This is basically a parody of the Boy Meets World episode entitled, "And Then There Was Shawn". I had read The Dragon Spooker's DBZ version of this and I thought I'd try it out in the Buffyverse. It's basically just for laughs. If you've seen the episode, you'll know what I mean.
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters. Boy Meets World people own the episode and the plot. I own nothing.
Xander walked into his morning History class and saw that he was the last to arrive...and that Angel was in his seat.
"Hey, what are you doing in my seat?" Xander asked.
"Well, well the wife and I aren't together anymore and I figured it would be safer if I had a buffer," Angel replied, indicating Buffy.
"This breakup is now having severe ramifications on me," Xander said, sitting down. Their history teacher, Mr. Giles, looked up from his desk.
"Ooo, ramification, nice word jug head," Mr. Giles said.
"You see, now Giles knows I'm in the class," Xander huffed.
"Its just logistics Xand. Listen, if I sit in that seat, I could still smell her hair, hear her breathe, watch her sweater go up when she raises her hand," Angel sighed.
"Oh, ok, I'll sit here, but I'm only between you two, ok I'm not in the middle of you," Xander replied. He looked over to see Buffy talking to Riley Finn.
"Hey, Buffy can I borrow your big pencil?" Riley asked and just as Buffy was about to give it to him, Xander ran over to them.
"They're not divorced Riley, it's just a trial separation, and don't think I don't know what borrow a pencil mean, ok nobody, nobody's borrowed more pencils than Xander Harris," Xander said as Angel smacked his forehead and walked over to pull Xander away.
"Hey, thanks for not getting in the middle of this," Angel said as they sat back down.
"He was just asking for a pencil," Cordelia pointed out.
"I know what he was asking for and if he asks again, I'll stab that big pencil through his heart. You hear me Riley, huh?" Xander said, pointing to Riley. Cordelia looked over to Buffy.
"Why is Xander so obsessed with you two?" Cordelia asked.
"I don't know, but he's almost taking it harder than me or Angel," Buffy replied.
"We'll return to the Young and the Restless right after this word from Giles, and here is the word, shut up," Mr. Giles said. Xander stood up.
"Mr. Giles, I'm sure you recall the pain of being stabbed in the back by a girlfriend...," Xander started.
"I didn't stab him, he stabbed me," Buffy said, also standing up.
"Oh, I'd stab myself before I'd stab you. Riley, give me that pencil," Angel said ebulliently.
"I don't have one," Riley replied but Mr. Giles was getting impatient.
"Now listen. This class will not be more interested in the romantic going- ons of it's students than it is with whatever the bloody hell I'm teaching!" Mr. Giles said angrily, slamming his hands on the table. "Mr. O' Connor, you go and sit on this side of the classroom. Miss Summers, you will sit on that side." They moved.
"Mr. Giles, you can't do that! You're contributing to the furtherance of their apartness," Xander said.
"I'm trying to teach a class here. Now Mr. Harris, Nebraska?" Mr. Giles asked.
"Oh! Don't try to change the subject!" Xander huffed, sitting down.
"Quiet! One more crazy interruption and all you nuts are going into detention!" Mr. Giles said, and as if by magic, the door flew open and the scary janitor, Snyder, walked in, emptied a garbage can and pointed to the students meanly and then left.
"Oh, that's it!" Mr. Giles yelled.
Later that day, in detention...
"I didn't think seniors still got detention," Angel muttered but Mr. Giles heard him.
"They do when they act like two year olds," he said.
"They do when they act like two year olds," Angel mocked as he and Xander started laughing.
"Mr. O'Connor, when one mocks someone, one should wait until they're not looking right at them," Mr. Giles said.
"But I'm not in my regular seat," Angel said. Mr. Giles rolled his eyes.
"This is detention people, that means no talking, no moving or fraternizing, for the next hour and a half," Mr. Giles said.
"Where are you going Mr. Giles?" Xander asked.
"I'm not in detention, Mr. Harris, I can do as I please and don't for a moment think because of my absence from this room that you're not being watched." He left.
"All I wanted was a pencil," Riley sighed.
"Oh shut up Riley. You're lucky to even be here," Angel snapped.
"I don't happen to see it that way," Riley smirked. Xander got up to leave.
"Where do you think you're going?" Buffy asked him.
"Well, if we're going to be in here for over an hour, then I'm going into my locker to get my cheese product," Xander said and tried to open the door. "Huh, can you believe this? Giles locked us in!"
"He can't do that, it's against the Geneva Detention Convention!" Angel exclaimed. Xander saw the janitor coming and ran away. Snyder leaned up against the door. Everyone looked at him in fear.
