AN: The title is taken from the wonderful song performed and written by Eric Clapton which is one of my all time favourites. It has however little to do with this chapter which is actually pretty light. For me, that is. Enjoy.
13. [ Tears in Heaven ]
The early afternoon hours found Hermione not in her arithmency classes as Snape had told her to but snuggled into the soft comfortable green blanket on Snape's bed trying to pretend he was actually here with her instead of facing a cruel master and an uncertain fate. Burrowing her head in his pillow she sighed into the cosy fabric allowing her mind to clear for once of all the depressing thoughts. He would return, had to because he knew she couldn't survive this all without him.
But did he know really? She never told him much about the way she felt or the thoughts racing through her head. It was as if he was so closed up and tight lipped about his emotions that it had the effect of suffocating her whenever she just contemplated sharing her feelings with him. Yesterday had showed her like never before that he probably had buried his feelings for so long that he needed desperately to get rid of them.
Sighing, she pulled her head out of the pillow and looked around in his chamber. It was as depressing as the first time she had been here and silently she contemplated why he forced himself to live like this. He enjoyed spending time in the living room with her so she knew he treasured fine decor and nice surroundings but this here was worse than his office. The office was a place to work in so it wasn't necessary that it looked appealing but in here he spend his nights and some hours during the day- something had to be done about it.
Getting up she considered her options. She was in her sixth year so she could use some magic to get some decoration done but conjuring things out of thin air was difficult and would drain her too much. There wasn't really anything to transfigure her which was the best option since she was quite good in transfiguration. Or, she thought looking at her hands, you could show him how much you care for him and actually try to decorate some things without your wand.
Chuckling she placed her wand on his bedside table and stepped to the chimney.
"Dobby?" As soon as the name left her lips the house elf appeared looking eager to please her.
"Dobby, I need some fabric, something brownish, and some nice pillows and maybe some big candles and chandeliers. Where can I get that?"
Snipping his finger an assortment appeared and he jumped up and down in excitement.
"Dobby can produce even more, just say so Miss and he does. Everything you want he can do, everything."
Sorting through the heap on the floor she took some things and laid them on the bed.
"This might take some times Dobby. You help me decorate Professor Snape's chambers."
"Oh no, oh no." Dobby tried to hide behind his own hands. "Master will be upset and punish Dobby. He never liked it when Dobby changed one thing about his room. He threatened to use Dobby in a potion or to capture him in the dungeons."
Hermione stilled the house elf's trembling with her hands. "Listen Dobby, he won't do any of such things because I tell me it was all me. He will never know you were involved at all and you be long gone before he returns. I need you Dobby, you are much better with conjuring things than I am." Sweet talking and a promise of Snape never finding out did the trick- Dobby nodded still hesitantly but determined.
"Okay, I help Miss. What else do you need?"
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After his visit to Dumbledore's office and the report about the events of the summoning Severus made way for the dungeons. He was tired as usual from all this use of occlumency and the effort it took to stay calm and make no mistakes. The dark corridors were deserted as usual since potions classes had been cancelled and even his Slytherins staid in another part of the dungeons where they could avoid their head of house as much as they could. Especially in these moments when he returned from one of the summonings he was acutely aware how much he failed his house, how distracted he was by just keeping himself alive.
When he reached the door to his chamber he instinctively tested the wards and then scanned the room. To his surprise there was somebody inside there, precisely two people and as his bracelet informed him one of those was Hermione. It had felt cold and impassive during the meeting with Voldemort but now it glowed and felt almost alive with buzzing energy.
Pausing shortly he wondered who could be with her. Hopefully not one of her friends, like Potter or Weasly. He was aware that he couldn't forbid her to see her friends, not even in his dungeons but at least she could inform him so that he could avoid the dungeons around that time. A picture of Mr Weasly forever damaging one of his books with his lack of care flashed before his inner eye and he groaned. He would have to talk with her about their behaviour in the dungeons to pretend things like that from happening.
