Chapter 13 The Order of Things
"What happened?" says Yes Dear, as he drives up to pick me up. "Don't tell me that you decided not to let him go." He is well aware of my tendency with animal rescues to feel that no one else can give a pet as good a home as I can. Thus the reason why we have 4 cats and a dog living inside the house now.
"I don't know!" I tell him.
"I knew I should've gone with you," he mutters.
"I culd not fiend hoew tu git bak een," Legolas says. "Thear wuz noe opurtuniety."
We spend the rest of the ride home and most of the next day discussing what went wrong.
Legolas sticks with his theory that since he fell out in Greenwood, he must return to Greenwood. Major problems with ever resolving that one!
Yes Dear thinks that since he fell OUT at the end of the movie, and does not return in any scenes of FOTR after that, he will never be able to get back into the same movie. He holds that Legolas will only have an opportunity to reenter Middle earth at the very beginning of The Two Towers, and agrees with Legolas that it will only work at the very beginning of TTT only in Greenwood and only on Premier night.
Little Pip thinks he had way too much candy ssssssstuffed in his pocketsssssss and there wasn't enough room for him to fit through the portal.
What do I think? I think he liked the hot tub, and the flushing toilets, and the waffle fries, and the Keebler elf cookies too much to leave. At least, I hope so.
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Monday dawns bright and sunny. Legolas takes his bowl of Oat Bran Flakes with extra dried fruit to the rocking chair in the den to eat breakfast, which also keeps him out from underfoot as Yes Dear and Little Pip do the mad rush out the door to school and work. Since he eats his cereal without milk, I don't worry too much about him making a mess on the carpet. Besides, the big fat black tuxedo cat perched at his feet will clean up anything he drops better than a turbo vacuum cleaner. He's sort of like a Swiffer for carpet. The cat's name is "Y." Why, you ask? Exactly.
Legolas watches from his chair as we do the goodbye routine of "hugs, kisses, Eskimos, and I love you's," enthralled by the spectacle we create. Soon I am waving from the door, watching as the car pulls down the driveway. As soon as they are out of sight, I collapse into Yes Dear's recliner beside Legolas.
"Due all Modren erth humaenz due dat?" he asks.
"Well, the law says children must go to school, and parents must earn a living to pay for things like food and houses and hot tubs," I tell him with a grin.
"Noe, noe, I meen due dey all tuch dere faecez tugethr like dat whin dey goe awae?"
I have to laugh, because it is a complex little ritual we have been doing since Little Pip was old enough to blow kisses. "No, Legolas, I think we are probably the only family that does it exactly like that every day, though I am sure there are many other ceremonies for leaving in the morning that other families might use."
"Wuld u teech me hoew tu due it?"
He's feeling left out. He wants to be a part of the family. How sweet!
"Tomorrow morning you can do it with us, ok? I promise."
"Hoew weel I noe whut tu due? Weel u teech me?"
Hey, this thing involves kissing. Maybe it should wait. I glance at Legolas, who is looking at me expectantly. Ok, maybe not.
I take the coward's approach. You know, in case Yes Dear forgot something and needs to come back to the house to get it. Right now.
"First, you hug each other tight. You know how to do that, right?"
He nods enthusiastically.
"Second, you give each other a little kiss on the lips."
"Like See Pea Ar?"
"No, not for that long. Just touch your lips together for just a quick second. Like a chicken peck. Don't forget to make the little sucking noise."
"Ohhh..," he says. He makes the sucking noise. A little long, but it will suffice.
"Third, you rub your noses together. That's how the Eskimos kiss."
"Easkiemoas?"
"Yes. They are a tribe of Indians that live in the Northwest, where it is very cold and snows all the time."
"Okae. Whut iz dat laest thang, de won u due wid ur haenz?"
"That's says 'I love you' in sign language. See," I say, taking his right hand in my own, "first you make a fist. Then stick out your thumb, your index finger, and your pinkie finger."
