Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wish I did, but I don't. Que Sera Sera.
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There are many choices I have made in my lifetime. Some I would gladly take back and others, I would not trade for all the tea in China.
When I was a young boy, I watched the interaction between my mother and father. How he kept her at arm's length for so long and when she lost her hearing, he left, making me "the man of the house."
In my youth, I was fascinated by death and dying. I would canvass the neighborhood, looking for dead animals. I would bring them home, and in the garage, I would perform amateur autopsies on them. I had a small library of books about anatomy and physiology and other such books on similar topics that I had collected over the years.
I found life with my mother to be educational, to say the least. I learned ASL, to better communicate with her. She listened to opera and classical music, to no end. I was the only person in my class that knew the difference between a piece by Beethoven and one by Mozart. In a lot of ways I was a recluse, spending my afternoons, after school, in my garage with my dead animals.
When I was in my early teens, I was consulted by the local coroners office to determine cause of death among certain animals. It was then, that I learned how truly cruel the human species could be. I had "cases" where animals were poisoned, neglected and then there were the cases of purely negligent homicide. I graduated high school and went to college on scholarship.
While in college, I learned as much as my mind was willing to absorb. I would sit up nights and read books on anatomy and physiology and my favorite, "Grey's Anatomy." I spent my college years in partial seclusion with my books and experiments. I was reading all that I could get my hands on, and then some.
When I graduated, I turned to Entomology. I was fascinated at how certain insects would present themselves at a corpse at certain stages of death. I earned a degree in Entomology and later, began work with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Shortly thereafter I entered into the lecture circuit.
It was during this time that I came in contact with a certain student. I was lecturing at Harvard and she was the most radiant young woman I had ever laid eyes on. She attended all my lectures and we even met afterwards to further discuss the topic at hand. We started out meeting at the local diner once during the week, but that quickly changed to twice a week and eventually it became every other night. She was like no other woman I had ever met. She constantly picked my brain and seemed genuinely interested in forensics. She was like a dry sponge, begging to be saturated with all the knowledge and wisdom I had to impart to her.
My days at Harvard ended and when I returned home to Las Vegas, I felt a void in my life. I quickly realized that I missed her. When I learned of her graduation, I put in a word with the Crime Lab in San Fransisco, effectively securing her a job. She knew nothing of my involvement, and I wanted it to stay that way. After all, I wanted her to have all the chances in the world to grow and become the woman she is today. We kept in contact over the years and I was fully aware of her progress and dedication to her job.
When it came time for me to make a difficult decision, an internal investigation, she popped into my head. I called her and asked if she would be willing to move out here to Vegas. She seemed elated at the mere thought. Within a matter of days she was here and with me, by my side.
We worked in harmony for a while, then I began to realize that the feelings I had for her at Harvard had returned. This made it very trying to work with her every day, knowing that I had feelings for her. I battled with these feelings and in the mean time, I managed to push her away from me. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I was finding it difficult to admit to myself that I could have feelings for someone so much younger than I, but the feelings were there, regardless.
Over the next couple of years, I pushed her farther and farther away from me. My heart was in conflict with my brain. My heart was telling me to be up front with her and my brain was telling me that this would be trouble. I had convinced myself that she would tire of me and move on to someone younger and more attractive.
I know I hurt her. I never meant to, but my words never came out the way I wanted them to. Every time I would try to let her know how I felt, I would end up upsetting her. She would distance herself form me and I would feel like crap for hurting her. She was the last person in the world that I wanted to hurt, but I did.
Finally, one night, after a lab accident, she asked me out to dinner and I froze, emotionally. When I managed to utter anything, it was a firm "no." She told me that by the time I came to my senses, it might be too late. This made me think. It made me think about my life and how I have lived almost all of my adult life alone.
Then I learned that I was losing my hearing. It was another blow to me and my well ordered life. I had to face the very real possibility that I might lose my hearing. I wanted so much to tell her, but I retreated behind my walls that had been with me since adolescence. I kept her in the dark and she didn't know about my hearing until after I had the corrective surgery done. She was hurt by the fact that I did not tell her, this fact pushing her even still, farther away from me.
I could not understand what she saw in me. To this day, I still don't know what she sees in me. I am so much older than she is, but that does not seem to matter to her. We share a playful banter, sometimes sexually suggestive. I love her, I think I always have, as long as I have known her. She does things to me that no other woman ever has. She has the power to turn me into a pile of goo with the slightest smile. Her smile will be the undoing of me. I think she knows that because she does it often. I will enter a room with her and she will flash me her smile and I immediately want to take her in my arms and make love to her.
