Yeah, yeah, yeah...
I'll pay,
When tomorrow,
Tomorrow comes today.
-"Tomorrow Comes Today" by: Gorillaz
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Ready
By: Bloody Phoenix
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Looking at the bedside clock, it's 4:22 in the morning. I've done it again. For the last few weeks it happens on and off. I go to bed at my usual time, then I wake up and can't fall asleep for an hour. Tonight I walk over to the window and draw open the curtains to look out. You really can't see much from this place. Hmph. That's how it works. Pack up us old people and dump us out here ten miles outside of the city. I've spent twelve years here. Never once been inside the city. Twelve years in this- this house of the old. I know that they're just waiting for me to kick the bucket. And why not? I wouldn't want to put up with myself for more than a decade.
I don't have much self-love. Maybe it's because I was born an accident. My mother got pregnant with me by a man she hardly knew. They were both in college. It was a party and they were drunk. The next day she called him and told him. But... they were young they were ambitious; they decided they would keep me and raise me. Nine months later, she was in the maternity ward and he was in the waiting room. He told the woman at the desk he was going to take a walk outside. He hurried out and he never came back. They told my mother after I was born and it was all over. She cried. That night we stayed at her parent's house, she hadn't even named me, all she had done that afternoon and evening was cried. We spent the night in her old bedroom and in the middle of the night she snuck out and drove downtown. She stopped at the bridge that crossed the river. She jumped and killed herself.
Subsequently I was raised by my grandparents. They called me Steven after a great, great uncle of mine. Steven Tauros. I guess the only regret I had during my childhood was the knowledge that they were a generation older than my real parents. They would die early in my life. But I grew up a balanced kid and after high school I went to the Zoids Academy. They both died in my sophomore year a few months apart. I wasn't too sad, because I knew that they had had a good few years with me. Not everyone gets to raise kids twice like that. It was them who had taught me to be positive no matter what. Silver lining in every cloud, turn that frown upside down. Load of crap.
But the Zoid Academy years were the best of my life. I had friends, I got a good education. And to top it all off, I met the woman of my dreams. It was an accident. The kind you get in fairy tales, where everything goes just right and you live happily ever after. We started dating, but decided not to marry until we both had our Masters. We settled down and had two children: Leon and Leena. I didn't think I could be happier. I was the luckiest man in the world. We were together for a year, than...
My wife was killed by a man named Zachary Gull. He was a young kid, so was I, but you know what I mean. Right out of high school. Life hadn't been good to Zachary. Like me, he had never known his parents. He worked in a horrible job and lived in a crappy apartment with his girlfriend. That week, he lost all three. It's a well-known fact that the education system teaches you everything but being ready for the hardships of the real world. Kids like Zachary are dumped out onto the street and they're not ready for the world to screw them over. For him the universe had just collapsed. And he only saw one way out. He decided he would take his car, his last worldly possession. And he would drive on the road and slam it into the first person he met. He was doing ninety-eight when he hit my wife.
There was no... blood... no organs lying everywhere... she instantly died
There is no justice. There is no damn justice anywhere. My wife is killed by a man committing suicide. So what happened to Zachary Gull? To this day, he lies in a bed, in a special section of some hospital. He is brain dead and paralyzed... but alive. I could go and break in and then kill him... like that, I've often thought about it. But what would that do? I could torture him, but he wouldn't feel a thing. I could murder his family, if he has one, and he wouldn't know. Death is to him probably nothing short of mercy.
After my wife's death, I was a single parent with two children. They both said when they were older that they couldn't even remember her. But... that afternoon, I remember my daughter crawling over to the door, waiting expectantly for her mother to come back. That broke my heart. So I spent year after year, seeking jobs, getting fired from them, trying desperately to keep looking up, for my children more than me. Sometimes I would just break down, but I'd never let my children see me. I went back to get my Ph.D. I was hoping I could get hired as a professor. It was a waste.
When my children were seven, Jamie came to live with us, he was five. His father, Oscar had been in his terrible crash, the doctors didn't know if he would make it. His wife had left him long ago. He had gone into a coma and stayed like that for almost a year. I was Jamie's Godfather so I had to take him in. He stayed with us while his dad was in rehab, another several years. When he was finally out, the doctors had advised that he should move to a location with a healthier climate for a while, to fully recover. He refused at first, but I reassured him that I could handle Jamie for a while longer. This wasn't entirely true, money was getting tight, but I wanted my friend to recover so I agreed.
I got a letter one day, a year later. It was from a man I had never heard of. He was my biological father's attorney. I was shocked, I was probably also angry. He informed me that my father had passed away in an accident and left all of his money to me. It wasn't much, but all these years he had saved up and it was enough to last us for a while.