"Peenkee?" he asks, cocking his head skeptically.
"Yes. This one on the end. Now you touch your 'I love you' sign to the other person's 'I love you' sign. Then you are ready to start your day." I watch as he mentally adds all this up and files it inside his head. "Got it?
"I got it. Whin due we due it agin?"
"Tomorrow morning. Right now we are going to clean up a little and change our clothes. Come on, let's find something for you to wear."
"Bud I like dese!" he protests, pulling the dorm pants he is wearing out from his hips by the pockets. I'll just bet he does. They are my favorites too. The fabric is flannel, in black with red, orange, and yellow flames all over them. A gift to me from Yes Dear, they weren't out of the box 30 seconds before they were dubbed the Baby Balrog Britches. Soft and comfortable, and I want them back.
"Those are MY pajama pants, Legolas. You don't wear them during the day. Maybe we can go to the store to get you some clothes of your own this afternoon. Come on."
He can wear the same jeans he had on last night, as he didn't get them dirty. I scrounge around for another T-shirt that will fit him. Suddenly he points into the drawer. "I like dat blaek won. Ar doez orkz?"
Pulling the one he selected from the drawer, I wonder if his taste in music will match his taste in T-shirts. He has selected, from the very bottom of the pile, my Styx "Kilroy Was Here" T-shirt with the robot faces on the front, from 1983. Classic Rock 'N' Roll.
"These are robots, Legolas. They can be a sort of modern day Orc I suppose, if evil forces were to get ahold of them."
"Whut duz dat meen?" he inquires, pointing at "Styx."
"Styx is the name of a river. It is also the name of a musical group. I got this T-shirt when I went to see them perform their music, a long, long time ago. Would you like to hear a sample of their work?"
"Of korse!" he says. "Kin I chaeng my klothez furst?"
"Yes." I realize as soon as the word is out of my mouth what he is about to do, so I amend quickly with, "In the blue room, please."
He stops with his arms crossed and his T-shirt raised about 3 inches above his bellybutton, ready to 'skin the cat' as my grandmother used to call it. A silly grin passes over his features, followed by a blush. "Sorree, I furgot," he apologizes.
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When I leave for work, he is curled up on the bed amidst the cats, contentedly reading all about himself in "The Fellowship of the Ring." Styx is gracing the stereo speakers with my favorite album "The Grand Illusion." There are several songs there that I think he will like.
When I get back at lunchtime, he is sitting in Yes Dear's recliner chair, brushing Little Pip's cat. With MY hairbrush.
Elizabeth is THE Princess Cat. She has very long, very fine, very thick fur, and is as soft as any rabbit I have ever touched. She is mostly white, with patches of all different shades of brown, and the world's fluffiest and most beautiful brown tail. She is one fantastic piece of fluff, and you better bet she knows it. She does not favor just any commoner with her majesty. She knows the Prance of Mirkwood when she sees him. He's royalty, and she can spot royalty a mile and a half away.
His hand holds the brush at a slight angle, gliding along, making long slow strokes from her ears to her tail. Elizabeth is raising her hindquarters every time he comes across. She is so into Legolas right now, she could eat him from a crystal bowl with a spoon.
He looks up from his ministrations, but continues stroking. "Dis kat likes me," he says matter of factly. No 'Hulo, al, hoew wus ur dae?' Only his relationship with Elizabeth matters right now.
I just glare at her.
"I thank she iz da moest beeutaful keetty, maeybea da moest beeutaful won een da whoel wiede wurld," he croons to her. "She iz plaeyin haerd tu git, thoa, fur she weell not taell me her naeme."
I can hardly wait to pop her selfish little bubble. "Her name is Elizabeth, but we call her Lizzie," I announce. She shoots me a look that would make Sauron tremble, and leaps from his lap, prissing into the other room now that 'the servant woman' is home.
"Luuk whut u deed," Legolas scolds. "U maed her mad, an noew she leaft."
