A/N: Major giggle alert! Put down your soda. You have been warned.
Chapter 3 On Arwen, Glorfindel, and Asfaloth
The morning passes, and soon I must also leave for a little while to go to work. Fortunately for Legolas, I work only 2 hours a day at the local library as a bookshelver. It will not be long before his personal tour guide returns, and I can sense he is glad of this.
We have discussed how I know who he is, and he was surprised to find that his life is recorded in a book. A trilogy, no less. I dig up one of the copies of Fellowship of the Ring for him, and leave him curled up on my bed, reading while surrounded by two of our 4 cats.
When I come home, he is full of questions himself. First of all, he wants to know about the book compared to the movie. He has managed to get through Hobbiton and Bree, and has stopped just before the Council of Elrond. His speech might seem impaired, but his reading comprehension is pretty good.
"Dis buuk is all roeng," he says sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Arwen roed Assfelloff tu git Frodo. Not Glorfindle. " He shakes his head emphatically, blonde mane flowing from side to side.
I try to explain about creative licensing, and how directors sometimes have to change things from the book to make them work better in a movie, but he is not buying it. Not for one skinny little minute.
"I no Assfelloff is Glorfindle's hoerse," he continues. "Bud dat wuz Arwen who roed heem." He pauses, thinking to himself. "Due U hav tiem fur a storee? Den I kin eggsplain."
I get a package of Keebler Elf cookies from the cabinet, and take a seat at the kitchen table. He sits down across from me. Taking one of the cookies and striking the Thranduil's eyebrow pose, he says, "Whut is dis deavilery? Dis is no Elf!"
Smiling, I tell him we will go there another time. "Now, what is the story you wanted to tell me?"
" I wuz goen tu tael u how Arwen got Glorfindle's hoerse. U sea, Glorfindle herd that Frodo wuz staebd bie da Morgul blaed," he says very seriously. "He wuz abot tu git ontu Assfelloff, whin Arwen snuk up beehin heem an hit heem on da haed wid a shuvel."
A little snort escapes before I can stop it. He glares at me, dead serious.
He continues, "She cuvered heem in da hoerse maneur. Den she stoel heez hoerse, an roed off tu git Frodo. Dat is why he is not sean in da moovee. He wuz in da House of Heeling da hoel tiem, wid a beeg bandaje on heez haed."
I cannot control the little snickers that are coming out behind my hand that is clamped over my mouth. He glares some more, and now the tips of his ears are getting a little pink.
Breaking eye contact, he mutters something under his breath. "I'm sorry," I say, "but I didn't hear what you said. Would you mind repeating it?"
"I saed dat Glorfindle is an azhoel aniwae."
"Legolas!" I gasp. I never expected a Prince to say anything quite like that!
"Weel, he is! I wuld like tu ask heem why he incists on kallin da hoerse by dat naem. Id is a crewel joek."
"I don't understand. What is cruel about the name Asfaloth?" I ask.
"DA DAM BEEST THREU ME! I DEED NOT FALL OFF!"
A burst of laughter explodes from my lips. I can no longer contain it. I am soon holding my sides and the tears are running down my face.
The thought of Legolas Greenleaf falling off of the back of another elf's horse, which I am pretty sure by the look on his face was NOT taken with permission, is more than I can take.
He is starting to turn red in the face. "Id is not fundy!" he yells. "I am da Prance of Murkwuud! U weel stoep dat laffin rite now!"
"I'm sorry, Legolas, but that was really funny!" I choke out between fits of giggles.
" ID IS NOT FUNDY! ID IS A MEEN JOEK!" The Prance of Mirkwood continues, voice raised to the heavens. "I AM DA PERTIEST PRANCE IN ALL OF MEEDLE ERTH, AN U WEEL STOP DAT LAFFIN AT ME RITE NOW!
He is standing up now, drawn to his full height in his rage. He reminds me so much of Galadriel when Frodo offers her the ring that I cannot catch my breath. The image is so complete that I think I can even smell something burning.
"Okay, Okay, you are the prettiest prince in Mirkwood!" I squeak out. "You are the prettiest prince that ever lived, even for a minute! I promise, I promise."
I KIN STILL HERE YOU LAFFIN!! I HAV ELF EARS, REMAMBER?
"Pretty Pretty prince,"I giggle (with my fingers crossed behind my back) "I promise I won't ever mention it again. Just because Tolkien wrote the horse's name down for all eternity, and no one will ever read his name or for that matter see a white steed without thinking of you ever again, that does not mean that we do not love you and think you are the prettiest elf in all of Middle Earth."
"Du u mean dat?" he asks, cocking his head and using the Thranduil eyebrow on me again.
"Of course I do!"
"Eben pertier dan dat azhoel Glorfindle?" he growls.
"Even prettier than Glorfindel."
"Sae id agin. Da hoel thang."
