But have you seen him without a shirt?" Myrtle actually giggled very girlishly.
"No, I haven't. And I really don't plan to any time in the future."
"Don't get snappy. I think I'll leave you to 'primp', and I'm going to go look at that guy again." With that, the ghost known as Moaning Myrtle, floated away.
Hermione shook her head and went back to her hair. Once it was dry and straight, she went on to her make-up. She only applied some white eye shadow, black eyeliner, and, after brushing her teeth, some dark purple lip gloss.
Checking herself in the mirror one more time, Hermione walked out of the bathroom and her room. She walked down to the common room and searched the bookshelves for a book for later.
Draco heard water running when he awoke the next morning. Stretching and throwing back the covers, he got out of bed and went into his own bathroom. He got into the shower and let the hot water rain down on him. After the incident with Hermione, he hadn't slept as well. He hadn't heard her get out of bed, but his night was plagued with tossing and turning over what was going on in his own head.
He got out of the shower and changed into his school robes. He let his hair fall into his eyes. He liked it that way more than when it was all slicked back and full of gel. He walked out of the bathroom and into his room. Draco grabbed his own CD player and hid it, along with a few CDs, inside his robes. Then he walked down to the common room.
The very first thing he noticed was Hermione at the bookshelves. Typical. I guess that means things are back to normal. Good. But, she does look really pretty today. Wait! Did I just think Her-Granger was pretty? Oh God! There is seriously something wrong with me. I have to sit down before I faint.
Draco slumped down in one of the arm chairs. Hermione looked up from the book she was skimming through.
"Draco, are you all right?" she asked, looking at him. Then she stopped. And both of them looked shocked.
Hermione had just asked Draco if he was all right. Not that there was anything wrong with that. But she had called him Draco. She never called him that. He looked just as shocked as she was.
"I'm fine. I just didn't sleep that well, that's all," he said to her calmly.
"Oh. Well, you looked like something was bothering you," Hermione commented softly.
"Oh. Well, thanks for asking," he said, looking into her eyes.
Hermione felt a small shiver run down her spine. "You're welcome," she said in a whisper.
He was still looking at her. She couldn't shake his gaze. She looked down at the floor. When she looked up again, Draco was still looking at her. To rid herself of his piercing look, Hermione walked out the common room and to the Great Hall.
She was relieved to see Harry and Ron sitting at the Gryffindor table, laughing and eating. That was what she needed. She needed to be with her friends. She had to forget about her nightmares, she had to forget about what she was doing to herself, and she had to forget about that crazy and confusing moment with Draco.
Hermione put a smile on her face as she walked over to her two friends. They smiled as she sat down, but frowned when they saw that she was only going to eat two pieces of bacon and a small side of scrambled eggs.
"You know, Hermione, they aren't going to run out of food," said Harry in a half-joking half-serious tone.
"I know that. I'm just not that hungry this morning. Have we gotten our schedules yet?" she added, changing the subject.
"Yeah. I asked McGonagall to give us yours. Here." Harry handed her the parchment.
"Double potions this morning? Well, that's not nice. Why does it always have to be with Slytherins?"
"Taz jus da wa id iz," mumbled Ron.
"I think he said, 'that's just the way it is'," Harry clarified.
"Ron, you really shouldn't speak with your mouth full. It isn't attractive," Hermione jokingly scolded.
Ron swallowed before asking, "Well, who have I got to impress?"
"Well, let's think about that for a minute, shall we?"
"Don't go there. She doesn't even sit at this table. Besides, she likes me for who I am."
Harry was doubled over with laughter. Ron gave him a look and muttered something under his breath.
"Ron, c'mon now. Give us a break," said Harry with tears of laughter in his eyes.
"Oh yeah? I think I have given you plenty of breaks, Harry. I mean, you are going out with my sister."
"I know. But if I'm not mistaken, she is the one who helped you and Luna get together in the first place."
"Oh honestly! Must we go into this now?" Hermione asked, exasperated.
"Don't worry about them," said Ginny Weasley, sitting down beside Harry. "They're guys, it's what they do. Besides, you know you could have a boyfriend if you wanted one."
"Yeah right," Hermione mumbled. "I'm going to get my books for Potions. I'll see you guys in the dungeons. See you at lunch, Ginny." Hermione walked out of the Great Hall just as Draco was going in.
Draco's arm brushed against hers, and she felt a small shiver again. She shook her head and went to get her books.