"Good," I retort. "Now that I have your attention, let's get some lunch so that we can pick up Little Pip from school and then go buy you some clothes that fit."
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Pip jumps excitedly through the open side door of the van, "Hi, Legolas!" she says. "What did you do all day? Did you play with Barbie again?"
"I plaed wid da katz moestlie," Legolas answers. "I reely like dat flueeffie wite won."
They talk about the cats for awhile, then about Little Pip's day, then about other things. It is only when I pass the normal turn toward home that Pip comes to realize the car is not driving itself.
"Mom, where are we going?"
"Hi, Little Pip. I am just fine. Yes, I had a very good day."
"MOM!"
I sigh. "We are going to Walmart to get something for Legolas to wear that will fit him." As I turn into the parking lot, I tell them both, "Now stay close, I don't want to wander about looking for you if we were to get separated." I hand Legolas one of Yes Dear's baseball caps as he climbs out of the van. "Put this on your head, and tuck up your hair so maybe no one will recognize you."
We do get some funny looks as we make our way to the Men's Wear section. Maybe it's the pointed ears, but I really think it's the way he is staring open mouthed at all of the merchandise that is making people wonder what planet he came from.
Together we pick out a package of socks, a belt, and a couple of shirts. He does prefer green, but finds a light sandy brown and a sky blue shirt that he likes as well. Because he doesn't have a clue what size pants he wears, I select a couple of different pairs of jeans for him to try on, and start looking for a dressing room.
On the way, we pass the display with underwear on it. "Boxers, or briefs?" I ask him. When he doesn't answer, I glance up to see what has drawn his attention this time.
Nothing. He's staring now at me, puzzled. Realization hits me like a brick in the face. He doesn't have a clue what I am talking about.
So I pick one package of each, making sure to get the ones with the foresty colors in them.
I send Little Pip just across the aisle to the Junior's section, warning her to stay where I can see her. I help Legolas get his things to the dressing area, and leave him to try them on while I stand outside and look at the sale rack.
Ten minutes have passed, and I can still see Pip, but no Legolas. I stick my head over to the entranceway to the dressing rooms, and call, "Legolas?"
"Yeas?" he answers.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeas."
After another 2 minutes, I call again. "Legolas?"
"Yeas?"
"Do you need help?"
"Noe."
Another minute passes, and I can stand it no longer. "Legolas, what are you doing in there?"
"I em luuking at misef een dis mierroer."
Should have known.
"Legolas, is there anyone else back there?"
"Noe."
"I'm coming in." Rounding the corner, it is all I can do not to burst out laughing. He is standing out in the center of the hallway in front of the 3- paneled mirror, looking at himself just like he said. I have to turn myself around to keep him from seeing my face. When I finally get myself back under control, I figure I might as well explain it to him now.
"Legolas, they are called 'underwear' because you are supposed to wear them UNDER your pants."
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Responses to Reviewers:
Hi Mom! Glad you are back from your trip! I had to be extra careful not to make any mistakes in this chapter, since you were gone and Tree is still using up red Elrond hankies from the last chapter and can't see very well through her tears. If you see any, well, just pretend you don't see any, ok? Hae Grammar Laedie! Deed U sea eni snoew?
TreeHugger: Straddling, Tree? What are you thinking? He IS very sweet and innocent. Who could take advantage of that? *al whacks at Irena, PuterPatty, and Nancing Elf with the baseball bat-Let him go, or I'll have you, Longshanks! Thanks, Samwise!* Hae Trea! Hae Elu! I thot of u whin I saeng my soeng fur al, Elu. Com sea me suun, okae? I weel let u bof wach da neu DVDee wid us! Move just a second, Legolas. Yes, it was hard to send him off, but last time I really didn't know him very well. I look toward Dec 18 with a mix of joy at seeing the rest of the Fellowship, and great sorrow and trepidation, worrying bout Legolas' safety. I am not sure I trust PJ with his additions and deletions from the book!
