Disclaimer: the characters aren't mine. Most of the fics mentioned aren't
mine. I'm just having fun... Authors include: Mahlialily, Holly Gilmore,
Angeleyez, Secretstar, Green Eye, Lydia, Oregano, Samantha, Kimlockt, Angel
Monroe, and if I'm missing anyone, I apologize... you can beat me up...
Spoilers: Anything's fair game... and fanfic spoilers as welll..
Summary: Jess and Rory look for Greener pastures...
Rating: PG-13
House Hunt
The Gilmore Kitchen:
Rory is sitting at the kitchen table a couple of days before filming the season finale, reading a thick script, drinking coffee. She skims over a page, over a page, and spits out her coffee in abrupt surprise. Her eyes wide, she reads it over again.
Dean walks up with a plate of fries.
DEAN: Hey, Rory. What's wrong?
RORY: (Still in shock, hands DEAN the script)
DEAN: (Reading it over) "They draw closer into an embrace, Rory and Dean- (He drops the scrip).
RORY: (Nodding numbly)
DEAN: No offense or anything, Rory, but... I don't wanna kiss you...or... do... that... with you... I'm kinda married.
RORY: I don't wanna kiss you, either! God, Jess is going to be livid!
JESS walks in and sits next to RORY
JESS: Be livid about what?
DEAN picks up the script and hands it to JESS, who reads over and rolls his eyes.
JESS: Jeez... aren't they sick of you two already?
RORY: Apparently not... I don't wanna kiss Dean... or anything! Why can't I kiss you?
JESS smirks.
JESS: Because you don't wanna be with me.
RORY: Ugh. Damned writers. They don't know what I want!
DEAN: They do, remember? They caught you guys getting naked between takes on the bridge?
RORY turns red and JESS grins.
DEAN: ... and in the Diner.
JESS: Luke will never forgive us for that one.
DEAN: And wasn't there something with you guys in Doose's?
RORY: (mutters) Maybe...
DEAN: So, they know what you want, Rory. They just aren't willing to give it to you.
RORY: Let's move!
JESS: (looking confused) Move where?
RORY: Come on! There has to be a friendlier plot than this!
DEAN: You could always look to fanfic...
RORY pulls out the Big Book O' Fanfic Yellow Pages...
RORY: Hmmm... Echo...? No... that won't end well...
JESS: I like that one...
DEAN: (Rolls his eyes) Why aren't there any good fics with me in them?
JESS: You're the bad guy, my friend. I'm sorry.
DEAN: (sighs)
RORY: What about Previously On Gilmore Girls?
JESS: That took place a year ago!
RORY: So?! How about Next, On Gilmore Girls?
JESS: It might work...
RORY: There's always A Little Dramatic Irony...
JESS: (Looks over the plot) Thanks, but no thanks... I hate comas.
RORY: Picky! What about Defending Bjork?
JESS: That took place TWO years ago!
RORY: I wouldn't mind being seventeen again...
DEAN: I get dumped and beat up on in just about every single plot...
JESS: Yet you live to tell the tale.
RORY: I vote Kiss the Bride!
JESS: Mushy!
RORY: Cute! We're so happy there!
JESS: What about Dust to Dust?
RORY: You want to be a schizophrenic who can't brush his own hair? I still sleep with Dean in that one...
JESS: Point. What about Easier to Run?
RORY: We're broken up in that one.
JESS: Yeah... but... Bella's hot!
RORY: (glares) Fine! Then you might as well leave me for Choking on the Pretense as well! Go find that hot little redhead!
JESS: Really? Can I?
RORY: JESS!!
JESS: (looking over it) Oohhh... Being Right is Over-Rated... Can we?
RORY: Also set in the past.
JESS: I don't care. I want to ravish you against the diner's kitchen wall.
RORY: Oh, my god...
DEAN: (sighs again) Aren't there any fics about Lindsay and I?
JESS: (Looking) None that end well...
DEAN: Damn.
RORY: What about Shivery?
JESS: Aren't you nuts in that one?
RORY: Oh... right...
JESS: Slowest form?
RORY: We're not even together in that one yet... we're still trying to stop running away from each other, I think... You ran out all... miserable in the last updated chapter...
JESS: Damn... why can't we ever be happy?
RORY: Kiss the Bride...
JESS: I don't wanna get married yet. I'm not ready... Globes and Maps?
RORY: You cheat on me!
JESS: Oh... yeah.
RORY: Over Time.
JESS: Again... coma. No.
RORY: Ooooh. Reason for Breathing?
JESS: Huh... if we can relive the entire thing over and over again, I'm game... or... How about A Whole New World?
RORY: You want my mother to have breast cancer?!
JESS: (cringing) Or not...
DEAN: Face it, you guys. You'll never find the perfect plot. There is no happily ever after for you that doesn't involve massive plot devices, weddings, or ankle-biting children.
RORY: (pouts) He's right. We're trapped.
JESS: (sighs) I guess we'll just have to... keep sneaking off between takes... it's not so bad.
RORY: (pouts again) I don't wanna sleep with Dean!
DEAN: I don't wanna sleep with you, either! That's it. I'm gonna go find Lindsay. (He leaves)
RORY: (sighs, depressed)
JESS: It isn't that bad... and... you won't really sleep with Dean...You'll fake it for the audience.
