CHAPTER 12 : Guilt

*&*

Faramir lay awake in his bed, staring up at the darkness before him. The walls that he could not see in the dark seemed to be closing in around him, and everything seemed to him to be put in rather harsh perspectives. He was lonely in Osgiliath, and tired, and he knew that his father would still not be satisfied when he returned to Minas Tirith to give his report.

He had been in Osgiliath for three weeks, but it seemed like all eternity. The soldiers looked up to him, and he knew that they had expected him to be as good as Boromir (for it seemed impossible to all for there to be any better captain), and sometimes, especially when he was feeling especially discouraged, he thought that many of them had been disappointed.

He sighed. Why was he here? How could he ever have desired a promotion? How could Boromir stand this strain, of being in charge of so many men, and having to know exactly what was the right thing to do all the time? How long could he hold this position before losing his mind?

He needed Aislin, needed her more than ever. He missed her smile and her laugh, and all the remarks she loved to make. All he wanted was to just be able to talk to her, or to give her hug. That would be enough, was it too much to ask?

Apparently it was.

He would have to endure one more week before he could go back to Minas Tirith to report to his father. He wondered if anything had changed since he was gone. He wondered jealously if Aislin was spending a lot of time with Boromir. I wonder if they've gotten married yet, he thought bitterly, then shook his head. No, they would never do that. Firstly, Denethor would never allow it. Secondly, they would never betray him like that. He was thinking too much, being too melodramatic. He turned and lay on his side, then forced himself to close his eyes. He was going to go to sleep, and tomorrow would be a fresh, new, beautiful day, and time would just fly by, and soon he would be back in Minas Tirith…

*&*

Aislin kept to her work even more than before, trying her best to push away the memory of that kiss, that kiss that she should never have given, never have received. The worst part of it all was that she wished for another! Her cheeks burned just thinking about it. This was shameful; she should never have let herself spend the whole day with Boromir. How could she ever face Faramir again, after this horrific episode?

"Is there anything troubling you, Aislin? You're working so hard these days, it's unnatural for a girl your age," Marian asked, truly concerned.

Aislin forced a smile and shook her head. "I'm perfectly fine, Marian. I just thought that I should work harder, that's all. I'm beginning to enjoy working like this, without having a moment's of idleness to indulge in hopeless thoughts."

*&*

"Double your duties?" Denethor raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure, my son?"

Boromir nodded. "Yes, I am certain, Father. I want to have more to do… I get bored if I am left idle."

"Well, if it is truly your wish, all right."

Boromir nodded again in satisfaction, thanked his father, and left the hall. Doubled duties… hopefully that would take his mind off his awful betrayal. It also ensured that he would not run in Aislin anymore. It had been all his fault. If only he had just minded his own business and went into the library to do the reading he had initially intended to do! Then none of this would have happened. He had been a fool, but not anymore. He would not risk a repeat of that day. He had promised Faramir to look after Aislin, and staying away from her was the best way.

*&*

A WEEK LATER…

*&*

Faramir stepped out of his father's hall, glad that he was done with his report. His father could find no fault with the situation in Osgiliath, and therefore said nothing. The day was off to a good start.

And now it was time to look for Aislin. He wandered over to the servant's quarters and saw her hanging up sheets to dry, her back turned to him. A smile crept over his face as he made his way, very quietly, to her, and then grabbed her in a huge hug. She gave a shriek, and turned to face him. "Faramir!" she gasped. "You almost killed me!"

"I didn't know that you have such a weak heart," he teased, hugging her again. Oh, it was good to be able to be so close to her once more! "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," she said softly. Then she pushed him away with a laugh. "You have caught me at a fine time indeed! I am a mess. I was not expecting you to be back from Osgiliath today. If I knew… I would have dressed better!"

"I can't imagine you hanging up sheets in a gown."

"I don't own a gown, Faramir. I could have just taken the day off."

Faramir grinned. "Is it too late to change that now?"

*&*

Marian gladly gave Aislin the day off, relieved to see the girl smiling and laughing so gaily once more. It was really unhealthy for a twenty-year-old to be burying herself in her work all day, and it was definitely something that Marian did not approve of.

"Let's go find Boromir!" Faramir suggested. "I don't think that he knows I've returned."

Aislin stopped in her tracks, and a shadow passed over her face. "He's… he's been really busy these days. I don't think we should disturb him now. I'm sure you will see him tonight during dinner," she said. "Let's just keep it as the two of us for now, shall we?"

Have they quarrelled? Faramir did not ask, though. If there was anything wrong, he would probably hear about it soon enough. Besides, spending the day alone with Aislin sounded like a dream come true. "All right," he agreed. "Just the two of us."