Puter Patty: al duz luv dat Yeas Deer. He prefearz "Haelz Baelz" bie ABCD an Peenk Floyed. Hearz won moer sheemy jest fur u! *sheemie* I am eetin a Twickz and thankin of u! *Legolas, that is ACDC, my dear!*
JastaElf: Hae Ada! Hae Jaesta! Thaenkz fur klearin up hoew oeld I am. I loest kount of all my praezentz yeerz agoe! I em wurkin on dat liest fur U. Thaenkz fur da proemise of miruvor-I weel nead it! Da furst thaeng oen da liest iz a miruvor thang dat goez like dis: Neavr dreenk soe muech miruvor at won of Ada's celabraeshunz dat ur doeg luukz reely guud tu u.
Newmoon: It iz raening hear tu. I luv da raen! Dat iz anuthr chaeptr, al sez. Stae tuend!
Rayvin 813: I meesed u! I em glaed u r bak. *huegz an keesez*
Endomiel: I likd wachin misef. I em soe glaed we paessed dat streem of wader befoar we got tu Lothlorien. I neaded tu waesh dat smuedg off my foarhed befoar meatin Galadriel.
Loopy4-l: al haz an extaended van, soe dere iz ruum fur me an da doeggie and all da Baerbiez tu! Sea u Tuezdae fur da fundoo!
leail: I luv tu saeng, an I luv fur sumwon tu saeng tu me. al iz goen tu let u noe all my faevorite soengz. Dat kaerdbord staetuw of me iz guud tu haeng my kloez on. Jest duest Gandalf eber wonce en awile. Whizrdz teand tu atrak loetz of duest.
the_ringspell: Peas doent kry! U soend like al an Trea. Hear iz a read haenkie fur u, I got it frum Elrond's draewer laest tiem I vizitd.
Katherine: Dat Nazguul rote on my kumpuder, "I aem da Nazguul, Feer me!" It luukd like bluuddroepz, een brite read ledderz. He deed it oen Haelowean. Skeered a thoezan yeerz groeth oef me. I wuz reedin dis storee dat al toel me not tu luuk at, an all of a sueddin dat maessege weant akros da kumpuder skrean an I bout haed amuthr Sea Pee Ar spael! Daeng dat Nazguul! *sounds of al snickering in background*
Stimpy: al steel haz a loet tu tael u all. Stae tuend, she sez we nead tu poest a chaeptr twiece a weak tu git dem all in befoar I hav tu goe. It wuz niec tu here sumwon thanks I em kuul-moest of da tiem all peepl sae iz I em won hoet elfboiy, whuteber dat meenz.
Elvea Aure aka Amanfalatheil: I thank u fur the boew, tho I hav mien an kan oenly uze won at da tiem. I due luv da culured paeperkleep neaklase, doh! It machez eberythang I hav, soe I ware it alod.
Seaweed: dis chaeptr xplanez whie I deed not goe bak, tho I triyd. I luv all kiendz of sweeat dreenkz like coak and Moantin Deuu.
Sky Rocket: Itz noet ovr yeat! al hoepz tu poest a kuple of tiemz a weak, az she sez Dec 18 iz komin suun!
SarWolf Snape:*huegz tu u!* I deed like da mooviee. It iz fuen tu sea ursef on da skreen up dere, an tu here da peeplz koemntz abot whut dey thank.
IRENA: Whur r u, a'maelamin?! *clicks review button, looking for Irena* I am soe loenlie widout u! *checks al's e-mail for bot alert* Couramin niuve tena' taelea vys au! *checks bio page and bounces over to reviews looking for a message from Irena* I mees u! *wiggles and squiggles and wriggles around, waiting and waiting, finally goes to the back door and stands forlornly, looking out*
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Wanna know what happens next? Stay tuned for the next episode of Lego's Bio, coming very soon to a screen near you! Review quick, so Legolas will have time to type a note back to you! I'm not waiting for him; we're running out of time, and I have SOOO many things to share with you!
