This chapter for the first time was edited by the wonderful Carrie who has helped tremendously in not ruining canon, keeping Snape as much in character as possible and generally making my English more fluent. Kudos to her for doing a wonderful job and from now she will do me this favour in every chapter.
14. [ A family thing ]
Glancing over at her husband sitting across from her in the arm chair near the now flickering chimney fire and deeply engrossed in a book about the cruciatus curse she noticed how relaxed he looked this evening. He had even undone his robes which was always a sign that he felt comfortable enough with her to let down his armour. He had pulled back his black hair into a pony tail which gave his face much sharper edges. "Severus, can I ask for a favour?"," she quietly asked.
Raising his eyes he bored them into hers and grinned ruefully. "Depends on what the favour is Hermione. No more decorating of my rooms. My office stays the tomb it is."
She blushed shortly. "Very funny. I agreed on it, as you might remember. No it's something else." He waited not trying to rush her, something she liked about him very much. He respected the time it took to phrase difficult thoughts.
Just spit it out Granger. He will snap at you anyhow but you promised.
In all truth she would rather stay here by the fire and watch him all evening instead of answering questions posed at her by Harry and Ron. But they were her friends and she had promised them she would address their issues. It wasn't her fault if Severus didn't allow it.
"You know, it would probably help if you actually said something since I am much too tired to use my Legilimency skills tonight." was his dry humoured remark tinged with undertones of annoyance.
"Again I am struck by your sense of humour." She sighed. "Okay but I am just asking so please don't snap okay?"
Actually he was aware of what she wanted to ask. It was probably about Potter and Weasly. And the next sentence justified his notion.
"Can, maybe, Harry and Ron come and visit me tonight? We will only stay in my room and they won't touch a thing of yours." She bowed her head not wanting to see the hatred in his eyes. Very likely they would never come to agreement on their house differences.
Getting up he gently tipped up her head and smiled shortly. "I think you should look me in the eyes when asking me to allow two of the most horrible students into my chambers, don't you think so?"
She nodded and was again sharply reminded how little she could anticipate the man before her. There was much amusement in his eyes, a tad of uneasiness and she realized he was seriously contemplating her request.
Then obviously having reached a conclusion, he let her go ahead and emptied his glass of whiskey. "You can ask them over as often as you wish to Hermione. They are your friends and even though I dislike both of them, I won't ask you to share my sentiment." He turned boring his steely eyes into hers. "But there are a couple of rules I have to ask to remember."
She nodded mutely relieved that he was okay with her friends visiting her. She was missing Harry and Ron in some way but more importantly she felt sometimes strangely alien with her peers and hoped to change that with seeing them more often.
"First of all, my bedroom is strictly forbidden. Second, you are responsible for any damage done to my books. They are very valuable and I won't tolerate any meddling with them by one of your friends." He cupped her cheek and curled up his lips. "I am making an effort here Hermione. I still dislike Gryffindors in general but I am willing to reconsider my point of view."
Getting up she embraced his middle and inhaled. "I know, Severus and I appreciate it. But Harry is not James and Ron is not Sirius. They are fine people and maybe you'll discover that you like them." At his incredulous look she amended. "Okay, or at least be able to tolerate them." She smiled.
For a moment they kept silent both enjoying the feeling of being home and the warm humming of the chains. The necklace felt warm and velvety against her skin and as she snuggled into his shirt she realized that for the first time the thought of sharing her life with Severus Snape didn't scare her but felt inviting. She desperately wanted to understand what it was to be a Snape, wanted to understand him, and the curisositycuriosity was driving her mad.
"Tell me about your family." It was nothing more than a whisper and she almost anticipated him tensing up.
"Why?"
She gazed into his eyes that were pools of blackness now, unreadable as always when she knew he felt threatened or questioned.
"Because I want to know something about the family I belong to Severus."
He sighed and sat down on his chair again pulling her into his lap while he coolly explained,. "It's not a pretty story Hermione. My family is a pureblood Slytherin family, full of prejudices and hatred. There is a reason why I am the last living member of my clan and there is a reason why I am not proud of my background. I'd rather not tell you about it."
"No matter what you tell me, I will still look up to you. I want to understand you, your family history and I want to understand the house of Slytherin."
"I already feared that you would insist. No doubt one of your less favourable Gryffindor traits. But alas, I can understand your longing but I am not sure if my tales will make you understand Slytherins and the principles this house has any better. There is a reason why you have been sorted into Gryffindor and the reason is probably that you won't share the faith of the house. Besides the fact that you are muggleborn, and never in a thousand years has a muggleborn been sorted into Slytherin."
