25. [ Capacity for Evil ]
It was just past midnight when Severus Snape silently strode through the cold dark hallways to his bedroom feeling utterly drained by the long inspection and related interrogation concerning the hundreds of dark arts artefacts. Moody managed to get surprised by getting too near a mesmerising amulet designed to avoid detection and it took all of their combined efforts to counter act it, both of them feeling the negative draining effects of its emanating magic.
Exhausted, he sighed as he contemplated that most artefacts were of no practical use to protect Hogwarts. Overall, Moody was highly impressed but had also made it perfectly clear that he would contact the Ministry about some of those objects and it was highly probable they would be taken and destroyed. Not that Snape gave a damn about what happened to the collection, as it was a liability, like most of the things concerning his family, and he had simply avoided dealing with it until now.
When he passed the guest rooms assigned to the children he paused to listen, but it was only silence that greeted his ears. They were probably asleep and he smiled thinly as he thought about cursing Mr. Weasley's dreams into nightmares by making spiders play a part in them but then decided to err on the side of caution. Hermione would not the subtle magic so rightfully targeted and he was aware that she would know somehow- if not by looking into his face then through the connection binding them to each other. She always knew one way or other and it was a complete mystery to him how she could make him feel terribly guilty with just one look, as he had never cared before.
That knowing look reminded him of his mother and it was one of the main reasons why he felt so strongly about her. He loved his mother, he remembered she provided at one time the only happiness he knew, and when she was gone something had died inside him; the hope of ever feeling warm, of ever feeling comfort again. Even now so many years after the last loving embrace on Christmas Eve it hurt the deepest depths of his soul to think of her sweet tear stained face and her big amber eyes as he had held her until the aurors arrived later that day. The lifeless body a cold testimony that there was no chance to say goodbye, no last opportunity to say I love you and a small boy's heart broken in a way which would never completely heal.
That awful day it had been Albus Dumbledore who had taken her body from the clutching child and he picked the small boy up easily carrying him out of the dark menacing house. He remembered Dumbledore holding him as he cried against that white beard for hours and it had been the combination of his gentle rocking and soothing touch that he had finally fallen asleep. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe it was fate that in all the crucial moments of his life Dumbledore had played a major part and mostly it was him who picked up the pieces.
As he approached the double doors to the bedroom, his thoughts shifted to Hermione and all she had seen and felt during the battle and in their home. He silently wondered if she would ever recover from the impact these events had on her fragile soul and if she ever did, what it would take. And if maybe he could be of assistance somehow. "The pieces never go back quite the same way do they, A shattered vase is never whole: always something remiss, always something lost" he thought ruefully.
Snape looked at his wrist as the bracelet started to luminescence the closer he got to the door, the soft tone cycling rhythmically instead of constant. Something wasn't quite right. He could feel she was upset and in a way that somehow was linked to him. He couldn't have said how he knew this but he did and for a moment he wondered if the connection through the necklace maybe had got stronger in the last weeks without him being aware of it.
Concerned about waking his wife up, Snape flicked his wand and whispered "allohamora" upon reaching the door, but his fears were unfounded. She was still awake sitting crossed legged in the middle of the huge bed with a monstrous book in front of her with the spread and pillows bunched up around her like a nest. The enchanted candles floating around the book caused light to reflect off the pages softly onto her face and deep green nightgown. When he closed the door she levitated the heavy leather bound tome to the bedside table and leaned back against the headboard hugging a large pillow, contemplating him as he changed into a pair of black silk pyjamas. A tense silence hung in the air as he climbed into bed next to her and mimicking her position he leaned against the headboard as well. For a short moment neither said a word and then Hermione sighed.
Hermione knew he was coming, she could feel him through the necklace that started to warm. The connection was becoming much stronger since they arrived, which was not a surprise at all given the family magic hanging thick like fog about the manor. She felt a tugging inside her heart that pulled her towards the manor, towards the estate in an enchanting way and she knew it was the necklace who caused these feelings of belonging to a family who would never want her. The paintings had made that perfectly clear the first night she stayed in a place that felt more and more like home.