"What happened?" says Yes Dear, as he drives up to pick me up. "Don't tell me that you decided not to let him go." He is well aware of my tendency with animal rescues to feel that no one else can give a pet as good a home as I can. Thus the reason why we have 4 cats and a dog living inside the house now.
"I don't know!" I tell him.
"I knew I should've gone with you," he mutters.
"I culd not fiend hoew tu git bak een," Legolas says. "Thear wuz noe opurtuniety."
We spend the rest of the ride home and most of the next day discussing what went wrong.
Legolas sticks with his theory that since he fell out in Greenwood, he must return to Greenwood. Major problems with ever resolving that one!
Yes Dear thinks that since he fell OUT at the end of the movie, and does not return in any scenes of FOTR after that, he will never be able to get back into the same movie. He holds that Legolas will only have an opportunity to reenter Middle earth at the very beginning of The Two Towers, and agrees with Legolas that it will only work at the very beginning of TTT only in Greenwood and only on Premier night.
Little Pip thinks he had way too much candy ssssssstuffed in his pocketsssssss and there wasn't enough room for him to fit through the portal.
What do I think? I think he liked the hot tub, and the flushing toilets, and the waffle fries, and the Keebler elf cookies too much to leave. At least, I hope so.
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Monday dawns bright and sunny. Legolas takes his bowl of Oat Bran Flakes with extra dried fruit to the rocking chair in the den to eat breakfast, which also keeps him out from underfoot as Yes Dear and Little Pip do the mad rush out the door to school and work. Since he eats his cereal without milk, I don't worry too much about him making a mess on the carpet. Besides, the big fat black tuxedo cat perched at his feet will clean up anything he drops better than a turbo vacuum cleaner. He's sort of like a Swiffer for carpet. The cat's name is "Y." Why, you ask? Exactly.
Legolas watches from his chair as we do the goodbye routine of "hugs, kisses, Eskimos, and I love you's," enthralled by the spectacle we create. Soon I am waving from the door, watching as the car pulls down the driveway. As soon as they are out of sight, I collapse into Yes Dear's recliner beside Legolas.
"Due all Modren erth humaenz due dat?" he asks.
"Well, the law says children must go to school, and parents must earn a living to pay for things like food and houses and hot tubs," I tell him with a grin.
"Noe, noe, I meen due dey all tuch dere faecez tugethr like dat whin dey goe awae?"
I have to laugh, because it is a complex little ritual we have been doing since Little Pip was old enough to blow kisses. "No, Legolas, I think we are probably the only family that does it exactly like that every day, though I am sure there are many other ceremonies for leaving in the morning that other families might use."
"Wuld u teech me hoew tu due it?"
He's feeling left out. He wants to be a part of the family. How sweet!
"Tomorrow morning you can do it with us, ok? I promise."
"Hoew weel I noe whut tu due? Weel u teech me?"
Hey, this thing involves kissing. Maybe it should wait. I glance at Legolas, who is looking at me expectantly. Ok, maybe not.
I take the coward's approach. You know, in case Yes Dear forgot something and needs to come back to the house to get it. Right now.
"First, you hug each other tight. You know how to do that, right?"
He nods enthusiastically.
"Second, you give each other a little kiss on the lips."
"Like See Pea Ar?"
"No, not for that long. Just touch your lips together for just a quick second. Like a chicken peck. Don't forget to make the little sucking noise."
"Ohhh..," he says. He makes the sucking noise. A little long, but it will suffice.
"Third, you rub your noses together. That's how the Eskimos kiss."
"Easkiemoas?"
"Yes. They are a tribe of Indians that live in the Northwest, where it is very cold and snows all the time."
"Okae. Whut iz dat laest thang, de won u due wid ur haenz?"
"That's says 'I love you' in sign language. See," I say, taking his right hand in my own, "first you make a fist. Then stick out your thumb, your index finger, and your pinkie finger."