"Whoa!" Xander exclaimed as Snyder gave them a dirty look.
"Yee, do, do you think he works on that look?" Angel asked.
"Hey, giggles! We're locked in. Do you have the key?" Xander asked. Snyder put the keys up to the window and gave a sarcastic smile.
"Great! You wanna let us out?" Angel asked. Snyder just smiled and put the keys down and walked off.
"Ok, this is getting scary," Buffy said, frightened.
"What is going on?!" Cordelia asked, clinging to Xander.
"I don't know, but I like it," Xander said. The map flapped up and on the black board it said, "No One Gets Out Alive" written in blood. Everyone turned around and Cordelia screamed and pointed at it.
Now I don't like it so much," Xander said. Buffy looked pale and Cordelia stopped screaming. Angel swallowed hard and Riley...was just there.
"It's Giles," Xander decided.
"There's blood on the blackboard Xander. I don't think it's because he ran out of chalk," Cordelia said.
"No, no, it's fake, it's all fake! Giles is pulling some elaborate hoax," Xander joined in.
"Why?" Riley asked.
"Well, why does Giles do anything? To teach something," Angel said.
"What's he trying to teach us?" Cordelia asked.
"To pay attention or we die," Angel replied.
"Oh, you're nuts," Buffy scoffed.
"Stop attacking me ok, you've given up your right to attack me," Angel told her.
"This doesn't make any sense," Cordelia said.
"It does if you've seen as many horror films as I have. This is a classic. The locked door, the scary janitor, the bloody warning, and our soon-to-be first victim," Xander said, pointing to Riley.
"Me? Why me?" Riley asked frantically.
"Well, it's certainly not going to be any of us," Angel laughed and the others joined him. "What are you thinking? What's this guy doing?" Angel laughed. They all heard thump sounds coming closer to the door.
"Alright, you're the horror film expert. What's that?!" Cordelia asked Xander fearfully.
"That's the sound of out beating hearts. It signifies our height and fears, and the fact that something horrible is about to walk in that door, right now!" Xander said. Everyone freaked as the door flew open where Gunn and Wesley were standing.
"Hidy ho!" Gunn said, raising an eyebrow. Everyone sighed in relief.
"Whose blood on the blackboard?" Wesley asked.
"What are you guys doing here?" Angel asked.
"Oh well English and I had the hankering for some hoops, miss the smell of the old locker room, you know," Gunn replied.
"Did you guys see Giles out there?" Xander asked.
"Nope, not a soul. Actually, it was kind of creepy," Wesley replied.
"Why creepy? Why is it creepy? Why did you say creepy? Why creepy?" Buffy asked very quickly and nervously.
"Ah, I think it had something to do with the janitor," Wesley replied.
"I knew it!" Xander cried.
"See, when we finished playing, we went into the locker room to change, and there he was pushing his squeaky bin emptying the waste baskets," Wesley said.
"Well, that's not so creepy," Buffy said.
"Oh, and there was blood coming out of the showers," Gunn stated casually.
"Ew!" Buffy said.
"How's the pressure of the shower?" Angel asked.
"Oh, really good," Gunn replied.
"Blood in the showers. This is straight out that horror film classic "Blood in the Showers". No, this isn't the janitor. This is the work or a diabolical master villain," Xander said eerily.
"Giles!" Angel exclaimed.
"Absolutely Giles. I just feel so bad that Riley has to be the first to die," Xander said.
"I really wish you'd stop saying that," Riley said.
"So, what do you think Giles is trying to do?" Wesley asked.
"I think that he knows we're too old for detention to scare us like it did when we were little kids right, so he's turned this school into a total chamber of horrors," Angel said.
"Dr. Giles' House of Terror," Cordelia said. Riley started walking towards Angel angrily.
"This doesn't scare me, nothing scares me," Riley said and then he turned around to Xander. "And Buffy doesn't belong to your friend Angel anymore, and if I want to borrow a pencil from her, I will and what are you going to do about it?" Riley demanded. Xander returned the same angry look. Just then, a strange figured creature shut the lights off and Cordelia screamed. Xander turned the lights back on and Wesley was carrying Gunn.
"Put on some weight since the last time you were scared?" Wesley asked.
"Yeah," Gunn muttered. Then Cordelia let out a scream.
"No, no, no, honey you scream when the lights go out. Screaming when the lights are on takes away from the first scream," Xander explained but Cordelia screamed and pointed. "Ok, now you're just being loud."
Angel and Buffy turned and saw Riley with a pencil in his head. The pencil made a mark on the wall as he sank down to the floor. Everyone else stared as Buffy backed up and Angel walked up to him and pointed to the wall.