She sighed silently and tried to shift her thoughts from those musings to a matter of immediate concern- her husband and the vibes he somehow sent through the bracelet.
"Is everything alright?" She turned up her face to examine his, searching with weary concern in her eyes.
He shut his eyes briefly thinking of her reactions to the deaths of her classmates, and sighed. "I am just exhausted by the day's events I assume." Then he met her unyielding gaze by the light of one remaining enchanted candle and lightly placed his hand on her forearm. "How are you feeling after the last few days?"
She inched closer and then twisting around to hug him by the waist snuggling her head into his shoulder, the heat radiating from his body somehow reassured her, and in a comforting and familiar way she was aware of his scent that permeated the room. Once again a deep wave of despair engulfed her as she hid away in his warm strong arms, feeling safer there than in the last days.
"I am not sure what to think about it all and quite honestly I don't even want to think about any of it" She looked up slightly so that her eyes held his. "I just want to hide away somewhere and pretend that none of it has happened, so I don't have to feel or think." Her tone turning more desperate with each word.
He pulled her closer to him and breathed a butterfly-like kiss on her brown curls, taking quiet comfort in her closeness and understanding the beckoning desire to obliviate memories. "This pattern of behavior only grants temporary relief from your pain, I am afraid. If there is nothing I have learned in my life, it is that you can not run away from misery and anguish and facing it, though painful, is still the only way to soothe the hurt."
Hermione sighed heavily. "I am aware of that but I am afraid of facing what has happened and how it will change my life. I just long for some stable pattern regardless of what is happening around me. My whole world is one constantly shifting set of perpendicular directions and I wish for some temporary relief if I can not achieve some form of stability" Her frustration was evident by the tensing of her arms and a cooling of his bracelets.
"Love." His voice sounded raw in the intimate stillness of the room. "It's the only thing that stays."
"Love can leave you as well Severus. Nobody stays here forever and we will all make the ultimate separation one day. Love is not permanent and it can't grant you relief from this painthis pain I have to now live with." Her seriousness turning bitter as she buried her face in his chest, hands softly plying his waist now clenching into a fist. His bracelet felt cold now as she was slipping away to a dark place, a place all too familiar to Severus himself. A place it was difficult to return from.
"Maybe the object that we love or the person who bestows these feelings on us leaves but the emotion in itself never disappears completely." He stared into space as if surprised by these words himself.
Hermione looked up and traced the back of her hand along the hollow of his cheek, a puzzled look in her eyes. "You sounded so different this afternoon. I can't believe you are saying something like this now."
Severus eyes produced a far way look. "Me neither but the last few month has shown me that love does still exist in my life even though I thought it gone for good. I thought I would never be loved for the rest of my life and I was proven wrong. Maybe you could call it an epiphany."
Tenderly she placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "I love you Severus and I know if I want to find relief from my pain all I have to do is find your loving embrace where no hurt can reach me." She paused briefly, and then sadly stared at her neatly folded hands in her lap. I wish you could find the same comfort in me, in my love. Her voice faded softly.
His face stayed carefully neutral as he averted his eyes to not see her pain. He kept silent even so he felt like she expected him to say something.
"I can't help the feeling that you don't trust me and that you keep so many things from me." She was aware she sounded desperate but didn't care. "Why can't you see that I would love to help you shoulder your burdens and vice versa. That's the way loves works, Severus. What use is a relationship if you don't share the good and the bad? You say I was cheated out of a wedding, cheated out of traditions. At a wedding we'd vow in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse. That is what love is."
He averted his gaze from the pain and the truth once again, using the fall of fine black hair that fell across his face when he looked down to conceal as much as he could from her. "It never worked like that in my family, Hermione. Our lives are so different, our histories are so different- how can we ever share my living hell of a life? You have no idea what ugly secrets are hidden in this house. It would sicken and horrify you if you realized half of what has happened in my family, and I can't bear that burden on anyone, especially you." He said roughly, the bitterness clearly laced within the low voice in the dimming light.