"Peenkee?" he asks, cocking his head skeptically.
"Yes. This one on the end. Now you touch your 'I love you' sign to the other person's 'I love you' sign. Then you are ready to start your day." I watch as he mentally adds all this up and files it inside his head. "Got it?
"I got it. Whin due we due it agin?"
"Tomorrow morning. Right now we are going to clean up a little and change our clothes. Come on, let's find something for you to wear."
"Bud I like dese!" he protests, pulling the dorm pants he is wearing out from his hips by the pockets. I'll just bet he does. They are my favorites too. The fabric is flannel, in black with red, orange, and yellow flames all over them. A gift to me from Yes Dear, they weren't out of the box 30 seconds before they were dubbed the Baby Balrog Britches. Soft and comfortable, and I want them back.
"Those are MY pajama pants, Legolas. You don't wear them during the day. Maybe we can go to the store to get you some clothes of your own this afternoon. Come on."
He can wear the same jeans he had on last night, as he didn't get them dirty. I scrounge around for another T-shirt that will fit him. Suddenly he points into the drawer. "I like dat blaek won. Ar doez orkz?"
Pulling the one he selected from the drawer, I wonder if his taste in music will match his taste in T-shirts. He has selected, from the very bottom of the pile, my Styx "Kilroy Was Here" T-shirt with the robot faces on the front, from 1983. Classic Rock 'N' Roll.
"These are robots, Legolas. They can be a sort of modern day Orc I suppose, if evil forces were to get ahold of them."
"Whut duz dat meen?" he inquires, pointing at "Styx."
"Styx is the name of a river. It is also the name of a musical group. I got this T-shirt when I went to see them perform their music, a long, long time ago. Would you like to hear a sample of their work?"
"Of korse!" he says. "Kin I chaeng my klothez furst?"
"Yes." I realize as soon as the word is out of my mouth what he is about to do, so I amend quickly with, "In the blue room, please."
He stops with his arms crossed and his T-shirt raised about 3 inches above his bellybutton, ready to 'skin the cat' as my grandmother used to call it. A silly grin passes over his features, followed by a blush. "Sorree, I furgot," he apologizes.
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When I leave for work, he is curled up on the bed amidst the cats, contentedly reading all about himself in "The Fellowship of the Ring." Styx is gracing the stereo speakers with my favorite album "The Grand Illusion." There are several songs there that I think he will like.
When I get back at lunchtime, he is sitting in Yes Dear's recliner chair, brushing Little Pip's cat. With MY hairbrush.
Elizabeth is THE Princess Cat. She has very long, very fine, very thick fur, and is as soft as any rabbit I have ever touched. She is mostly white, with patches of all different shades of brown, and the world's fluffiest and most beautiful brown tail. She is one fantastic piece of fluff, and you better bet she knows it. She does not favor just any commoner with her majesty. She knows the Prance of Mirkwood when she sees him. He's royalty, and she can spot royalty a mile and a half away.
His hand holds the brush at a slight angle, gliding along, making long slow strokes from her ears to her tail. Elizabeth is raising her hindquarters every time he comes across. She is so into Legolas right now, she could eat him from a crystal bowl with a spoon.
He looks up from his ministrations, but continues stroking. "Dis kat likes me," he says matter of factly. No 'Hulo, al, hoew wus ur dae?' Only his relationship with Elizabeth matters right now.
I just glare at her.
"I thank she iz da moest beeutaful keetty, maeybea da moest beeutaful won een da whoel wiede wurld," he croons to her. "She iz plaeyin haerd tu git, thoa, fur she weell not taell me her naeme."
I can hardly wait to pop her selfish little bubble. "Her name is Elizabeth, but we call her Lizzie," I announce. She shoots me a look that would make Sauron tremble, and leaps from his lap, prissing into the other room now that 'the servant woman' is home.
"Luuk whut u deed," Legolas scolds. "U maed her mad, an noew she leaft."