I stifle my giggles, though it takes all I have. I clear my throat, and say again, "You, Legolas Greenleaf, are the absolute prettiest prince that ever lived in Middle Earth, even prettier than.. Glorfindel."
He watches me a minute, making sure I am sincere this time. Then, "I am goen tu reed sum moer of dis buuk," he says, and turning gracefully on one heel, he stalks off to the bedroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Ok, Yes Dear hereby claims copyrights for the theory of Arwen hitting Glorfindel over the head with a shovel. Those who disagree, please see TreeHugger's fantastic story "An Orc in Rivendell", my review of Chapter 6, dated 4/26/02.
I will take The Prance of Mirkwood (copyright alliwantisanelfforchristmas) and you can call me Al when you use it, OK?
Responses to Reviewers-Thanks to all of you, including those that are too shy to comment!
Ithinkineedanewname-Hubby's name is Yes Dear because when he says "Hunney" I say "Yes Dear" This name switches from time to time back and forth depending on who says Hunney first the most in a given period of time. Confused? So am I.
Irena-Thanks! He is very cute, which is the only thing that saves him at times.
PuterPatty-Yes, he is definitely blonde! He also has a lot to learn about our world. He is full size, and loves to go in the car, as you will see in a later chapter. I do need help on occasion keeping up with him, so I will keep your number very handy, OK?
Nancing Elf-Yes, just like the bags of holding! Plus Legolas IS an ELF, and is capable of many incredible feats, as you will soon see!
Sake-Legolas' head is much better, thanks to superior elven healing abilities. He says to tell you thanks for asking!
Has anybody seen JastaElf? I now have 9 cardboard rolls ready for my Orc bashing. Four of them are the heavy-duty kinds that map paper come on. Girl- YOU HAVE GOT TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE!
And Last but Never Least-TreeHugger! -I did not forget he had to use the bathroom, he was just so cute sleeping there and so incredibly tired that I had not the heart to wake him. I guess we got a good look in this chapter of the hereditary traits of elves-Thranduil's blood runs strong in this one! Don't forget to tell the boys at your house about the toilet! Legolas ought to be sweet-he's full of sugar from all that breakfast stuff he ate. I don't really want to get rid of him, there are just times I want to be relieved of duty for a little while. Thanks for being my beta *24 hugs for TreeHugger* **giggles! **
Stay tuned-Legolas has to come out of the closet sometime! What will Yes Dear say? Every day is a new adventure, and I am writing as fast as my little fingers will go, I promise!
Chapter 3 On Arwen, Glorfindel, and Asfaloth
The morning passes, and soon I must also leave for a little while to go to work. Fortunately for Legolas, I work only 2 hours a day at the local library as a bookshelver. It will not be long before his personal tour guide returns, and I can sense he is glad of this.
We have discussed how I know who he is, and he was surprised to find that his life is recorded in a book. A trilogy, no less. I dig up one of the copies of Fellowship of the Ring for him, and leave him curled up on my bed, reading while surrounded by two of our 4 cats.
When I come home, he is full of questions himself. First of all, he wants to know about the book compared to the movie. He has managed to get through Hobbiton and Bree, and has stopped just before the Council of Elrond. His speech might seem impaired, but his reading comprehension is pretty good.
"Dis buuk is all roeng," he says sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Arwen roed Assfelloff tu git Frodo. Not Glorfindle. " He shakes his head emphatically, blonde mane flowing from side to side.
I try to explain about creative licensing, and how directors sometimes have to change things from the book to make them work better in a movie, but he is not buying it. Not for one skinny little minute.
"I no Assfelloff is Glorfindle's hoerse," he continues. "Bud dat wuz Arwen who roed heem." He pauses, thinking to himself. "Due U hav tiem fur a storee? Den I kin eggsplain."
I get a package of Keebler Elf cookies from the cabinet, and take a seat at the kitchen table. He sits down across from me. Taking one of the cookies and striking the Thranduil's eyebrow pose, he says, "Whut is dis deavilery? Dis is no Elf!"
Smiling, I tell him we will go there another time. "Now, what is the story you wanted to tell me?"
" I wuz goen tu tael u how Arwen got Glorfindle's hoerse. U sea, Glorfindle herd that Frodo wuz staebd bie da Morgul blaed," he says very seriously. "He wuz abot tu git ontu Assfelloff, whin Arwen snuk up beehin heem an hit heem on da haed wid a shuvel."
A little snort escapes before I can stop it. He glares at me, dead serious.
He continues, "She cuvered heem in da hoerse maneur. Den she stoel heez hoerse, an roed off tu git Frodo. Dat is why he is not sean in da moovee. He wuz in da House of Heeling da hoel tiem, wid a beeg bandaje on heez haed."
I cannot control the little snickers that are coming out behind my hand that is clamped over my mouth. He glares some more, and now the tips of his ears are getting a little pink.