Draco brushed past Hermione on his way into the Great Hall for breakfast. Her arm brushed against his, and he had the craziest urge to go back out and talk with her. He shook his head, though, and just kept walking.
He sat down at his seat and put some bacon, sausages, and scrambled eggs on his plate. He just began eating when he felt a hand on his leg and a purring sound in his ear.
"Dracy, darling. I missed you in our common room last night. I can't believe you had to put up with that mudblood," said Pansy Parkinson.
"Pansy, why do you continue to come up to me and act like I'm your boyfriend still?"
"Because you are, silly."
"No, I'm not. I broke it off with you. Remember? I found you with that guy from Ravenclaw in an empty classroom. Of course, I'm glad I found you. It gave me an actual reason, besides the fact that I just can't stand you, to break it off."
"I don't understand. That boy from Ravenclaw was a one-time thing. You are the love of my life, Draco."
"Sod off, Pansy!" he said, pushing her away from him.
His appetite suddenly gone, Draco pushed his plate away, grabbed his schedule from Crabbe, and walked out. He decided to get his books for his classes. When he got to the common room, he saw Hermione walking down the stairs from her dorm. She looked really upset. For some reason, it bothered him.
"What's wrong Hermione?" he asked. Did I just call her Hermione? God, I am going insane.
"I'm fine, Draco," she said bitterly.
"You don't act fine. Do you want to talk about it?"
She looked at him like he was crazy and then said, "Actually, I would rather not. Well, I'll see you in Potions." She walked out.
I'm loosing my mind! I call her Hermione instead of Granger, and then I ask if she wants to talk about what is wrong. Good grief, Malfoy, get a grip on yourself!
Hermione was the first one to arrive in the dungeons. Draco, she noticed, was second to arrive. They looked at each other, and then looked away. Hermione pulled out her Potions book and sat it on her desk. Soon, Harry and Ron came in and sat beside her. They both started to apologize, and she just told them to forget about it.
Snape stormed into the room in his usual manner, with his black robes billowing behind him.
"For the next month, we will be working with partners that I will choose. You and your partner will be working on the Veritaserum potion, and when it is finished, you will test it. Each of you will take a few hairs from your partner and turn into them. Now then. Partners. Potter, Parkinson. Longbottom, Goyle. Weasley, Crabbe. Granger, Malfoy…"
Snape went on to name the rest of the partners. Hermione felt sorry for Neville. He had enough trouble in Potions without being stuck with someone who knew less about the subject than he did. Surprisingly, Hermione wasn't that angry about being stuck with Draco. It was almost like they had made an unconscious truce with the other.
They were told to move and sit with their partner, and Hermione went and sat next to Draco. They both worked diligently through the class, researching the potion. Hermione had heard a great deal about the potion, and now she was reading and learning more. Hermione never spoke to Draco and he didn't speak to her. It was a mutual silence with no tension in it.
The tension in the rest of the room, however, was enough to make anyone suffocate. It was so thick that you could cut it with a butter knife. Even Snape seemed even more on edge than usual. It was a miracle that Gryffindor only got ten points taken away that day. Hermione was glad when the class was over.
One time during the class, while taking notes, she accidentally dropped her quill on the floor. She bent over and picked it up, and in doing so, she accidentally bumped Draco's side. When she sat back up, she noticed he was looking at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Then, the bell rang.
"I'm sorry I bumped into you," she said to Draco quietly while putting her books back in her bag,
Draco merely nodded and walked out of the classroom. She was the last to leave. Harry and Ron had gone ahead to lunch because they had to run and get their other books from their common room. Hermione had packed hers ahead of time.
"Miss Granger, I would like a word with you," said Snape suddenly.
"Yes, sir?" she asked, hesitantly walking up to his desk.
"I noticed you weren't your usual outspoken self today."
"No, sir."
"I must say, it was quite the relief. With all the other tension in the castle, it's been the rough day."
"Sir?" Hermione was becoming very confused. Snape never talked to her, let alone like he was just then.
"Miss Granger, I have noticed an interesting change in your behavior today. That's all I am saying. You're dismissed."
Hermione was walking out of the room when she heard him mutter just loud enough for her to hear, "And by the way, you've got a little bit of blood on your hand."
Hermione walked calmly out of the dungeons, and then ran with all she had to the nearest bathroom. She sat in the stall and pulled up her shirt sleeve. She muttered a small curse. She should have known to change the bandage. She quickly did this, gathered her composure, and went to lunch.