"Good," I retort. "Now that I have your attention, let's get some lunch so that we can pick up Little Pip from school and then go buy you some clothes that fit."
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Pip jumps excitedly through the open side door of the van, "Hi, Legolas!" she says. "What did you do all day? Did you play with Barbie again?"
"I plaed wid da katz moestlie," Legolas answers. "I reely like dat flueeffie wite won."
They talk about the cats for awhile, then about Little Pip's day, then about other things. It is only when I pass the normal turn toward home that Pip comes to realize the car is not driving itself.
"Mom, where are we going?"
"Hi, Little Pip. I am just fine. Yes, I had a very good day."
"MOM!"
I sigh. "We are going to Walmart to get something for Legolas to wear that will fit him." As I turn into the parking lot, I tell them both, "Now stay close, I don't want to wander about looking for you if we were to get separated." I hand Legolas one of Yes Dear's baseball caps as he climbs out of the van. "Put this on your head, and tuck up your hair so maybe no one will recognize you."
We do get some funny looks as we make our way to the Men's Wear section. Maybe it's the pointed ears, but I really think it's the way he is staring open mouthed at all of the merchandise that is making people wonder what planet he came from.
Together we pick out a package of socks, a belt, and a couple of shirts. He does prefer green, but finds a light sandy brown and a sky blue shirt that he likes as well. Because he doesn't have a clue what size pants he wears, I select a couple of different pairs of jeans for him to try on, and start looking for a dressing room.
On the way, we pass the display with underwear on it. "Boxers, or briefs?" I ask him. When he doesn't answer, I glance up to see what has drawn his attention this time.
Nothing. He's staring now at me, puzzled. Realization hits me like a brick in the face. He doesn't have a clue what I am talking about.
So I pick one package of each, making sure to get the ones with the foresty colors in them.
I send Little Pip just across the aisle to the Junior's section, warning her to stay where I can see her. I help Legolas get his things to the dressing area, and leave him to try them on while I stand outside and look at the sale rack.
Ten minutes have passed, and I can still see Pip, but no Legolas. I stick my head over to the entranceway to the dressing rooms, and call, "Legolas?"
"Yeas?" he answers.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeas."
After another 2 minutes, I call again. "Legolas?"
"Yeas?"
"Do you need help?"
"Noe."
Another minute passes, and I can stand it no longer. "Legolas, what are you doing in there?"
"I em luuking at misef een dis mierroer."
Should have known.
"Legolas, is there anyone else back there?"
"Noe."
"I'm coming in." Rounding the corner, it is all I can do not to burst out laughing. He is standing out in the center of the hallway in front of the 3- paneled mirror, looking at himself just like he said. I have to turn myself around to keep him from seeing my face. When I finally get myself back under control, I figure I might as well explain it to him now.
"Legolas, they are called 'underwear' because you are supposed to wear them UNDER your pants."
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Responses to Reviewers:
Hi Mom! Glad you are back from your trip! I had to be extra careful not to make any mistakes in this chapter, since you were gone and Tree is still using up red Elrond hankies from the last chapter and can't see very well through her tears. If you see any, well, just pretend you don't see any, ok? Hae Grammar Laedie! Deed U sea eni snoew?
TreeHugger: Straddling, Tree? What are you thinking? He IS very sweet and innocent. Who could take advantage of that? *al whacks at Irena, PuterPatty, and Nancing Elf with the baseball bat-Let him go, or I'll have you, Longshanks! Thanks, Samwise!* Hae Trea! Hae Elu! I thot of u whin I saeng my soeng fur al, Elu. Com sea me suun, okae? I weel let u bof wach da neu DVDee wid us! Move just a second, Legolas. Yes, it was hard to send him off, but last time I really didn't know him very well. I look toward Dec 18 with a mix of joy at seeing the rest of the Fellowship, and great sorrow and trepidation, worrying bout Legolas' safety. I am not sure I trust PJ with his additions and deletions from the book!