"Still. I have a right to know. And I don't have to share your opinions to grasp them." She linked her hands behind his neck and snuggled up against his chest again steeling herself against all she was to hear.
"All right, but don't complain later. I will tell you a part of the story tonight and then you are allowed to call your friends over so that they can leave before curfew. I won't tolerate any rule breaking, even from your friends."
"Yes, sir." as she shot him a slanted grin..
He raised his eye brows. "Cheeky girl. Don't forget I can deduct house points from you. And now silence so that I can start my tale."
Still grinning she nodded not being fooled for a second that he would really take house points but nevertheless curious about the story.
"My family is a very old family. You cannot talk about the history of the house of Slytherin without talking about the Snapes. One of my ancestors was in school when the founders had just started Hogwarts and my family has since then been one of the greatest donors. Every year hundreds of Galleons are transferred from my family to Hogwarts. Every Snape has been sorted into Slytherin, except a few who have been sorted into Ravenclaw. That is the reason why our family crest contains a serpent. The Snapes traditionally only married within pureblood families, so up until now our blood is clean of any muggle blood. That is one of the things my family is proud of. The others things are among others our wealth, our skills in the Dark Arts and a certain ability to always come out of harm's way with a clean slate." He chuckled without any humour and with underlying bitterness. "It is strange how much things changed when Voldemort arrived. My whole family was of course dedicated to the whole idea of purging the wizarding world of anybody who in their opinion never should have been allowed any access. During the first rise of Voldemort in the 70s my whole family became Death Eaters and almost all were killed by Aurors. The few that survived are still in Azkaban but most of them with no recollection of who they are. I am the only Snape left and therefore the whole family fortune today is owned by me. Not that I treasure it much- it only reminds me of the vices my family fell victim to. It was greed and a total neglect of using their intellect that got my family where it is today."
When he didn't continue she cleared her throat. "Are you related to Lucius Malfoy?"
"Yes, but most families in Slytherin are related since they mostly marry within their own house. It's not as if the Snapes and Malfoys are very closely related. Actually my family is more linked with the Black family for example."
"Sirius' family? You two were relatives?"
He snorted. "Not very close ones I can assure you. But yes, I think we are almost something like second degree cousins. Not that it made us like each other and since he was in Gryffindor he was not considered a true Black anyway. I remember quite vividly the way Bellatrix, his cousin, used to talk about him. Bellatrix had a way of showing that there was nothing but disgust and hatred in her voice which always made me fear that she would try to kill him."
For a moment she stared at him, then blurted. "You were afraid she would kill him? But you hated him!"
"That's true, but I can honestly say I hate Bellatrix more. And I know he was of use to the Order so it would have been foolish to wish for his death."
"You sounded different in the shrieking shack in my third year."
He sighed. "I never expected to see him again and I have to admit that my feelings overwhelmed me in that second. And believe me or not I was scared for what he would do to the lot of you. I truly believed he was responsible for James' and Lilly's murder. It was my mistake."
Gazing at him with wonder she gently stroked his cheek that was a tad stubby. "You were worried about us? Why?"
"Why? You are my students. Insufferable Gryffindors but nevertheless students. I felt responsible for your well-being like I feel responsible for every student's well-being. And I am in debt with Harry's father so I wanted to protect James Potter's son."
"Why do you hate Harry so much?"
"Contrary to what you all believe, I don't hate you, but I simply dislike the fact that everybody adores Harry for something he had no active part in. I despise the fact that he is famous for nothing."
"It's not as if he enjoys being famous. He didn't even know he was a wizard since he was accepted at Hogwarts."
"How come? The Potter's are an old magic family? Didn't they tell him about his great deed all his life? How he defeated he-who-must-not-be-named?" The irony dripped from his voice.
"No." Hermione sighed. "Harry was raised by the family of his mothers. Muggles as you know. Her sister had no magic talent and despised the wizarding world. They never told Harry about his mother and father and they made up a story about them dying in a car accident. He was forced to live in a cupboard under the stairs and up till today they hate him. He didn't have a nice childhood, Severus."
He looked honestly stunned. "I had no idea they kept him so ignorant. I was aware he experienced unhappy events infrom his childhood due to our exchanges during his dismal occlumency lessons, and unhappiness in childhood is a sadly common experience Hermione. But to keep him ignorant…." The bitter irony of the situation was one Snape could taste.
"You never asked. Instead you chose to blame him for things he is not guilty of."