"We'll always remember he was that tall," Angel said.
"Oh my God! They killed Riley!" Gunn yelled.
End of part one....
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters. Boy Meets World people own the episode and the plot. I own nothing.
Xander walked into his morning History class and saw that he was the last to arrive...and that Angel was in his seat.
"Hey, what are you doing in my seat?" Xander asked.
"Well, well the wife and I aren't together anymore and I figured it would be safer if I had a buffer," Angel replied, indicating Buffy.
"This breakup is now having severe ramifications on me," Xander said, sitting down. Their history teacher, Mr. Giles, looked up from his desk.
"Ooo, ramification, nice word jug head," Mr. Giles said.
"You see, now Giles knows I'm in the class," Xander huffed.
"Its just logistics Xand. Listen, if I sit in that seat, I could still smell her hair, hear her breathe, watch her sweater go up when she raises her hand," Angel sighed.
"Oh, ok, I'll sit here, but I'm only between you two, ok I'm not in the middle of you," Xander replied. He looked over to see Buffy talking to Riley Finn.
"Hey, Buffy can I borrow your big pencil?" Riley asked and just as Buffy was about to give it to him, Xander ran over to them.
"They're not divorced Riley, it's just a trial separation, and don't think I don't know what borrow a pencil mean, ok nobody, nobody's borrowed more pencils than Xander Harris," Xander said as Angel smacked his forehead and walked over to pull Xander away.
"Hey, thanks for not getting in the middle of this," Angel said as they sat back down.
"He was just asking for a pencil," Cordelia pointed out.
"I know what he was asking for and if he asks again, I'll stab that big pencil through his heart. You hear me Riley, huh?" Xander said, pointing to Riley. Cordelia looked over to Buffy.
"Why is Xander so obsessed with you two?" Cordelia asked.
"I don't know, but he's almost taking it harder than me or Angel," Buffy replied.
"We'll return to the Young and the Restless right after this word from Giles, and here is the word, shut up," Mr. Giles said. Xander stood up.
"Mr. Giles, I'm sure you recall the pain of being stabbed in the back by a girlfriend...," Xander started.
"I didn't stab him, he stabbed me," Buffy said, also standing up.
"Oh, I'd stab myself before I'd stab you. Riley, give me that pencil," Angel said ebulliently.
"I don't have one," Riley replied but Mr. Giles was getting impatient.
"Now listen. This class will not be more interested in the romantic going- ons of it's students than it is with whatever the bloody hell I'm teaching!" Mr. Giles said angrily, slamming his hands on the table. "Mr. O' Connor, you go and sit on this side of the classroom. Miss Summers, you will sit on that side." They moved.
"Mr. Giles, you can't do that! You're contributing to the furtherance of their apartness," Xander said.
"I'm trying to teach a class here. Now Mr. Harris, Nebraska?" Mr. Giles asked.
"Oh! Don't try to change the subject!" Xander huffed, sitting down.
"Quiet! One more crazy interruption and all you nuts are going into detention!" Mr. Giles said, and as if by magic, the door flew open and the scary janitor, Snyder, walked in, emptied a garbage can and pointed to the students meanly and then left.
"Oh, that's it!" Mr. Giles yelled.
Later that day, in detention...
"I didn't think seniors still got detention," Angel muttered but Mr. Giles heard him.
"They do when they act like two year olds," he said.
"They do when they act like two year olds," Angel mocked as he and Xander started laughing.
"Mr. O'Connor, when one mocks someone, one should wait until they're not looking right at them," Mr. Giles said.
"But I'm not in my regular seat," Angel said. Mr. Giles rolled his eyes.
"This is detention people, that means no talking, no moving or fraternizing, for the next hour and a half," Mr. Giles said.
"Where are you going Mr. Giles?" Xander asked.
"I'm not in detention, Mr. Harris, I can do as I please and don't for a moment think because of my absence from this room that you're not being watched." He left.
"All I wanted was a pencil," Riley sighed.
"Oh shut up Riley. You're lucky to even be here," Angel snapped.
"I don't happen to see it that way," Riley smirked. Xander got up to leave.
"Where do you think you're going?" Buffy asked him.
"Well, if we're going to be in here for over an hour, then I'm going into my locker to get my cheese product," Xander said and tried to open the door. "Huh, can you believe this? Giles locked us in!"
"He can't do that, it's against the Geneva Detention Convention!" Angel exclaimed. Xander saw the janitor coming and ran away. Snyder leaned up against the door. Everyone looked at him in fear.
"Whoa!" Xander exclaimed as Snyder gave them a dirty look.
"Yee, do, do you think he works on that look?" Angel asked.