TBC?--
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There are many choices I have made in my lifetime. Some I would gladly take back and others, I would not trade for all the tea in China.
When I was a young boy, I watched the interaction between my mother and father. How he kept her at arm's length for so long and when she lost her hearing, he left, making me "the man of the house."
In my youth, I was fascinated by death and dying. I would canvass the neighborhood, looking for dead animals. I would bring them home, and in the garage, I would perform amateur autopsies on them. I had a small library of books about anatomy and physiology and other such books on similar topics that I had collected over the years.
I found life with my mother to be educational, to say the least. I learned ASL, to better communicate with her. She listened to opera and classical music, to no end. I was the only person in my class that knew the difference between a piece by Beethoven and one by Mozart. In a lot of ways I was a recluse, spending my afternoons, after school, in my garage with my dead animals.
When I was in my early teens, I was consulted by the local coroners office to determine cause of death among certain animals. It was then, that I learned how truly cruel the human species could be. I had "cases" where animals were poisoned, neglected and then there were the cases of purely negligent homicide. I graduated high school and went to college on scholarship.
While in college, I learned as much as my mind was willing to absorb. I would sit up nights and read books on anatomy and physiology and my favorite, "Grey's Anatomy." I spent my college years in partial seclusion with my books and experiments. I was reading all that I could get my hands on, and then some.
When I graduated, I turned to Entomology. I was fascinated at how certain insects would present themselves at a corpse at certain stages of death. I earned a degree in Entomology and later, began work with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Shortly thereafter I entered into the lecture circuit.
It was during this time that I came in contact with a certain student. I was lecturing at Harvard and she was the most radiant young woman I had ever laid eyes on. She attended all my lectures and we even met afterwards to further discuss the topic at hand. We started out meeting at the local diner once during the week, but that quickly changed to twice a week and eventually it became every other night. She was like no other woman I had ever met. She constantly picked my brain and seemed genuinely interested in forensics. She was like a dry sponge, begging to be saturated with all the knowledge and wisdom I had to impart to her.
My days at Harvard ended and when I returned home to Las Vegas, I felt a void in my life. I quickly realized that I missed her. When I learned of her graduation, I put in a word with the Crime Lab in San Fransisco, effectively securing her a job. She knew nothing of my involvement, and I wanted it to stay that way. After all, I wanted her to have all the chances in the world to grow and become the woman she is today. We kept in contact over the years and I was fully aware of her progress and dedication to her job.
When it came time for me to make a difficult decision, an internal investigation, she popped into my head. I called her and asked if she would be willing to move out here to Vegas. She seemed elated at the mere thought. Within a matter of days she was here and with me, by my side.
We worked in harmony for a while, then I began to realize that the feelings I had for her at Harvard had returned. This made it very trying to work with her every day, knowing that I had feelings for her. I battled with these feelings and in the mean time, I managed to push her away from me. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I was finding it difficult to admit to myself that I could have feelings for someone so much younger than I, but the feelings were there, regardless.
Over the next couple of years, I pushed her farther and farther away from me. My heart was in conflict with my brain. My heart was telling me to be up front with her and my brain was telling me that this would be trouble. I had convinced myself that she would tire of me and move on to someone younger and more attractive.
I know I hurt her. I never meant to, but my words never came out the way I wanted them to. Every time I would try to let her know how I felt, I would end up upsetting her. She would distance herself form me and I would feel like crap for hurting her. She was the last person in the world that I wanted to hurt, but I did.
Finally, one night, after a lab accident, she asked me out to dinner and I froze, emotionally. When I managed to utter anything, it was a firm "no." She told me that by the time I came to my senses, it might be too late. This made me think. It made me think about my life and how I have lived almost all of my adult life alone.
Then I learned that I was losing my hearing. It was another blow to me and my well ordered life. I had to face the very real possibility that I might lose my hearing. I wanted so much to tell her, but I retreated behind my walls that had been with me since adolescence. I kept her in the dark and she didn't know about my hearing until after I had the corrective surgery done. She was hurt by the fact that I did not tell her, this fact pushing her even still, farther away from me.
I could not understand what she saw in me. To this day, I still don't know what she sees in me. I am so much older than she is, but that does not seem to matter to her. We share a playful banter, sometimes sexually suggestive. I love her, I think I always have, as long as I have known her. She does things to me that no other woman ever has. She has the power to turn me into a pile of goo with the slightest smile. Her smile will be the undoing of me. I think she knows that because she does it often. I will enter a room with her and she will flash me her smile and I immediately want to take her in my arms and make love to her.
TBC?--