Saiyuki Theatre presents: Little Red Youkai Head.
WARNING: Do not try to consume beverages while reading this fic.
Once upon a time, there was a little half-youkai who lived in a village near the forest. Whenever, he went out, the little half-youkai was seen with long red hair, so everyone in the village called him Little Red Youkai Head.
One morning, Little Red Youkai Head asked his roommate if he could go to visit the grumpy old priest as it had been awhile since they'd seen each other.
"That's a good idea," Hakkai said. So they packed a nice basket for Little Red Youkai Head to take to the grumpy old priest, filled with coffee filters, cigarettes and a lighter.
When the basket was ready, the half-youkai put on his coat and kissed his roommate good bye. However, it wasn't until the next day that he actually left.
"Remember, go straight to Sanzo's house," Hakkai cautioned. "Don't dawdle along the way and please don't talk to strangers! The woods are dangerous."
"Don't worry, Hakkai," said Little Red Youkai Head, "If they aren't beautiful women, they aren't worth my time anyway."
But when Little Red Youkai Head noticed some lovely flowers in the woods, he forgot his promise to his roommate. He picked a few, remembered how much his stepmother hated him when he was a child and got lost in melancholy angst for a little while.
Little Red Youkai Head was so busy being miserable, that he didn't notice a dark shadow approaching out of the forest behind him.
Suddenly, a wolf youkai appeared beside him. One that was carefully disguised.
"What are you doing out here, pretty half-youkai" the wolf asked in a voice as friendly as he could muster.
"I'm on my way to see that bastard monk who lives through the forest, at that Buddhist Temple," Little Red Youkai Head replied.
Then he realized how ugly that wolf was and quickly excused himself, rushing down the path to Sanzo's place.
The wolf, in the meantime, took a shortcut...
The wolf, a little out of breath from running, arrived at Sanzo's house and knocked lightly at the door.
"Who the fuck is it? Gojyo is that you? You're late, you asshole! Get in here!," said Sanzo thinking that the knock was the half-youkai.
The wolf let himself in. Poor Sanzo did not have time to say another word, before the wolf gobbled him up! You see, unfortunately, he also left his banishing gun on the bedside table.
The wolf immediately felt indigestion setting in, and then poked through Sanzo's medicine cabinet to find some Tums, but realized the monk didn't keep anything like that and cursed to himself about his IBS and inability to properly digest holy people. After that, he realized he better get into character and found a pair of pjs that he liked. He added a frilly sleeping cap, and for good measure, dabbed some of Sanzo's aftershave behind his pointy ears.
A few minutes later, Red Youkai Head knocked on the door. The wolf jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose. "Who is it?" he called in a cranky voice.
"It's me, Little Red Youkai Head."
"Oh how lovely! Do come in, my dear," croaked the wolf.
When Little Red Youkai Head entered the little cottage, he could scarcely recognize Sanzo.
"Sanzo? You voice sounds so odd. Is something the matter?" he asked. "You didn't curse me out this time for being late. You got a fever or something?"
"Oh, I just have touch of a cold," squeaked the wolf adding a cough at the end to prove the point.
"But Sanzo! What big ears you have," said Little Red Youkai Head as he edged closer to the bed. "Goku been playing with cursed items again?"
"The better to hear you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"But Sanzo! What big eyes you have," said Little Red Youkai Head. "You high?"
"The better to see you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"But Sanzo! What big teeth you have," said Little Red Youkai Head realizing then that this was not Sanzo at all.
"The better to eat you with, my dear," roared the wolf and he lept out of the bed and began to chase Little Red Youkai Head around the room.
Until suddenly the door burst open and Goku rushed in, thwacking the wolf over the head just as Little Red Youkai Head suddenly whipped out the jakujou and sliced the wolf's head clean off his shoulders. Sanzo emerged from inside, covered in blood and gore, and looking grumpier than ever.
"You asshole! You knew that was a wolf the whole time and you played with him anyway and left me sitting in that slime!" Sanzo exclaimed.
"Well sure, it was kinda funny, and strangely reminescent of something," Little Red Youkai Head replied.