Hermione inhaled deeply, hand resting on the now tense shoulder. "How can you know if you never tried to tell me? How can you be so sure that I would not understand? I am aware of the fact that your family is not like the Weasleys and maybe I don't even want that. Maybe I want to get to know, see and experience the things that shaped you, turned you into the person you are today." Directing his chin so he'd look at her, she stated as if she was reading from a book, "as a matter of fact, I have done so already and I, and we survived it." Sliding her hand down the length of his arm, she carefully took his hand pressing her thumb across the back along the long thin bones from the wrist to the knuckles. "I want to know the person I love, and I want you to want to know me too."
Snape looked seriously at her. "You have no idea what you are asking of me and you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. You have seen my father and still you want to know more about that bastard of a man?" Hurt rang in his voice deeper than anything else.
For a moment silence was in the room and then Hermione released his hand and placed hers on Severus' shifting shoulder, squeezing slightly.
"Is it true that he killed your mother?" The words hung in the room when he turned his pained expression to face hers, his black eyes like liquid oil moved but revealing nothing.
"Yes." The necklace stung her collar bones as it instantly transformed from warm to cold.
Her fingers gripped his flesh so tightly that it must have been bruising but the need to cling to him to not let him drift away- both physically and emotionally- ran that deep. Minutes slipped silently by.
"A ghost down in the living room told me." She said softly after a while.
A flicker of a smile showed on his face for a second. "Ah,Keira. I should have remembered her and introduced the two of you." She relaxed her grip and he gently placed a hand on her shoulder " You two have so much in common." He leaned towards her and she folded her hands in her lap looking at them.
"I am so very sorry. I hate him with a vengeance for what he did to you." Hermione's voice cracked with anger and grief. The necklace emeralds were now almost black.
Severus wrapped his arms around her and pulled her soft body against his so very tenderly. "I am no better really since I executed him with the killing curse There is much blood on my hands Hermione and I am not sure if you can handle all that right now. Maybe not ever."
She pressed her tear-stained face against the soft fabric of his shirt. "You were perfectly justified to do that to him. Even if he hadn't killed your mother, he was a monster set lose on a little boy." She sniffed softly. "Give me some time, don't throw everything on my shoulders at once and I should be fine. I want to understand you and I want to see the real you, please let me in for both our sakes." she pleaded.
Severus sarcastic voice pitched low. "The real me? Are you sure you want to face that person?"
She looked up, a beautiful mess with her tear reddened face and the curls flying around her head in the soft low candle light. "Of course I am sure. What I have seen so far is intoxicating and I can't wait to see him again." A quiet teasing note played in her voice when she admitted: "Do you know that when we make love that you reveal more of him than anytime else? Do you have any idea how wonderful he is? " The warmth returning to his bracelet, watching her hand reaching to trace the strands of hair about his face.
Snape smiled ruefully. "Then, I am afraid I will not allow any more intimate contact in the future. I can't risk to blow my cover after all, can I?"
Hermione frowned. "I am not sure I can agree with that." Her voice softened and a slight blush showed on her cheeks as she whispered: "I am really quite fondof ...his attentions.
"And what am I supposed to do about it my dear?" He began to caress her neck.
"Hmmm." She tilted her head to allow him more access. "What you are doing right now, seems quite fine with me."
He smiled and pushed her hair aside to place soft kisses on her neck. "Then I shall continue my beloved."
As the candle light dimmed to cast a light where illumination and shadow blended, her only answer was a soft sigh as she fell back onto the silken cover pulling him along with her.
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The hammering in his head had gotten worse in the last hours and as Harry stared into the silent blackness of the room as he tried to ignore the foreboding premonition of doom. There was a realistic chance that it was only the house and its owner who gave him a headache and not Voldemort. But still he felt strangely reluctant to close his eyes and try to sleep.