Harry and Ron kept giving her weird looks all through lunch.
"What?" she finally asked, annoyed.
"Are you feeling alright, 'Mione?" Harry asked.
"I'm fine. Why?"
"You just haven't been eating much today, that's all. And you haven't been insulting Malfoy like you usually do after you've had to be his partner."
"He didn't say anything to me, so I have nothing to talk about. The little ferret hasn't done anything for me to do anything about. And I'm just not that hungry anymore. I think I'm in another transitional faze."
"A what?" asked Ron.
"I'm in between growth spurts, so my appetite has gone down."
"Oh."
"Hey,' said Ginny suddenly, "do any of you guys know who the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is?"
"Nope. Have you not had that class yet?" Harry commented.
"No. I have it tomorrow first thing. Don't you know, Hermione?"
"No. Dumbledore never mentioned who it was. As long as they are anything remotely close to the good teach Remus was, then I really don't care."
"Yea, that's true. Well, I guess we had all better get to our next class," said Ron glumly.
"Come on, Ron. Herbology isn't that bad. And then we have the rest of the day off."
"Even you?" asked Harry.
"Yes. I've taken almost all the classes that are offered here already, so I have the same schedule as you guys except on Thursday."
Draco was eating lunch when Snape came up to him.
"I'd like a word with you, Draco," he said quietly.
Without any questions, Draco followed his house head out of the Great Hall. They walked down to the dungeons, and then Snape motioned for Draco to take a seat.
"Yes, sir?" he asked curiously.
"Have you noticed anything odd lately?"
"Odd, sir?"
"Yes, with any of your school mates."
"Not really. Well, except for He-Granger. She's been off lately."
If Snape caught Draco's almost slip-up, he didn't say anything. Instead, he said, "Weird how?"
"I don't know. She hasn't been insulting, and she seems really melancholy. Why?"
"I'm just curious."
"Sir, if I may, you don't really care about Gryffindors, let alone Granger, so why the sudden curiosity?"
"I've noticed some things about Miss Granger too, and it is my duty to report any problems to her house head and to the Headmaster," he said matter-of-factly.
"Oh. Well, all I can say is what I just told you."
"Thank you, Draco. You may leave."
Draco walked out of the dungeons and to his next class. He really hated History of Magic. For some reason that he couldn't explain, he wanted to be in the greenhouse. He shook his head in frustration. He was definitely not himself. He would be glad when he could go back to the Head's common room and read a book.
The rest of the day went by in a kind of blur for Hermione. Herbology was as it usually was. She got her house about twenty points that afternoon, and that made her feel good, but she just wanted to be back in the common room. Being in classes had helped her a little, but she was beginning to realize that she would never be the same. The summer had changed her forever.
When it was finally over, Hermione said she was very tired and retired to her common room without dinner. Harry and Ron seemed concerned, but then they met up with Ginny and Luna, and they told her they would see her later.
In her own room, she changed into black silky pajama pants and a black silky spaghetti strap shirt and a red silky robe to cover. Then she pulled her hair back into a low ponytail and went down into the common room. There, she curled up in one of the arm chairs with her CD player and a book.
She didn't hear when Draco came in. She didn't see him looking at her with an unreadable expression. She didn't see him go upstairs. She didn't see him come back downstairs and sit on one of the sofas with his own CD player and book.
Draco came back from dinner without eating much. He just wasn't hungry. When he walked through the portrait, he saw Hermione curled up in a chair with a book and her CD player. He couldn't help looking at her. She looks to at peace sitting there. Maybe that's why she reads, to get away from everything. But what would she have to get away from? Snap out of it, Draco. Why do you even care why she likes to read? Why does it matter to you that she looks really pretty sitting there. Wait. Pretty? Oh god! I'm losing it. I have to get upstairs.
Draco went upstairs and changed into black cotton pajama pants and a button-up shirt, left unbuttoned. (A/N: Sorry, can't help myself) He grabbed his own CD player and book and went downstairs. He deliberately avoided looking at Hermione and sat down on the sofa. He opened the book and began to read.
He must have fallen asleep while reading because otherwise, he was going to have to shoot himself. In his dream, or what he hoped was a dream, he was in the common room, reading his book, when he heard movement. He turned and saw Hermione walking towards him with a sweet yet sly smile on her face. She sat down beside him and started talking to him as though they were good friends. Then he heard himself say something so weird, that he could have killed himself. Hermione was looking at him, and all the sudden, he blurt out, "Hermione, I love you."