For a second she saw his temper rise, his eyes began to darken but then it was gone and he sighed. "Well, I have been a little biased but he constantly oversteps the rules and bringing his and his friend's lives into severe danger. He may be the boy-who-lived but he is not invincible. He can die and if he continues with his rushed behaviour the Dark Lord will have the pleasure of killing him very soon."
"The Dark Lord?" She frowned. "You never call him Voldemort. Why is that?", her curiosity running out of control.
Severus closed his eyes and rubbed his temple as if in pain. "Because if I start I might slip while being on a Dark Raid and that would earn me a least two hours of the cruciatus curse. My life is an assemblage of lies, what-ifs, maybes and half-truths. Quite frankly it's just a risk I don't want to take." He looked tired all in a sudden. "Please do not mention this conversation with anyone, Hermione, do you understand what is at stake here?"
Cupping his cheek she gently placed a kiss on his stubby cheek. "Yes, thanks for trusting me enough to tell me."
Grinning ruefully he took her hand from his cheek and caressed her palm. "You are welcome and I promise I will answer more of your questions soon." He looked at the clock and sighed again, then in a low voice he said. "If you want your friends to come over you better hurry. It's already eight o'clock."
Nodding she slid off his lap and extended her hand helping him up. "What are you going to do while they are here? I assume you won't be here at all."
"You assume correctly." He curled his lips up into a smirk. "I am going to correct some more essays in the peaceful environment of my office. Feel free to use the living room." Shortly he bent down and breathed a kiss on her forehead.
Turning around he left the room and for a moment Hermione stood in the middle of the room staring at the now closed door.
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"I can't believe Snape let us use his living room." Harry looked around in wonder as the three were sitting next to the chimney sharing some sweets. Ron had curled up against one of arm chairs and Hermione was spread on top of the scarlet carpet next to the fire. Harry had gotten up and inspected the shelves full of books, realizing this was Hemione'sHermione's heaven.
"Yeah." Ron quickly gulped down some more chocolate and wiped his mouth. "Exactly."
"And it looks not at all like I expected his quarters to be." Said Harry as he carefully let his fingers glide over the shelves. "I begin to understand why you feel comfortable here Hermione." He grinned up at her and she answered in kind.
"He actually is really very nice to me and he hasn't once deducted any points." A soft smile played over her features lighting up her face. "I feel like I finally found someone, who is, like me you know?" She bored her eyes into Ron's. "It's not as if I don't love you guys but you boys are interested in quidditch and playing pranks. He is… different." She finished not wanting to give away more than she had to.
To her surprise Ron nodded in understanding. "That's okay, Mione. I understand, really I do. It's just not everyday that your best friend marries the head of Slytherin who is an evil greasy bat." He grinned saying the last words letting her know that he didn't mean them. "Harry and I talked before we came here and I have to say whatever makes you happy, he will not have me arguing about it."
"Even if that is Snape." Harry added.
For a second they shared a moment of silence until Harry noticed a wizard's chess board on a nearby table.
"Fancy playing a game of chess Ron?"
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It was half an hour later as Severus stepped into his living room and to his surprise Hermione was nowhere to be seen and her two friends were obviously busy playing a game of chess. He cringed, well if you could call this playing chess. From what he saw the Weasley boy was slightly better than his friend.
Leaning against the door he watched the two teens while they were obviously concentrating on their game. They were his wife's friends and sooner or later he had to make an effort to get along with them. Hermione was after all trying to understand him as well.
Sighing with resignation, he pushed away from the door which made Harry look up. Instantly his face changed into a mask of worry.
Snape couldn't help but sneer. "Look at the time." He snorted. "Not that it is anything new finding you two out after curfew."
"We- we were only…" Harry gulped and motioned to the chess board. "We must have lost track of time, Professor."
Stepping next to the dark haired boy Snape crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"You notice that you will be check mated in two moves?"
Harry nodded glumly. "I am not very good, I know."
Snape snorted. "It's not about talent Potter but about using your intellect. Chess is logical strategy, you have to anticipate your opponents every move." He motioned him to get up and with a wave of his wand the chess board cleared. "Dare to play against me, Mr Weasley?"
Ron gulped but nodded and straightened his shoulders. Harry sat down on the window sill and watched as the game began.
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When Hermione returned from changing her school robes into jeans she found Ron and Snape sitting opposite each other and obviously playing a game of chess. Harry leaned against the window watching intensely as Severus explained the way he played to him.
Silently she closed the door to her bedroom again and shared a look with Crookshanks who had curled up on her bed and appeared sleepy.