"Hey, giggles! We're locked in. Do you have the key?" Xander asked. Snyder put the keys up to the window and gave a sarcastic smile.
"Great! You wanna let us out?" Angel asked. Snyder just smiled and put the keys down and walked off.
"Ok, this is getting scary," Buffy said, frightened.
"What is going on?!" Cordelia asked, clinging to Xander.
"I don't know, but I like it," Xander said. The map flapped up and on the black board it said, "No One Gets Out Alive" written in blood. Everyone turned around and Cordelia screamed and pointed at it.
Now I don't like it so much," Xander said. Buffy looked pale and Cordelia stopped screaming. Angel swallowed hard and Riley...was just there.
"It's Giles," Xander decided.
"There's blood on the blackboard Xander. I don't think it's because he ran out of chalk," Cordelia said.
"No, no, it's fake, it's all fake! Giles is pulling some elaborate hoax," Xander joined in.
"Why?" Riley asked.
"Well, why does Giles do anything? To teach something," Angel said.
"What's he trying to teach us?" Cordelia asked.
"To pay attention or we die," Angel replied.
"Oh, you're nuts," Buffy scoffed.
"Stop attacking me ok, you've given up your right to attack me," Angel told her.
"This doesn't make any sense," Cordelia said.
"It does if you've seen as many horror films as I have. This is a classic. The locked door, the scary janitor, the bloody warning, and our soon-to-be first victim," Xander said, pointing to Riley.
"Me? Why me?" Riley asked frantically.
"Well, it's certainly not going to be any of us," Angel laughed and the others joined him. "What are you thinking? What's this guy doing?" Angel laughed. They all heard thump sounds coming closer to the door.
"Alright, you're the horror film expert. What's that?!" Cordelia asked Xander fearfully.
"That's the sound of out beating hearts. It signifies our height and fears, and the fact that something horrible is about to walk in that door, right now!" Xander said. Everyone freaked as the door flew open where Gunn and Wesley were standing.
"Hidy ho!" Gunn said, raising an eyebrow. Everyone sighed in relief.
"Whose blood on the blackboard?" Wesley asked.
"What are you guys doing here?" Angel asked.
"Oh well English and I had the hankering for some hoops, miss the smell of the old locker room, you know," Gunn replied.
"Did you guys see Giles out there?" Xander asked.
"Nope, not a soul. Actually, it was kind of creepy," Wesley replied.
"Why creepy? Why is it creepy? Why did you say creepy? Why creepy?" Buffy asked very quickly and nervously.
"Ah, I think it had something to do with the janitor," Wesley replied.
"I knew it!" Xander cried.
"See, when we finished playing, we went into the locker room to change, and there he was pushing his squeaky bin emptying the waste baskets," Wesley said.
"Well, that's not so creepy," Buffy said.
"Oh, and there was blood coming out of the showers," Gunn stated casually.
"Ew!" Buffy said.
"How's the pressure of the shower?" Angel asked.
"Oh, really good," Gunn replied.
"Blood in the showers. This is straight out that horror film classic "Blood in the Showers". No, this isn't the janitor. This is the work or a diabolical master villain," Xander said eerily.
"Giles!" Angel exclaimed.
"Absolutely Giles. I just feel so bad that Riley has to be the first to die," Xander said.
"I really wish you'd stop saying that," Riley said.
"So, what do you think Giles is trying to do?" Wesley asked.
"I think that he knows we're too old for detention to scare us like it did when we were little kids right, so he's turned this school into a total chamber of horrors," Angel said.
"Dr. Giles' House of Terror," Cordelia said. Riley started walking towards Angel angrily.
"This doesn't scare me, nothing scares me," Riley said and then he turned around to Xander. "And Buffy doesn't belong to your friend Angel anymore, and if I want to borrow a pencil from her, I will and what are you going to do about it?" Riley demanded. Xander returned the same angry look. Just then, a strange figured creature shut the lights off and Cordelia screamed. Xander turned the lights back on and Wesley was carrying Gunn.
"Put on some weight since the last time you were scared?" Wesley asked.
"Yeah," Gunn muttered. Then Cordelia let out a scream.
"No, no, no, honey you scream when the lights go out. Screaming when the lights are on takes away from the first scream," Xander explained but Cordelia screamed and pointed. "Ok, now you're just being loud."
Angel and Buffy turned and saw Riley with a pencil in his head. The pencil made a mark on the wall as he sank down to the floor. Everyone else stared as Buffy backed up and Angel walked up to him and pointed to the wall.
"We'll always remember he was that tall," Angel said.
"Oh my God! They killed Riley!" Gunn yelled.
End of part one....