a/n: enjoi!
Memories
Hermione stood in front of a granite tomb and a silent tear slid down her cheek. She held beautiful red roses in her hands as she dropped to her knees wrapping her arms around the tombstone.She couldn't accept that he was really gone. After the last battle, no he had to survive. The dark lord had been beaten, but Draco hadn't lived. Or so was thought as the bodies found were too mutated to figure out who was who. Hermione hadn't been at the battle. Draco had insisted that she stay home, stay away from the fighting. He didn't want to risk losing her. But he risked HIS life.
Hermione hugged the tomb with her knees digging into the wet dewy grass; not caring that her panty hose were becoming ripped on the ground and her skirt was getting crinkled. She began to sob quietly. The day was so morbid, depressing, overcast and there was sadness lingering in the air.
Hermione looked up at the sky still grasping this gravestone, with red eyes and cursed aloud.
"Why is he gone? What the hell did I do to deserve this?" she questioned the darkened clouds overhead, as though they would answer. She slumped her shoulders and let go of the granite and sat down on the wet ground laying the flowers she had gently in front of the worded gray stone.
Hermione sighed gently and her chocolate brown eyes began to water heavily again as she began to speak
"Draco... Draco... why didn't you let me come with you? When I said good-bye I didn't think it'd be forever. I didn't really get to tell you everything that I needed you to know. You don't understand. I never got to tell you how much I love you. I know that you knew we were in love, but I never got to tell you how much I love you. I wish I had died for you... no I don't, because I don't want you to feel the way I'm feeling now. Draco, love, I need you so much. I need you in my life. You are my world. How can I live without you?" she said still crying and putting her face to her hands.
Hermione sat on the ground for another 2 hours until it really began to get dark, not just from the overcast sky. She stood, looked at the tomb, leaned down and kissed the top and said, "I love you Draco" and turned and walked slowly towards her car. Her high-heels dug into the wet earth and she was so distracted it's a wonder she didn't fall.
Hermione got to her car and looked around for a moment. She slowly put the key into the lock and sat down in her car.
She began to drive, leaving the cemetery and heading to the highway. After minutes of silence Hermione thought she was going to rip her hair out if she didn't have something to listen to. She clicked the radio on and flipped stations for a moment. When she had chosen one she continued down the highway. But a certain song brought tears back to her eyes. It was their song. The way you look tonight by Tony Bennet. It was the first song they had ever danced to. Hermione was now crying silent tears as she tried to keep her hands steady on the wheel.
Hermione couldn't help but begin singing some of the words to their song. It was almost a habit. She sighed and lifted one hand to wipe away a tear but it was pointless.
Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin' life just ain't fair
Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone
Even after the song had ended Hermione kept repeating lyrics, her words partially chocked by her sobs. Rain began to hit her windshield and Hermione tried to pay attention to the road. It had been one year to the day. One year since the last battle. One year since the downfall of Lord Voldemort. Hermione was expected at the party to night at the castle. She couldn't possibly go, but she hadn't seen Harry or Ron in ages. She thought about it for a while and decided to her self that she didn't want to go at all. They wanted to see her they could come visit her. Hermione didn't want to get all dressed up, only to be reminded of her husbands death and to start crying again. No she would not. She needed sleep anyways. Hermione's eyes were stinging from the salty tears.
She drove the rest of the way home with the music in the background not really paying much attention to it.
Hermione got home and took a long hot shower. She heard the doorbell ring as she wrapped a robe around her body.
"Who the fuck would be coming over now?" she asked aloud as she went to answer the door.
"I would be 'who the fuck' is coming over now" Harry said as Hermione opened the door.
"Hello Harry" she said as she motioned for him to come in. Harry wore a tux that looked quite nice. It was all black. Hermione looked at him for a moment and began crying again.
"Mione, Mione what, what is it?" Harry asked as she walked back towards her bedroom. He followed slowly behind her and she thought, "Draco wore all black the first time we went out on a date. And the last time he took me out." Their last night together came rushing back to her and her tears flowed like the fucking Nile River. Hermione shook her body with chills as she remembered her husband and couldn't help but remember everything about him. His voice, his eyes, the way his hair fell to his face when he got out of the shower and didn't put any product in it. The way he walked. The way he made love to her. She couldn't help but become over whelmed.
Feel your fire,
When its cold in my heart
And things sorta start
Remindin' me of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too
She composed herself a moment later and said "nothing" and sniffed, wiping away a last tear.
Harry sighed knowing that meant she was thinking about Draco.
"Hermione, honey, you need to get ready. We have to be at the castle in half an hour."
"Not going" she said in a monotone.
"You are going babe. You told Dumbledore you were going." He told her as she sighed and walked towards her walk in closet in her bathroom.
She emerged, composed, 25 minutes later wearing a simple black dress, high heels and very little makeup. Her hair was perfectly straight and flowing down her back.
Harry smiled and said "ready?"
She nodded at him and they both apperated to the castle.