And they lived not so happily ever after.
WARNING: Do not try to consume beverages while reading this fic.
Once upon a time, there was a little half-youkai who lived in a village near the forest. Whenever, he went out, the little half-youkai was seen with long red hair, so everyone in the village called him Little Red Youkai Head.
One morning, Little Red Youkai Head asked his roommate if he could go to visit the grumpy old priest as it had been awhile since they'd seen each other.
"That's a good idea," Hakkai said. So they packed a nice basket for Little Red Youkai Head to take to the grumpy old priest, filled with coffee filters, cigarettes and a lighter.
When the basket was ready, the half-youkai put on his coat and kissed his roommate good bye. However, it wasn't until the next day that he actually left.
"Remember, go straight to Sanzo's house," Hakkai cautioned. "Don't dawdle along the way and please don't talk to strangers! The woods are dangerous."
"Don't worry, Hakkai," said Little Red Youkai Head, "If they aren't beautiful women, they aren't worth my time anyway."
But when Little Red Youkai Head noticed some lovely flowers in the woods, he forgot his promise to his roommate. He picked a few, remembered how much his stepmother hated him when he was a child and got lost in melancholy angst for a little while.
Little Red Youkai Head was so busy being miserable, that he didn't notice a dark shadow approaching out of the forest behind him.
Suddenly, a wolf youkai appeared beside him. One that was carefully disguised.
"What are you doing out here, pretty half-youkai" the wolf asked in a voice as friendly as he could muster.
"I'm on my way to see that bastard monk who lives through the forest, at that Buddhist Temple," Little Red Youkai Head replied.
Then he realized how ugly that wolf was and quickly excused himself, rushing down the path to Sanzo's place.
The wolf, in the meantime, took a shortcut...
The wolf, a little out of breath from running, arrived at Sanzo's house and knocked lightly at the door.
"Who the fuck is it? Gojyo is that you? You're late, you asshole! Get in here!," said Sanzo thinking that the knock was the half-youkai.
The wolf let himself in. Poor Sanzo did not have time to say another word, before the wolf gobbled him up! You see, unfortunately, he also left his banishing gun on the bedside table.
The wolf immediately felt indigestion setting in, and then poked through Sanzo's medicine cabinet to find some Tums, but realized the monk didn't keep anything like that and cursed to himself about his IBS and inability to properly digest holy people. After that, he realized he better get into character and found a pair of pjs that he liked. He added a frilly sleeping cap, and for good measure, dabbed some of Sanzo's aftershave behind his pointy ears.
A few minutes later, Red Youkai Head knocked on the door. The wolf jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose. "Who is it?" he called in a cranky voice.
"It's me, Little Red Youkai Head."
"Oh how lovely! Do come in, my dear," croaked the wolf.
When Little Red Youkai Head entered the little cottage, he could scarcely recognize Sanzo.
"Sanzo? You voice sounds so odd. Is something the matter?" he asked. "You didn't curse me out this time for being late. You got a fever or something?"
"Oh, I just have touch of a cold," squeaked the wolf adding a cough at the end to prove the point.
"But Sanzo! What big ears you have," said Little Red Youkai Head as he edged closer to the bed. "Goku been playing with cursed items again?"
"The better to hear you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"But Sanzo! What big eyes you have," said Little Red Youkai Head. "You high?"
"The better to see you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"But Sanzo! What big teeth you have," said Little Red Youkai Head realizing then that this was not Sanzo at all.
"The better to eat you with, my dear," roared the wolf and he lept out of the bed and began to chase Little Red Youkai Head around the room.
Until suddenly the door burst open and Goku rushed in, thwacking the wolf over the head just as Little Red Youkai Head suddenly whipped out the jakujou and sliced the wolf's head clean off his shoulders. Sanzo emerged from inside, covered in blood and gore, and looking grumpier than ever.
"You asshole! You knew that was a wolf the whole time and you played with him anyway and left me sitting in that slime!" Sanzo exclaimed.
"Well sure, it was kinda funny, and strangely reminescent of something," Little Red Youkai Head replied.
And they lived not so happily ever after.