When that was said, he sat straight up on the couch. His face was drenched with a cold sweat. He looked around and saw that Hermione was asleep in her chair. She wasn't beside him. He sighed with relief and looked at the clock. It was after midnight. He looked back at Hermione.
Hermione was having her dream again. She couldn't shake it. Even though she was back at Hogwarts, her haven, she was still having that bloody dream. She was sitting in a room that she couldn't identify. She was reading a book that she couldn't recall, and then the door burst open. The lights went out except for a single candle. An unidentifiable person was slowly, but purposefully, walking towards her. He smiled down on her, or she thought he did. She couldn't see his face. But he must have been smiling because he was laughing. It wasn't a pleasant laugh. It was cold and without humor. It chilled her to the bone. She was paralyzed. She just couldn't move. She couldn't even turn her head. He came closer still. His face was right in front of hers. His breathing was fast and like a pant. His breath was rancid with the smell of alcohol. He was coming closer still. She screamed.
She screamed. Draco sat upright again in a flash and looked at her. Her face was like it had been last night, full of fear and anger. Her eyes burst open, and they were full of tears. But she didn't even seem to notice Draco sitting there. She got up off the chair and went upstairs. Draco followed her.
She was walking right into her bathroom. Before she could close the door, Draco slipped in. She had a knife in her hand, and she was rolling up her sleeve. Bloody heck! She's going to cut herself, if not kill.
"Hermione, what in the bloody name of Merlin are you doing?" he practically shouted.
She didn't even hear him. She was actually cutting herself. Draco ran and pulled the knife away from her and threw it to the floor. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. She still seemed to not notice him.
"Hermione, look at me. Look at me!"
Slowly, her eyes came into focus. "Draco? What on earth are you doing?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" he asked angrily hold her bleeding arm.
She looked down and then back at him. "It's none of your business, Malfoy," she spat angrily. Her words actually hurt for some reason.
"You've made it my business. I'm taking you to Snape."
"WHAT?"
"He asked me if you've been acting weird, and I told him that you had, but this is beyond weird. Come on!"
He started to pull her towards the door. She pulled against him. He stopped, looked down at her arm which was still bleeding, and pulled her towards him gently.
"Let me help you with that," he said.
"I don't need your help," she said, but it seemed half-hearted.
"Forget who I am for one night in your life, and let me help you. Please, Hermione." He was looking at her, right into her deep chestnut eyes.
"Why do you want to help me?" she asked quietly, tears falling from her eyes.
"I'm still trying to figure that out," he said honestly. He found a small hand towel and ripped it into strips. He wrapped her arm and looked at her again.
"Come with me, now," he held out his hand to her.
"No. I'm not going."
"Yes, you are. I don't care if I have to drag you out of here." He studied her face before saying, "No one's going to think any less of you. If anything, they'll understand and respect you more. It proves you're human, and not some perfect goddess or something."
"I can't. Please, Draco. Please, don't make me." She was begging him, the tears still coming from her eyes. He reached his hand up to her face. She flinched.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help you. Please, let me." He reached his hand to her face, and used his thumb to wipe away her tear. "Hermione, whether you like it or not, I am going to take you to Snape. Now, you can come with me, or I can carry you. I highly doubt you weigh much more than a feather."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Do you want to test that theory?" he looked directly into her eyes.
"I don't believe you. I'm not going anywhere with you. Now, just go back into your own room."
"Hermione, I'm sorry." Without another word, he picked her up. She started screaming at him, so he put a silencing charm on her. He carried her out of their common room down to the dungeons. Snape was actually in his office, and not in his own room.
"Draco, what is going on?" he demanded.
Without saying a word, he lifted the sleeve of Hermione's shirt. Snape looked shocked, and Hermione looked away from both of them.
Hermione was so angry. She was angry with Draco for bringing her down to the dungeons. She was angry with Snape, just because he was there. But mostly, she was angry with herself for not knowing Draco had followed her and found out what she was doing to herself.
"Miss Granger, do you have an explanation?" asked Snape quietly.
"Yes, sir," she replied after Draco took the silencing spell off her and set her feet on the floor.
"Well, what is it?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Miss Granger, this is not what I expected from you."
"Am I going to be taken off as the Head Girl?" she asked fearfully.
"I highly doubt it. But everyone is going to want to know what has been going on in your head."
"I can't talk about it," she said, speaking barely above a whisper and looking at the floor.