He opened the door without making much sound and peeked inside. To his surprise it was neither the boy-who-lived nor the redhead Weasly but the house elf Dobby that tried to steady a ladder leaning against his window so Hermione could busy herself doing whatever she was doing with the dark red fabric up there. Gazing around he noticed with shock the changes done in the room so that it looked almost comfortable. Nothing drastic only slight touches of some fabric or some candles combined with a couple of pillows and- new furniture. Okay the furniture was completely new and as he stared at the huge four-poster bed with dark green velvet draped around it he shortly wondered what had gotten into his wife.
"Dobby, could you please hold still the ladder? I am almost finished here and I don't want to break my neck while trying to arrange the curtains."
The house elf was obviously excited for some reason. He tippled with his tiny feet and clenched and unclenched his fists.
"But, but Miss was saying Dobby could leave at four and now it's already after six and Master will be here shortly and when he sees Dobby he will test potions and surely kill him." His voice sounded honestly scared.
"Oh Dobby, why do you let Professor Snape scare you so much? You are almost like Neville in that aspect. He is only trying to intimidate you and if you just showed some backbone you would be fine. Honestly, you are a very powerful house elf, you have conjured all these pieces of furniture here out of thin air and you don't belong to any master any longer and still you let people scare you. Do you think Professor Snape would be allowed to kill you with the headmaster around?"
"Dobby don't know Miss. Dobby only knows master Snape is very powerful and if he wanted to he could kill Dobby."
Leaning against the doorframe Snape crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"Exactly and right now I am contemplating doing just that." His quiet silken words had the effect on Dobby that he shrieked and accidentally stumbled against the ladder that began to sway with Hermione slowly loosing her balance. The house elf obviously scared that the wooden ladder would fall upon him jumped away giving it more momentum and Hermione would have surely broken some of her bones had not her husband stilled the ladder with a wave of his wand.
Stepping to the window he gently pulled his wife into his arms and turned to Dobby.
"You better leave now or I might consider forgetting myself and cursing an unforgivable on you."
Shrieking one more time Dobby snipped and was gone.
"You shouldn't scare him that much really. He is already intimidated enough as it is." Hermione's voice sounded amused which made him angry for some reason.
"Dobby came off without any punishment because I have a slight idea whose idea this little decoration party was, Hermione." He throw her body onto his bed and towered over her. "What have you done to my room Hermione?"
"Do you like it? It looks like an actual bedroom now and no longer like a tomb. Honestly, you never liked it around here anyhow so please don't make a scene just because I stopped you from crucifying yourself. There will be plenty of opportunity I am sure to punish yourself later." Her eyes flared and she wanted to get up but her husband was sitting astride her middle instantly and pinned her arms to the mattress.
"No, you are not going to leave here like that my dear. What were you trying to prove? That you can step into my life, change it around like you please and then leave? I lived quite fine without you for over three decades and I don't like little girls who conspire with house elves to make my life more hell than it already is." His cheeks showed some red patches and his eyes glowed with an indescribable mix of emotions.
"Hell? I am trying to help you Severus. I am trying to get you to understand that this torture is completely uncalled for. You are a person like everybody else and you made mistakes. Fine. That's human. I fail, Harry fails, even Professor Dumbledore fails I am sure. You are allowed to not always make the right decisions and it doesn't mean nobody is ever going to love you. Just because your father made you believe that there is nothing amiable about you it doesn't mean he was right. I know it better."
"Don't ever mention my father again, do you hear me? He is none of your business, my life is none of your business Hermione." He hissed the last words but something about his anger felt put on to her.
"You don't even mean what you are saying. I am a part of your life. It doesn't matter if you agree or not. We are married and I am not letting you slip away now. Why do you try to isolate yourself so much Severus?"
He let go of her arms and rubbed his face tiredly. "Because nobody wants me." And she understood there was nothing sexual in that sentence.
Carefully she placed her arms around his neck and pulled him down next to her. "I want you Severus but you have to let me in." she whispered and gently caressed his face gazing into his tortured eyes.
He sighed and accepted her embrace and the touches like he was surrendering to something he secretly longed for.
"You could have broken your neck with that stupid stunt on the ladder." His voice sounded lost.