"Who would have thought?" Deciding to wait awhile longer she sat down next to the furry tiger and began to caress his jaw making him purr with delight.
Maybe the question where she belonged was not whether in Slytherin or Gryffindor. Maybe it was to merge worlds, to create the place where she belonged in the end.
She remembered Professor Lupin's words this evening at dinner.
" It's all about finding our place in life anyhow in the end."
Perhaps she ought to stop looking and start acting.
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Blodwen Snape was a proud Slytherin woman, a woman who had never let her will be bent by men just because they thought she was supposed to be doing something. Maybe part of her great-great-great-grand-son's (probably many more greats estimating that she was already a thousand years dead) stubbornness was in reality inherited from her as he was as unwilling to let his will be bent by others.
But then again that cad of his father brought his life to this point and even Blodwen knew that he was suffering. Suffering to such extend that he head forgotten how to heal, how to make amends and accept the fact that some deeds were necessary and did not require forgiveness but gratitude. Yes, there was blood on his hands, more than she liked to think about right now, he had turned himself into a nice little copy of his father Severus Snape senior. Blodwen had always despised the men of her family, Snape men in general were unusually cruel and had a tendency to be sadistic, revelelingrevelling in another's terror and pain. Again it seemed that Severus had followed his father's foot steps all too willingly without considering where he was going.
Men were to be lead in life, it was something she knew first-hand, had done on numerous occasions with her husband, who wasn't a Snape by birth but nevertheless distracted by life in itself and only her fierce intellect and bossiness had saved his neck on countless occasions. Sometimes in very quiet hours she wondered if maybe men were meant to be cruel but then she considered a person like Albus and these thoughts vanished instantly.
Tracing the girl's face in the small mirror, the dark curls shadowing her face.Theface. The pleasant face that would never be considered beautiful but pretty by those who wished to look a second time. She was so much like herself, like she had been when youth and lack of wisdom had made her weak and so easy to forgive. Smiling curtly she sighed and turned around to her companion for this evening who was sitting in a huge stone throne across the room.
Men- they always have to impress others with power!
"Why have you brought me back Salazar? Why have you interrupted my peaceful oblivion with such trivial matters?" She would not show how much her family history shocked her, made her angry with fate in general. Only one Snape left and he was too unsure on what to do to get himself out of the mess in which he had gotten.
"Still hot blooded as back then, Bloodwen?. You were always a delight to have around, such fire and spice."
Her glare matched the PpotionsPotions Master's in class. "You could have never taken my fire Salazar, nor could have Godric or any other wizard. Again I ask you why I am here."
"To help me, of course."
"I can't see that I agreed to help you in any matter at all my dear friend." Her voice was sweet with dripping politeness. "I think I am just going to leave since you, like most men, don't know what you want from me. My time is a precious thing and I won't waste it here."
"I thought you would want to save your poor excuse for a grand-son. He has sunken low, Bloodwen, lower than you can allow."
"Severus is no matter that I wish to discuss with you Salazar. This is family business, a thing that only pertains to Snapes." She sneered and with a bend of her neck her black hair fell into her face.
"But it is your necklace, Bloodwen. You created that bond to allow women some control over their husbands and now see where your useless relative has gotten with his careless demeanour."
"The necklace is still working. I cannot see any wrong here."
"A mudblood is wearing it and the blood, your blood, will be tainted very soon with the disgusting scent of muggles. Can you let this happen, Bloodwen considering where you come from, taking in account your life? Can you?"
"I see no spark yet. They are not in love and in all likelihood never will be. I see no danger of our blood being tainted, actually I see more danger of our family ceasing to exist. But there is absolutely nothing I can do about it." Bloodwen gazed into the girl's face again trying to feel some kind of hatred but failed.
"They are already falling in love and you can see it as well. You are going soft, Bloodwen. You know what is at stake, you know about the prophecy since you made it yourself. You know that you promised the founders to prevent the prediction from ever becoming real. It is not only your life at stake but your whole family's existence is at risk here." Salazar leaned back and extended his wand. "So, will you stay here and help me with fulfilling an ancient promise?"
Without another word she extended her wand as well and a green light bathed the room into a soft glow. She had never argued when she knew it was futile. Hardening her heart against any feelings she closed her eyes and began to mutter a spell that was as old as the wizarding world was.
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In his living chambers Severus looked up and an alarmed expression appeared on his face.
"Hermione." The whisper was full of pain as he felt the spell taking effect and he tried to get to her, tried to get up or to voice a warning but then everything turned dark.
First cliff-hanger and I know I am evil. You have to wait.