4. [ Facts and Feelings ]
The people around the table were mostly silent with the occasional interruption of Ron who muttered under his breath angry insults at the potions Master. Harry looked at him with concern now and then trying to figure what he could say in Snape's defence. Not that he particularly liked to defend Professor Snape but for some reason he found it hard to believe that he indeed had raped Hermione the way Ron had pointed out before. When Harry had stated that Snape would never do such a thing Ron had stared him with hate in his eyes.
"Oh yeah. Tell me why you are so sure of that. He is a Slytherin and he hates us as he hates all Gryffindors. How else could we have seen what we saw upstairs?"
Somewhere inside Harry wanted to agree with Ron if only to place the blame solely on Snape's shoulders but he couldn't. Too many things were not fitting. Snape never tried anything like this and if he had Harry was sure it would go around the school in no time at all. Dumbledore obviously was not very concerned about the whole debacle and had left already to go to the ministry and if Snape had raped Hermione he was sure that at least Minerva McGonagall would have stayed to protect her best student. But they muttered something about "extraordinary situations" before their return and even Remus Lupin wasn't looking very shocked- maybe surprised and a tad amused.
Molly Weasly was flustered but refused to listen to her son and was therefore busy preparing some tea. Apparently she as well thought the course of events maybe embarrassing but not a reason to be worried. The worst was Tonks- she sat on the floor next to the oven and hummed happily all the while glancing towards the entrance for some reason excited. Moody had left with the two Professors and had seemed equally calm his magical eye rotating wildly- but Harry was not sure what that meant exactly.
But one thing stroke him as most unusual in this matter- when he had caught a glimpse at Hermione upstairs she had locked shocked but not scared. Plus she had been dressed so obviously the rape Ron was muttering about was a bit exaggerated.
When they heard steps on the stairs indicating that somebody was coming downstairs after two hours Harry was relieved. The tension was getting higher and made it difficult to breathe in the small kitchen and Ron's angry tirades did nothing to calm him.
As Hermione stepped into the kitchen followed by Snape she looked flustered but all in all calm and collected. Snape had his usual sneer in place and looked for all the world like he had just returned from a walk in the garden. Without saying a word Hermione sat down next to Harry and gratefully gripped a cup filled with hot tea while Snape leaned in the doorframe and looked above everybody's head out of the window.
Ron's face had turned red by now and Harry prepared himself for another tirade but instead all in a sudden Ron jumped up and stretched out his hand, his fingers gripping the wand tightly.
"You have five seconds to explain to me why I shouldn't hurt you seriously." The voice sounded very strained and even a tad scared- like Harry Ron could probably remember the duelling club in their second year and how easily Snape had disarmed Lockhart then.
Harry looked at Ron inquiringly and noticed that his expression showed that beneath the rage he was a tad nervous. Snape was a different matter. He had a cold look full of arrogance on his face and for some reason he had been fast enough to have his wand ready by now.
"Mr Weasly, while I am sure that it is none of your business what happened between Ms Granger and me, I am equally sure that you have a good chance of being expelled for threatening one of your teachers with your wand."
Two pairs of eyes met, one cold and detached the other one defiant and angry.
"Hermione is my friend and I have every right to be concerned."
Snape sneered and putting his wand away crossed his arms over his chest.
"Then ask your friend and don't bother me with this nonsense. I have work left to do." With that he turned around his robes billowing behind him and with large steps climbed up the stairs.
Everybody's eyes followed the dark figure until he disappeared and then almost in one move looked at Hermione who still sat in her chair with dark troubled eyes.
"You heard him- obviously it's nonsense." She got up stiffly and hugging herself moved to the door. "Excuse me, I have to catch up on some reading. School is starting in a fortnight after all."
With that she left and moved into the direction of the library next to the living room.
Tonks sniffled silently. "Poor thing."
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His room seemed strangely empty and gloomy as he stood at the window staring out into the night. Granted nothing really had changed here in the room and it had always been like that around here- since he joined the Order and this room had been assigned to him last year. He had never sat a foot into Snape Mansion since he had turned his back on the Dark Arts- some old house elves kept it for the time being but it was not a place he wanted to call home any longer.
