Snape... almost a Gryffindor?

Hermione trotted behind Professor Snape, her mind whirling.

Well, it wasn't like the Sorting Hat had never given anyone a choice before; she'd heard other students mention it. She herself was nearly sorted into Ravenclaw, Neville had confided that he was almost a Hufflepuff, and although Harry had refused to ever discuss it, she'd seen a queer, guilty look pass over his face more than a few times when the Sorting Hat was mentioned.

And given Harry's suspicions that he was the Heir of Slytherin... Hermione had a fair guess as to which choice Harry'd been offered.

The same one as Snape.

She remembered Ron telling her about Malfoy insulting him... how disgusted Harry had been. If Malfoy had been sorted into Gryffindor... which house would Harry have chosen that first day?

Snape was a member of the Order of the Phoenix... had spied on Death Eaters... had dared to defy Voldemort when doing so meant death, or worse...

That took courage. Gryffindor courage. Hermione tried to imagine being surrounded by Death Eaters, knowing you could be found out at any moment...

And Snape always tried to save them, didn't he? Even when he didn't have all the facts, even when he became a hindrance... he'd taken on Sirius Black and Lupin for them...

And Dumbledore trusted him... trusted him even now, trusted him with her...

What had he meant by 'not a very good Slytherin... but getting better every year?'

Hands on her shoulders, shaking her. Hermione looked up into Snape's face, mere inches from her own.

"Krum, are you all right?"

Hermione blinked. She could feel Snape's breath warm on her face, his hands pressing into her biceps. That spicy smell was him, it seemed to hang in a haze around them. Had she ever been this close to him?

"Krum. Krum. Say something."

"Er... hello," Hermione said awkwardly.

Snape let go of her, stepping back, crossing his arms. "Does this happen to you often?"

"Does what happen?"

"This. These... fugue states."

"Fugue states?"

Snape rolled his eyes to heaven. "Maybe we should have hidden you in Hufflepuff."

Hermione's cheeks grew hot. "I'm not stupid!"

"Then I suggest you cease your parrot impersonation," Snape snapped.

"I wasn't aware I was having 'fugue states', Snape."

He moved a step closer, his voice lowered to a purr. "And do you even know what a 'fugue state' is?"

"Fugue state," Hermione snapped, advancing on him. "A dreamlike state of altered consciousness that may last for hours or days; A pathological amnesiac condition during which one is apparently conscious of one's actions but has no recollection of them after returning to a normal state."

"Fine," Snape held up his hands defensively... but the eyebrow was up again. He was impressed.

Ah, but Hermione wasn't done with him yet. "From the Italian, Fuga. From the Latin word fugere, meaning 'to flee'..."

"What did you do, Krum, memorize the dictionary?"

Hermione blushed. "It was a holiday. I was bored."

Snape blinked... and then burst out laughing.

Had she ever seen Snape laugh before?

"Krum, you're..." Snape gasped for breath. "That's..."

Hermione's eyes narrowed. "Feel free to stop laughing at me at any time."

"I'm not... I'm not laughing at you. That just..."

"Yes?"

"... sounds like something I would do."

Hermione's head snapped up, her eyes meeting Snape's... which were... twinkling.

Jokes, laughter, twinkling eyes, nearly sorted into Gryffindor?

Yep, Granger. Alternate universe. Definitely.

"Well," Hermione said, a smile growing at the corners of her lips, "Perhaps we should have both been in Ravenclaw."

"Hey, Krum."

"Yeah?"

"Aegis?"

"Protection, support; sponsorship, patronage; guidance, direction, or control. Also can refer to armor." Hermione's eyes glinted. "Your turn. Autochthonous."

"Formed or existing where found." Snape grinned. "Your turn. Tintinnabulation."

"Oh, at least make them challenging!" Hermione said playfully.

"Quit stalling and define the word, Krum."

"Tintinnabulation... a tinkling sound, as of a bell or bells..."

----

"He did not!" Hermione gasped, setting down her mug of Butterbeer with rather too much force. "If you'd read the book, it clearly states that..."