I never knew my dad, but still. Isn't it disgusting how no matter what, my life is surrounded by death and misery? Accidents, suicide, etcetera.
When my kids were fifteen, we were down to the last bit of money. Then Leon had an idea. He wanted to start a Zoids Team. He reminded me that I had attended the Zoids academy, Zoids were my area of expertise. We invested the money in some used Zoids, a Shield Liger that we got at a bargain and a Dibison. It wasn't quite enough so we also took out a small loan. I taught my kids all I could and the rest they taught themselves. This was our best effort and it had to be good for something. We entered in our first Class C battle, brimming with confidence. To no surprise we lost. But we won our next one by a miracle. And several wins later we had enough money to hire a mercenary. The cheapest one we could find was Brad. So he joined the team and we started winning even more battles. We were still in debt, we had taken out yet more loans to cover the expenses. We had also bought a Pteras hoping that Jamie could learn to fly it. He loved that thing but was never too good at piloting it.
We also bought the Liger Zero. It was cheap, very cheap, and I couldn't resist. It was sort of a gift to myself. I was getting confident in the team and looking up. I deserved this. Even thought it remained unused for awhile, this did turn out to be a smart move. Some time after we bought it Bit Cloud showed up and, as they say, the rest is history.
We took Class S by storm. We made it to the top. Number one ranked Zoids Team in the world. Ranked best as a team, as individual pilots, anything, if we could be the best, we were the best. So... once we were at the top... we could only go down. No, it wasn't just like that. It was awhile. A few years, but the team got older, the kids weren't teenagers, they were adults now, they had other stuff in their lives. Brad was the first to leave. No idea where he is to this day. But that's a mercenary for ya. Then Jamie decided to go to college. He had his dreams. No one was left but Bit and Leena. Leon stayed with Naomi's team for another year and then quit battling too. And the inevitable happened. You get two young people living together with just 'a crazy old man' for company and you can pretty much guess. Bit and Leena fell in love.
We had sort of a team reunion minus Brad for the wedding. We were all there again. Not to mention a bunch of other teams. Believe it or not it was a big event. When you have retired Zoid Pilots who used to be on the world's greatest team getting married it might rouse up the public's interest. It was a wonderful moment in my life. I could now call Bit Cloud my son. This was great. I hadn't felt this happy since my own wedding. And I stayed happy for just a little while.
For a few months I had been dreading it. I knew it would happen. I almost cried at the thought of it. But, I didn't complain when they told me. They wanted to move out. Bit and Leena wanted to be together forever and frankly, I, Leena's father was... okay, I was ruining it for them. So they moved out. These next years were the worst in my life. I had absolutely no use for the giant base anymore. I sold it and moved into an apartment in the nearest town. I lived by myself.
I guess Leena felt bad. She and Bit visited me at least once a month. But gradually, that became once every two months. That became twice a year. Then once a year. Then they just stopped. They had kids, they didn't need me. Years went by.
One day, I did get a visit from my daughter and her husband. When I opened the door I looked at my Leena. What happened to my little girl? Who was this woman? Had it been that long? I started weeping. I ran over to the mirror and saw myself for the first time in what had seemed like an eternity. I was an old man. It turned out they hadn't come to visit. They had come to tell me that I should go... to an assisted living home. I didn't even resist. I just let them take me there. The very next day. I packed up my things. What I couldn't fit into one bag I threw away. Or I gave it to my neighbors. Whatever. All my Zoid models went, everything.
So here I am. Twelve years have passed... the last time I got a visit, I can't remember. I might've gotten a phone call from Jamie sometime a while back. I don't know. I can hardly walk these days. I'm on more medication than I thought ever existed. I have to check what day it is. Funny... I can't remember my breakfast, but I can replay my entire life. And what good was it? None.
What did my regime of positive thinking ever get me? False hopes, that's what it got me. I never appreciated anything that mattered... all those... Zoid models... and the stupid guns I'd buy out of catalogues. How was that supposed to make me happy?! I can hardly remember what my daughter looks like. And her... why did she quit loving me? Why won't she ever visit her dear old dad? Did I not pay her enough attention? I don't know. I just don't know. I don't even think I care.
I have a feeling... that in a few minutes I'll lie back down and fall asleep.
I have a feeling... that I won't wake up.
I'm ready.
My life has been a waste...
-Dr. Steven Tauros
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That about sucked... I liked the idea, but my writing is just crap. Not to mention that Microsoft Word and fanfiction.net's QuickEdit are both works of Satan. This might hav elooked better otherwise. I also have no idea why I stuck those song lyrics at the beginning. I was just listening to the song when I finished this and thought it was appropriate. If you review this don't mention any grammatical errors to me, don't comment on any comma splices you find, cause screw you, I don't care. Otherwise any other flames are acceptable. I'll probably end up deleting this anyway.