Not that he actually had a place to call like that. Hogwarts came probably closest to that but in reality the dungeons were unfriendly and he had never made an attempt to turn it into something more comfortable. In his opinion he was in no position to deserve a place like home, a warm place full of love and tenderness. Nobody could possibly love him of all people. The children in Hogwarts maybe thought he didn't knew what they called him but in truth he did. Greasy old git, was probably the least insulting. He could have taken House points for that but as much as he tried to he couldn't. Not when he shared these sentiments, not when he probably deserved each and every insult thrown his way. Albus had once told him not to crucify himself but it was the only way for him to deal with the disaster his life was so far.
He had been one of the best students in Hogwarts in his time and it was always remarked that he was a promising child. With his grades and his skills in the Dark Arts he could have done everything, including becoming an Auror. But instead he had turned to Power and Darkness and had received punishment.
Pushing up his left sleeve he looked at the ugly reminder of his failure. It was nearly translucent now and he was glad not to feel the Dark Lord calling him in this moment. His thoughts and emotions were tumbling inside and he needed time to recollect before he could face Lucius and the others. And he didm't doubt that there would be another meeting soon. With Lucius and some other captives being freed from Akzaban in the last weeks he was almost sure that Voldemort would be back very soon. He always managed somehow and even Albus dreaded it would be in the next weeks.
How would he explain what had happened here? How could he possibly answer the question why he, one of the men in the inner circle and a close and trusted Death Eater, was married to a Mudblood? And that question would arise he was sure. Lucius had a manner of enjoying torture and he was envious of his closeness to the Dark Lord, always had been. He wouldn't let a moment of revenge, the chance of awakening The Dark Lord's distrust, pass.
Maybe to go with an edited version of the truth would be the way to deal with it. He could tell them about the necklace and his missing knowledge about the nature of the use and maybe he would get away with it.
If Hermione agreed to behave in a certain way he could even convince the other Death Eaters and Voldemort that she was no danger and they would let her be.
But knowing her and her stubborn nature she would insist of remaining a true Gryffindor and that would be hard to explain. Mentally cringing he tried to imagine a situation in which he was forced to bring her to one of the Dark meetings. He had to make sure that she wasn't forced to these atrocities, that she wasn't tainted with his blood.
He tensed as he felt a tugging at his inner bond connecting him to his wife. It was hard to distinguish between the different emotions but right now the feelings were of a negative nature.
Instantly alert he headed towards the door. It was almost impossible that she was attacked here in the headquarter of the Order with Tonks around but he would take no risks. As quickly as possible he rushed down the stairs and to his surprise felt her pulling at himself not from the kitchen but from the library. Frowning he pulled his wand and opened the heavy wooden door braising himself for the coming confrontation.
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Slumping into one of the big stuffed arm chairs Hermione curled into a ball with just her dark curls visible from across the room. Sighing she tried to calm her emotions enough to get some reasonable thought done. It felt hard to believe that all this had happened in just one day, that her life had been turned upside down in just twelve hours.
She was married now.
Raising her head she looked at the arm chain that shone dimly in the semi-darkness of the room. It was the same material as the necklace and it felt warm and comfortable around her wrist- not like it was as solid as it appeared to be.
But nobody had ever asked if she was ready to be married. Nobody had even cared to know about her opinion on this matter. It had all happened without her consent and somewhere inside she felt abused. Not really by her husband and not in the literal sense but by fate, by a stupid necklace that had forced her into a position she didn't feel comfortable in.
Her cheeks glowed as she remembered that she had kissed Professor Snape of all people. Her feared potions professor and according to Ron and Harry the greasy old bastard who lived in the dusty dungeons because nobody wanted him around.
She remembered it like it was yesterday, that day after school had started following the Christmas break, when she had sat in the common room with the boys and they had talked about all kinds of things including the potions Master. Back then she had to force herself to smile because she thought it disrespectful to think of a teacher like that, prefect and all, but now it raised other emotions in her.
Like compassion and anger. He wasn't that bad really as a person when he was not his icy self which granted he turned into far too often. Having glimpsed behind the mask she found a very passionate, dry humoured and surprisingly gentle man. A man she felt drawn to in more ways than she could excuse with the necklace and old ancient magic. After her crush on him in her third year had faded she had always tried to stay impartial where he was concerned. The boys simply hated him and it was easier that way. But now she felt ashamed of all the times they had made fun of him or insulted him and she had not protested. It was easy to agree with everybody else that he was a scornful, mean bastard when in reality she had never believed that this was all there was to the man.