"I am sorry but I really thought Dobby would keep the ladder still." She murmured and found that his hair wasn't greasy at all but soft and shiny.
"Hermione you are a witch. Why didn't you use magic to decorate. I always thought you had learned that much in charms." He never lost eye contact to her and she smiled tentatively.
"I wanted to do something nice for you. Not just flick my wand and be done with it but put some effort into it." She gently placed a kiss on his cheek. "I am sorry and promise to be more careful next time."
Severus placed his hands at her cheek and gazed into her eyes with a look of wonder that made her breath quicken.
"Tell me Hermione, we are married aren't we?" His voice felt like velvet against her ear and she shivered.
After she nodded he gently closed the gap between their lips and kissed her chastely but firmly. "Then I think this is definitely called for."
To his surprise she gripped his head and pulled him down kissing him with all the passion she could muster. His tongue crossed into her mouth and for a moment her heart stopped beating. Back then in London things had been different, she had not seen into his heart like she had done now and her heart hadn't felt so many emotions mixed into a whirlwind of feelings. Surrendering to the kiss she gave in and it felt like her body awoke for the first time with the first wave of passion pulsing through her.
A second later he pulled away and tried to scramble off the bed but she held him close.
"What's wrong Severus?" Her voice was soft and calming as he shivered slightly in her arms.
"I can't." He looked into her eyes and she saw all the pain there, the shame and the deeply hurt boy who still wasn't convinced that he deserved all of this.
She gently caressed his cheek. "Then I wait until you can. We have time."
He nodded and this time when he made a move she let him go.
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That night in the great hall Hermione felt uneasy among her peers. It wasn't as if they were treating her in a different way or that they made her feel like she wasn't a part of Gryffindor house any longer, no it was something else. It wasn't them, she realized with sudden insight but her. She felt alien in between her friends and housemates as if she belonged somewhere else.
Gazing at the high table she saw her husband talking with Professor McGonagall and judging by his pained expression he wasn't enjoying it. Their eyes met shortly and for one second his lips curled up in a grin. Her head of house interrupted her talk and followed her fellow teacher's gaze. Hermione quickly looked away and so she missed the amused expression on Minerva McGonagall's face.
"Hermione." Harry's face looked inquiringly and she tried to focus on the chatter around her.
"What's up Harry?"
"I just wondered whether we could visit you in the dungeons sometime this evening. We haven't spent much time in ages. We miss you."
Gently she smiled. "I miss you too. I ask Professor Snape later and tell you, okay?"
Lavender looked at her with sudden interest. "Why are you still calling him Professor? He is your husband isn't he?"
"Yeah but Dumbledore told you it's just so that he can protect her and not because she really likes him." Ron piped in and padded his friend's back.
Hermione shook off his hand feeling dirty all in a sudden and straightened her shoulders.
"I call him Professor because in this context here at the table he is my teacher. But I can assure you all that in the privacy of our chambers I call him Severus. And just so that you know Ron, I actually really like him. He is a much better person than you all give him credit for and I won't allow any more slandering of him, do you hear me Ronald Weasly?"
Opening and closing his mouth Ron nodded.
"Fine. Then I can leave and actually return to our rooms with my husband and ask him if you can come over tonight." With that she got up and walked up to the high table.
Ron gripped Harry's arm and whispered. "You think he cursed her?"
Harry sighed and padded his friend's back. "No I think she actually likes him."
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"… of course I told Mr Longbottom to undo what he had done to Miss Patil but obviously he had cursed her without meaning it." Minerva shook her head. "I have never heard that somebody had performed a spell without being aware of doing so."
"Mr Longbottom seems to be a person who does a lot of things for the first time. Like blowing up three cauldrons in one double potions class." Severus sneered and emptied his glass of pumpkin juice. "But alas, you would think that after five years of teaching him I am used to it by now."
"Just be glad that Miss Granger tutors him and prevents some of the catastrophes from happening or your might not have made it up to here alive." Minerva chuckled and picked the last crump of her cake.
"I don't even want to know how often she secretly helps him in class without me noticing. The times I am noticing are already countless." Severus mused softly.