After five more minutes of useless waiting he put on his glasses to go downstairs and have some tea to soothe his nerves. Ron was still snoring softly as he carefully tried not to make any noise closing the door behind him. The hallway was dimmed, some flickering torches on the walls lighting the dark tunnel in places and only intensifying the blackness around those islands of light. As he made his way down the stairs he sighed as he imagined how nice it would be to not be so completely alone with all this anxiety closing in around him. But his friends were asleep and he couldn't imagine talking with Slinky about his fears- not that he had seen him all day.
Harry opened the kitchen and to his surprise found his least favourite teacher standing in front of the window taking in the view of the early morning light on the gardens where light began to chase away the shadows of the previous night, his back facing Harry. He paused in his steps abruptly staring at the tall lean shape of the Potions Master which was slightly illuminated by the light of the stove.
Harry noticed Snape's robes were different this morning. Gone were the buttoned down robes and cape, this one was richer and more opulent than the woolen teaching robes, this was something that one would expect a Malay to wear. Harry realized he was seeing manor robes for the first time. Ron said only rich pure bloods owned them, and Ron coveted these. Harry could only think Ron would get even more angry seeing Snape in such finery. The only thing that was similar to the tightly fitting teachers' robes is the color black. These robes appeared to be of a crisp silk, slightly fitted and flaring a bit at the hips. Ornate black embroidery looped around the hems and across the upper back, continuing down to the much looser sleeves hanging to just below Snape's wrists. Harry was shocked to see there was no high collar and no cloak either, this was a different Snape, regal looking almost.
"Do you want some tea, Potter?" Snape's voice sounded amused and when he turned around Harry was surprised to see an honestly pleased smile on his face.
"Why is he in such a good mood?", Harry thought and instantly pictures of Hermione in the man's arms filled the boy's mind which he immediately pushed away. "Better not think about it too much."
"Thank you Sir", Harry replied as Snape handed him a steaming cup of jasmine tea. Instead of turning away from the boy to resume his thinking the Potions Master held Harry's defiant and startled gaze. A slight frown marred the usually strict face as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, the long white fingers resting just above the elbows, one tapping in expectation.
"Your scar is hurting, isn't it?" he inquired suddenly.
Harry nodded glumly not sure what to say and how to take the sudden interest in his person. Instead he sipped carefully from his steaming cup and tried to not let his distrust win the upper hand with the other man. But he couldn't help thinking about Sirius and the fate he had suffered. Somehow that made standing here in the kitchen with his godfather's enemy in a way tainted.
"No doubt Voldemort is fuming because his little attack didn't quite work out the way he planned it. I assume the pain is due to his intense negative emotions." Snape sounded thoughtful.
Suddenly Harry looked up and placed the cup on the table. "Several students died during the attack- I would say his plan worked out alright. Maybe he is celebrating and that gives me the headache."
"It might seem tragic to you that some of your friends died but it wasn't a success for Voldemort- not the way he planned it. It is true death amuses him at times but I doubt he is celebrating. He possesses a capacity for evil you cannot imagine Harry and he wanted more than some students dead."
Anger was building up once again as Harry stood there in the dark kitchen, helplessness cursing through his veins. The feeling of having failed terribly in something was overpowering in this moment and so he lashed out at the hated teacher. He could have never said what exactly it was he had failed at but the feeling has been present since the attack on Halloween's eve and was more pronounced with every hour passing by.
"Maybe not knowing about Voldemort's capacity for evil is a good thing. Maybe you just understand it because you share this with your Dark Lord!" he snapped.
For a second teacher and student stared at each other and then Harry stormed out leaving Snape behind, his face once again expressionless. Long after Harry had run up the stairs Snape gripped his now cold cup of tea, a terrible memory replaying in his mind. Capacity for evil indeed- where had he heard that phrase the last time? Another silken voice began to enter his mind, a voice he knew was now gone for good for death had finally extinguished Lucius' candle.