Even back then without all she knew now, in her third year she had sensed that he was very much alike to her in many ways. Sometimes she felt utterly misplaced in her world as if she feared that nobody would understand her thirst for knowledge, her need to prove herself and the love for books. She knew that everybody respected her for the times she helped others with homework and learning but she longed for somebody who wouldn't take advantage of her like that. Somebody who would respect her for her smartness and her work, somebody like Snape in the end.
In his chamber she had noticed the many books he had obviously began to read for some reason and if she tried a little she could imagine him sitting in the uncomfortable chair reading the time away while others like Tonks or Moody where downstairs in the kitchen. It might seem lonely to some, this life, but in reality it wasn't. Books were like good old friends that gave you entertainment like no living being could. It was the reason she was in the library so much during school year and the reason she was here now.
Uncurling she noticed for the first time a strange mirror on the table in the middle of the room. It was positioned in a way that you could easily look inside if you sat on exactly the arm chair she slumped in now. And to her surprise she saw herself as if seen from the ceiling.
For a moment she wondered what the mirror was about but then realization dawned. They had watched her with this mirror. Professor Dumbledore and very likely even Snape. Taking a deep breath to calm the feeling of betrayal she walked to the window and stared outside without seeing anything. She felt humiliated by them all. They had watched her in all kinds of awkward and intimate situations without asking her for her consent. Finally with some satisfaction she had found something to blame Snape for. She couldn't blame him for the whole debacle with the necklace because he had appeared honestly shocked when the marriage thing had happened but this he was guilty for.
She let the anger boil a bit and clenched her fists. She had the perfect excuse now to go upstairs and do something to get rid of her frustrations- she could throw a tantrum and rage at him and he could do absolutely nothing to defend himself because in this he had failed.
For a moment she really considered leaving but then her posture fell. Even for that she couldn't blame him because in all likelihood he had done it to protect her, to keep her safe and he wasn't the kind of person to enjoy invading somebody's privacy. He was a very private person from what she had seen, in Hogwarts he never shared more than he had to. So again she was left with nothing but her anger, frustration and panic and no way to share them with anybody.
Ron was very likely still angry and Harry hated Snape as well. The others were in all reality still strangers for her and Snape had made it very clear what he thought of this debacle.
Nonsense. Again anger boiled but this time mixed with hurt. She had tried to make up for her carelessness regarding his feelings, had even tried to be gentle to him and he had the decency to call it all nonsense. That was what she received for being tender, that was the way he treasured her honesty.
Feeling tears bubble up inside and unable to stop them she stood leaning against the cool glass and let them fall. Hermione Granger felt more alone than ever before in her life.
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After already sensing her emotions he was not overly surprised to find Hermione Granger, his wife and obviously a person who loved to cry judging from this day's events, leaning against the window glass shaking with sobs.
Sighing softly he prayed to whomever might listen that it was just the course of today's events that made her cry so often and not a character trait because he was bound to be an unpleasant person sometimes. If she always cried living with her would be more difficult than he anticipated.
Silently as not to startle her he leaned against the door frame and concentrated until he could almost feel the heat radiating from her body and somewhere in his loins he felt certain parts of his body stirring alive. Why was it now that his hormones decided to remind him that they were still existing even after almost ten years of celibacy.
He tensed as the fact that the girl standing in front of him was only 15 years old and he had kissed her made itself known. Of course there was the fact that their actions were triggered by the necklace and ancient magic but it was never a man to hide behind things. And even in his frenzy this evening he had realized that she had been inexperienced.
Quietly turning around he went upstairs again trying to figure out a way to make it up to her. He would explain some things to her about the necklace and why she wore it in the first place and then he would discuss with her living arrangements and the fact that he would never touch her again. Later. When he had thought about his feelings and sorted some things out he would talk to her.
Sighing at his own lack of courage he climbed the stairs feeling older than ever. Why by Merlin's beard was life always so cruel to him? Why was it never easy?