Breaking eye contact, he mutters something under his breath. "I'm sorry," I say, "but I didn't hear what you said. Would you mind repeating it?"
"I saed dat Glorfindle is an azhoel aniwae."
"Legolas!" I gasp. I never expected a Prince to say anything quite like that!
"Weel, he is! I wuld like tu ask heem why he incists on kallin da hoerse by dat naem. Id is a crewel joek."
"I don't understand. What is cruel about the name Asfaloth?" I ask.
"DA DAM BEEST THREU ME! I DEED NOT FALL OFF!"
A burst of laughter explodes from my lips. I can no longer contain it. I am soon holding my sides and the tears are running down my face.
The thought of Legolas Greenleaf falling off of the back of another elf's horse, which I am pretty sure by the look on his face was NOT taken with permission, is more than I can take.
He is starting to turn red in the face. "Id is not fundy!" he yells. "I am da Prance of Murkwuud! U weel stoep dat laffin rite now!"
"I'm sorry, Legolas, but that was really funny!" I choke out between fits of giggles.
" ID IS NOT FUNDY! ID IS A MEEN JOEK!" The Prance of Mirkwood continues, voice raised to the heavens. "I AM DA PERTIEST PRANCE IN ALL OF MEEDLE ERTH, AN U WEEL STOP DAT LAFFIN AT ME RITE NOW!
He is standing up now, drawn to his full height in his rage. He reminds me so much of Galadriel when Frodo offers her the ring that I cannot catch my breath. The image is so complete that I think I can even smell something burning.
"Okay, Okay, you are the prettiest prince in Mirkwood!" I squeak out. "You are the prettiest prince that ever lived, even for a minute! I promise, I promise."
I KIN STILL HERE YOU LAFFIN!! I HAV ELF EARS, REMAMBER?
"Pretty Pretty prince,"I giggle (with my fingers crossed behind my back) "I promise I won't ever mention it again. Just because Tolkien wrote the horse's name down for all eternity, and no one will ever read his name or for that matter see a white steed without thinking of you ever again, that does not mean that we do not love you and think you are the prettiest elf in all of Middle Earth."
"Du u mean dat?" he asks, cocking his head and using the Thranduil eyebrow on me again.
"Of course I do!"
"Eben pertier dan dat azhoel Glorfindle?" he growls.
"Even prettier than Glorfindel."
"Sae id agin. Da hoel thang."
I stifle my giggles, though it takes all I have. I clear my throat, and say again, "You, Legolas Greenleaf, are the absolute prettiest prince that ever lived in Middle Earth, even prettier than.. Glorfindel."
He watches me a minute, making sure I am sincere this time. Then, "I am goen tu reed sum moer of dis buuk," he says, and turning gracefully on one heel, he stalks off to the bedroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Ok, Yes Dear hereby claims copyrights for the theory of Arwen hitting Glorfindel over the head with a shovel. Those who disagree, please see TreeHugger's fantastic story "An Orc in Rivendell", my review of Chapter 6, dated 4/26/02.
I will take The Prance of Mirkwood (copyright alliwantisanelfforchristmas) and you can call me Al when you use it, OK?
Responses to Reviewers-Thanks to all of you, including those that are too shy to comment!
Ithinkineedanewname-Hubby's name is Yes Dear because when he says "Hunney" I say "Yes Dear" This name switches from time to time back and forth depending on who says Hunney first the most in a given period of time. Confused? So am I.
Irena-Thanks! He is very cute, which is the only thing that saves him at times.
PuterPatty-Yes, he is definitely blonde! He also has a lot to learn about our world. He is full size, and loves to go in the car, as you will see in a later chapter. I do need help on occasion keeping up with him, so I will keep your number very handy, OK?
Nancing Elf-Yes, just like the bags of holding! Plus Legolas IS an ELF, and is capable of many incredible feats, as you will soon see!
Sake-Legolas' head is much better, thanks to superior elven healing abilities. He says to tell you thanks for asking!
Has anybody seen JastaElf? I now have 9 cardboard rolls ready for my Orc bashing. Four of them are the heavy-duty kinds that map paper come on. Girl- YOU HAVE GOT TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE!
And Last but Never Least-TreeHugger! -I did not forget he had to use the bathroom, he was just so cute sleeping there and so incredibly tired that I had not the heart to wake him. I guess we got a good look in this chapter of the hereditary traits of elves-Thranduil's blood runs strong in this one! Don't forget to tell the boys at your house about the toilet! Legolas ought to be sweet-he's full of sugar from all that breakfast stuff he ate. I don't really want to get rid of him, there are just times I want to be relieved of duty for a little while. Thanks for being my beta *24 hugs for TreeHugger* **giggles! **
Stay tuned-Legolas has to come out of the closet sometime! What will Yes Dear say? Every day is a new adventure, and I am writing as fast as my little fingers will go, I promise!