"It states in the text, certainly," Snape countered. "However, if you'd bothered to read the footnotes..."

"Do you need anything else, dears?"

Hermione and Snape looked up, and spoke simultaneously: "No thank you."

Their eyes met; a moment of awkward silence.

"I hate to tell you this, Krum, but you're a gigantic nerd," Snape said.

"Says the cauldron to the kettle," Hermione replied primly, taking a sip of her drink. "I didn't think anyone had read that book but me."

Snape glanced at the clock, winced, and reached into his robes. "I've made an itemized list of the items we'll need to buy for you. Dumbledore said to charge his account..."

"You made an... itemized list?"

"Well... yes..." Snape shot her a confused glance, then spread his list over the table so she could see it. "It's divided into shop, by proximity... for efficiency."

Hermione took the list, studying it, trying to keep the smile off her face.

"What's so funny, Krum?"

"Nothing. I like your list. Of course, my handwriting is much better."

"You're quite determined to harass me all day, aren't you, Krum?"

"If necessary."

----

Hogsmeade, like Hogwarts, didn't seem to change much with time. They'd started at Gladrags, where Hermione had begun briskly collecting items in her size before remembering... she had no idea what size this body was.

Snape followed her around the store, looking bored, never making a comment... but periodically, she'd discover that some ridiculous garment had found its way into her growing pile.

When she'd look at Snape, he was the picture of innocence, rocking back and forth on his toes while examining the ceiling.

The last -- and worst -- had been a pair of thong panties, embroidered with the Slytherin crest.

"Decided to pick up a little something for yourself?" Hermione drawled, twirling the ridiculous underwear around her finger.

"Krum, I have not the foggiest idea what you're rabbiting on about."

She only caught the briefest flash of a grin as he pretended to be utterly absorbed in a display of socks.

So, she did the reasonable, mature thing.

She set down her pile, drew the panties back and slingshotted them into Snape's face.

The sight of Severus Snape, his face covered in the hunter-green crotch of a pair of girls' underwear, would be a visual she'd treasure forever.

She might have to get a Pensieve just to share with Harry and Ron.

"Krum," Snape said slowly, reaching up with one elegant hand to remove the underwear dangling from his nose, "I'm afraid you leave me with no choice but to pick you up and stuff you headfirst in this bin of socks."

"You wouldn't dare," Hermione laughed.

"I regret to inform you that I very much would..."

And suddenly, Snape had grabbed her from behind, yanking her up off the ground. Hermione struggled half-heartedly, letting out a shriek mostly for effect...

I think I might be enjoying this a little too much...

"Well, well," said a commanding voice behind them. "Fighting already?"

Snape's hold on Hermione loosened, and she slid to the ground, whirling to look into the face of Dumbledore...

Who was beaming so hard he was practically radiant.

I guess he's never seen Snape play, either...

"Well, I was just passing on my way to visit my brother," Dumbledore's eyes danced between the two of them, "And thought I'd check on your progress. I wish you both a most pleasant day."

Hermione watched Dumbledore turn... and realized Snape's arms were still circling her.

Snape apparently had the same realization; he froze, dropped his arms, and nearly leapt back from her.

"Maybe I should get these for Dumbledore," Hermione grinned, holding up the panties that had started it all.

"Krum... I realize that girls live for shopping, but I'd hate to miss the rest of my fifth year watching you primp. Could we accelerate this process?"

The warmth had gone out of his voice, all humor dropped. Snape's eyes were merely impatient.

Oh... don't be... don't turn into this guy again... we were having fun...

Snape stared at her impatiently.

Fine. If he wanted to play the Let's Be Icy And Condescending Game, he'd soon discover that no one played that game better than Hermione Jane Granger.

"But of course," Hermione replied, her nose jutting into the air. "I'd hate to disrupt your frantic social schedule. I'm certain you have incredibly important things to get back to... Remedial Divination, perhaps?"

Giving her black ringlets a haughty toss -- and suppressing a thrill of joy at finally having hair that haughtily tossed itself properly -- Hermione snatched up her pile and headed to the counter.

And you can't even take off points, she thought with savage satisfaction.