"One might think this is one the Gryffindor traits you despise so much Severus. Helping one another is quite common in my house."
Raising one eye brow the potions Master sneered again. "Ah yes, I almost forgot that Hermione is in Gryffindor. My, my if she had been sorted into Slytherin her intellect would have mesmerized the whole wizarding world instead of being abused by her so-called friends."
Minerva chuckled dryly. "One might think you actually like her Severus. You are risking your reputation mate."
"Just because I am not spoiling her rotten with praise and carrying her around so that she forgets how to walk herself doesn't mean I am not appreciating her fierce intellect. If everybody treated her like you or Remus do, she would be even more careless than she is already. At least she is working harder for potions than ever."
"No wonder since you refuse to acknowledge the fact that she is bloody brilliant Severus." Remus Lupin's voice was amused but sincere. "Give her some credit now and then, you do the poor girl injustice."
"She is no helpless doll Remus. She can perform powerful spells and create the most complicated potions, you don't have to protect her from everything she is going to have to face when she leaves Hogwarts. I intend to prepare my students for the real world where nobody will care if they were brilliant prime students." Snape rubbed his left arm unconsciously.
Remus noticed as did Minerva and they exchanged a short glance.
Minerva cleared her throat. "Well, however that is, none of you will argue that our dear Miss Granger awaits a bright future when she is to leave our school."
"Miss Snape."
"What did you say, Severus."
His voice sounded soft and he looked into his empty cup. "I said her name is Miss Snape now." He looked up and faced Minerva's surprised look.
"Of course, I forgot. I apologize Severus. It might take some time until we are all used to the way things have changed so quickly."
"That figures since I myself have yet to get used to the fact that I am married to one of my students." Severus frowned shortly. "It's strange where fate sometimes leads you to in life."
Remus smiled softly. "Only too true my friend. It's all about finding our place in life anyhow in the end."
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Hermione stepped around the teacher's table and tried to approach Severus from his back. As she got nearer she heard Remus utter "It's all about finding our place in life anyhow in the end."
Only too true. I wish I was clearer about my place.
In all honesty she didn't know any longer where she belonged to. She was muggle-born and yet a witch, she was a Gryffindor but yet married to the head of Slytherin. She was disgusted by what Voldemort had done yet she was ready to forgive her husband everything. She was confused and wanted nothing more than anybody to tell her where she really belonged to.
As she stepped behind the tall figure of Severus he tensed up and then relaxed again.
"Good evening, Hermione." His voice sounded amused but controlled. It was a warning and she understood it. She was a mudblood and in public he had to be detached.
"Good evening Professor."
Minerva smiled and motioned her nearer. "Hello Miss Granger. Have you already finished your meal?"
"Yes, Professor. I was just on my way to the dungeons."
"And you wanted to know if Severus was finished as well so that you could leave together." The transfiguration teacher's eyes were alight with mild amusement.
"Exactly, professor."
Shortly Minerva met Severus' gaze over the girl's head and saw the half-grin twisting his features. Again she was stuck at the thought that she would never truly understand her former student and that maybe nobody ever would. But, gazing one more time at the soft, timid smile of her prime student when her eyes met the potions Master's, she sincerely hoped that maybe Hermione would one day be able to accept the fact that Severus was and would always be a mystery. Minerva had the feeling that perhaps that would safe them both.
"I am finished here anyhow, so may I excuse myself?" His voice was polite and silken.
"You may" nodded Remus good-natured. "Have a nice evening, the both of you."
"Thank you, professor Lupin." Hermione beamed and then turned to her husband. "May we?"
Extending his arm Severus smiled gallantly. "We may." And together they left the high table and escorted by the excited whisper of the student body they left the hall.
Minerva glanced at her colleague. "What do you think Remus?"
"I think that maybe Hermione has managed the impossible." He grinned and raised his glass. "And tamed the beast. Cheers!"
Hope that was something light, a tad fluffy and as non-angsty as I can write. The next chapter will have more of what you are used to now with this story. And for all Lucius Malfoy friends, I am going to write a whole chapter about him and his last hours. Review please if you like.