... The dark and empty library was usually a comforting place for 14- year old Severus but not when he felt like somebody was watching him from a place hidden and not when he knew that someone was Lucius Malfoy; the pale blond king of Slytherin house, current head boy and quite frankly an annoying pest in the last weeks. Not that he disliked the other boy, it was just that he had a strange way of staring at him, a way that was almost intrusive in its nature and it made him very uncomfortable in his skin. As if he was watched with a certain intent in the observer's glacial blue eyes- and for some reason Severus assumed that he would dislike this intention immensely.
After five minutes he slammed the book " Transfiguration In Motion: Inanimate to Animate Objects" shut and leaned back frowning crossing his arms over his chest. Why couldn't his stalker just talk with him and get it done with already, this waiting was making him sick and edgy. He softly sighed as he remembered the way his father always talked about the Malfoys, as if they were slightly inferior to the Snape family. But he also knew that his father fostered his friendship with Lord Malfoy and he would expect his son to do the same. A pained expression masked his features shortly and then he sighed softly. Why not make the first move if Lucius was reluctant to do it?
"Malfoy?" Silence answered Severus and he sighed once again. He wasn't really in the mood for mind games like this. He had to study some more potions books and then another essay to finish for Professor Binns. "I know you are there and if you don't come out I will most certainly hex you."
A soft chuckle was his answer and this time the tall athletic figure of the other Slytherin appeared from behind a shelf of divination books, the typical smirk on his rugged face. His blond hair was flowing down his back in a simple tail, his eyes sparkling with mirth. The female half of the school had a crush on the seventh year student and he exploited it for everything it was worth.
In a teasing but dangerously friendly tone Malfoy approached his dark target, "My, my Severus. Would you really hex another Slytherin? Why not bestow a brave Gryffindor with such exquisite gifts? Wouldn't that heighten the pleasure of giving?" He leaned back against the shelf looking relaxed in his stance of pure arrogance.
Severus rolled his eyes. "And we all know this all you care about Lucius- heightening your pleasure. This pursuit will one day cost you your neck?"
Lucius snorted and then came slowly closer to the table a new glint in his eyes. A mixture of glee and warning. " Severus you know there are many ways of living a life. I know you will always prefer the cautious approach and this in the end will get you as far as your precious mother"
Before Malfoy could smirk, Severus reflexively had his wand ready –a motion repeated as a trained response from many fights with his father, and with a smooth flick he uttered a short "Cruio" forcing Malfoy down on the floor in pain. "I will tell you this but once Malfoy" Snape sneered. "Never mention my mother ever again or I will kill you!" With that he ended the curse and stepped back into the shadows of the library bookshelves.
The blonde Slytherin was panting heavily but strangely the smirk was still in place. "Or maybe you are more like your father Severus? His capacity for evil is well known with my master."
"What master?" Severus frowned, a Malfoy with a master made no sense.
"I cannot tell you who. The only thing I can tell you is that he can grant you every wish, he can give you whatever you desire Severus and I know what you want most of all!" At the raised eye brow in on the dark haired boy's face Lucius chuckled. "Power, Severus. That's what you want above anything else in your life." He got up and gripped the boy's chin with a firm but endearing hold. "I am graduating soon but I will return one day and then you will beg me to bring you to my master. And if you are a good boy I will. And we both know that you are aware what a good boy is to do, Severus. I am sure your father taught you all about it!" The smirk held an evil glint this time.
Hastily Severus stepped back and hatred burned across his face, so raw that the smirk wavered in the other boy's face. "I will never serve your perverse pleasures Malfoy nor will I beg you to join your master. I am my own master and that will never change!"
AN: Pew, we are done with this chapter and I have to say it was exhausting in a way to write but I am quite pleased with the way it turned out. I hope you like Lucius' reappearance and this surely isn't the last we have seen of our blond slytherin. Those of you who like lemons, we are on ff.net here and I want to keep this rated R- but expect some more lime soon. Please read and review for it helps me more than you think. Plus, a happy writer is a productive write so even if you only write that it was a nice chapter, it will make me happy.