Harry and Hermione stood outside of the large doors leading into the Great Hall and Hermione took a deep breath. Harry held out his arm to her as to link arms in a graceful manner. She took the invitation and held onto her best friend tight. Her knees were weak and her breath shaky.
They walked in through the large doors leading to the Great Hall they were so familiar with and were greeted with applause. Ron and many others that fought were already there.
Hermione joined Dumbledore, Harry, Ron, and many of the teachers at the large head table and they quieted at Dumbledore stood to speak.
He spoke of bravery, death, love, compassion, and above all he spoke of courage. Hermione began to tear up again because she missed him. She missed him so much. Nothing was worth it anymore. She just wanted to curl up in a ball and die without him. Of course she couldn't do that. She was Hermione Granger.
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
I hope that all is well in heaven
Cause its all shot to hell down here
Hermione made it through the night. Crying only once more, as Dumbledore made a closing speech in honor of all those lost in the war. Harry and Ron comforted her and she tried to keep from crying but the tears had a mind of their own.
"We are here tonight, to commend those of you who sit before us but, also to honor those who we lost. We have faced grief of losing those who we love, but know, I'm sure you do, that they died for something important not only to the wizarding world, but to themselves as well." Dumbledore concluded as sobs and applause broke out among the many people filled in the Great Hall.
Hermione hated that she hadn't gone with Draco. She never got to really say goodbye. She never got to say goodbye for good. He wasn't coming back anytime soon and she needed him in his life. It was too overwhelming for her.
You wont be comin' back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye
After shaking what felt like a million hands and hugs from random people Hermione didn't know, she was ready to go home. She found Harry in the crowd and told him that she was going to leave. Harry looked a bit disappointed but she gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and said goodnight.
Hermione apperated home and dropped her purse on the floor in her bedroom. She slowly kicked off her shoes and crawled into bed. She thought that she should "get over it" because it's been "a whole year" but Hermione still cried a lot. She really did love Draco and despite what everyone said, Draco loved her too. She was the only woman he had ever loved and Draco had been the only man she'd ever loved and ever wanted to. People say to move on but she didn't want to. Not now, not yet. Hermione didn't bother changing out of her dress, or even taking off her pantyhose or makeup, she just crawled under the covers of her bed and laid on her back, staring into the darkness after she turned out the lights.
The air was filled with memories of Draco. When he asked her out. Their first date. Their first kiss. The first time they went to Paris. The ski trip one Christmas. The dancing classes. The moonlight walks. The beach near their home. The fires and the picnics. The first time they made love. The last time they made love. Hermione needed him so badly she didn't know what to do with herself. She kept herself composed during the day. Going about her life and going to work but it was too hard to pull off twenty four seven.
She silently called out in the darkness to him and wished that he were there with her. She wished that he were lying there with his arms around her planting small kisses on her lips. Come back to me love, she thought squeezing her eyes shut and tears still pouring out.
I'm just so tired
Won't you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life
Hermione got up the next morning, after a restless night. She shuffled slowly into her bathroom and looked at her puffy eyes and messy hair. She ran her fingers through her hair and remembered the night Hermione and Draco snuck off to the Quidditch pitch at nearly midnight, with a telescope. Hermione sat in his arms and he ran his fingers through her hair so gently she barely noticed. She smiled softly, tears forming on her eyes. She sniffed and turned on the faucet. She washed her face and tears mixed in with the warm water but she didn't care.
Hermione sat down on the couch with a book and wasn't really reading. She was so tired. Not really sleepy, just tired. Tired of being there. Tired of being alive. Tired of living without the one person she lived for. She pulled her knees to her chest and put her head on her knees. That was how Harry found her hours later.
Harry poked her shoulder and she stirred a little.
"Hermione, are you okay?" he asked her as she lifted her head and winced a little because of her stiff neck.
"fine" she mumbled.
She blinked a few times and said "hi Harry. What are you doing here" in a bit of a monotone.
"just wanted to check on you" he replied sitting on the arm of the couch next to her.
"well I'm fine." He thought she wanted to be alone
"well then I'll..... I'll just go." He said getting up.
"Harry, I'm sorry. I just need to be alone. I Love you though" she said getting up as he walked towards the door.
"I love you too Mione" and he left.
Harry came back the next morning to check on her because he knew she was hurting and she needed a friend. When he walked through the door it appeared as though she wasn't home but she was probably in her room. Harry pushed the door open a bit to see Hermione asleep on her bed. He was going to put a blanket over her because she looked cold when he noticed an envelope by her bed. It had his name on it.
He looked at Hermione and decided to wake her and see if she was okay.
"mione..." he said softly, touching her hand in effort to wake her... but her hand was stone cold. "Hermione" he said, urgency in his voice as he shook her to try and wake her... but it was too late for her.
Underneath her letter to Harry he found another for Ron, which he delivered.
Harry knew what she was thinking.
I only need one more day
just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too
I hope that I find you in heaven
cause I'm so...
lost without you down here
A/N: yea I know its kind of stupid but it just came to me and I had to write it down. Anyways thanks for reading and please review!
PS the song is "View from heaven" by Yellow card, which I don't happen to own (