Puter Patty: al duz luv dat Yeas Deer. He prefearz "Haelz Baelz" bie ABCD an Peenk Floyed. Hearz won moer sheemy jest fur u! *sheemie* I am eetin a Twickz and thankin of u! *Legolas, that is ACDC, my dear!*
JastaElf: Hae Ada! Hae Jaesta! Thaenkz fur klearin up hoew oeld I am. I loest kount of all my praezentz yeerz agoe! I em wurkin on dat liest fur U. Thaenkz fur da proemise of miruvor-I weel nead it! Da furst thaeng oen da liest iz a miruvor thang dat goez like dis: Neavr dreenk soe muech miruvor at won of Ada's celabraeshunz dat ur doeg luukz reely guud tu u.
Newmoon: It iz raening hear tu. I luv da raen! Dat iz anuthr chaeptr, al sez. Stae tuend!
Rayvin 813: I meesed u! I em glaed u r bak. *huegz an keesez*
Endomiel: I likd wachin misef. I em soe glaed we paessed dat streem of wader befoar we got tu Lothlorien. I neaded tu waesh dat smuedg off my foarhed befoar meatin Galadriel.
Loopy4-l: al haz an extaended van, soe dere iz ruum fur me an da doeggie and all da Baerbiez tu! Sea u Tuezdae fur da fundoo!
leail: I luv tu saeng, an I luv fur sumwon tu saeng tu me. al iz goen tu let u noe all my faevorite soengz. Dat kaerdbord staetuw of me iz guud tu haeng my kloez on. Jest duest Gandalf eber wonce en awile. Whizrdz teand tu atrak loetz of duest.
the_ringspell: Peas doent kry! U soend like al an Trea. Hear iz a read haenkie fur u, I got it frum Elrond's draewer laest tiem I vizitd.
Katherine: Dat Nazguul rote on my kumpuder, "I aem da Nazguul, Feer me!" It luukd like bluuddroepz, een brite read ledderz. He deed it oen Haelowean. Skeered a thoezan yeerz groeth oef me. I wuz reedin dis storee dat al toel me not tu luuk at, an all of a sueddin dat maessege weant akros da kumpuder skrean an I bout haed amuthr Sea Pee Ar spael! Daeng dat Nazguul! *sounds of al snickering in background*
Stimpy: al steel haz a loet tu tael u all. Stae tuend, she sez we nead tu poest a chaeptr twiece a weak tu git dem all in befoar I hav tu goe. It wuz niec tu here sumwon thanks I em kuul-moest of da tiem all peepl sae iz I em won hoet elfboiy, whuteber dat meenz.
Elvea Aure aka Amanfalatheil: I thank u fur the boew, tho I hav mien an kan oenly uze won at da tiem. I due luv da culured paeperkleep neaklase, doh! It machez eberythang I hav, soe I ware it alod.
Seaweed: dis chaeptr xplanez whie I deed not goe bak, tho I triyd. I luv all kiendz of sweeat dreenkz like coak and Moantin Deuu.
Sky Rocket: Itz noet ovr yeat! al hoepz tu poest a kuple of tiemz a weak, az she sez Dec 18 iz komin suun!
SarWolf Snape:*huegz tu u!* I deed like da mooviee. It iz fuen tu sea ursef on da skreen up dere, an tu here da peeplz koemntz abot whut dey thank.
IRENA: Whur r u, a'maelamin?! *clicks review button, looking for Irena* I am soe loenlie widout u! *checks al's e-mail for bot alert* Couramin niuve tena' taelea vys au! *checks bio page and bounces over to reviews looking for a message from Irena* I mees u! *wiggles and squiggles and wriggles around, waiting and waiting, finally goes to the back door and stands forlornly, looking out*
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Wanna know what happens next? Stay tuned for the next episode of Lego's Bio, coming very soon to a screen near you! Review quick, so Legolas will have time to type a note back to you! I'm not waiting for him; we're running out of time, and I have SOOO many things to share with you!