Title: Crisis

Author: the random monkey

Date: 9-12-03

Author's notes: *Reads through* Wow. This is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever written. This is worse than the first two chapters. Worse than Ron's pizza story. Worse than "Sailor Moon P." Worse than that story I wrote in crayon on my birth certificate when I was five… Well, let's post it!
P.S. Five hundred points for whoever gets the bad computer references.

The sun had set by the time Vivi stumbled home.
"Hello!" called Vivi's friend, Mr. 314, as Vivi walked in. "How was your day?"
"Terrible," said Vivi, flopping into a chair. "We couldn't find Mr. 404, Mr. 403 wouldn't let us in, and Mr. 500 was busy all day!"
"Aww," said Mr. 314, walking over and giving Vivi a hug. "Is there anything I can get you, hon?"
"Yeah!" said Vivi, perking up a little. "I would love a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."
"No problem," said Mr. 314. He walked into the kitchen, and the sound of cabinets and drawers opening could be heard. Then suddenly...
CRASH!
Vivi jumped up and ran into the kitchen. Mr. 314 was standing, staring in horror at an open cabinet, a shattered jelly jar at his feet.
"W-what is it?" stuttered Vivi.
Mr. 314 moved his mouth, but no sound came out. He continued staring at the cabinet.
Vivi rushed over to see what Mr. 314 was staring at. He looked into the cabinet and he, too, gasped, and stood paralyzed with shock and fear....
"No peanut butter," whispered Mr. 314 finally.
"NOOOOOO!" Vivi screamed, falling to his knees and sobbing.
Mr. 314 closed his eyes and pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. "This is not happening. This is not happening...."
Vivi suddenly became very quiet and curled into the fetal position. "How do you prove peanut butter exists? Maybe it doesn't exist... Maybe none of us do..."
"No!" shouted Mr. 314. He pulled Vivi to his feet and started shaking him violently.
"Snap out of it! It's going to be okay!"
Vivi began to cry again. "I'm so scared..."
"Me, too," said Mr. 314, hugging Vivi tightly. "But we'll make it. We'll get through this... Together."
Orchestra music swelled around them, and Mr. 314 began to sing:

And we can build this dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

Vivi joined in:

And if this world runs out of lovers

We'll still have each othe- Cut, cut!

Bells rang as the director, Chris Columbus called, "Okay, take five!"
He walked up to Vivi. "What is it? Is there a problem?"
Vivi reached up to his neck and pulled off a mask to reveal....
BUM BUM BUM! *Organ Chord*
....Macaulay Culkin!
"Chris, I just... I... I'm not comfortable with this scene. I mean, peanut butter as the cause of an existential crisis? Is this for real?"
"No, actually," said Chris, sheepishly. "What you gotta realize, Macaulay-"
"IT'S MR, CULKIN TO YOU!"
"Mr. Culkin," Chris corrected himself. "The thing is, we don't really have a choice-"
"Hey, what's up?" Mr. 314 walked over, taking off his mask to reveal...
BUM BUM BUM!
.... Robert De Niro!
"Maca-Uh, Mr. Culkin is having a little script trouble," said Chris.
"Oh, yeah?" asked Robert, looking at Macaulay.
Macaulay gulped. "Uh, just need some inspiration."
"Inspiration?! The kid who made a living off of slappin' his cheeks and screamin' needs inspiration?! I'll give ya inspiration, kid! There's a fanfic author out there with an Island Of Incredibly Unpleasant Things at her disposal, and if you don't get over there and sing, she's gonna use that island! So get over there and sing, so we can get the hell outta here! Got it?!" Robert stalked back onto the set, pulling on his mask and muttering something that sounded like, "Wish the robbers won."
"Oookay," said Chris. Macaulay skulked back to his place, putting his own mask back on. "Peanut Butter sketch, Take Two! Action!"


Orchestra music swelled around them, and Mr. 314 began to sing:

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now

Vivi joined in:

And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now…

~owari~