RORY: How do you know the writers won't demand realism?
JESS: If they do, I'm taking hostages.
RORY: (snickers, wrapping an arm around him) My hero.
END
Spoilers: Anything's fair game... and fanfic spoilers as welll..
Summary: Jess and Rory look for Greener pastures...
Rating: PG-13
House Hunt
The Gilmore Kitchen:
Rory is sitting at the kitchen table a couple of days before filming the season finale, reading a thick script, drinking coffee. She skims over a page, over a page, and spits out her coffee in abrupt surprise. Her eyes wide, she reads it over again.
Dean walks up with a plate of fries.
DEAN: Hey, Rory. What's wrong?
RORY: (Still in shock, hands DEAN the script)
DEAN: (Reading it over) "They draw closer into an embrace, Rory and Dean- (He drops the scrip).
RORY: (Nodding numbly)
DEAN: No offense or anything, Rory, but... I don't wanna kiss you...or... do... that... with you... I'm kinda married.
RORY: I don't wanna kiss you, either! God, Jess is going to be livid!
JESS walks in and sits next to RORY
JESS: Be livid about what?
DEAN picks up the script and hands it to JESS, who reads over and rolls his eyes.
JESS: Jeez... aren't they sick of you two already?
RORY: Apparently not... I don't wanna kiss Dean... or anything! Why can't I kiss you?
JESS smirks.
JESS: Because you don't wanna be with me.
RORY: Ugh. Damned writers. They don't know what I want!
DEAN: They do, remember? They caught you guys getting naked between takes on the bridge?
RORY turns red and JESS grins.
DEAN: ... and in the Diner.
JESS: Luke will never forgive us for that one.
DEAN: And wasn't there something with you guys in Doose's?
RORY: (mutters) Maybe...
DEAN: So, they know what you want, Rory. They just aren't willing to give it to you.
RORY: Let's move!
JESS: (looking confused) Move where?
RORY: Come on! There has to be a friendlier plot than this!
DEAN: You could always look to fanfic...
RORY pulls out the Big Book O' Fanfic Yellow Pages...
RORY: Hmmm... Echo...? No... that won't end well...
JESS: I like that one...
DEAN: (Rolls his eyes) Why aren't there any good fics with me in them?
JESS: You're the bad guy, my friend. I'm sorry.
DEAN: (sighs)
RORY: What about Previously On Gilmore Girls?
JESS: That took place a year ago!
RORY: So?! How about Next, On Gilmore Girls?
JESS: It might work...
RORY: There's always A Little Dramatic Irony...
JESS: (Looks over the plot) Thanks, but no thanks... I hate comas.
RORY: Picky! What about Defending Bjork?
JESS: That took place TWO years ago!
RORY: I wouldn't mind being seventeen again...
DEAN: I get dumped and beat up on in just about every single plot...
JESS: Yet you live to tell the tale.
RORY: I vote Kiss the Bride!
JESS: Mushy!
RORY: Cute! We're so happy there!
JESS: What about Dust to Dust?
RORY: You want to be a schizophrenic who can't brush his own hair? I still sleep with Dean in that one...
JESS: Point. What about Easier to Run?
RORY: We're broken up in that one.
JESS: Yeah... but... Bella's hot!
RORY: (glares) Fine! Then you might as well leave me for Choking on the Pretense as well! Go find that hot little redhead!
JESS: Really? Can I?
RORY: JESS!!
JESS: (looking over it) Oohhh... Being Right is Over-Rated... Can we?
RORY: Also set in the past.
JESS: I don't care. I want to ravish you against the diner's kitchen wall.
RORY: Oh, my god...
DEAN: (sighs again) Aren't there any fics about Lindsay and I?
JESS: (Looking) None that end well...
DEAN: Damn.
RORY: What about Shivery?
JESS: Aren't you nuts in that one?
RORY: Oh... right...
JESS: Slowest form?
RORY: We're not even together in that one yet... we're still trying to stop running away from each other, I think... You ran out all... miserable in the last updated chapter...
JESS: Damn... why can't we ever be happy?
RORY: Kiss the Bride...
JESS: I don't wanna get married yet. I'm not ready... Globes and Maps?
RORY: You cheat on me!
JESS: Oh... yeah.
RORY: Over Time.
JESS: Again... coma. No.
RORY: Ooooh. Reason for Breathing?
JESS: Huh... if we can relive the entire thing over and over again, I'm game... or... How about A Whole New World?
RORY: You want my mother to have breast cancer?!
JESS: (cringing) Or not...
DEAN: Face it, you guys. You'll never find the perfect plot. There is no happily ever after for you that doesn't involve massive plot devices, weddings, or ankle-biting children.
RORY: (pouts) He's right. We're trapped.
JESS: (sighs) I guess we'll just have to... keep sneaking off between takes... it's not so bad.
RORY: (pouts again) I don't wanna sleep with Dean!
DEAN: I don't wanna sleep with you, either! That's it. I'm gonna go find Lindsay. (He leaves)
RORY: (sighs, depressed)
JESS: It isn't that bad... and... you won't really sleep with Dean...You'll fake it for the audience.
RORY: How do you know the writers won't demand realism?
JESS: If they do, I'm taking hostages.
RORY: (snickers, wrapping an arm around him) My hero.
END