Snape got up from his desk and walked to the fireplace. He threw some ashes into the hearth and said, "Headmaster!"
"Yes, Severus," said Dumbledore from beyond the flames.
"We need to see you right away. Can we come up?"
"Of course. I suppose I'll find out who the 'we' is when you get here."
They all stepped through the flames. Hermione was looking at the floor. Dumbledore sat at his desk and Snape told Hermione and Draco to sit down. They both sat without question.
"So, what's this about?" Dumbledore asked calmly.
"It seems that Mr. Malfoy stopped Miss Granger from killing herself," said Snape with an unreadable emotion.
"I wasn't going to kill myself," snapped Hermione pointedly.
"What were you doing then," questioned Draco angrily.
"I was only….never mind."
"What, Miss Granger?" asked Dumbledore worriedly.
"Nothing, sir."
"Oh in the bloody name of Merlin!" shouted Draco.
"What, Mr. Malfoy?"
"Why don't you show them? Huh? I'm sick of this!" he stood up suddenly.
"Why are you doing this?" Hermione asked quietly. "Why do you even care?"
"I wish I bloody knew," he sighed exasperatedly.
"Would someone please enlighten me on what is going on?" Dumbledore asked, trying to remain calm.
"This is what is going on, Headmaster," said Snape pulling up Hermione's shirt sleeve.
Hermione pushed Snape's hand away and said, "Make you both feel better? Hmm? Do you feel better knowing that the book-worm mudblood has lost it all? You want to know what happened?" she was angry. Her hands were balled into fists.
Draco looked at her. He had never seen this side of Hermione before. It scared him.
"Hermione," said Dumbledore quietly, "I have never seen you like this before. He must have done something terrible for you to have changed so much. I don't know what you are going through exactly, but I do know that I want to help you. Don't be ashamed. And you are still going to be Head Girl. But you have got to get a hold of yourself." He looked at Draco and Snape. "Would you take Mr. Malfoy back to his dormitory please, Severus. Miss Granger and I need to talk this out alone."
After they had gone, Hermione stared at the floor, and let Dumbledore study her. She knew he was trying to read her mind. She was letting him. It was better for her to let him search her mind for the answers than for her to straight out tell him. She was too ashamed to talk about it.
"Hermione, why didn't you tell anyone," he said after a time.
"I couldn't. I was warned not to tell anyone. Besides, you can't know how ashamed I feel about it all."
"But you should have gone to someone. You could have come to me."
"I'm sorry. I felt like I had to deal with it all myself. I can still hear and feel it all, inside my head, every waking and sleeping moment. I just can't deal with it anymore." Hermione started to cry.
"Hermione, weakness is not determined by tears, nor is it determined by what we can and cannot do. You are not weak. You are very strong. Don't let what happened to you destroy you. Learn from it and move on."
"He-he killed my mother," she said in a small voice.
"I know. I'm not sure what I can do to help you, but I promise to find a way to get you away from your father."
"Thank you, sir. I really am sorry."
"Please, just don't hurt yourself again. There are plenty of people here that you can talk to when you need to."
"Thank you, sir."
"Remember, if you need me, I am here. Now, off to bed."
Draco was pacing back and forth in the common room when Hermione walked in. It was an awkward silence. Then, without warning, Hermione threw her arms around Draco in a hug. She let go and took a couple steps back.
"What was that for?" he asked, slightly flushed.
"Thank you. You know, for helping me."
"You're welcome."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you help me?"
"I told you, I don't know."
"I think you do."
"And I think I don't." Draco started pacing again.
"Ok. Well, if you figure it out, then I'd like to know."
"Why?" He stopped pacing and looked at her.
"I don't know. I guess I just would like to understand why someone who hates me would want to help me."
"I don't hate you," he said suddenly. It surprised even him.
"Ok, Draco, you don't have to lie. I know you hate me."
"I do not hate you, Hermione," he said calmly, taking a step towards her.
"You've always acted like it," she said in a barely audible voice.
"Well, I used to. Listen, I can't explain it." He stepped back.
"Ok. Well, I'm going up to bed. Thanks again, Draco."
Draco watched her as she went up the stairs and to her bedroom. He felt like slapping himself. What is wrong with me? What is it? And why the heck did it feel so good when she hugged me. Get a grip! I think I need to admit myself at St. Mungo's or something.
Closing Comments: Well, there it is! Please read and review. I promise to get the next chapter up really soon!